Here's an overview of mediation services. There are suggestions to make it more efficient. Why choose divorce mediation? Why choose Boice Mediation? Check out my website www.boicemediation.com or look me up on www.archive.org and type in my name or Boice Mediation and hear ways to prepare yourself for mediation

1. Boice Mediation
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2. Why Choose Mediation?
What is Mediation?
 Benefits the children
 Non Adversarial
 Private
 Efficient
 Less Costly
 Faster
Please read the notes section for a fuller explanation
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3. Benefits Of Mediation
 Emotional Benefits
 Affect the children
 Affect family
 Affect friends and neighbors
 Affect other members in your community
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4. Why Choose Boice Mediation?
 Obsessed with quality and efficiency from intake to finish
 Successful experience with couples in conflict
 Skills based means fewer future dysfunctional arguments
 Cost efficient process- you determine how long
 Mini self serve legal center
 Outstanding customer service- always get back to you promptly
 Convenient times and location
 Atmosphere of respect
 Gender communication expert
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5. Is Mediation For Me?
 Are you prepared to speak openly about everything?
 How will the feelings you have affect your ability to negotiate in good faith?
 Do you feel both emotionally and physically safe when you argue?
 How would you describe your communication patterns?
 Do you have a chance to have an equal say?
 Do you think the children are safe with your partner?
 Have the children ever been threatened by your partner?
 Does she/he use the children to force you to do what she/he wants?
 Do you feel the children may be at risk in any way
(emotional/physical/sexual)?
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6. Physical and Emotional Safety
 Can you speak freely when your partner is in the room?
 Has your partner ever threatened you?
 Have you ever been frightened of your partner?
 Have you ever applied for any restraining order?
 Is there presently any order of protection, restraining order?
 Has your partner ever forced you to do anything against your will?
 Has your partner ever hit you? Has your partner ever used a weapon or
threatened to do so?
 Are there any issues which you consider private and would prefer not to
discuss in mediation?
 Are you able to take into account his/her needs while negotiating?
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7. Least Painful Method
 Emotional Pain
 Financial Pain
 Family pain
 Reduce unnecessary pain, drama, struggle, suffering
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8. Mixed Emotions
Simultaneously feel:
 Liberated, freed
 Sad, disappointed
 Disoriented, happy
 Relieved
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9. Level Playing Field
 Please remember that we are looking out for the deepest values involved.
 Your job is to get through the negotiations, to get needs met, with as little
drama as possible. To take responsibility for your own feelings and your own
words
 My job is to monitor the process itself. To make certain we stay on track and
make sure no one has the upper hand
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10. Litigation or Mediation
Litigation costs
 Retainer fee and court costs
 Phone calls and emails-hourly cost
 Getting information from your lawyer
 Trying to get a response from your
lawyer
 More likely to end up acrimonious
due to predictable
miscommunication
 No new skills developed to deal with
future conflict
 Likely to go back to court in future
Mediation costs
 One person’s hourly fee shared by
both- stop at any time
 You retain control over your decision
via negotiation
 Responsive to calls, emails
 Mini legal center for you to do your
own legal research and save yourself
money
 New skills and experience using those
skills with your newly improved
future co-parent
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11. What if We Change Our Mind?
 At any point, you can go back to litigation
 At any point, you can stop or pause the process
 At any point, you can choose to work it out, if you so decide
 You are in control of the pace, the direction
 We are simply in charge of the process or the “how” of talking it through- you
make the decisions
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12. How Much Does it Cost?
 There is an hourly fee. You’ll see this on the form entitled, “Agreement to
mediate.”
 If you are able to talk things out ahead of time, have ideas for how it will
work and agree on those, let me know. It will save you time and therefore
save you money.
 NOTE: Some people go so fast that they neglect parts of the process that are
necessary. I want you to be efficient and have the best quality possible, as
well.
 I will provide e-mailed summaries of my understanding of what we discussed
and what actions steps you agreed on for the next time together.
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13. What is the Process?
 Meet with the mediator and talk about schedule of time spent with kids
 Talk about the budget, assets, liabilities- Please note that there are tradeoffs
throughout and that the numbers you provide must be inspected/reviewed
 Talk about retirement and insurance
 Talk about money changing hands
 Once a preliminary agreement is made- each party takes to their own lawyer to
ensure you are protected
 Renegotiate, as needed, those points suggested by your lawyer
 Take back to lawyer, then renegotiate (repeat if necessary)
 Send to lawyer to do final write up, then send to judge
 Wait for divorce to be final
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14. Realistic Expectations
 Some people expect it to be done in two months and are disappointed that it
took so long.
 Other people have it last nearly two years due to delay after delay.
 Talk it through with your mediator- what time frame you prefer and the
complexity of your situation
 Formulas and calculators
 If you have all your financial numbers ready to be verified right now, know
what you want and agree on all of this and on time with the children, you will
likely go significantly faster than average in your negotiations.
 This will save you time and money.
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15. Common Mistakes to Avoid
 Comparing your situation to your friend’s situation
 Lying
 Trying to power play
 Trying to “just be done with it” and going too quickly
 Putting the kids in the middle
 Calling CPS to gain leverage
 Not asking for help
 Not thinking of the future
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16. Position Samples
Money
 Each Keep their own retirement/pension/401k since they are nearly equal
 We make roughly the same amount each year, so no spousal support and no child
support since we are each spending 50% of the time with the kids
 We’ll value your business, reappraise the house and you’ll return to full time work
at your full potential earnings
Kids
 Week by week we spend with the kids
 I have them all week except Wednesday evening and weekends
 I have them year round and you have them all summer and week long breaks
 I have them during the day in summer and you have them after 2pm every day
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17. Parenting: Next Steps to Consider
 What is your goal of parenting after separation?
 On what basis will you make decisions for: education, extracurricular, sports
and hobbies, religious upbringing, consistency in rules between homes,
consistent positive talk about other spouse, missed visits, paying for
expenses, changes as the children age, step parenting, parent meetings,
payment changes
 What interests will you consider when making decisions about time spent with
your children: Weekends/weekdays, school vacations, which holidays with
whom for what part, special agreements for pick up and return, sick days
 Payment for college
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18. Questions?
Next steps
 Call Michelle at 544-5342 to schedule an initial appointment for mediation
 Read the blog
 Read the website
 Gather your financial information and organize it in files and bring it with you
 Ask for financial information that is not at your fingertips
 Last two years of taxes and last two paystubs
 Consider a lawyer to review your draft memo of understanding
 Sign the Agreement to Mediate
 Call a counselor to work through the grieving process
Boice Mediation Call Michelle at 585.544.5342 to schedule an appointment 18