conversation

1. Strategies for Dealing
with Difficult
Conversations and
Negotiations
“One of the greatest arts in life is learning how
to disagree without being disagreeable”.
Power of a Positive NO, William Ury
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2. Key Message
Having the ability to successfully engage in
difficult conversations with clients, boards,
bosses and staff is an important skill to
successfully manage relationships and
results.
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3. Types of Difficult
Conversations
 Disagreeing when the stakes are high
 Dealing with rude and disrespectful
behaviour
 Saying “No”
 Delivering difficult news
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4. When do we need to Engage?
To determine if you need to have a
difficult conversation ask yourself;
what is at STAKE here?
What happens if you don’t have the
conversation?
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5. Ineffective Ways to Manage
Difficult Conversations
 Avoid
 Back Down
 Combat
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6. Preparation is Key
Before anything else, preparation is
the key to success
~Alexander Graham Bell~
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7. Framework for Success
 Prepare to Talk
 Prepare and Deliver an ABC Message
 Stop Talking and Start Listening
 Stay Cool
 Respond not Defend
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8. Prepare: Identify the Real
Problem
 What are the facts? What is the other person
doing or saying that is causing a problem?
 What is the effect/result of their action/inaction on
you or others?
Remember your beliefs, assumptions and
judgments about the situation are not facts!
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9. Prepare: Clarify your Goal
What are you hoping to achieve in having
this difficult conversation?
 Is it doable?
 Is it within your control?
 Is it productive?
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10. Prepare: Plan Ahead
Follow the Scout Motto: Be Prepared
Anticipate their reaction so you don’t get
hooked
Know your back-up plan if you do not get
cooperation or the conversation goes sour
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11. Prepare Your ABC Message
Accurate
Brief
Clear
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12. Brief
 Decide what is most important and leave it
at that-no dredging up ancient history
 Avoid lengthy explanations
 Less is more
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13. Clear
 Get straight to the heart of the matter
 No hints or innuendo-give diplomacy a rest
 Avoid blaming others
 Avoid the feedback “sandwich”
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14. Deliver your ABC Message
Deliver your ABC Message
Be Calm
Be Confident
Be Neutral
This is about giving people the “straight goods”
in a respectful and non-judgmental way
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15. Stop Talking Start Listening
 Turn the conversation over to the other
person and then Embrace Silence
 The moments following the delivery of your
message are the most difficult. Be prepared
for the discomfort.
 Give the other person the space to respond
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16. Listen Up!
 Listening is more than not talking. It is about
being present and curious
 Listen with thoughtful attention to understand
what the other person is thinking and feeling.
What are their concerns?
Resist the temptation to…interrupt
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17. Acknowledge the Other
Even if you don’t agree with what the other person is
saying, you can acknowledge:
their perspective by conveying your understanding
of what you hear
their feelings by showing empathy or understanding
Acknowledgement is about Respect
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18. Why Bother?
 The key to having them “hear” your
message is having he confidence to listen
to them speak without interruption
 Everyone what to be heard and
understood
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19. Stay Cool!
 Be prepared for a strong emotional
reaction or “push back”
 Give them the space to have their reaction
 Have your plan to stay calm, cool and
confident
Remember it is not personal
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20. Respond Not Defend
 Pause before responding
 Resist the temptation to respond in kind,
back down, or become defensive
Be Calm. Be Concise. Be Confident.
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21. Wrap it Up
 Re-state your message
 Clarify misinformation/misunderstandings
 Reiterate expectations and boundaries
 Clarify what you have agreed to
Be Calm. Be Concise. Be Confident.
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22. Going forward…
 Deal with issues as they arise
 Prepare for all of your difficult
conversations
 If someone comes at you listen, question,
acknowledge and then take some time…
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23. Resources
 Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters
Most, by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Shelia Heen,
(Penguin Books, 2000)
 The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, by Stephen
R. Covey (Free Press, 1989, 2004)
 Beyond Reason, Using Emotions as You Negotiate by
Roger Fisher and Daniel Shapiro, (Viking Penguin 2005)
 Mistakes were Made (but not by me), by Carol
Tarvis and Elliot Aronson, (Harcourt Inc., 2007)
 Dialogue and the art of thinking together by William
Issacs (Doubleday 1999)
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24. Resources Continued
 Fierce Conversations, Achieving Success, at Work &
in Life, One Conversation at a Time, by Susan Scott,
(Berkley Books, 2002)
 Taking the War out of Our Words: by Sharon Strand
Ellison (Wyatt-MacKenzie Publishing, 1998-2009)
 Crucial Conversations: Tools for talking when the
stakes are high, by Patterson et al, (McGraw- Hill 2002)
 First Break All the Rules: by Buckingham & Coffman
(Simon & Schuster Inc.,1999)
 It’s all Your Fault: 12 Tips for Managing People who
Blame Others for Everything, by Bill Eddy (HCI Press,
2009)
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