THE GAME's A-FOOT!! Everybody knows how to play SCRABBLE: first you shift your mind into NEUTRAL and then spend the nest two hours re-arranging your vowels!!! But not with HARD-SCRABBLE!! No way: with this game, the PERIODIC TABLE OF ELEMENTS become your tiles, and after consulting them, you must frame a PERTINENT QUESTION, which incorporates the elements you have chosen!! GOT IT??? Oh yes: PLUS !!!! Your question must be keyed to historical or scientific TRUTH. Try this sample issue, by Michael Goldengate: he used Fe Ni Mo Re Co O P Er !!! LEVEL UP !! It's loads of fun .... It's SOFTWARE FOR YOUR MIND!! It's SYM-Zonia!!

1. SMITH HUBBARD & TICHENOR
GOLDENGATE’S
for June 2, 2013
HARD-SCRABBLE™
IF FENIMORE COOPER WERE COMPOSED
ENTIRELY of EIGHT ELEMENTS …
and SIX of THESE WERE METALS …
WHERE WOULD HE BE LOCATED …..?
But First…..

2. From the desk of …
 Hi-HO!
It’s Our Latest Issue to “Hit –the Streets!!” For real!! A
Very Special HARD-SCRABBLE™ Issue! 
“ESCAPE from SAN FRANCISCO” EDITION!
DESTINATION: VALLEJO !!!! Arriba!!
So Cool!! And we are ALREADY THERE !!! Vallejo !!! Vallejo !!
PLaYERS: It’s already our 2nd WEEK ON THE ROAD!!! Right!!!
Sorry about last week… but we got stuck in traffic trying to get out of town.
Right… Yes!! This is San Francisco!! Try it yourself!! There was a bit of a back-up !! Heavy traffic unlike anything I
can remember from North Dakota – or even during my undergraduate years at U.C. Berkeley, majoring in psychology.
Wowee!!! Truly unbelievable. People were having rolling tailgaters, traffic was so slow … playing a few hands of
pinochle out the window, before slipping forward a foot or two. We set up a volleyball net with one pole in the bed of
two neighboring pick-up trucks! But we finally made it to our destination!! A BIG state Rest Area, on I-80, just
East, outside of Vallejo (California)!!
YES: I kid you not. We were experiencing waves of nostalgia -- almost longing for almost ANY of the comforts of
our First HOME, that we had so recently abandoned … back up in the hills, in Unit D-47, Payless Self-Storage,
Corner of California & Scotts Streets, Pacific Heights, San Francisco,… right: with that great view of Alcatraz… In
particular it was … well… <sigh>!!! More on this below!!! YES!!! So….. anyway as the trope goes ….
UN-Fortunately, we were stuck in this
traffic for about ten (10) days, and have been forced
by the sheer press of vehicles, and a quirky G.P.S.
unit, to take a number of unanticipated EXITS and
diversions amounting to a wide range of, well, …
impromptu SCENIC DETOURS from our original
planned route OUT of San Francisco and directly IN
to Vallejo (California) – and in particular to this
certain LARGE public REST AREA on I-80 I just
mentioned -- just outside Vallejo. I have charted
our route for You, PLAYERS, so you’ll be confident
where to find us. It’s on the Cover of This Week’s
HARD-SCRABBLE™ Issue of S.Y.M.-Zonia™ -
- and I’m showing it again for your Eddyfication --
HERE … 
I know!!! See what I mean? !!! Click-to-Enlarge !!!
FOR-tunately, however, I REALIZED soon enough, what was happening. Under the circumstances, it was
our very reliance on the G.P.S. unit that was the cause of some of our navigational problems. Evidently the G.P.S. unit
was homing in to NASA’s Gravity Probe –B experiment, which had been masterminded out of Stanford University, to
gain evidence tending to PROVE Einstein’s Theory of Special Relativity -- and thereby setting up the very parameters for
G.P.S. in the first place!!!!! We’ll, the proximity to the GP-B facilities was distorting the electro-gravito-noosphere
throughout the San Francisco Bay Area, thereby impairing the functioning of the G.P.S. unit!! Suzy Cue understood
when I explained this to her.. It’s a good thing I figured this out !! She’s such a great woman! And a fine mother!!!

3. Indeed: I eventually had to turn the G.P.S. off and fall back onto our High-Interferometric Human Orienting-Homing
Instinct for Hivelike Operation [ H.I.H.O.-H.I.H.O. – Ed.] YES!!! And after I did this, Me and Suzy Cue, and little
Sarah N. Dippity -- we all started singing together there in our little red TOYOTA, and pretty soon the whole
FREEWAY was singing -- and then traffic finally began to move … WOWEE!!!!!! This appeared to work …
ANYWAY!!! It was pretty amazing to see the [Apparent – Ed.] effect. Within a day or two had completed crossing the
Oakland Bay Bridge, so that pretty soon we were able to actually get OFF of it [The Oakland Bay Bridge – Ed.] and get
ON to the I-80 on-ramps, and … well, of course the effect then mysteriously wore off -- and so we remained stuck in
traffic for a good long time after that!!!! But we eventually made it to our destination: the I-80 Vallejo REST AREA !!
It’s a nice one!!! What a great place to stay!!! Clean bathrooms – and lots of them. Recharge your ipad after dark --
on the back of someone’s RV !! Meet new friends.. .. But .. Watrch it !!! CAN YOU AVOID … the CHiPs??
[That’s California Highway Patrol !! – Ed.] Hey … “CHiPs ?” Wait just a cotton-pickin’ minute …
What did I just say??? CHiPs ? That’s how the IDEA came to me!!!!
CHiPs !!! 
Wouldn’t this all make… a GREAT GAME ? A TRAVEL GAME !!! Great
for whiling away days caught in traffic around SAN FRANCISCO !! Or hitch-
hopping from REST AREA to REST AREA … or … living there!!! YES: You’d
move your pieces around the various San Francisco Bay public rest Areas, begging for items like
apples, shaving cream and quarters, all the time trying to keep from being run-off by the ChiPs!!!
It would be the perfect game for homeless Americans living the HARD-SCRABBLE life, moving from one REST
AREA to the next REST AREA… to avoid the CHiPs!!
But there would have to be more of a challenge -- Since it’s NOT EASY being on the road like this, and HOMELESS!!!
Wowee!!! I’d make it really, REALLY REALLY HARD !!! I could readily incorporate a WORD-GAME feature,
like ANAGRAMS … or SCRABBLE … Hmmmm. BUT -- those were too EASY, and I needed it to be HARD,
Like our new life on the road, which was so … so….. HARDSCRABBLE as to be nearly … WAIT … what did I
just say …. …?? …… ? ……. ?...?
THAT’S IT!!!! And I could call it … HARD-SCRABBLE™ !! Because …. It’s NOT EASY!!!®
INTRODUCING … Straight from the City® !!!
YES!!! Players!!! Something to help you keep from going totally bonkers while gridlocked in the BAY AREA!!!
Also GREAT for those Idle Hours of VAGRANCY and HOMELESSNESS, … !!!
Whether in your VEHICLE!! Or on FOOT!! Your SPARE TIME will simply WHIZZ BY …
WALL STREET BANKERS STOLEN EVERYTHING?? PRESIDENT on… ANOTHER VACATION??
WERE YOU OVERLOOKED BY THE TARP BAIL-OUTS?? ???
 CONGRESSIONAL REPRESENTATIVE still endorsing DODD-FRANK??? 
What?? And NOT reading Leandra Bernstein???
http://larouchepac.com/node/26726
Pension: GONE!! Medicare: GONE!!! Job Prospects: GONE!!! Unemployment Benefits: GONE !!!

4. Well… DON’T GIVE UP HOPE -- YOU CAN ALSO Play it while BEGGING for QUARTERS !!!!
At HIGHWAY REST AREAS !!! Believe me …
TAKE my NEW GAME –- HARD-SCRABBLE ™ …
with YOU!! On the ROAD !! YES:
 HOMELESSNESS … and LIFE on the
ROAD… is NOT for everyone!!
 Don’t just roll the dice !!!
Don’t just play cards !!!! 
DON’T LEAVE YOUR FUTURE to CHANCE!
It could be a DESPERATE
UNBEARABLE EXISTENCE!!!!!
You’ll still want to WIN IT ALL !!! Using ALL your available a TIME!!!

5. LIKE IT? Well, THAT, at any rate, is how the concept for my NEW GAME was born!
YES!!! That’s the IDEA!!! I know many have longed to peer inside the brain, and see this very PROCESSS of
CREATIVE MENTATION at work, and understand how great ideas like the DOUBLE HELIX, and E= MC2
, and
TITUS ANDRONICUS come into our world. Well, let’s face it, this is just a travel version of the REALLY BIG IDEA
which is yet to come!!! This is like just a single helix, or the General Theory of Relativity, or Shakesepareian pseudo-
epigraphia like the works of Beaumont Fletcher – but it may be something I can build on… in the future !! For now!
This Week – I’ll teach you how to play the beginner level of this NEW GAME!!!! See below !!!!
MEANWHILE… I need to run a few particulars on the Upcoming S.Y.M.-F.O.N.I.C.!!
NEWS !!!
MANY OF YOU WILL RECALL, how, in our SUPER-SPECIAL Issue announcing the Upcoming S.Y.M.-F.O.N.I.C.,
I was so attentive to provide a thorough backgrounding in how to read a treasure map – especially a WACKENREUDER,
that I lost track of my available space and then totally ran out of room before I was able to get to the matter of
VOLCANOES!!! And the VOLCANOES were going to be my A-HAH !!! No. 12, … I think!!! Frankly I’ve
forgotten !!! but you can check your copy of our recent S.Y.M.-F.O.N.I.C. ™ Issue
[May 19, 20013 – Ed.]
At any rate, I had intended to remind you, PLAYERS, to rummage through
your back issues to find your copy of this same VERY COMPLEX CLASSIC –
P.Y.M. ™ Sunday Puzzler, So You Know Your VOLCANOES, Do You …..eh?
[May 22, 2011 – Ed.] : a very early effort by then-struggling interim editor
Dromgoole -- working as if from within the very EYE of the Hurricane, and
announcing to the astonished Puzzling World that Enduring Editor Edmund E.
Elmendorf VI had taken a SUDDEN and UNEXPECTED vacation – as in leave
of absence – but failed to inform his dear wife and family !!! Good Grief!!!!
It was SEISMIC!!! And the weeks that followed … !!! E.E.E.VI -- R.I.P. !!
PLAYERS!!! This was back when Rupert Roget, Surveyor of Coon County
 (Ret.) was himself no more than a promising
PLAYER – YES: a darn GOOD ONE!!! And he
solved for this VOLCANO issue!!! And he soon
caught the attention of other PLAYERS -- like
Juerglein Waters, Ph.D.3
– shown here at right 
and of Stephanie Beckon, who at the time was just
about to take a position as Ass. Dr. of Veterinary
medicine at the esteemed S.V.C.H. – [Scappoose Veterinary Clinic of Health [and
Wellness] – Ed.] Shown over here  … this way, please …    
AND NOW!!!!! Well, of course, they’re all EXPERTS now !!! And Stephanie is Titular
Leader TOO!!! -- They’ll be at the S.Y.M.-P.H.O.N.I.C. in September!!!! AND YOU
WILL BE TOO !!!!! That is … If I handle this right….. Yes … Forget about the
Volcanoes !!! Because I have a serious matter to discuss with all of you …
I’m going to have to issue a S.Y.M-F.O.N.I.C. BULLETIN
YES: It’s a VERY, VERY IMPORTANT ...

6. BULLETIN
PLAYERS:
GOT IT?
Everyone should now have his own Wackenreuder … in front of him !!! Or her!!!
Now …. PLEASE EXAMINE YOUR WACKENREUDER CLOSELY …..
If you don’t know where your Wackenreuder is by this time …. Well, you really SHOULD!!
DOWNLOAD one at http://dp.la/search?&place[]=Sierra+Nevada&provider[]=David+Rumsey
PLAYERS: Already it appears, that there may be a small problem with the “clueing” of the Upcoming
First Bienniel S.Y.M.-F.O.N.I.C. ™ RIGHT: This could mean trouble … if the O.M.I.G.O.d. gets wind of it!
I want to avoid any possible MIS-UNDERSTANDINGS about this thing. We don’t want another ugly
P.Y.M.G.C.P. !! SO I’M ISSUING THIS BULLETIN NOW !!!! As you probably know by now, I’ve – we’ve –
had a lot of extra time on our hands the last ten (10) days , stuck in traffic trying to get out of San Francisco (California).
This has provided ample time for Creative Mentation leading of course to the creation of my new HARD-
SCRABBLE™ game, but also time to WORK OVER OUR Wackenreuder/Whitney “FOUR CORNERS” Composite
map that I stated would comprise the Youngstermembers’ sole and exclusive GUIDE to the upcoming EVENT …
HERE IT IS AGAIN …. The problem seems to originate with SHEET II, which is mostly of NEVADA ….
But it effects … …EVERYTHING!!
SHEET II 
 These seemingly SEAMLESS but unseen seams, seem to be problematic! 
CAN YOU FIND THEM AND MARK THEM ON YOUR WACKENREUDER??
YOU CAN ALSO LOOK FOR DETAILS at http://www.sym-zonia.com
YOUNGSTERMEMBERS ONLY !!!!! YOU’RE WELCOME IN at our BACK DOOR, TOO at …
http://www.sym-zonia.com/#!ABOUT/cy2g
And now …

7. FROM THE MAILBAG ….

8. SHOWN HERE: UNK-NOWN, whereabouts Unknown!!! 

9. Stephanie --- Good Call… !! This is an important point ….
Here’s the rest of the story about Wackenreuder up the Coquille 
I didn’t have room for the whole column Last Week !!!
NOTE: of course, that it’s dated October 24, 1851: another submission by
the “J.C.F.”-like individual to the Oregon City Statesman,
-- and it ran in the November 4, 1851 issue.
Stephanie: what you write is so important, especially about UNK !!
However, it’s my impression from extensive discussions with UNK, that
the Native Americans won’t really care what this tribe is called, so long
as they get the upper-hand of the engagement, and then totally thrash the
White interlopers – like Chief Sally Lane did at the Battle of Hungry Hill
!!! And sent them packing!!!! [See the WHITEWASH issue, et seq.]
Like Sitting Bull shellacking Custer’s Army!!! And I can almost
GUARANTEE that if that is the case, then there will probably be a mad
dash by the Native Americans, into the corridors of the B.I.A., to get the
“SHIT RIVERS”™ recognized as an ab-original a.k.a. real Native
American Tribe in the Oregon !! Wowee!! And it all started here !!!!
CAVEAT: However, that Vitus Wackenrueder, so lost and injured 
was found by one of these same tribe of Indians, and the Indian was
FRIENDLY !!! Right. And this Indian “rendered him great assistance
on his journey home”!! According to J.C.F…. Right: there’s NOT
MUCH OF A STORY THERE! Stephanie: It is indeed this KEY DETAIL
that threatens the image of the SHIT RIVER INDIANS™ as I call them
— Good grief!! I’ll never sell the movie rights to THAT story !!!
So, you see, we’re going to have to rehabilitate the reputation of the SHIT
RIVERS™ from this Unfortunate Encounter of this Friendly Indian
with Vitus Wackenreuder … NO drama there!!!! At any rate, to return
to my point: a ROSE is not, by any other name, still a ROSE – nor does
SHIT RIVER™ smell as sweet, by any other name… BUT if there is a
serious RESISTANCE FIGHT… in which the Native Americans are
victorious over Col. Fremont !! Well – the name of SHIT RIVER™
will then be the sweetest-smelling name throughout the Indian Community!
I ask you: What kind of a name is “SITTING BULL” anyway!!! A silly
name, yet one which still makes White Men arch their backs in
apprehension !! Just as they MUST do when they hear the name of …
The SHIT RIVER INDIANS ™
No doubt about it … It’s a good thing I brought your MOST
RECENT letter with me on the road as, now that we are homeless, we
have no mailing address!!! HOWEVER, you may be able to reach us if you
direct future correspondence c/o that Really Big Rest Area on I-80, just
East of Vallejo (California)… Forwarding Available.
AS FOR UNK? I have heard that a man matching UNK’s description
-- dark-haired, mysterious and inscrutable – mounted atop a pale white
mare, was last seen riding along the shoulder of Old Coast Hwy 101, just
outside of Brookings (Oregon) - heading south. If this is UNK – and I
think it is -- then he’s making fairly good time. He’s planning on making
the S.Y.M.-F.O.N.I.C.!! Eyewitnesses report, that this mounted Indian is
drawing a travois which is attached to the saddle of his horse. Hmmm.
UNK asked me … if he could bring a friend along …

10. Stephanie…. I have to make an observation here:
Despite repeat protests against the very suggestion of allowing
Col.  John Charles Fremont to come out of retirement, even
for just one last brutal skirmish with the Rogue Indians 
of Southern Oregon you show a keen and devoted interest in even
the most minute details of the hypothetical reconstruction of Shit River
Expedition -- and in restoring the real history surrounding it!! And so, I
just want to acknowledge your participation -- and thank you for it -- which is rising to
the level of co-partnering in the “work-in-progress” re-conceptualization of this Lost Event. Step-by-step, by
agonizing step, we are in fact building in from the framework toward the centrality of this formerly lost …
PACIFIC SLOPE EPIC REMATCH!! 
FOR -- until this latest letter of yours, we really did not have an Indian “villain” nasty enough to square off against the
likes of the combined expeditionary forces of Vitus Wackenreuder and (Ret.) Col. J.C.F. – but NOW!!! with your
recovery of the especially petulant Indian, the bull-headed and truculent Chief Chalnee, aka Chief Sequamee, aka
Chief SIX, aka …. Chief Shi…
Well… you get the idea …
I mean, a man who would burn down a
settler’s frame house, just to get the windows
and the doors –even though he lived in a
teepee -- is one Indian whose is hell-bent on
destruction, and NOT to be messed with …
an aptly formidable foe!!! And …
furthermore: LOOK AT THE FACTS:
Unicam’s Affidavit attests to an encounter
with Chief SIX on the Elk River – just a mile
or two south of the Sixes!!! Just north of Port
Orford!!! And late in 1851 – in November!!
This is exactly when V.W. and J.C.F. were up
the “Coquille” as it is referred to in J.C.F.’s
“Statesman” report … A good start!!!
But we need to find proof of some serious
FIGHTING! The SHIT RIVERS
INDIANS™ have to thrash V.W. and J.C.F.
!!! Can you find … anything ..at SH&T,
LLP??? Refer back to J.C.F.’s column,
above: there were FIVE men in his party,
after they had to leave V.W. behind with a
sprained ankle … Can you find anything…??
Stephanie -- I know you can see yourself in
this thing now!!! I mean, your own effort
to lead a 2nd Amendment rally this Winter,
was a total flop, I know!! But in this way, you
can LEAD US ALL in a sort of IMAGINARY
EXPEDITION into the deepest recesses of
Oregon history… and in that way… you can
COMMAND an ENTIRE ARMY !! – You
can Hold the Field!!! Like the cross-dressing
heroine you so admire -- the great John Dark  ! And the Army that didn’t answer your call @ Port Orford
(Oregon) will now be obedient -- - TO YOUR MIND !!! And that’s a good thing, because … BECAUSE ….

11. YOU ARE NOW ENTERING
IF FENIMORE COOPER WERE COMPOSED ENTIRELY of EIGHT
ELEMENTS … and SIX of THESE WERE METALS …
WHERE WOULD HE BE LOCATED …..?
OKAY, PLAYERS!!! This is IT!!!
CONGRUATLATIONS TO YOU!!! Because of you’re reading this – you’re one of the lucky ones to be
present for the GRAND PREMIERE and ROLL-OUT of my NEW GAME about which you’ve already
heard so much .. .. about. Are you ready to play?? O-KAY!!!! I thought so!! Here’s your special
INTRODUCTORY …
DEMO GAME !!!!

12. TRIAL GAMEBOARD …
RULES AND GAMEPLAY
(For 2-5 players…)
1. This is my first game design and it is not quite done. We’ll be making up some of the rules as we go
along. This is standard for new games, that are just emerging from the “design” phase into the
“play-testing” phase…
2. There are 118 tiles, each tile bearing the Notation and Atomic Number of a different element, ranging
in value from 1 to 118. The Atomic Number of each tile, is also its point value … SIMPLE!!!
[ Isotopic values will come into consideration at the ADVANCED level of gameplay -- Gamemaster]
Refer to the Periodic Table, included with every game …

13. 3. Each Player selects twelve (12) tiles, and arranges them on his special tile-holder, so that others cannot
see. The object of the game is to use your tiles to spell out a word using as many tiles as possible, in
order to collect the most points. Heavier elements will result in higher-scoring words; lighter elements
will not net you as many points!! SIMPLE!! Likewise, the more letters you use, the higher your score
is likely to be – so you want to look for nice long words. Proper names are acceptable, if they can be
found in Webster’s.
4. Once you’ve decided on the word you want to spell, remove the letter from your tray-thing and lay
them one by one on the table.
5. ADD YOUR OWN RULE:
_______________________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________________
6. ADD ANOTHER RULE:
_______________________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________________
GOT IT? Let’s try a round:
In this DEMO GAME I’ve selected eight (8) tiles from the twelve (12)I selected. I can then draw another
eight tiles, or I can return my remaining four (4)tiles to the tile box, and select a completely new set of twelve
(12) . PLAYERS: For this DEMO GAME I’ve chosen to spell the word(s)
“FENIMORE COOPER”
A famous author and undercover U.S. Spy you may remember reading about in recent issues of S.Y.M.-Zonia™ !!
Like this:
And then you have to POSE a RELEVANT QUESTION concerning the elemental character of the
word/thing/person that you have named … such as … for instance ….
IF FENIMORE COOPER WERE COMPOSED ENTIRELY of EIGHT ELEMENTS …
and SIX of THESE WERE METALS … WHERE WOULD HE BE LOCATED …..?
Now YOU have to ANSWER, and then it’s YOUR TURN to PLAY!!!
YOU ARE NOW LEAVING
Got it??? OKAY!!! AND …
NEXT WEEK (… maybe!!): I’ll tell you all about how to play your