1. APRIL 22, 2016 | OLAM | 13
F E AT U R E
serious, started to cry. ThenAliza
proposed the idea to Elisheva.
“Heisaveryspecialmanwith
a broken body.”
“I totally trusted my mother.
I knew that she knew what I was
looking for and if she made the
suggestion it warranted serious
thought,” Elisheva confided.
Elisheva researched what
living with a quadriplegic would
mean. She learned Yehoshua had
been lucky. The camp he had
worked for had only three staff
members, yet their workman’s
compensation insurance would
be invaluable to Yehoshua for the
rest of his life. She learned that he
would always need an assistant
to help him dress, shower and
perform necessary medical care.
She learned that even though he
was a quadriplegic and couldn’t
move his fingers and legs, he
could move his arms and wrists.
This means that Yehoshua could
move his “power chair” (not
calledanelectricchairforobvious
reasons) on his own. She learned
that his immobility could cause
pressure sores and a host of other
problems (see side bar).
Elisheva realized she could
think in terms of being Yehosh-
ua’s wife, yet she didn’t want to
be his nurse. She realized that it
wouldnot be easy, but she started
believing that Yehoshua was her
soulmate.
Rav Orlowek, Mashgiach at
Torah Ore, who knew Yehoshua
well from when he had been
his talmid, told both parties he
would meet with Elisheva in
Israel where she was still in sem-
inary. He spoke with Elisheva
and agreed they would be a good
match in personality and spiri-
tually. But he warned her: Don’t
meet him unless you are ready to
say yes. Be sure you can live with
a husband in a wheelchair for the
rest of your life.
By the time they met, her
decision was already half-made.
They needed to date only to see if
they actually like each other (like
most shidduchim).
On their first date, Yehosh-
ua pushed the money across
the table and told her to order
something for herself; he wanted
her to understand from the very
beginning that she would have
to be in charge. On their third
date, Elisheva drove the modified
van made for Yehoshua and his
wheelchair, as she would have to
do if they were married. On an-
other“date”shewentwithhimto
a physical therapy appointment.
She began to really grasp the full
extent of his poor compromised
muscle tone. On their fifth date,
Yehoshua and his friend set a
bottle of champagne, two wine
glasses and a rose in the back of
the van. There he proposed.
Although Elisheva, her par-
ents and the Hoffmans were on
a cloud, there was not a lot of
positive reactions amongst their
familyandfriends. Oh,mostpeo-
ple were careful not to criticize
directly; they did, however, ex-
press their concern. In fact, when
Yehoshuacalledoneofhisrebbeim
to tell him that he was engaged,
his rebbe said, “That’s great! So,
what’s wrong with her?”
Elisheva took it in stride. “It
didn’tbothermethatpeoplewere
asking those questions; I know
it was from concern. It’s totally
normal to ask. We are not exactly
the typical couple.”
Eleven months to the date
of the accident, Yehoshua and
Elisheva came together to build
a Jewish home. Hundreds of
people were at the wedding;
guests flew in from all over the
world. No one wanted to miss
this miracle wedding.
Yehoshua recalls, “I will never
forget my wedding day. I felt the
clouds open and the sun shine
through. It was then that I felt that
the Master of the World hadn’t
Quadriplegia is defined
by the loss of arms and
legs movement caused by
damage to the cervical spi-
nal cord segments at levels
C1-C8. A C1 injury is from
the neck base itself and re-
sults in a complete loss of
function. C1–C4 injuries
usually affects upper trunk
control, respiratory con-
trol and arm sensation and
movement more so than a
C5–C7 injury.A person with
a C8 spinal cord injury may
lose function from the chest
down, but still retain use of
his arms and many of his
fingers. Most quadriplegics
have some kind of finger
dysfunction. (Yehoshua has
C6 and C7, which means he
has some movement in his
arms and wrists but no con-
trol over his fingers or legs.)
Though SCI victims do
not all have the same issues,
there are some common
ones:
Lossofbladderandbow-
el control. Spinal cord nerves
control the function of the
bladder and bowels, making
urinarytractinfectionsacon-
cern since they can be fatal if
not treated in time.
Pressure sores. Pressure
sores can become infected
and lead to serious compli-
cations.
Blood clots. Blood circu-
lation slows down because
of immobility.
Respiratory problems.
The nerve signals to the
chest and diaphragm may
be weakened or distorted by
a spinal cord injury, making
breathingdifficult.SCIshave
an increased risk for pneu-
monia and other respiratory
infections
Autonomic dysreflexia.
An irritation or pain below
the site of the injury may
send a signal which will
not reach the brain, but will
cause a nerve signal that dis-
rupts the body’s functions.
Spastic muscles. Some
experience muscle spasms
which cause the legs and
arms to jerk. Inexperienced
observers may think that
this is a sign of regaining
movement or sensation; in
truth, it is simply a symptom
of the damaged spinal cord’s
inability to properly relay
remaining nerve signals to
the brain.
Pain. Although quadri-
plegics do not feel external
sensations, it is possible to
feel pain within their limbs,
back, and other areas which
do not respond to external
stimuli.
Quadriplegics need to
haveassistantsand/familyor
friends who help them dress,
bathe, carry out any home
medical care and guide them
in a set hour of early exercise.
Although quads can learn
to transfer from a chair to a
power chair, the aides need
to watch. A power chair is
healthier for most quads
since the manual chair can
throw out their shoulders.
Some frumquadsuse a man-
ual chair on Shabbos.
Home adjustments.
Homes frequently need to be
adjusted for quadriplegics.
Ramps need to be added to
entrances, doorways wid-
ened and furniture place-
ment well thought out. Eli-
sheva mentioned that with
two high chairs, strollers and
a power chair, their apart-
ment is tight with space.
Rugsandcarpetsaredifficult
to maneuver over and toys
left on the ground often are
crushed.
Comfort Zones
Yehoshua feels he is
100% a father. He may not
be capable of lifting up ba-
bies from their cribs, but can
give a pacifier, offer rides
and a warm lap. He helps
put the kids to sleep and
takes them to the park and
on other outings.
At the university, he
stands out – though it isn’t
always his wheelchair that
causes people’s discomfort;
sometimes it is his tzizit and
kippah. Yet Yehoshua’s per-
sonality and straight for-
wardness usually disarms
thosearoundhimandallows
for normal conversation.
Some of his clients feel em-
barrassed to complain about
their lives in front of him.
Yehoshua makes it a point
to address those issues at the
very beginning.
Future Hopes
There are occasional-
ly announcements of new
developments, such as the
Exo-Skelton, a tool to help
paraplegics walk that was
developed in Israel, but the
Hoffmans say that device is
not practical for home use
and is very expensive. They
are cautiously optimistic
about nerve regeneration
and a cure for broken C5 and
C6 vertebrate.
WHAT IS A QUADRIPLEGIC?
The Hoffman children