Debut collection from Swedish-come-Scot poet Agnes Torok.

2. Copyright © 2016 Agnes Török
The author asserts the moral right under the Copyright,
Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of
this work.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be
reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any
form or by any means without the prior written consent of the
author, nor be otherwise circulated in any form of binding or
cover other than that in which it is published and without a
similar condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.
This edition published by Burning Eye Books 2016
www.burningeye.co.uk
@burningeyebooks
Burning Eye Books
15 West Hill, Portishead, BS20 6LG
ISBN 978-1-909136-86-1

3. 25
This Is the Poem That Makes You Smile
this is the poem that makes you smile
you don’t know it yet
but I promise
it does
because this poem smells
like a hug from your mother
the cool side of your pillow in the morning
like the air of somewhere new
somewhere you’ve never been before
but always dreamed of going
this poem sounds like one of your granddad’s jokes
and the way he’d laugh
before he even got to the punchline
you know the one
this poem sounds like
the opening of an acceptance letter
the love of your life
saying YES
this poem sounds like the first song you ever
really
loved
and it feels like the dance you used to do
when you listened to it
this poem feels like the fact that
you probably still know how to do that dance
and maybe practise it sometimes
when no one’s watching
this poem feels like
the first time anyone ever told you they loved you
do you remember it?
this poem tastes like your favourite candy
like reaching out your tongue and tasting the snow
this poem tastes like hope
like the first swear word you ever learned

4. and the first time you used it
in front of your parents
this poem looks like
the drawings you made of your sister
when you were four
and you drew her face
like a monster’s
because
she was being mean
and it would take a full
five minutes
until you made up
and forgot all about it
this is the poem that makes you smile
because
you
fill it
with everything that does
this poem is the adorable Google image searches
you pretend you don’t do
this poem
is the bathing of kittens
the yawning of dogs
the jam-smeared faces of babies
this poem sounds like
your best friend’s laughter
like someone new saying
‘I trust you’
like coming home
and it looks like the dreams you unpacked
in the first flat you ever lived in on your own
this poem feels like jumping in puddles
at the age of five
just ’cause you can
just ’cause you don’t have to be grown-up yet
26

5. 27
this poem tastes like
eating ice-cream for breakfast
because now that
you are a grown-up
no one can really tell you not to
this poem is the nights you go to sleep
laughing
and the mornings you wake up
still drunk
on life
this poem feels like
how you can turn
a shit day
around
by reading
this poem

6. Happiest When I’m Drinking
how come I’m always happiest
when I’m drinking
tea
happier by candlelight
than in front of the TV?
how come I’m always happiest
when I’m not alone
happier surrounded by friends and family
love and laughter
than I am on my own?
how come I’m always happiest
doing the simple things
happier eating, drinking, talking
with good company
than doing anything more money could buy me?
38

7. This Little Fight of Mine
this little fight of mine
I’m gonna let it shine
let it shine
let it shine
let it shine
when we shed light on our
struggles
our darkness
our vulnerabilities
we give others the right to do the same
and together
we make little corridors of sunshine
that let the light in
when we are unapologetically
vulnerable
scared
uncertain
overwhelmed
we give others permission
to talk about the ways in which
Everything Is Not All Right
and
I Have Nothing Figured Out
and
We’re All Just Making Stuff Up As We Go Along
there is little that is as important to our wellbeing
as talking
so let’s talk
not just about the easy stuff
and not just when the difficult stuff is over
but also when we’re
smack down in the middle of hardship
and don’t yet know our way out
92

8. when we allow ourselves to be human
in front of others
beautifully, fragilely, brokenly human
we allow others to be flawed in our presence
to raise their deepest fears
and see those fears evaporate when spoken
see their burdens lighten
when uttered
sometimes it’s as easy
as singing along to the same song
this little fight of mine
I’m gonna let it shine
this little fight of mine
I’m gonna let it shine
this little fight of mine
I’m gonna let it shine
let it shine
let it shine
let it shine
93