1. Patient: Doctor, my wife thinks I'm crazy because I like sausages.
Psychiatrist: Nonsense! I like sausages too.
Patient: Good, you should come and see my collection. I've got thousands of them.
Patient to a Rogerian (Humanistic) therapist: I'm really depressed.
Therapist: I see. Yes. You are depressed.
Patient: Nothing is going well.
Therapist: Nothing well.
Patient: I feel like killing myself.
T: You're thinking of killing yourself.
P: Yes, I'm going to do it NOW.
T: You want to do it now.
P: [Jumps out window.]
T: Woosh. Splat.
My inferiority complex isn’t as good as yours.
How many psychotherapists does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but the bulb has to want to change.
How many narcissistic personality disordered people does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one to hold the lightbulb, but he has to wait for the whole world to
revolve around him.
How many borderline personality disordered people does to take to change a lightbulb?
Just one to threaten suicide if you don't change it for him or her.
How many obsessive-compulsive personality disordered people does to take to change a
lightbulb? Just one, but he has to check it 100 times, one for each watt.
How many passive aggressive personality disordered people does to take to change a
lightbulb?
Oops.I can't believe I broke the last one. I guess you'll have to sit in
the dark.
How many dependent personality disordered people does to take to change a lightbulb?
None, he's still clinging to the old lightbulb.
How many histrionic personality disordered people does to take to change a lightbulb?
"You want me to change the lightbulb? I could burn my hand! I could be
electrocuted! I could fall off the ladder and be paralyzed for life! You don't love me
anymore!"