1. Section 1 Poems with Written Feedback
Table of Contents
DefiningRoom……………………………………………………………………………………………Narrative
GuidelinesforSurvival………………………………………………………………………………..Free Verse
Initiation…………………………………………………………………………………………………… Counterpoint
Haikusfor FormerLovers…………………………………………………………………………..3 Part Poem
Harsh………………………………………………………………………………………………………….Blank Verse
ForgeryScandalsMeetHeadlines……………………………………………………………….BlankVerse
Euphoria……………………………………………………………………………………………………… Narrative
2. Section 2- portfolio from class Workshop with written responses
Table of Contents
DefiningRoom……………………………………………………………………………………………Narrative
GuidelinesforSurvival………………………………………………………………………………..Free Verse
Initiation…………………………………………………………………………………………………… Counterpoint
Haikusfor FormerLovers…………………………………………………………………………..3 Part Poem
Harsh………………………………………………………………………………………………………….Blank Verse
ForgeryScandalsMeetHeadlines……………………………………………………………….BlankVerse
Euphoria……………………………………………………………………………………………………… Narrative
WrittenResponse toPortfolio……………………………………………………………………… Reflection
Monday,March 16, 2015……………………………………………………………………………. Collage
Dramatics……………………………………………………………………………………………………..Rhyme Royal
B ll of L fe………………………………………………………………………………………………………Ekphrastic Poem
The Saying…………….…………………………………………………………………………………….. Walk Poem
3. The firstpoemI have selectedismycollage poem “Monday,March 16,2015;” I have chosenthis
poembecause IneverthoughtIcould— or ratherwould— write apolitical poem.Thispoemisinits
seconddraft.I initiallycreatedthe poem justlike anyfoundpoem;highlightingbitsandpiecesthat
stoodout to me. Fromthere I reformatteditinan orderthat made the most since.Iwantedto start in
the middle fromthe perspectivesof victimsinPakistan.Call itmyartist’schoice butitjustfeltrightto
do that.Then fromthere buildaroundit,withnewsandinformationthatwas relevanttothe peoplein
that area that were alsoaware of informationthatwasbeingadvertisedaroundthe world. Iattempted
to stay withwhatI foundoriginallythe firsttime whencreatedthispoembutthistime Idecidedtotake
out more wordsand rearrange certainlinesthatcreatedanothertone. WhatI am hopingtoget as
feedbackfromeveryoneistoknowif I needtogo back and findmore sentencestoaddtoit justto
create more of a backgroundor a narrative?If so,thenwhere?Ialsowouldlike toknow if the poemis
successful intermsof fluiditywithitscontent.Doesitmake sense?Isthere anywhere thatyouare
confusedasthe reader? If so, where andhow?I feel like potentiallythe quotesIleftinthe poemmaybe
confusingintermsof whois speakingbecause Ikindof thoughtof the speakerasa general bodyfrom
Lahore and not a specificperson.
The secondpoemI choose is “Dramatics.” I revisedthispoemanditisinitsthird draft.It was
difficultasaRhyme Royal because Ihad to stay inthe structure of havingthree—sevenlinedstanzas—
and onlyone line outof the sevencan’trhyme.Itwas a tough exercise tryingtofigure outhow to fix the
little problemsthatwere mentionedbeforeturninginthisportfolio.So,Idecidedtoaddmore detail to
certainlinesanddelete some of the wordstomaintainthe lineationwithinthe poemforthe sake of its
structure. Inthis poemIam lookingtosee if people are still havingtroubleunderstandingthe poem.I
am hopingthatby addinginmore detailsandanotherlocationthatiseasyto identifywithasstudents
of George Mason University.Soif there are still placeswhere itisdifficulttounderstandwhatIam
4. sayingthenplease byall meansletme know soI can furtherworkon it before turninginmyfinal
portfolio.
The third poemIwrote is brandnew.It iscalled“B ll of L fe,”it isan ekphrasticpoem Iwanted
to continue addingtowhatI have beenlearningthroughoutthissemester. Withthatbeingsaid,Ihave
constantlybeentoldtoshortenmyworkand be more concise inwhat I say.So I have done my bestto
make sure thisis a short poemandwithoutall the fluff.Iwouldlike feedbackonwhateveryoufindin
thispoem.I feel likethe picture Itookreferencessuitsthe poem, however;since bothare myworkI am
biasedandthat mightnotbe the case comingfromthe outside perspective.
My fourthpoem “Initiation “isinit’sfifthrevisionandIfeel thatIhave done quite well withthis
poem.The lasttime thispoemwasdiscusseditwastoo mysteriousandmyaudience wantedmore filler
detailsasto whatwas goingon. I wrote it specificallytobe mysteriousbutacouple of weekslater— I
have decidedtoaddmore detail withdialogue inthe poemgotridof two linestohelpthe reader
understandwhatisgoingon inthe poemwhile still maintainingmystery.SoIwouldlike toknow if this
versionisbetterintermsclarityandunderstandingwhile still notfullygivingitaway.
My fifthandfinal poemforthisportfolioisanotherexperimental poemthatIcreatedoverthe
weekend.Ichallengedmyself tocome upwiththe shortestpoemIcouldpossible thinkof andindoing
so I researcheddifferenttypesof walkpoemandcame upwith“cliché of the ‘Walk’,”It was very
challengingforme tomake somethingsoshortandnot have it use lineationinthe waysInormallyuse
it.I wantedto try somethingdifferentthatisstraightforwardandnot muchoverthoughttoit.I am
honestlycurioustosee whatIget back I termsof feedbackfocusingonwhatyouas the readerpicture
whenreadingthis.Iam curiousto knowwhatwill come tomind.I alsowouldlike toknow if youthinkI
6. Rashid White
Collage Poem
Monday, March 16, 2015
Heldagainstthe backdropof 47
republicanssendingwarningtoPakistan’sleaders
Under the pressure of a self-imposeddeadline.
Down-to-the-wire;
negotiationsrestrictandease sanctions.
Savingtime isundersiege.
Theyhavesaid they
want a frameworkforagreement,
an agreementwe madeovera year ago.
“We believe very much that nothing is
Going to change in April –or May –or June”
Change inArizona–or Mexico–or Syria–or Iran
EventuallywomeninLahore,Pakistan,
willmournonSundaysaftersuicide—97%
of the population—afterthe bombing— are angry
smashingwindows–andblockingtraffic.
“Our brother’s shed blood only because they are Christians.”
8. Dramatics
Rhyme Royal
By: Rashid White
That fleetingmomentfromhence we met,
withrhythmicfeet—leftfootthuddedhip—
rightfoot stompedhop—ourbondssoonset.
One springago, ourdurationseemstohave last’d—
to thisday titles:bestfriends people haven’tgrasp’d.
To be accustomedtocompanyby longfriend’sembrace,
seemsthisgenerationisforeigntothisconcept’space.
Thankedbyadmissionof ourpatriarch’sgrounds,
constructedthe foundationthatwe were found.
Whenher armsfrom hershouldersfall—
and she invitedme alongside her—andstall
we diduntil the JC studioclosed.
Andthereinall sweetlydidwe kiss—
withtouchof limbstomusic—the timesare missed.
I sitin Potomackitchenswithglassesof wine now.
Friendlyinvitesonly—withsurprisedinners…somehow—
alongthisroad—opportunity robbeditself fromme—
but all isturned…throughmy gentleness—
thismustbe a strange fashionof forsakin’;
I wearit well—thislongexperience filledwithsensation.
Alas,conclusion,thatIam comfortable withthe presentwe.
9. B ll of L fe
Rashid White
Everything startsassomething.
Do notbe the first person to judge.
Be the first person who practicespeace.
Karma is real, so do notworry aboutgetting’backatsomeone.
Thingsmy motherusedtotell me.
It’sfunnyhowit’sthe small seeds—
we preachinto others,sothat others
may growup ina bettersituationthanourselves.
Our words— airfromour lungs— seeds—how precioustheycanbe.
10. Initiation
Counterpoint
By: Rashid White
Nightslike these—
Cold,long,andfatigued
downstairsinthe darkhumidabyss
of randombasements—
we want to spendinhiding.
Do we really haveto go to Set tonight?!
We don’twantto go to night.
Did you practice everything you weresupposed to?
We hopethis nightwill be over quick.
We have neverknownsecurityfromtarpsof blue—
coveredinfunkof our sweat— blanketedby
by foreverdirtyuniforms—NEVERGETOFFTHIS TARP
UNLESS I SAY OFFSET! AM I CLEAR?!
PositiveDean! We understand!—Itsharesour
tensionof bentlegsandflexedarms;
bondspressuredbythe
sweatof our brothersbacks that
lie here withus,armsthat
remaintense tosupportthe weightof eachother.
Thisis brotherhood— thisishowyouforce familybonds.
Hours are long-- we praywe will notbe harmed.
12. Walk Poem
Rashid White
The Saying—
walkthe walk
transformed—
talkthe walk
once more—
recollect the
wayyou walk.
bodylang.has
moodstoo.
13. Section3- AdditionalPoem
NewBeginnings……………………………………………………………………………………………………….3 Part Poem
NewBeginnings
RashidWhite
I.
Bring resume and essay detailed for
reasons that you want to pursue,
we will talk more about
the details in the
spring.
II.
Nights like these—
Cold, long, and fatigued
downstairs in the dark humid abyss
of random basements—
we want to spend in hiding.
We have never known security from tarps of blue—
covered in funk of our sweat— blanketed by
by forever dirty uniforms—NEVER GET OFF THIS TARP
UNLESS I SAY OFF SET! AMI CLEAR?!
Positive Dean! We understand!—It shares our
tension of bent legs and flexed arms;
III.
Our Deuce is a weak one,
we get his workload he can’t
finish in addition to our own.
14. We curse the day
Our Big Brothers learned
that we wanted to get
Into shape. There is no
fun living with fatigue on top of fatigue.
