1. SATIRE BY TZIYONA KANTOR
“Hello. Rebbetzin Stein.*
This is Sara Cohen. I hope you don’t
mind me calling. We, my family, just heard about your
husband. We are just devastated. Mamash my whole family
felt personally affected by your husband’s sickness. “
“Thank you for your concern, Mrs. Cohen.”
“Please call me Sara.”
“Sara, then. Thank you for your
phone call. Rav Baruch will be
starting chemotherapy this week…”
“Your husband is such a pillar
of the community. I realize all
the chessed he does, collecting money
for widows, learning with boys who are having
problems, besides being a rebbi and loved by his
talmidim. It is not possible that a man like that
can be so sick. Hashem will surely help him.”
“Amen. Thank you for all your praise. It is
very comforting. We have gone to Gedolim for
brachos, given tzedakah, and if only….”
“Rebbetzin Malka, I hope you don’t mind if I just make a
suggestion. For your husband’s sake, why don’t you consider
throwing away your sheitel? Not that I want to imply that you
are not careful with tznius. Your sheitel is certainly short and
proper, but there is a higher degree of tznius. Do you know
the Rebbi of Koshotiner has promised yeshuos if women will
wear only a tichel that doesn’t hang down in the back? What a
tremendous madreigah you could reach if you would take this
chumrah on yourself for your husband. What a tzaddekes you
would be!”
“Mrs. Cohen, I appreciate your concern, but my husband
doesn’t ­—”
“Sara. Call me Sara. And another thing: You should have
inspirational evenings dedicated for your husband’s refuah
sheleimah. I know you already support fund-raisers for kallos,
but this would be a shiur for the whole kehillah given by a
very popular speaker, his name is in all the Jewish magazines,
dedicated specifically for your husband. Think of the zechus—”
“Listen, Mrs. Cohen — I mean, Sara — I am not sure if you
realize the time…”
“And Malka, I really have been so
worried for you. Did you know that
Rav Melchick of Bolinia promised
that anyone who would donate to
him so he would daven for him on
aTuesdayorThursdaywouldmerit
great yeshuos? Of course they have
to stand on his right side during—”
“Please, Sara—”
“Itisalittledifficulttogetthere.Butifyou
want,Ihaveamapandthebusschedule.Thereis
only a bus every there hours and then you
need to hitch a bit to get there. But it is
worth it! He promised!”
“Sara, we have our own Re—”
“Malka, I really hope you don’t
mind my saying so. But sickness comes
becauseofoursins.Please,notthatIwould
want to look disparagingly on your saintly
husband, but one must look and reflect on these
things.Theremustbesomethingheislacking.Some
reason he needs to do teshuvah. Maybe someone he has hurt.”
“Well,Mrs.Cohen,Sara,Ireallyappreciateyoucalling.Itwas
so considerate of you to think of all these ideas for our benefit.
We have been in touch with our rebbeim,with renown Gedolim,
and doctors, and we are following their directives.”
“Oh, that reminds me, Malka. There is this new type of
therapythathasbeenproventobeveryeffectiveevenwithTHE
sickness. A therapy that uses hypnosis to expose the patients’
past lives. Through the past lives the neshamah can reveal to
the healer the tikkun that is needed.”
“Sara, cancer has many—”
“Oh, and have you checked with an expert to clear the ayin
haras blocking your husband’s refuah?”
“Sara, please, I really need to go. Thank you for your call. You
do know my husband’s name?”
“Your husband’s name? It is Rabbi Baruch Stein, why?”
“His name is Baruch ben Miriam. Could you daven for him?
We firmly believe that Hashem answers tefillos.” 
* All names and details have been changed.
4325 Tishrei 5776