Masculine And Feminine Communication Patterns


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This presentation is an overview of a presentation that I do for couples. I have information that I also presented for educators since boys and girls are different and their needs are different. There are obviously implications for salespeople, lawyers and anyone else who deals with the other gender. I find this fascinating! If you like this, consider my blog

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Masculine And Feminine Communication Patterns

  1. 1. Masculine and Feminine Communication Patterns Presented by Don Boice, LCSW-R 240 East Ridge Road Rochester, NY 14621 585 802-1273 [email_address]
  2. 2. Preferred Styles <ul><li>Men tend to feel less powerful when they use feminine styles of communication and women tend to feel mean or rude when they use masculine styles. </li></ul>
  3. 3. Power and Control <ul><li>Men and women do power differently </li></ul><ul><li>Note: Most women will not fully understand the power dynamic of most men and vice versa. Let’s try to not hold one another in contempt of our differences. </li></ul>
  4. 4. Helpful Hints <ul><li>There are helpful hints for you to use with the opposite gender once you understand what is happening. If you follow the helpful hints, you are likely to have more harmony. </li></ul><ul><li>See Handout </li></ul>
  5. 5. Masculine Reminder <ul><li>I need to remind myself that women don’t often do power like men do. </li></ul><ul><li>Women often feel oppressed by how men do power. </li></ul><ul><li>If you are the “King of the Castle,” ask yourself if she is the honored Queen or if she is the Servant. </li></ul>
  6. 6. Masculine Reminders <ul><li>If I interrupted less, there could be deeper communication. </li></ul><ul><li>I need to ask my partner for input and wait for an answer, not assuming that she will interrupt. </li></ul><ul><li>Listening can be a nice way of getting to know someone, rather than helping them problem solve. </li></ul>
  7. 7. Feminine Reminders <ul><li>The masculine sees asking for input indirectly as submitting and wimpy, lack of confidence. You do not have to change what you are doing, just be aware of the assumptions he is making. </li></ul>
  8. 8. Feminine Reminders <ul><li>Helpful to say to men, “Please don’t interrupt me.” </li></ul><ul><li>Helpful to not let men interrupt you </li></ul><ul><li>Helpful to jump in early and make suggestions when talking with men, if you want to be seen as an equal </li></ul><ul><li>Remind masculine to listen rather than fix </li></ul><ul><li>Helpful to remember that healthy assertion of authority is necessary with some people </li></ul>
  9. 9. Masculine Reminders <ul><li>It is helpful to remember that winning now may mean losing later in the game of love. </li></ul><ul><li>Her game of love is not the same game you are playing. She is looking at your behavior through the lens of connection. </li></ul>
  10. 10. Masculine Reminders <ul><li>Helpful to avoid sarcasm with women </li></ul><ul><li>Helpful to compliment frequently </li></ul><ul><li>Helpful to remember to share personal information </li></ul><ul><li>Give details about your day, not just saying “Fine,” when she asks how your day was. </li></ul><ul><li>If she does not like this, you need to find a more effective way to bond with her. T </li></ul>
  11. 11. Feminine Reminders <ul><li>Helpful to remember that not sharing personal information is the norm for most men, not something personal </li></ul><ul><li>Likewise, they don’t understand why you are sharing so much personal information. </li></ul>
  12. 12. Masculine and Feminine <ul><li>BOTH : Ask “Do you want me to listen or give you advice?” </li></ul><ul><li>BOTH When you disagree, check out the meaning of the word you are using to see if you mean the same thing. </li></ul><ul><li>BOTH : Ask “Are you gathering input and making the final decision or are you seeking consensus?” </li></ul>
  13. 13. Mind Reading <ul><li>What happens to a boy if he expresses emotion? What happens to a girl if she does not express emotion? </li></ul><ul><li>She wants emotional connection and he has been taught to avoid emotion. </li></ul><ul><li>Ask each other about motives when there is a conflict. Assuming you know is not helpful. </li></ul>
  14. 14. So, is it hopeless? <ul><li>The bridge can be crossed. Both can learn the other’s preferred method of communication. </li></ul><ul><li>Both can look at the motivation for behavior instead of mind-reading. </li></ul><ul><li>Both can deepen the relationship by realizing, after talking it out, that not all men do all the masculine and not all women do just the feminine. Every couple does it differently. Some switch quite often. When in doubt, ask. </li></ul>
  15. 15. When you have just had a miscommunication, try this : <ul><li>“ I’m not sure I understood what you just said. Could you say that again using different words?” OR </li></ul><ul><li>“ What you just said hurt my feelings. I don’t think that was your intention. Was it?” </li></ul>
  16. 16. Continued <ul><li>OR </li></ul><ul><li>“ I’m feeling really defensive right now. Let’s take a minute because I don’t like when I get so defensive.” </li></ul>
  17. 17. Gender Communication Tips <ul><li>Do not assume you understand what your partner is saying. </li></ul><ul><li>You need to interpret what they are saying. </li></ul><ul><li>You don’t have to change who you are , only how you talk. </li></ul><ul><li>Your partner has the right to refuse to do what it is you requested. </li></ul>
  18. 18. Tips continued <ul><li>When you feel insulted or slighted, your first assumption needs to be that there was a miscommunication. Ask them to repeat what they said, using different words than they used the first time. If you still feel insulted, ask them, “Are you saying……?” </li></ul><ul><li>You are not good at mind-reading. Ask them. </li></ul>
  19. 19. Be specific <ul><li>If you want your partner to do something, you have to tell them what you want and be specific. For example, if you want a man to wash the dishes ask him to wash the dishes. If you have asked him to wash the dishes, do NOT assume he understood that to mean that part of the chore is to wash the table, the countertops and sweep the floor. He took you literally and he only washed the dishes. </li></ul>
  20. 20. Consider Outside Help <ul><li>Books </li></ul><ul><li>Men are from Mars… John Gray </li></ul><ul><li>You Just Don’t Understand by Deborah Tannen </li></ul><ul><li>Counseling </li></ul>
  21. 21. Source of Information <ul><li>Much of this information was gleaned from the following website as well as from Dr. Tannen’s book. I highly recommend reading books and blogs and websites about Gender communication. It can really help your relationships. </li></ul><ul><li> </li></ul>
  22. 22. Conclusion <ul><li>If you would like to learn more about communication and how to bridge the gap between each gender, please feel free to come in for a session or ask for a presentation on this. </li></ul><ul><li>I wish you the best! </li></ul><ul><li>My contact information is: </li></ul><ul><li>240 E. Ridge Road Rochester, NY 14621 </li></ul><ul><li>[email_address] (585) 802-1273 </li></ul>