Yes - book

1
Rafaela Gonçalvesby
Fundação Instituto do Livro de Ribeirão Preto
Ribeirão Preto - SP
2015
1st Edition

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But my story doesn´t start here. It all
began on June 12, 2002, the day of my 16th birthday,
to be more exact.

4
ISBN 978-85-62852-34-3
Catalogue record
Gonçalves, Rafaela
Yes, 1st edition, Ribeirão Preto - SP, 2015
148 pages 160 x 210mm
1.869.91 Brazilian Literature. Poems, Chronicles and Stories
by Vanessa Gallo GonçalvesTranslated
TITLE
YES
Author
Rafaela Gonçalves
Graphic project
Fundação Instituto do Livro de Ribeirão Preto
Illustration
Rafaela Gonçalves
Final Art
Portaldeia Graphic Design

5
Table of Contents
Introduction.............................................................................................15
June 12.....................................................................................................19
The proposal.............................................................................................25
The first three hours.................................................................................29
The dream.................................................................................................33
The theft and three more hours .... ... ... ... ... ... ... ..................................39
And a feeling is born..................................................................................45
Hugo..........................................................................................................4 9
Revelations................................................................................................5 3
The first time.............................................................................................57
The 27th: party and disappointment........................................................61
The Overcoming........................................................................................65
Hope: a change.........................................................................................69
July 26.......................................................................................................73
Hi,Trix!.......................................................................................................77
Emma talks................................................................................................81
Éric............................................................................................................85

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New student.............................................................................................89
Bê, will you date me?...............................................................................93
Reunion....................................................................................................97
Hugo.......................................................................................................101
The first night with her...........................................................................105
Somewhere out there............................................................................109
Éric´s return............................................................................................113
Dad?.......................................................................................................117
Goodbye.................................................................................................121
Accident..................................................................................................125
Mourning................................................................................................129
A new me, a new Hugo .... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... .............................133
The Prom................................................................................................137
A fresh start............................................................................................141
Finally.....................................................................................................145

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Acknowledgements
To my parents, who have never
allowed me to live a reality like
the one in my book; to Einstein
school and mainly to teacher
Magel for the brilliant idea of the
Project; to Camila and João Vitor,
that have encouraged me from
the beginning; to my friends and
in particular to André, Tâmisa,
Júlia, Victória and Nagib, who
have supported me; to my family,
which I can’t live without; to
Dulce and Cris, those whom I
admire for their innate
competence; to Rosangela
Pásseri, Edwaldo Arantes and the
book institute, that believed in
me and made this dream come
true; to my grandfathers, who
didn´t have the opportunity to
read YES, and to all those who
read and opined during the
production process for a better
story.

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Prologue 1
Howmanyarethetricksoflove?
Howcan someone find himselfbeyond good and evil,or beyond
theincidentsoffate?
Rafaela Gonçalves presents, through her writing, the tricks and
thesetbacksthatfatecanplay.
A story that holds the reader’s attention from beginning to end,
with the narrative focus centered on the character named Beatriz and her
expectationsandanxieties.
It discusses the most significant values in such a “material”
world. The author manages to highlight how important a family is, its
affective ties and affection itself, having someone to rely on and to take us
whenfacingthechallengesoflife.
Atouchingstory,thought-provoking,sensitive!
The book manages to gather the perfect ingredients contained
inthebestnovelseverwritten.
Congratulations to the author for the inspiration and creativity,
and also to the teacher who dared to instigate students to produce high
qualityliterarytexts.
Cristiane Framartino Baloch
Historian, Writer (author of the following books – Sol Noturno, Flor de Antares, Rompendo o
CasuloeOmeninoeomistériodoarco-íris).

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Prologue 2
The challenge of writing is wonderful. A country is made
effectively with education, with knowledge. While reading this book, which
wasn’t even ready yet, I clung to the story and the course of each situation
when, suddenly, I found myself saddened by the difficulties; injustices and
griefs of the narrator. I was happy with her achievements, cheering and
celebrating with her. Anyway, that’s the beauty of a book. I was surprised at
the author’s narrative. Who knows if this is her start of a promising career in
theworldofletters?
But regardless of that, what counts is all the work involved in
the writing, thinking and creating processes. And how interesting an
author´s role must be! It is the moment of a challenge: the blank page, a
profusion of ideas and the need to overcome the abyss there is between
thoughts,mentalcreationandthematerializationofallthat.
Finally, I can’t neglect talking about how interesting the
miscellany of feelings which the human soul permanently experiences is.
Love can be where hatred is, betrayal can be where there is trust. A small
gesture of attention or affection happening to a life which is rich in
experiencescanbethesourceofamovieplot.
This story can be considered the story of so many of us. And
shall we all know, as Rafaela does, that each story has its sorrows and its
passions, but we can always believe and rewrite because whatever is done
withtheheartiscapableoftransformingthings.IfRafaelamanagedtoevoke
my curiosity in every chapter progressed; my sadness for the sorrows of the
character; my rooting for her; my joy, Rafaela is one of those people who
have a rich soul. And those who are like that should always challenge a blank
sheet.
Dulce Neves
Journalist and President of Fundação Dom Pedro II

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“Happiness can be found even in darkest of times, if one
only remembers to turn on the light”-J.K. Rowling

15
Introduction
Yes, I, Beatriz, I saw it. I felt it. I was there when it happened.
Today I know that what I did was the right thing to do. If I have any regretst?
No,notatall,tobehonest.Anyway,Igottoknowanewme…Andanewhim.
I was always that girl who never raises her arm during class to
ask a question, the one who goes to parties and hides by being on the phone
all along, the one who easily gives in when having an argument (not for lack
of arguments, but out of shame to continue and worrying about everyone
stoppingtowatch),whospendshoursandhoursofhervacationreading.
I’ve always been an unhappy person, like an everyday machine
thatisslowlydying,dayafterday,hourafterhour,notenjoyingmyownlife.
But that night, gee... It was the best night of my life, I did it all
forloveandthisiswhatmattersintheend,right?
But my story doesn’t start here. It all began on June 12, 2002,
th
thedayofmy16 birthday,tobemoreexact.

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June 12
-WakeUpBeatriz!Breakfastisonthetable,honey.
-I'mcoming!
I woke up prepared that day, after all it is not always that you
turn16,itwasthetimeofmylifeandIwantedtomakethemostofit.
I got out of bed a bit dizzy and walked straight to the bathroom.
I took a long cold shower, combed my long red hair, got dressed, put my Ray
Banonandcamedownforbreakfast.
Ms.Lurdes * is very kind and has always kept me company since
my parents abandoned me due to work. She has been with us all my life. She
is my second mom, if not the first because she spends much more time with
methanEmma,mymother.
My parents have never been present in my life, all they think
about is money to support me so I can have a better life, but I have always
wondered: "What´s the use of so much money when I don't have love?".
The truth is that I would rather be living under a bridge, without food and
having nothing to wear but getting all paternal and maternal love in the
world. I have not seen my parents since I was five years old but I have got
tonsofmoneyinmybankaccount.
So I went to school and, as expected, only my two friends
Camila and Estela and the teachers of the second year of high school wished
meahappybirthday.
I've been very grateful for having Cá and the Sté as friends.
WithoutthemIwouldbecompletelydisplacedataschoolwhereIambullied
because of a mere genetic flaw that caused me a green eye (as green as the
lushest forest), and a brown one (as brown as…who knows… earth maybe).
I´m used to being called silly nicknames - not that it doesn´t hurt me, but I
ignore it and move on, always. I hear it all, "bicolor", "glass eye", "inhuman",
NOTE = * although in English Mr. and Ms. are used on a last- name basis, in Brazil it is used
on a first- name basis

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"virus", "forgery", " from the peddler, "false advertising", "fly" (due to the
fact that I have always worn sunglasses for school), "bug", and the worst of
all, the classic, all-time favorite: "badly done" or "system failure". Another
thing that I don't like at all is when they emphasise the "z" in my name:
Beatrizzzzzzzz.
I sat down on the fifth desk at the window row, my favorite
place in the classroom because no one bugged me and I could sleep in peace
since I stay up late every night fantasizing about a life that's not mine,
wondering how my life would be if it weren't so apparently "perfect", yet,
without love. What it would be like to have a happier life; my parents loving
me for who I am and feeling proud of ME instead of themselves for being
abletobuymewhateverIwant,butdon'tneed.
Evanesceu school is not up to snuff ... I study in the reality of my
town, where everything that I see every day are - fights over foolish things;
elites; lazy teachers who just don't care about really teaching and won´t give
adamnaboutthestudentsandtheirfuture.
Quantum physics was the first class of the day.
is an old, tall, really overweight bald man who wears glasses. In addition to
goingtoschoolinaBMWtoshowallhis“modesty”,hewasboringanddidn't
teachatall.
Honestly, I have never flunked a grade only because my parents
have always made generous "donations" for the school at the end of the
schoolyear.Ifitweren'tforthatI'dprobablybeinthefifthgradenow,notfor
beingabadstudent,butforhavingterribleteachers.
After taking a long 2-hour nap during class it was time for the
break. I headed to meet my two best and only friends because we studied in
differentclasses.Iwasn´tkeenonwalkingalongschoolbymyself.
As soon as I found them, we walked together to the cafeteria. A
nauseatingsmelloffriedfoodinvadedtheplace.Thespecialwasfeijoada,by
farmyleastfavoritefood.
We sat at a table in the back and started talking about many
things, as usual. I was always very happy being with them, but when I looked
ahead my happiness faded away and I felt a chill because the whole football
teamwaswalkingtowardsus.Thatwassuretrouble.
Teacher Horácio

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As they got closer, they started calling me those nicknames and
alsotheemphatic"Zzzzzzzz"sound,likeafly.Theyhavenoideahowhardmy
life is. If they knew I believe they´d stop doing this childish thing, or maybe
notsincetheyarejuststupid.
Itallhappenedtoofast.AssoonasCamilalookedatmeandsaw
me shrinking she stood up sharply. She is my most easy-going friend,
althoughitisn´tthatobvious.ShelookedintoHugo´seyes,thecaptainofthe
footballteamandgotpissedathim.
Estela, however, is more protective and when noticing that
Hugo and his friends weren't going to stop anytime soon, she attacked the
wholeteam.
"You take all your words back now, you jerks!", she cried out so
loud that the whole cafeteria heard and joined around shouting "Fight!
Fight!Fight!".
I was shocked! They had never done anything like that to
defend me. I didn't know what to do, didn't know happen
soIranforhelp.
Ifoundtheadviserandexplaineditbrieflytohimtosavetime.
Wereturnedtothecafeteria.
The first thing I saw was a hairy fat Hugo over my friend. There
wasnodoubt–Istartedfighting,too.
By the time I realized what had gone on, Camila, Estela, Hugo
and friends and I were of the spiritual adviser being
longlyandboringlylectured.
I'm not sure how it all ended but the final decision of the
wasthateveryoneinvolvedwouldhavetofulfillcommunityservice
forschoolforthreemonths,3hoursadayfromthefollowingdayon.
We missed the third class so we went to the schoolyard to see
what the next ones would be. A double class of geography and one of art
history. To make my day even better the bell rang and I waited for my driver,
Dany, at the usual spot by the tree across the street. He arrived early and
wishedmeahappybirthday.Bythen,Ihadalreadyforgottenwhatdayitwas.
We had lunch at Burger King (always on my birthdays I had
lunch there because every other day of the year I was forced to eat very
what was going to
seated in the room
Principal

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refined, home made meals - and to be honest I found them disgusting), we
camebackhomeandIgottosleepalittle.
I had a strange dream. I was in a labyrinth and I had to find my
parents but they were running away from me, trying really hard to mislead
me. I saw a key and, as I took it new and loving parents showed up and
"adopted"me.
Iwokeupscared...Anddisappointedbecauseithadbeenonlya
dream.
Ihadtogobacktoschoolat16:00becauseIhadvolleyballclass.
Karina, the volleyball teacher was hypocritical and unfair. As in
every training she separated the best players from the worst, like me, of
course. She told our group to do some different stuff while she trained the
bestones.Attheendofthetrainingsheseparatedthesametwoteamsagain
and we had a match, as in every class. It has always been the same – I believe
you can guess who the winners and losers were, right? I just kept practicing
volleyballweeklybecauseIdidn'tpracticeanyothersports.
I've always wanted to take pole dance classes. Different from
what it seems it is not only a sexual form of dance. It is a very cool dance style
thatcangiveyouaveryfitbody,aswell.
AtnightIwenthome,haddinnerandIfellintoadeepsleep...
My birthday party would be in two weeks. It would be on a
Thursdayandallthehallshadbeenreservedbefore.
What a beautiful 16-year-old-birthday. I've spent my whole life
hoping that at 16 my life would be better but I am living proof that willing is
not enough. I can't change my reality, I can't choose to be popular or to have
parents that love me, to have friends, to be a normal girl, to have ordinary
eyes,nottosufferbullyingandbeanormalperson.
ThatwaswhatIthought.

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The proposal
Friday 13. The alarm was screaming incessantly and there was
noonetosilentitthen,asalways,Igotupandshutthebrightobjectup.
I showered, combed my hair, got changed and had breakfast with Ms.
Lurdes. I was about to leave home when I remembered my glasses. God
forbidIgotoschoolnothavingthem!
I walked to school that day. I remember seeing many of my
mom's friends on the way there, all smiling and walking their daughters to
school. I have never known what it is like to have that feeling. After all I've
alwayshadadriver,Danny,areallyniceguy,actually.
I came to school and immediately started looking for Camila
andEstela.
I'm not sure how it happened, but in one sweeping motion I
was knocked on the head and found myself wrapped in darkness. I was
carried to a room. I did not struggle nor did I scream for help. Somehow I
knew it would be useless. When the bag, that had a musty smell was taken
off me, the light hurt my eyes. It was very bright in the room. I found myself
sitting in front of the most annoying and spoiled girls on Earth, the most
populargirlsinEvanesceu.
That could only be a joke on me. What exactly could they want
from me? There was nothing that I owned that they wouldn´t have twice as
muchunless,ofcourse,agreatemptinessthatwasexclusivelymine.
Mydoubtwassuddenlyansweredasiftheyhadreadmymind.
-Here is the deal,” fly”, you're going to do something for us.
Don't even bother refusing it. If you don't do it we will find a way to make
yourmediocrelifeevenworse.You'regoingtostealthekeystothebackpool
of Evanesceu. We will be testing your competence, we want to observe if a
prissy girl can someday be a rebel ... It is our sociology research and you're
the perfect guinea pig. If you fulfill this task and do not open that big mouth
ofyourswewillmakeallthestudentsleaveyoualoneforonewholemonth.
Would you believe that all that came out of the mouth of a

2626
peroxideblondenamedMackenzie?
The proposal seemed tempting, imagine how cool it would be
nottobebuggedfor30fulldays.Very,verytempting.
-Whydon'tyoudoityourself?–Iasked.
-Well, that's O.VI.OUS! -Mackenzie said with pauses exactly as I
wrote along with the stupid habit of snapping her fingers four times in a "Z"
hand movement in the air -we can't take risks. You're the Principal´s apple of
the eye and the poor llittle girl at school. We don't have a good reputation
.Itwillbemucheasierforyouthanforus.
-And how should I do that? I asked somewhat anxious, I´ve got
toadmitit.
-That is up to you, smart-ass. Turn around! -completed Monica,
Mackenzie´s right arm. I went back to school and missed the first class, as
usual.
I coudn´t stop thinking about the proposal/threat, it was too
tempting. And scary. I have never done anything wrong, I've always been a
girlwhodoesnotbreaktherules.
"Damn!" I thought as I remembered about the community
serviceafterschool.
The bell rang and I went straight to the beach where we should
collectasmuchtrashaspossible.
withPrincipalLauli

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The first 3 hours
Once there, I realized not only a few incompetent from the
football team were missing, as well as Estela. Where could she possibly be? I
ignored the fact and started the long process of garbage collecting that
wouldonlyendin3wholehours.
Hugo was the last to arrive. He was all tidy as if he would go to a
restaurant in a few minutes. He faced me, whispered a few words to his
friends and everyone started laughing. What a jerk! - in my humble opinion.
ThreehourslaterLauli,thePrincipalannounced:
- It´s time to form pairs for the next meetings. From tomorrow
on, you will do more difficult things so you need to be more efficient. I want
youtocooperateandworktogether.
I immediately grabbed Camila´s arm who, on her turn, grabbed
Estela´swhograbbedmine.Welaughed.
No, ladies ! - shouted the Principal. I will choose the pairs. And
shefakedanevillaugh,somethinglike"mua-ha-ha-ha-ha".
-Estela will be with Bruno, the co-captain of the team, Camila
andJunior,Tulioand...Andshecontinuedtopairusupwhenachillrandown
myspine:"Beatriz,youwillpairwithHugo.Goodlucktoyouallandhavefun,
ifyoucan"andlaughedmalevolentlyonceagain.
What do you mean? I will have to spend three months, 3 hours
adayinthecompanyofHugo?Shehasgottobekidding!
I turned around just in time to see a big smile of satisfaction on
Hugo´sface.Whatanightmare!
I offered a ride to Estela and Cá, who accepted it and
accompanied me to the exit. I had forgotten what had happened before
class.SoonIrealizeditbeforemyeyes.
"What'sthematter,Bê?"
Then Itookadeepbreathand toldthemeverything. Icould not
hide it from them, they were my only friends and I have always prized truth.
They were surprised. "Why would someone like Mackenzie ask you for help,
Bê?-notputtingyoudown.Andwhythekeys?

33
The dream
I was around 30 years old. It was a blazing sun, the birds were
singing in tune and everything seemed very calm. I was more than happy for
the first time in years, my handsome husband (husband?! ...) waved at me
with that lively smile I had fallen for. Further ahead a mirror reflected a
wonderful woman in simple but cozy clothes, holding a blonde dark-eyed
child whose eyes were as dark as two blackberries dressed in a yellow suit,
the color of happiness which matched her slight smile that exposed the only
two milk teeth in that little delicate mouth. Her laughter was contagious, it
was music to my ears. I was startled to realize that the woman reflected in
the mirror was no one rather than myself only prettier, more mature and
happier.
I looked around and noticed that I was in a beautiful flowery
field and a big simple wooden house was the only construction site at view.
The sky was clear and blue showing no clouds and there was a huge lake,
incredibly clean, full of fish and seaweed and it stretched around the area. I
couldn't recognize the place and didn't even have a chance to. Suddenly, a
hurricane appeared from the middle of the house and took everything away
- the house, the lake, the birds, my husband and my daughter, all my
happiness.Itwasdarkandsadanddepressing.
I woke up drenched, I didn't know if from sweat or tears and
screaming, too. Ms.Lurdes was beside me with a rosary in one hand and a
thermometerintheother.
-Thanks God! My Lord, Amen, Amen! You scared me, girl! I
wasn´t able to wake you up, I almost had a heart attack! You wouldn´t stop
screaming,youweresweating,cryingandjustwouldn´twakeupatall!!!
-Take it easy Ms.Lurdes, I'm fine! It was nothing but a
nightmare...
-You've been awfully quiet for the past days, what's been going
on,honey?
I stopped to think for some moment. If she knew about it

34
would it change anything? I wonder if she could help me with something…
after all she was the closest to a mother figure I have had. Would she
understandit?DidshesharethesameloveIfeltforher?Shehadnochildren,
bytheway.
Oh, Ms. Lurdes, I willtellyou what's going on with me since you
are asking. In fact, I don't even think I know for sure. It may seem insincere
anddramaticbutno,it'snot.Mylifesucks!Idon'thaveamothernorafather
which to me is everyone´s right to. I don't have a mother to share secrets
with nor a father to tell me stories to sleep. Do you know how hard it has
been to grow up watching everyone around me being loved but me? My
parents never seemed to care about me, they barely know me. They
disappeared from my life when I was only 4 years old just thinking about
money and work. And to make matters worse, this is not my only problem. In
additiontotheabsenceofmyparentstheschoolistheplacethatIhatemost
in this world and I will tell you why. I suffer bullying every day and that´s not
fair. Am I to be blamed for having different color eyes? That for sure was not
my choice! It has been 14 years of school, 14 years of suffering in a place
wherethereisnotashredoffairness.Itisaprivateschool,whichmeansIpay
to go out there and hear words that hurt and that no one in their right minds
would like to hear. Teachers, coordinators and directors don´t care about us,
students nor about our future and much the less about me. They are hollow
and pretend to do things for the "best of the school " because all they worry
about is image. Everything repeats itself every single day. Not even on my
birthday I had some peace. All they got me was three months of community
service for trying to break up a stupid fight. And guess who my partner is for
the next 90 days? Simply Hugo, the captain of the football team, the most
disgustinglyspoiledandheartlessbratatschool.
Ms. Lurdes didn't say anything, I felt that she didn't know what
to say. I felt guilty for having blown up at her because she had nothing to do
withmyproblems.Overthecourseofmyspeech/outbursttheravemademy
bloodboilandIgraduallystartedtoshout.Forafewminuteswewerestaring
ateachother.Uncomfortablemoments passed by,howeverIwas relievedto
finally get it all out of my system. She hugged me and kissed my forehead like
a realmother.Shedriedout mytears – I hadn't realizedI was crying untilthat
moment – and she left for the kitchen to make a carrot cake with chocolate

35
icing,myfavorite.
My first memorable moment of love with her was comforting.
In fact it would have been with anyone else,I think. My mother, as far as I can
remember,hadneverdoneanythinglikethat.Ihadnoanger,noresentment,
no sorrows stored inside me in relation to my parents. Wait a moment! You
liar! Yes, I did have all those feelings kept inside me but I noticed that such
badfeelingshadfinallybeensoftened.

39
The theft and 3 more hours
My party would take place in exactly 14 days, June 27 and I was
very excited and to be honest scared, too ... What if no one showed up? I
wasn't very popular but everyone likes to party! Why not go, then? Ms. Lurdes
andIwereprogrammingeverylittledetailsothateverythingcameoutperfect.
That party could be my salvation! Everyone would stop annoying me if I looked
at least a little bit cool, right? But anyway, this was not my only concern. Apart
from that I still had to find a way to steal the keys to the pool in Evanesceu.
Suddenly,Ihadabrilliantideaandputtheplanintoaction.
- Excuse me, Ms. Lauli - the Principal of the school - I would like
to talk to you about an important matter. (I didn't know what I would tell her
butIneededtime!)
- Yes,MissCarvalho.Followmetotheteacher'sroom,please.
We walked up to the last room in hall D and when she unlocked
the door Estela shouted from afar: "Principal, Principal. There is a food fight in
thecafeteria.Ithoughtyoushouldknow..."
-Miss Carvalho, you can enter the room and wait for me. I won't
belong.AndasforyouMissEsteves,showmewheresuch"war"is.
IwinkedatEstelaaswehadplannedandshewinkedback,aswell.
I ran inside the room and locked the door so no one could see
what I was about to do. If I were the key to the swimming area where would
they store me? I know this is a dumb question but it was worth a try. I opened
the top drawer of the desk of the Principal and I came upon dozens of keys.
What would I do now? Luckly, all of them were tagged and in less than 5
minutes I found it: "swimming pools". I closed the drawer in time to see the
Principalaway,furiousathavingdiscoveredthateverythingwasalie.
- SoMs.Lauli,onsecondthoughtIhavejustsolvedmyproblem.
Thankyouanyway!
And I ran not to miss the first class after the break. Mission
successfully accomplished! I found Estela laughing and Cá totally lost, not
awareofwhatwasgoingon.ShearrivedlatesoIdidn'ttellherabouttheplan.

40
At 17:00 I had to go back to school. Everybody was already
presentexceptHugo,asusual.
-Today and probably until the end of this month you will
participate in a new project. It is called "happily ever after". But what is this
project? I can answer that question. Each pair will be in charge of an elderly
at a nursing home called "The Peaceful Corner". You will have to take care of
them and show them the true value of happiness. Every day at 17:00 hours a
van will depart from Evanesceu with all the students. I need the
authorization of your parents or guardians until tomorrow at our next
meeting.
As soon as the Director ended the speech Hugo arrived. He
didn't know what to do so Ms. Lauli told me to brief him on the activity and I
did. His reaction could not have been different, he made a little joke with
friendsandwewereheadedfor"ThePeacefulCorner".
We got there and the first thing we did was the selection of the
elderly. Hugo and I were in charge of an old lady named Julia. She was 60
years old and that day we got to know her life story. She had been a teacher
for 40 years, she had finished her university course very early and got
married at the age of 31. She had five children, three girls and two boys. The
girls became models in Russia having left home when they were 18 in order
topursuetheirdreamsand,thereaftertheyneverreturnedtothecomfortof
their parents ' home. One of the children died of leukemia at the age of 14
and the other son was admitted to a rehabilitation clinic. Her husband had
died of natural causes and she preferred to live in this home along with her
“new family”. I felt bad for her. Can you imagine being virtually abandoned
by your family and everyone you love? I know what it's like to have basically
noone,buthavingnooneatall?Thatmustbeverysad...
During the three long hours of community service something
struck me. The way that Hugo acted was impressive! I had never thought of
him as a not so bad person. He took care of Julia as if she were his own
grandmother. He really seemed to be interested in the stories of the elderly
lady.
Julia had incredibly blue eyes, pale skin and short grey hair. She
was a little cranky and sad but the circumstances themselves have explained
why.IfeltIneededtohelpherseelifewithneweyes.IfeelreallygoodwhenI

41
help someone because I imagine and feel the pleasure and the happiness in
beinghelped,inhavingsomeonewhocares.
Oddly enough, we were not unkind to each other at all! I guess
hewastoobusytofinallyleavemealone.
In the evening we sat down - Ms. Lurdes and I - to arrange the
last details of the party. Everything was coming out perfectly just as I had
always dreamed of. The place, the dresses, the cake, the sweets, the
attractions,thecountrymusicband,theDj's,theguests.Allperfect.
Ms. Lurdes was truly dedicated to both - my party, as well as
me. Every night she came and kissed my forehead and covered me with the
blanketbeforeIfellasleep.

45
And a feeling is born
Each and every encounter with Ms. Júlia brought us closer –
Hugo; the funniest and most complaining old lady I've ever seen and me. We
helped Julia fix her small room. She had objects that carried very good
memories and, at every recollection of her memory she would tell us the
story related to it. It was exciting to see a person who had all the reasons to
be the saddest person in the world now carrying some joy in her eyes from
remembering good times. I think this is the worst defect of the human being,
being unable to find the bright side of a bad thing but she did and I took this
asalifelesson.
During one of the meetings I think she noticed the way I looked
at Hugo - like a "a little girl in love", according to her and from that day on I
kept talking to her about him. After all, whom else would I talk to about this
kind of thing? I was not sure about my feelings for him at that time. A
different feeling began to grow inside me, something strong, but I was not
sureyetwhetheritwassomethinggoodorbad.
Sometimes, late at night I would find myself thinking about
him,lookingupatthestarsandcountingtheminordertosleep.
It was strange. He was a different Hugo along those 3-daily-
hours. He was good and protective, not a bully who did everything possible
togeteveryone'sattention.
OnedayMs.JúliaandIhadaconversationthataffectedme:
-Listen, Bê, I have a lot more experience than you. I can
recognizethepassionintheeyesofalittlegirlwhenIseeit.Thatglowinyour
eyes when you see your first love. You know, you can fool everyone but not
me. when I fell in love with my beloved João. I
denied it to everyone who asked me if what I felt for him was something
more than just friendship. Today I realize that I just postponed the inevitable
andthatwasbadbecauseIspenttwolongyearsofmylifewithouthimbymy
side, to love me and care for me. Look at me: if you like him why don't you
openyourhearttohim?Youaresobeautifulinsideandout.
That was what happened

46
-Thanks Jú, but no. I am not pretty ... I'm weird, actually. Have
you ever noticed that my eyes are different? And again if he does not feel the
same what would the point be? I do not know how I feel about him, it is all
verycomplicated.
-Beatriz Carvalho don't you talk like that about your beautiful
eyes. It is not a defect or a flaw, it's a mark. They make you unique. Look
around,everyonehastheirownmarkswhichmakethemunique.Somehave
this internally and others like you have it externally. Don't be fooled by what
people say about you, honey. You knowwho you are and that's what matters
most.
I remember the day that we became true friends, Hugo and I ...
Suddenly he was my best friend and the only person to know that was Ms.
Júlia.
The following day to which Júlia had found out about my
feelings she taught us to dance in the old-fashioned way. It was funny
becauseHugowasalittleclumsyandImyselfwasnotreallyadancer...Itwas
on that very day that I became certain of my feelings. I started to see him as
part of my future which maybe would not be as bad as the and
hardlyworse.IguessIwasintroubledeep…
present,

49
Hugo
I started visiting Ms. Júlia more often. She had become a true
friend to me and, as time went by I started to love her as if she were my own
grandmother.
Júlia was a very astute old lady. She always knew the right thing
to say. And I noticed that while she spent time with Hugo and me she
stopped complaining so much. The day I met her I could tell that was her
mark. But today this defect is only a hack that was open and that was finally
healing.
Hugogotback.HehadgoneforMs.Júlia´smilk.Ilookedintohis
eyesandlostmyself.IgotlostandwhenIcamebacktorealityitwastimetogo.
Love is something strange. When you least expect you fall in
love for someone you least expect, too. If I could choose I would choose to
fallinlovewithsomeonemoreatreachandnotforsomeonesounattainable
liketheleaderofthefootballteam.
He looked at me and realized I had been facing him for a long
timeandhenotedsomekindofsadnessinmyeyeswhichIcouldn'thide.
-Whathappened,Bê?(Yes,hecalledmeBê!)
- Nothing, Hugo. I'm just going to the restroom and I´ll be right
back.
On my way back I heard a piece of conversation between Hugo
andMs.Júlia.
-Hugo,ifyoufeelthatforherhowcomeyounevershowedher?
The two of you would be so happy together, so perfect! Just not as perfect as
my dear João and me, she teased. And just between us, a bunny has told me
thatmaybethisfeelingismutualbetweenthetwo...
- Abunny?Hugoasked.
- Imeantalittebird.-repliedtheoldlady.
They laughed a little and I entered the room. I´ve got to admit I
hadasmileonmyface.Wasthatreallyhappening?Washereallyinlovewith
me?Oh,mygosh!Iwasinheaven.

50
When returning to the group of students, he grabbed my arm
and pulled me behind the back end of the bus. I was almost out of breath,
whatwashedoing?
-BeatrizCarvalho,I'mcompletelyinlovewithyou.
I was completely bowled over. What do you mean he suddenly
decidestosaythat?
- Are you listening to me, Bê? I also had never imagined that
somedayinmylifethiswouldhappen,butit'shappeningnow,rightnow.
He got closer. Our lips were centimeters apart. I couldn't feel
my legs anymore. It seemed like I had one thousand and two butterflies in
my stomach. I could not believe that. How could it be possible that the
hatredthatonceblindedmehadturnedintoloveinsuchshorttime?
He kissed me deeply as if he didn't want to let me go anymore.
It was a passionate kiss. It started slowly. However, it grew stronger and
more passionate. And in the middle of the kiss he stopped, looked me in the
eyesandsaid:
-IloveyoulikeIneverdidbefore.Weird,isn'tit?
We laughed and I put my arms around his neck and kissed him
again. It was my first kiss. After all, who would want to kiss the "fly" from
school? And I could not complain about anything, everything was flowing
just perfectly. It was as if the stars had come down from the sky to shine only
forus.Itwasalready8:00p.m..

53
Revelations
The next day nobody knew about Hugo and me. I woke up
excited and realized that it was the first time that I was going to school in joy.
I took a quick shower, had breakfast and for the first time in history I put
some makeup on and got all dressed up to go to Evanesceu. I was so head
over heels that I almost forgot to take my glasses. I knew I was with Hugo
nowbutthatwouldn'tstoptheotherstudentsfromannoyingme…wouldit?
I gave Ms. Lurdes a goodbye kiss and saw a beautiful smile on
her face. I told her everything that had happened and she was really happy
forme.Gosh,Iloveher!
Dany took me to school and as soon as I came into the room
the nickname calling started again. I sat at my usual place, happily and
decided that nothing would ruin my rare good mood. Suddenly, Hugo
appeared. I guess I had never noticed how handsome he was. And I realized
at that moment that he had been losing weight and becoming more
muscular.
Without any hesitation he came up to me and kissed me in
frontofeveryone.WhenthekissendedIlookedaroundandthescenemade
me laugh. Everyone was staring at us startled, petrified. Even students from
otherclassescametowitnessthemoment.Wasthekissthatlong?
- Hey guys! A shut mouth catches no fly. You can close yours
now.–Isaid.
I don't think anybody saw this coming, not even myself to be
honest.Ineverspokeinpublic.
The teacher came in and started class. It was chemistry class
and at each equation on the board I looked at Hugo and he looked back at
me.Itwasamazinghowweweregettingalong.
Afterthefirsthalfofclasseswefinallyhadthefirstbreak.
"Oh my gosh! I didn't tell Sté and Cá about Hugo! ", I thought.
And then I spotted them ahead, in shock. I looked down and realized that I
washoldinghandswithHugoandsignalizedthem"I´llexplainlater".

54
I sat at the table of the football team for the first time in my life
andfeltguiltyaboutmyfriendsnotbeingwithme.
The whole team was in silence staring at us and I felt somewhat
uncomfortable. Hugo looked up at me and took my glasses off, slowly and
carefully.ForthefirsttimeinyearsIwasnotwearingthem.Ifelthelplessand
everybody began to laugh and call me names. A tear trickled down my left
eye but I didn't want anyone to see me cry, then I ran towards the restroom
asquicklyaspossible.
Only when I got to the door of the restroom I realized that Hugo
had run after me. He grabbed my arm before I turned the doorknob and
kissed me. It was a very emotional kiss. Tears filled up my eyes and ran down
my cheeks. I didn't hold back. I just wrapped my legs around his waist and he
heldmeupeasilyasIwastooskinny.
He looked me in the eye and said: "don't worry about what
others say or think about you. You are beautiful, at least for me and that's
whatmatters,right?"
-Right.
Ionlyansweredthatonewordandkissedhimagain.
Unexpectedly, he let me go and knelt in front of me. He took my
handandpulledaboxoutofhispocket.
-Beatriz Carvalho, will you be my girlfriend? I want to be yours
and only yours. And you, from the moment you accept it, you will be mine
foreverandtherewillbenoturningback.
-Onlyyours.
He put the ring on my finger so delicately that I didn't even
recognizehim.Wekissedagainandwenttoclass.
I spent the entire class watching every detail of my new ring.
They were both perfect, the ring as well as my Hugo Oliveira. I didn't even
knowifeverythingIwaslivingwasadreamorreallife.

57
The first time
Hugo and I went to the movies that day. We wanted to see the
new movie of "Harry Potter" saga. I had already read the book and that
specificonehadbecomeoneofmyfavorites.
Before entering the room, Hugo stared at me bearing an odd
andquestioninglookonhisface.
-Whathappened,love?
I was just thinking how lucky I am to have such a rare jewel as a
girlfriend.Thankyou,Bê.Youhavereallymademeabetterman.
Ididn'tknowwhattodobesidessmileandkisshim.
That's right, Bê. Everyone calls you "Bê". It's very cliché, so can I
callyourare?
Ilaughedandagreed.
I loved the movie, although I missed some parts: it's inevitable
whenyouhavesomeonelikeHugobyyou.
We had dinner at McDonalds and he gave me a ride home, after
all he has a driver's license. I know what you're thinking, but how? The truth
is that Hugo is already 18 years old* . He flunked the second grade of
elementary school and the second grade of high school. Lest he repeat one
more time I promised to help him study from that moment on and he agreed
toit,eventhoughIwasn'toneofthebrighteststudentsatschool.
StillinthecarIthankedhimfortherideandIgotintomyhouse.
Iclosedthedoortomyroomandfellasleep,notevengettingchanged.
I slept till the following day. It was 14:30 of a sunny Saturday. I
checked my phone and read the good morning text from Hugo. I texted back
sayingIhadjustwokenupandwasabouttotakeashower.
Tuesday 27 was the day of my party. Ms. Lurdes would talk with
the Principal so that I could get to school a bit later than usual on the day
after it because we were sure as hell I would go to bed late. That felt great
because I wouldn't get up early and go to class, as much as now I had a good
NOTE = * in Brazil the driving age is 18.

58
reasonnottocomplain.
I met Hugo at lunch time and we ate at a new restaurant that
hadbeenopenednearmyhouse.
While walking along the sidewalk we talked about the holidays
whenIfoundouthewasgoingtotravel.Iwassad,yetokwithit.
AtnightIinvitedhimtocomeoverfordinnerandheacceptedit.
"Dingdong".
-Igotit!
I shouted to Ms. Lurdes and headed for the door. It was Hugo,
of course and he had brought flowers. I kissed him and left to put the flowers
inavasewithcoldwater.
I introduced him to Ms. Lurdes who would also have dinner
withus.TheygotalongverywellandIwashappyaboutthat.
After dinner, we took the dishes to the sink and then we went
uptomyroom.
We sat on the bed and I turned on the T.V. to any channel and
turned to him. We kissed for a long time. I realized he was trying to take off
myblouseandIwasokwithit.
-Areyoureadyforthis?IfnotIwillunderstand.
AfterthinkingabitIsaidthatIwasready,infact.
He was very careful and took care of me like no one had ever
done.Heaskedmeconstantlyifitwasallrightandwassokindandgentle.
Itwasalreadymidnightandheneededtoleave.Wedressedup
andIwalkedhimtothedoor.
-Goodnight,mylove.
-Goodnight,rare.

61
The 27th: party and disappointment
I woke up super excited! IT WAS THE 27th!! It was the day of my
party, the most important day for me. Yet, I had no idea what was about to
happen.
I arrived at the beauty parlor at 18:00 for makeup, hair and
manicure because I wanted to be ready at 21:00 sharp to arrive at the party
locationaheadoftimetoseeifeverythingwasperfect.
When they were done I looked at myself in the mirror and
OMG! I was gorgeous. I felt gorgeous for the first time in my life and I would
not care about what people said about me. That was my night and nobody
wouldruinit.
Thepartybeganat22:00andsoontheguestsstartedtoarrive.I
wasveryhappytoseethatalotofpeoplehadcome.
There was a different click to every single guest that came into
my night of dreams. The flash had already blinded me when he arrived. He
was amazing in that black pinstripe suit and a purple handkerchief in his coat
pocket. He kissed me as if no camera or even a guest were present there. I
stumbled and dropped my speech paper on the floor. Coincidentally, Hugo
also dropped some paper. We picked them up quickly and I continued with
thephotosession.
It was midnight and there I was, up on the stage in front of a live
audiencewithamicrophoneinmyrighthandandthespeechpaperontheleft.
Istarted toreaditoutloud:"IHugoOliveiraNunesagreetothe
terms of this bet that establishes...". My voice failed and I stopped reading it
aloudbutkeptreadingitsilentlytomyself.
What? The whole thing was a farce? Hugo has never liked me
andIwasafooltofallforhim!Gosh,whysoevil?
The name of the one responsible for printing the bet was at the
bottom of the page: Mackenzie. So, she and he had a bet in which if Hugo
were able to have me fall in love with him before the party he would win a
monthoffreemeal.Thatexplainedthepinkpaper,thesamecolorasmine.

62
I was incredulous. It was as if my whole world came crashing
down in front of me and my hands were tied, holding me back from picking
upevenasinglecrumb.
Up until then I hadn't realized the silence that had grown in the
ballroom. I looked for Hugo in the crowd and he was reading my speech. The
speech in which I thanked my friends Cá and Sté for never having left me. I
was also grateful to Ms. Lurdes and Dany, whom had always been present
and especially to Hugo for being the "best boyfriend in the world" and taking
meinlikenooneeverdidbefore.
A tear ran down my face just at the thought of the intense
satisfaction he was feeling at that moment and many other tears ran down
alongwiththefirstone.
Before I´d realised it, I was running out of the room and Hugo
was running after me, desperate. I kept running as fast as I could but he
was, without a doubt more athletic and fast so he caught up with me
easily and grabbed my arm.
I wanted to beat the hell out of him but I was aware that this
would not work.
Hugo tried to explain himself by saying that at first it really was
just a bet, but then he had "fallen in love for real". I burst out laughing. He
didn´tgetwhatwasgoingon,hehadnoreaction.Iquitlaughingandslapped
him in the face (it burned my hand, I admit it and I´m glad I did it), and ran
without direction. I was destroyed inside and out and once again I felt all
aloneinthisimmenseworld.

65
The Overcoming
After that disaster I didn't go to school because I spent two
whole days crying. I Just couldn´t help it because when I finally calmed
myself down I would look at something and this something reminded me of
him.Then Igotbacktocryingandscreaminginanger.
Ms. Lurdes got scared and decided it would be better to leave me alone so I
couldtakeadeepbreathandmoveon.
How could I never have suspected it all? It all happened so fast,
so impossible to happen but I fell in love with the one guy who claimed to
also be in love with me. I hated myself at that very moment. I had had
enough of blaming him for everything. It was my fault as well for being so
naive,sodreamy.
I woke up on Friday in the worst mood of my entire life. I was
forced to go to school, the place that I found repugnant. I got out of bed
feeling that it was yelling for me to come back to it and went straight to the
bathroom. I showered, brushed my teeth and put my sunglasses on. I wore
my black shirt on which it read "F *** the world"; my black military jeans and
myblackvans.Allblack,matchingallmyfeelings.
I came to school and no one seemed to notice me. It was as if I
didn'texist.
I went to my art history class and Hugo was by the door. When
hespottedmeherantowardsmeandkissedme.
-Goodmorning,rare.
That insolent brat! He thought that after everything he´d done
we'dstillbetogether?Howpetulant!Itwasatotallackofrespectforme.
"What are you doing? We are-not-together-anymore!” I
shoutedandthewholeschoolstoppedtowatchthespectacle.
He looked at me with an innocent look and tried to explain
himselffortheumpteenthtime.
"Ifwhatyou'retellingmeistrue,whythehellwereyoucarrying
that deal in your pocket on the day of my party? Were you showing that your

66
mission was accomplished? Did you want your reward? Well, your reward is
here… " - and I showed him the middle finger, not caring about all the
teachersarounduswatchingtheshow.
"The paperwas withmebecause I was goingto cancelthebet",
hetried.
"I see… apparently it didn't work, did it?" I spoke in a low tone
andwalkedout.
The school was amazed, shocked, still and puzzled. I think no
one had ever imagined that “poor Beatrizzzzzzzz” would have the guts to
faceanyoneatschool.
Camila and Estela, who had been kind of missing, came after
metocomfortme.
"Come on Bê, we were worried about you! You were gone for
three days, totally vanished! " - said Sté looking me in the eye and Cá
completedbyhuggingme:"wemissedyou".
"Imissedyou,too".
We cuddled and class finally began. I would have the damn
community service with Hugo that afternoon. Three long hours with him?
Seriously?Ididn´tdeservethat…

69
Hope: a change
That afternoon Hugo did not attend the nursing home. He
didn'tvisitJúlia.
I told her everything, absolutely everything that had happened
sincethelasttimewemetandshecouldn'tbelieveit justasIcouldn´t inthe
beginning. She made a dubious face waiting for a "I´m kidding!” when I
finished talking, but unfortunately she also realized that this time would be
differentandthatshewouldnothearsuchwords.
A tear trickled down my face but I swore I wouldn't cry for a
bumwhocouldn'tbehonest.Juliawipedthefugitivetearandhuggedmefor
the first time. It was comforting to feel those weak and docile little arms
wrappedaroundme.
IwenthomeandoutofcuriosityIlookedattheschoolcalendar.
The next morning would be the last day of school before the holidays. I
wouldhavepeaceandtimetorecovermyself100%.
I wouldn't be that helpless girl who feared everything and
everyone. I'd come back renewed. I had even been researching about a
surgery that would bring my eyes back to normal. They would be green and
green only. No one else would be able to compare me to a monster or a
mistake.Iwouldbeanewme,Iwouldbetherealmeandnoonewouldstopme.

73
July 26
July26.Adayofrevelations.
I got home after spending the afternoon at the spa to the most
unexpected thing I'd ever seen: Hugo with a red folder in his hands beside
Ms.Lurdes.
Apparently they hadn't noticed my presence. However,
suddenly Hugo raised his head, came right towards me and briefly
summarized the issue that would take all afternoon to be questioned about
inmyroom:"Iknowthetruthaboutyourmother."
Ilaughed,afterallitcouldonlybeajoke.Howdoeshesuddenly
discover something that I took my whole childhood to accept? I thought for
a moment and started going up the stairs. I turned around and asked if he
wouldn't come after me. He did not answer anything, excused himself
toMs.Lurdes-(thatwascute!)-andfollowedme.
We sat on my bed facing each other and we stared for a few
seconds. To break the tension I asked him to explain everything from the
beginninguntilthatverymoment.
"Well, the thing is... the day I proposed to you I decided you
deservedsomethingmoresoItriedreallyhardtofindoutatleastsomething
about your mother or father." He paused to look into my eyes and try to
figure out what was going on in my mind. He always did that. Noticing that I
wouldn't open my mouth until he were finished, he kept talking. "I knew I
had to do it, I just didn't know how to ... So I did lots and lots of research and
gottothenameofahospitalinCalifornia."
At that point my heart stopped - California was exactly the
place where my mother said (to Ms. Lurdes, of course, because we haven't
spoken since I was 5, practically) she would be in an important Congress. "I
couldn't go to California but I kept searching and found more and more
names of hospitals in several parts of the world. Tokyo, Rome,
just
São Paulo,

74
London, Texas... All places of high technology medicine. I came to the
conclusion that she doesn't travel for business reasons, but because of
health or lack of it. I couldn't even figure out what was wrong with her but I
know that now she is hospitalised at Einstein hospital in Guarujá and will
remain there until tomorrow, Bê. So I came here to ask Ms. Lurdes – who is
responsible for you - for permission to take you there and talk to her in
person,
I looked at Hugo incredulous. I had my mouth open for seconds
in a row until I took the courage and said something: "How?" Hugo laughed
andreplied.
My parents have agreed to take us to Guarujá today if I got a 10
in math and, thanks to you I managed to. Adealisa dealand theyarewaiting
for us so I want to know - are you coming with us? Because I'm going with or
withoutyouandforyou.
I couldn't answer anything besides a choking "thank you". I felt
my face wet just at the timethat I wrapped my arms around Hugo´s neck and
my face touched his shirt. It was our first hug after the breakup. I felt
uncomfortable soIwalkedaway.

77
Hello, Trix!
The trip seemed endless! Ms. Paula and Mr. Victor didn't keep
silent all the way and each and every time I looked sideways I saw Hugo
staring at me and pretending not to shortly after. I forgot my headphones so
I tried to sleep but it was impossible with the car shaking at every hole on
the road. Couldn´t Victor drive well? After stopping three times at three
different stations because of the tiny bladder of Ms. Paula we arrived at our
finaldestination,Einsteinhospital.
Hugo's parents dropped us off at the door and went to lunch,
thenwegotintothehospitalandgotapasscodeforthevisit.
After three minutes our passcode appeared on the black
displayinscarletred.Wegotupandwenttoattendantnumberfive.
"Goodevening,canIhelpyou?"
"Yes," we both answered but Hugo let me speak. "We came to
visitapatientnamedEmmaFaleiros".
After typing something on her computer the attendant told us
thewaytotheroomandwarnedusthatwewouldhaveonlyfifteenminutes.
Before opening the door I felt my legs shaking and cold sweating. I asked
Hugo, on a weak voice, to enter first and spend some time alone with my
mother. After all, I hadn't seen her since I was five years old. Hugo agreed
andI,superstitiousthatIam,enteredtheroomonmyrightfoot.
Wow,whathappenedtothatmotherIsawelevenyearsago?
My mother, my beloved and dear mother was lying with the
most unfortunate expression I'd ever seen. I couldn´t help but noticing her
paleskinandthedarkcircles;herboneswereabouttotearherskinsoskinny
shewasandallthosecordsandtubesattachedtoher.
I cried. I couldn't hold my tears. I had spent more than half of
my life having hurt feelings against her and that day I found out she had
nevertraveledforprofessionalreasons,butforacure.
I didn't know what was wrong with her (anorexia, maybe?), I
didn't know what she had been going through all this time nor everything

78
she had to abandon but I felt guilty, sinful for judging her and not even
knowingabouttherealreason.
She opened her eyes and looked at me for the first time in more
than a decade. Those beautiful green eyes that I used to love as a child were
not so beautiful. They exhaled suffering; they exhaled exhaustion and it was
whenInoticedhowmuchImissedher.
I got closer and felt a strong urge to kiss her forehead, but I
couldn't. She had a lot of small cuts on her forehead, probably due to her
verydryskin.
"Hello,Trix"
Trixwasmynicknameasachild.Shewastheonlyonetocallme
thatandhearingitagainwascomforting,itremindedmethatIactuallyhada
mother,andnotonlyinthepast.
"Hi,mom"

81
Emma talks
Remembering that I had little time, I finally asked her what I
wanted most: what her problem was and why she had never been present in
mylife.
"Trix, honey, when you were born your delivery was very
complicated and I had sequels that hadn´t showed up until a short time
before you turned five. When you were about five years and three months
old, I felt my lungs burn and I blacked out. I woke up seven days later in a
hospital in São Paulo. It was scary, I couldn't stop calling for you or your dad
and no one would explain to me what was going on. Two days after many
tests they told me what had happened but the doctors couldn't diagnose
the problem. It was despairing. I knew you needed me and I needed you but
they prohibited me from seeing you or even leaving the hospital because at
any second I could have a stroke. According to the doctors nobody has an
answer until today, but it is known that it is generalised. My heart can
suddenly stop at any moment; my lungs may fail or else - my liver or kidneys
or any organ in my body. After a long time in therapy I finally accepted that I
would never see you again and quickly hired Ms. Lurdes who has been a
friendof minesincechildhood. She´s theonlyoneto whom I´d trustyou and
she agreed right away. She can´t have children, she is sterile so she took the
opportunity to have a daughter. My life has been horrible. This disease eats
me from inside out and there is nothing I can do, neither the doctors so
that's why I´m all around. I still haven't given up on having a life by you and
your father. One day we´ll be that united family that got stopped in time, and
allbecauseofme."
She started to cry but I saw that the tears came out through
extremeeffort,makingmeimaginethatthediseasewasindeedgeneral.
She turned to me and said: "will you forgive me, my daughter?
Mommy loves you very much and I can't even imagine howhard it must have
beentolivenotknowingthetruth".
Even before I could answer, she let out a loud cry in acute pain,

82
coughed up some blood, looked at me and tried to stretch her hand.
Instantly, I raised my hand in her direction but it was too late... she had
passedout.
I screamed loudly calling for doctors or anyone who could help
her and, in the midst of my despair, Hugo entered the room and unable to
understandwhatwashappening,hehuggedmehard.
Thedoctorscameinandhadusleavetheroom.

85
Éric
I didn't sleep for two nights in a row. I just couldn't. I had finally
talked to my mom but at that point I didn't know if she was still alive or dead.
I didn't have time to ask why my father was gone, either. Had he been with
mymothertoeverycountry?Washedead?Ididn'tknow.
I heard my phone, checked the screen - "Hugo" - and I
answered.
I listened to him and I got to the conclusion that answering the
phone was a mistake. He wanted to meet with me at the square near my
place.Whatcouldhewant?
I ran to the square hoping for more information about my
family,butallinvain.Iwaspreparedtohearanythingbutwhathehadtosay.
-Rare, I've been thinking a lot. I can't do it anymore. I can't do it
without you. I never thought I'd fall in love with you, were those
free meals ... I couldn't care less about that now, what I really want is you to
bemygirlfriend.
Ilookedathimandrealizedhewasgettingclosertokissme,but
Iwouldn'tgivein.
Heshouldhavethoughtofthatbeforesigningthebet orhaving
toldmeassoonasheknew
I finished my words giving him a killer look. I turned around and
went home. Back then, all I wanted was for someone to walk me back home
andmakemeforgetaboutHugo.
I was so busy rearranging my thoughts that I bumped into
someone.Iwasluckyenoughtobump intosomeonewithgood reflexeswho
heldmebeforeIwereabletobreakmyteethontheground.
Hi,I'mEric.Nicetomeetyou.
all I wanted
hehad"falleninloveforreal".
-You are very shallow. If you were smart enough, you´d have
canceledthebetlongbeforethatday.
-

86
My Lord! What a gorgeous guy! He ought to be from out of
town, he had a strange accent but I didn't ask. I giggled and introduced
myselfaswell.
Thanks for holding me. Well, I have to go. Goodbye. I waved
but he took my hand and while kissing the back of it (what a weird guy) he
replied:
-I´mtakingtheotherdirection.I'mnotgoingtobetheretohold
youagainsotakecare.Goodbye.
-
Hesmiledandwalkedaway.

89
New student
I was having a wonderful dream ... about Éric. I couldn't stop
thinkingabouthim,washefromoutoftown?Kissingthebackofagirl´shand
isquiteunusual.
I woke up out of breath with the alarm clock screaming in my
ears soIgotupandIgotreadyforschool.
WhenIgotthere,Itookmyusualseatandnoticedacommotion
outsidethenextroom.CuriousasIamIcheckedonwhatwashappening.
Would you believe me if I said - yes, it was him. The guy in my
dreamwasrightthere,talkingwithsomewildgirlsinshortskirts.
He didn't look too comfortable around them so I had the bright
idea to take him away from them (and up to nowI have no idea howI had the
gutstodoit).
-Éric,overhere!Excuseme,girls.HiÉric,doyourememberme?
Comeon,let'stalk!
He came after me and we went to the cafeteria, which was still
closed.
-AreyounewhereatEvanesceu?
-Yes,Iam.
Andhesmiled,showingallthoseteethwhiterthanmilkitself.
We talked a bit and as soon as we heard the bell we said
goodbyeandwenttoourrooms,whichunfortunatelywerenotthesame.
The class went by fast and I felt the look of Hugo over me
sometimes butIdidn'tlookback.
I spent the break with Éric, Camila and Estela. We found out
that, in fact, he wasn't from here. He was from New Zealand and he was on
anexchangeprogram.Hewasgoingtostayhereforoneyear.
On the for my phone number, which I gave
himandIheadedhomeallexcited!
«Bling", a new message: "Bê, how about going to the movies
next Saturday?"
way out he asked

93
Bê, will you date me?
AnditallbeganonthatSaturdayevening...
He picked me up at home and we went to the movies. Up until
now,Idon'tknowwhatmoviewe"watched"butitwaswonderful.
We had been spending time together for three months when,
suddenly,onOctober7th,heproposedtomeintheloveliestwaypossible.
Iwenttohishousethateveningafterschool.Atnightheinvited
me to sleep over so I called Ms. Lurdes and I told her I would spend the night
out. We went to his room and I got scared at the view at first, but then I got it
andIthoughtitwasreallycute.
The room was totally (and when I say totally, I mean it) full of
picturesofme,bymyselforwithhim.Ilookedatthebedandsawaredrose.I
lookedathimalittleconfused sohestartedtalking.
"Bê, in my country we usually show love through a rose. Each
petalrepresentssomething."
And by pulling each petal off and throwing each of them on the
bed he continued: "the first is for the first day I saw you; the second for how
lucky I was to hold you in my arms,how naive of our destiny; the third is for
when you helped me to get rid of those bitches in cleavages; the fourth is for
our first kiss, and wow, what a kiss! The fifth one I dedicate to your beauty
and your eyes that shine more than a constellation. The sixth is for tonight,
which I hope you keep in your heart forever. The seventh, I love you. And the
eighth one, the last of this delicate rose serves to ask you what I've been
meaningtoaskyouforalongtime.Bê,willyoubemygirlfriend?"
Without avail, a tear escaped and I quickly dried it up. No one
had ever done that for me. I really loved him and as the answer to his
question I pushed him over the bed, on the petals and kissed him as never
before.
"Areyouready?"
Little did he know how ready I was so, lost in his nasty words
that came soon after, I gave him my body for the first time and I let myself be
loved, I let him taste everything he wanted to until I fell in a deep sleep in his
arms.

97
Reunion
I realized that Hugo had been very weird since I started my
relationship with Éric. I understand that he wanted us to be back together,
butIwouldn't.Heshouldmoveon likeIdid.
Two days after Éric and I started dating I got a call in the middle
ofthenightthatscaredme.
It was from the hospital and they were calling me there.
Accordingtothewomanontheotherendofthelineit"wasveryimportant,"
soIimmediatelywokeDanyupandaskedhimtodrivemethere.
When arriving at the hospital a woman recognized me (I don't
knowhow)andaskedmetoenter room5B.Ididn'tknowwhattoexpect.
When getting into the room I smiled and thanked God as never
beforeinmylife-itwasmymom,smilingthistime.
"Hi, sweety! I've got great news! It seems that by injecting stem
cells in my body I got better. Doctors have performed tests along these three
months and, provided that I come here every day, I will be able to finally go
backhome."
And she broke down in tears of joy. She thanked God for
answering her prayers and said she loved me and after hearing what she had
justsaidIalsodidn'tholdback,wecriedtogetheruntilIasked:
-Whenareyoucominghome?
-Tomorrow, afterthelastmedicalexams.
-Seeyouathomethen,mom.
I kissed her forehead and hugged her gently afraid to hurt her
nomatterhow"well"shealreadywas.
Whenleavingroom5BIlookedsidewaysandsawHugooutona
stretcher. I desperately asked the doctor what happened and he answered
thatHugohadsufferedamotorcycleaccident.
I decided it would be best to visit him in the morning when he'd
probablybeawakeagain.
Icouldn'tsleepatallthatendofnight.

101
Hugo
The following day I went to the hospital in the morning to visit
Hugo,afterallhehadbeenmyboyfriendsoitwastheleastIcoulddo.
"Rare",hewhispered,buthehadhiseyesclosed.Howcouldhe
know?Andasifhe'dreadmymind,asusual,herepliedthatmyperfumewas
unmistakable.
"Whathappened?"Iaskedinasearchforexplanations.
Sighingloudly,hereplied:
-Bê, I can't see you with another boyfriend but me. I got to
know about you and Éric last night and I went crazy. I took my neighbor´s
motorbike, he always leaves the keys in the ignition and sped around, all
alone at dawn and aimless. I know it wasn't the most sensible thing to do but
when I think of you nothing else comes to my mind, it's like you're my reason
to live and, yet, I have to see you with someone you have just met. It's too
muchformeandnowI'mhereandIwillprobablystayhereforawhile.
I lost control of my feelings and started to cry. I couldn´t figure
out the reason for all those tears, they shouldn't be present at that time. I
looked at him and I couldn't say anything, I couldn't. I simply turned around
and evenbeingabletohearHugoscreamingforme,Ilefttheroom.
I went straight home. I needed a break, my space,all alone at a
placewherenobodycouldannoymeoreveninfluenceme.
I spent most of the day thinking about Hugo and how much he
got to me and how I had never really forgotten the first love of my life. But on
the other hand, I thought of Éric and how good he was, all his qualities that
mademesmileeveryday.
I picked up the phone and called him asking to come to my
house and in fifteen minutes he was ringing the bell. Ms. Lurdes answered
thedoorandtoldEricthatIwasinmyroom.
After excusing himself, he came in and I could feel my world
gettingbetterfromonetoonehundedpercent.

105
The first night with her
At 19:00 I heard the ambulance arriving and forgot to tell Éric
about my mother. I summed up the whole story (omitting Hugo, of course)
andrandownstairs.
I was very happy to see her trying to walk on her own, even
though with little success, so I wrapped my arms around her waist and
helpedhergettothedinnertable.
Ms. Lurdes served dinner and my mom invited her to have
dinner with us. I told my mom my story with Éric and she was so happy. In
fact,Éricmetmymotherthatday,averyspecialdayforme.
Éric left and I helped my mother up the stairs and asked her to
sleepwithmethatnight.Sheagreedwithabroadgrinonherface,fromeartoear.
Before going to bed I told her the whole story because I had to
omit things about Hugo due to Eric´s presence. I told her about all the
suffering I had been through at school before Hugo and I dated and also
aboutmyparty.Itoldhereverything.Wefinallyfellasleep.

109
Somewhere out there
I was almost asleep when a question that tormented my mind
hitme- wherewasmyfather?
I felt bad about waking my mother up. After all, it was the first
quiet night of sleep in her own house. She deserved that I waited until
morning,sothatwaswhatIdid.
"Goodmorning,Bê".
Iheardmymomcallingmeandpokingmelightly.
"Goodmorning,mom."
We went to the dining room where the table was already set
forbreakfast.
As we were eating I thought it would be a good opportunity to
askandsherespondedthisway:
-Well, hun ... when your father found out that he´d never see
mehegotverydistressedandwentintodepression.Heenteredtheworldof
drugs and alcohol. He started drinking every day, up to the point when he
had to be admitted at a clinic. That's what I heard, making me feel even
worse because I felt bad about the person I loved. That´s alI I know. I don't
knowwhereheisbutwouldloveto.Istilllovehim.
I looked down at my plate and made a promise to my mother
that she would see my father again and I would find out what had happened
tohim.
I needed to reunite my parents, I was tired of a family torn
apart. I needed a united family again, just like a real family should be. The
only problem would be if my father had died. Otherwise, I would do
everythingtofindhim,Ijustdidn'tknowexactlywhereandhow.

113
Éric´s return
While I kept on searching time was flying by. I had asked Éric to
help me find my dad and he immediately agreed to it. He didn't have a
father, either but his dad had already passed and, according to him he would
doanythingtohavehisfatherbackandsoheagreedtohelpmerightaway.
That task brought us even closer together and I couldn't
imagine myself without him by my side. His return to New Zealand would be
cruel. We had a conversation one day that hurt me too much, as if a piece of
mewasabouttoleavewithhim.
We were in my room that day, researching as on every other
daysinceIdecidedtofindmyfather.Ilookedathimandstartedtalking.Isaid
thatIhadlosttrackoftimeandIneededtoknowwhenhewasgoingawayso
that I´d be able to put myself back together because I´d miss him a lot. He
answered, looking down at his hands because, like me, he couldn't look me
intheeyesatthattime.
-Well, I was hoping I didn't have to go back. My life here has
been the best in years. I met you and you were the first girl I fell in love with
for real. Gosh, you have no idea howtorn inside I am now. When I left home I
swore to my mom that I would go back. She did everything possible to pay
for my exchange program. My family doesn't have a good financial
condition, you know? I had to work for a year in a CD store to pay for my
portuguese classes and my leaving was really hard. I'd never spent more
thanaweekawayfrommymotherand,suddenlyIwasleavingforonewhole
year. I tried to make the best of it here because I know how hard my mom
worked for me to come. I haven't spoken to her since the day I left there
because internationalcallsareveryexpensive.Ineedheragain.I'msosorry,Bê.
From the first word on I was ready for everything, except for
that because I actually understood him. I had been through the same thing. I
neededmymotherandthereshewasathomewithme.Hedeservedit,too.
-Éric, as much as it breaks my heart and as much as I'm going
throughanothergoodbyeIdounderstandyou.Iknowwhatit'sliketoneeda

114
mother. I spent 11 years away from my mother not even having a returning
datescheduled.Iknowthatyouneedtogobacktoherandyouwill.Iwantto
keep in touch with you forever and as I know international calls are
expensiveIboughtyouthisandIhopeyoulikeit.
I gave him a package. He opened carefully and removed the
objectfromwithin.ItwasanIPhone.
-Well, I can't accept that. It is very expensive! And there I have
nointernetandnoonetocall.
-Eric, you deserve it. Plus, that's the way I found to keep in
touch so you have to accept it. I don't want to lose contact with you, love. It
comes with 3G service and I'll pay for it every month. You just won't be able
tomakecalls,butwewillstillhavefacetimeandwhatsapp.
-It'sperfect!
WekissedandIfinallygottostopcrying,butIrememberedthe
mainissueandaskedwhatdayexactlyhewouldleave.
I'mgoingtogobackintwoweeks.
-Thatsoon??
-Yes., he choked his answer up. I knew he was sad, I didn't want
tomakethingsworse.
Suddenly, he shouted: "BINGOO!", which scared me. Then, he
askedmetolookatthecomputer.Hehadfoundmyfather.

117
Dad?
My father was admitted to a rehabilitation clinic three years ago.
The clinic was called Therapeutic Hospital Life Group, since 1988. I looked
for more information and found that the Inpatient Hospital was located in
the municipality of Sorocaba, 80 km away from São Paulo between Castelo
BrancoandRaposoTavareshighways.
Perfect! It wasn't that far so I asked Dany to take us there on the
following day. I asked Éric if he'd come along and he said he surely would. I
wassohappythatIwouldbecapableofdoinganything.
I asked Éric to sleep over that night so that we could leave
and for other reasons, too. The night was perfect and my mom
agreedtostaywithMs.Lurdes.
We woke up very early and left. When getting there I got all those
butterflies in my stomach, the same sensation as when I saw my mother for
thefirsttimeinyears.Itwasallowedonlyonevisitorintheroomatatime,so
Ientered.-Dad?
Ienteredtheroomandsawhimsitting,hewasreading.Heturned
to me and for a moment I thought he couldn´t recognize me. However, in a
second moment he stood up and came straight to hug me. It was so good to
havehimaround!IfelthisperfumeandIswearIwasabletoremememberit.
IrememberthatasakidIlovedtositonhislapandhearthathuskyvoicethat
Iwasdyingtohearagain.
-My dear little bee, oh I have missed you so much all along these
years!
Little bee was the nickname he had given me. Ever since I was a
littlegirlIhavealwayslovedhoneyanditmatchedmyname.
- I have great news, dad. Mom is back. She's home, at last! I talked
to your Inspector and asked if you could go back. She thinks that you started
all that process and ended up here because of the lack of my mother. She
thinks that with her return you are safe and free. But I need to know it from
you,Dad.Comehome,please...
I swear his eyes filled with tears, as well as mine and without even
early
the morning,
in

118
thinking much he replied that he surely would come back, that three years
of abstinence were enough and that now he had no more reasons to go back
tothatlife.
Éric was sitting in the waiting room and as soon as all the papers
weresignedandthatmyfatherwasdischargedIintroducedthem.Theyhitit
off right from the start, after all they both understood how happy I was to
havethemaround.
We got home and I remembered that my mom didn't know about
the surprise. I asked to get in first to make sure that my mom was still
sleeping. After being sure about it, I asked my father to sit at the table and I
wokeupmymomandMs.Lurdes.
They came down the stairs and sat at the table. Suddenly, as in a
perfect scene from a book, my father appeared with a frying pan in his hand
andannounced:"wouldanyonelikepancakes?"
My mom looked at him and they both started crying. My father
went up to her and they kissed and hugged, again and again. I looked at Ms.
LurdesandIsawhowhappyshewas,justlikeme.

121
Goodbye
It was Éric´s farewell party. He would leave the following day, in the
morning.
After the farewell party that I threw him in my house, Eric invited
me to sleep over at his house and we had our best and most memorable
night.
The next day we woke up and I could see the pain in his eyes, as I
couldn'thideinmine.
Wesatintheairportaftercheckinginandwaitedfortheflight.
"Passengersnumber5B,pleaseboard".
Ilookedathimand couldn´tholdbackmytears.Wehad,then,thattalk.
-Iguessthisisit...
Heagreed,headbowed.
-ListenBê,thankyouformakingthistripthebestoneI'veeverdone
in my life. You sure have been the best choice I´ve ever made and I'll never
regretanything.Iloveyou,mylove.
Thewomaninthespeakerannouncedagain.
-Éric, you have been the best boyfriend I've ever had. You gave me
your best when I needed and helped me a lot. I love you, too, and I still have
hopethatyouwillbebackorthatI´llcomeandvisityou.
We kissed deeply for the last time, not caring about the world
aroundus.Itwasourmomentandmaybethelastone.
IwaitedforÉrictoboardandleft,intears.
I cried and I cried in my bed and for the first time in more than a
decademyparentstookme down.Itfeltreallycomforting.
-Loveyou,guys!
-Weloveyoutoo,littleone.
inandcalmedme

125
Accident
The next day I woke up to shouts, a quarrel . My parents were
fighting.
I ran downstairs just in time to see my father leaving the house and
mymothercryingforhim.
IranaftermyfatherbuthetookthemotorbikeandIwasnotthatfast.
Icamehomeandsawmymomonthecouch,crying.
I hugged her and I thought it wouldn´t be a good time to ask what
thefightwasaboutsoImadeacakeforherandwaitedformydad.
Wewaitedandwaitedandnothing...Nosignofhisreturn.Wedidn't
knowwhathadhappenedandwereworried.
We slept very badly that night. We´d wake up to every little noise,
fullofhope.I´dgouptomybedroomwindowandnothing.
We received a call the morning after. I answered and listened
patientlytilldespairhitme.
-This is officer Junior Rosa. I´m calling to tell you that last night,
Renan Carvalho, your father suffered a motorcycle accident and is in
hospitalhereintown.Ifoundyournumberinhiswallet.
I dropped the phone on the floor and went straight to the hospital. I
thoughtitwasbetterformymomtostayhome,thenDanytookmethere.
Iwasdesperateandsoontheyhadmeintheroomwherehewas.
What a horrible scene! I don't think I'd ever seen so much blood in
my life. He had one leg in a cast and a tube coming straight out of his throat. I
gotbacktocryingandleanedonthestretcher.
ThedoctorcameinandIaskedhimaboutmydad´scondition.
- , he broke his spine. If he survives, he will have to accept the
factthathisspinalcordhasbeenseveredinjured.Ifhe chancesare
he will be quadriplegic. Unfortunately, I can't say if he will wake up or not, I
can´tpredict.He´sbeenintoacomasincehegothere.
How would I break these news to my mom? Just now that the family
wasperfect.
Beatriz
wakesup

126
I went to the police station asking for the report of what had
happenedandsheriffNetoexplaineditalltome:
-Your father was drunk and driving. He was probably very altered
because he crashed against the wall of a parking lot. Maybe he was trying to
park, but he was out of his senses for that. I'm very sorry about what
happened.
Icamebackhomefeelingrazed.Fateisunpredictable,isn'tit?
Aftergettinghome,Ibriefedmymotheraboutthestory,sparingher
fromdetails.
Itwashorrible.

129
Mourning
On the next day I received a call from the hospital. My father had
passedaway.
Itwasverydifficultformeandmymother.Ibookedthefuneralfora
week ahead. That was the worst week of my life. Arranging my father's
funeral was very difficult, but within that week my mother and I were slowly
grasping the new situation. That was his destiny, it had happened anyway so
wewouldhavetorelearntolivewithouthim.
At his funeral my mother told me the terribletruth I certainlycould
havelivedwithout.
-Trix, I need to tell you something. I hope it dies and stays here,
along with your father. That morning, before leaving the house I´d told him
the truth. Before you were born, before I married your father, before even
seeing your father for the first time I fell in love with a man. I loved him and
then I got pregnant. We were going to get married, but he had an accident
and died. Desperate, I met your father and I pretended to be pregnant with
his baby because I wasn't able to raise a babyon my own.I was also afraid of
society judging me for getting pregnant of a man that wasn´t even my
husband. I married your father and I fell in love with him. As much as he
wasn't my first and greatest love I regret nothing. I love the man who's in
therebeingburied,butthetruth wasbornanditwasyou,sweetie.
Ilookedatherallconfused,soshecontinued.
You don´t have a blood tie with the father you knew. But your real
father died before I even had got married. I told that to your this
morningandthatwasmybiggestmistake.Ijustcouldn'tkeepitinsideofme,
it was suffocating. Then, he picked up a bottle of whisky and left home. I'm
sorry, Trix. It's all my fault! My second love is dead now and it is all my fault.
Bothdeadinaccidents.Ihopeonedayyouwillforgiveme.
I couldn´t believe what I was hearing. I was incredulous. So I turned
tomymotherandsaid:
-Hewillalwaysbemyfather.
to the coffin that still remained open. I kissed his
foreheadandrepeatedthesamewordstohim.
isthatthebaby
“father“
Then, I went up

133
A new me, a new Hugo
I wasn't sure if I was still angry or if I had overcome everything that
my mother had told me she´d done, but I moved on, I didn't want to lose my
motheraswell.Thefollowingdayatschooleveryonealreadyknewwhathad
happened. For the first time everybody was lookingat mewith compassion.
Hugo came up to me. He apologized for being a complete idiot and asked for
a fresh start. I agreed with the idea but I made it clear that we were not
dating,wewerestartingoverandhehadtotakethat.
IrememberedthekeysI'dnevergiventoMackenzieanddecidedto
dotherightthing.IgavethembacktoPrincipalLauli.Shegotmadbutshelet
itgobecauseofrecentevents.
I spent the afternoon with and Sté and invited them to sleep
over that night. I introduced them to my mother. I soon noticed they
verywell,whichmademeveryhappy.
I was really happy with our “pajamas party”, but at night Camila
andEstelastartedanoddchat:
-Bê,haveyoueverconsidereddatingHugoagain?
I thought a bit and answered Cá that no, after all what he´d done
was unacceptable and I´d suffered too much, but Sté, who had no reasons to
lie(afterall,assoonassheknewwhatHugohaddoneshewasthefirsttofeel
likekillinghim),said:
-Bê, Cá and I heard a conversation between Hugo and Mackenzie.
HewasbeggingMackenzienottodosomethingwithyou,whichIdidn´thear
well. He also asked Mackenzie to explain to you that he, in fact, had decided
to cancel it all before but the deal was for her to tear the agreement apart at
your party, he didn't want the prize or whatever. He loves you, Bê and if I
were you I wouldn't waste the chance to have the guy you love because just
betweenus,Iknowyouneverforgothim,notevenwhenyou
Such words made me think of Hugo no longer as the bad guy of the
story.MaybeStéwasright.Infact,whywouldshelieaboutthattome?
I didn´t sleep well that night so I woke up with deep black circles. I
wokeupmyfriendsandwegotreadyforschool.
Cá
would
getalong
datedÉric.

134
I couldn't feel mad at Hugo anymore, I saw him through eyes of
compassion. I had been very unfair to him, I didn't hear his side of the story
but I would not be so easy this time, not now that we had agreed to start all
over.He'dhavetowinmeoveragain.
We spent the break together and, for the first time I was getting to
know his real essence. Not as the girlfriend who admires and sees no flaws,
butasthefriendI'veneverbeen.
Iwasveryhappy.

137
The Prom
Soon the prom would happen (I know what you're thinking, but I
don't know why my school was throwing a graduation party between the
second and the third high school grades, maybe it was because we didn't
haveone at the end of the ninth grade),and I didn't havea datefor the prom.
Ihadneverbotheredaboutit,whywasIsodistressednow?
"Hey,bigguy,haveyoualreadypickedyournextpreytoinviteasyour
date for the prom?" I asked pretending indifference and laughing, but the
realpurposewastoknowwhowouldbetheunfortunatetobeinmyplace.
"Ah, Bê, you know, right? I'm not going to hit on anybody at the prom
..."hepausedandlookedatme,"andyou,hasanyoneeveraskedyou?"
I was honest and said no (I used my best begging face - "invite me,
please, please, please") and as expected, he invited me. Obviously, I said yes
atthetimeandonlylaterIrealizedhowdesperateIlooked.Howshameful!
The bell rang and I walked to the classroom with him. That day I
couldn'tthinkofanythingelsebutwhatwouldhappenattheprom.

141
A fresh start
Iwokeupveryhappy,itfinallywasthedayoftheprom.
I went out with my mother to buy my dress (I know I shouldn't have
leftforthelastminute)andtohavemyhairdone;make-up;waxing...
Once ready, I looked at myself in the mirror for the first time. Wow! I
felt beautiful, perhaps even more than at my party. I had my hair curled and
side-swept, I bought a red tube dress with a tail that dragged on, I was
wearing a corset, high heels which were black just like my nails and my
makeupthathadshadesofgold.
As scheduled, Hugo rang the bell at almost 8:00 p.m.. Before coming
down the stairs to get the door my mother took a look at me and confirmed
that,indeed,Ilookedgorgeous.
The ball wouldn't be only for students so my mother and even Ms.
LurdesandDany,whohavebeenmyfamilyforquiteawhile,gotdressed.My
mom was way healthier than the first time I saw her. She was wonderful in a
black dress she wore. Ms. Lurdes was also very elegant and Dany was
wearingasuitforthefirsttime(aroundme,atleast).
Hugo came in and when I heard the door close I went downstairs as
carefully as possible. He looked like a god in a black pinstriped suit and a red
tie,asthecolorofmydress(Iswearthematchingcolorswasacoincidence).
We took a picture of all of us together and after that we headed for
theprom.
The school was very beautiful with decorations all over the place. We
tookthephotobythe entranceandwewerealloutforfun.
Hugogotmesomepunchandwejoinedourgroupoffriends. was
wearing a black dress with shiny black pebbles and a loubotin, and was
wearingapinkdressandblackheels.
Thenightyieldedseveralpictures.
At around midnight Hugo called me because he wanted to "talk to
me",soIfollowedhim.
Ididn'tknowwherehewastakingme andIevenfeltalittlescared.
Cá
Sté

142
He covered my eyes during the way saying he had a surprise for me
andwhenhetookoffhishandssothatIcouldsee,Icouldn'tbelieveit.
Júlia was there dressed in a very old ball gown for what it seemed. It
wasallaboutrufflesandtackyfluffyshoulders likeinoldmovies.
"Júlia!It´sbeensolong!I'msorry Istoppedvisitingyou,"Isaid,really
regretful.
"Bê,thankyouforyourconsideration,Iunderstandwhyyoucouldn't
visit me. Hugo kept seeing and telling me everything that was going on. Bê,
you have to believe him, he's a good kid and we both know how much he
meanstoyou.Justthinkaboutit."
Shehuggedmehardandsaidshewasofftoenjoytheparty.
IlookedatHugo,"UNcompassed"."Nowwhat?",Ithought.
He looked at me with those eyes I gradually fell in love with and did
what I've always loved seeing, he touched his neck in a way that showed he
didn'tknowwhattodo.
IhatethefactthatIhavenotforgottenhim.
IhatethefactthatI'mmadlyinlovewithhim.
Ihatethefactthathe'scentimetersawayfrommeand...
Hekissedme.

145
Finally
I'd never kissed like that. It was like I was making up for all the lost
time away from him. My legs were trembling and I couldn't breathe properly
(andthecorsetdidn'thelpmuch).
We got apart just enough our foreheads against each other
andwebothdidn'topenoureyesanytimesoon.
Hetookmyhandandaskedmetofollowhim.
I followed him, after all I no longer thought with my brain, I was
being moved by my heart, I was doing what I wanted at the time, following
myemotions,followingHugo.
We climbed several flights of stairs. We climbed and climbed and
climbed.Iwasverytiredalready.
Okay,okay,whatwasthat?
IwatchedtheplacebutIhadneverseenanythinglikeit.
Itwashigh,Icouldseemyhomefromthere,Icouldseealot,infact.
"Where are we?" it was the first question that came to mind but I
replaceditwithabetterone,"whydidyoubringmehere,Hugo"Iaskedthen.
"Bê, I had to go through all this to finally realize how much I'm in
love with you. I saw you leave me, I saw you suffering, which made me suffer
even more and I couldn't figure out why, I saw you pull yourself together, you
faced me and not embarrassed at all, I saw you happy with Eric, I saw you
saying goodbye to him and here I am asking for another chance, asking that
in the future one more of a "I saw" joins our story. "I saw you forgive me and
sayyoustillloveme andsaythatyouwilltakemeback,andsaythat..."
I put my finger over his lips prohibiting him to go on. I felt my cheeks
burn,IrealizedIwascryingbutnotoutofsadness,butoutofemotion.
It was at that moment that I realized how much I wanted to hear
thosewordsandhowlongittookmetorealizethatIwouldneverforgethim.
AndwhytrytoforgethimifIcouldhavehim?
Yes,Hugo.Iamyoursagain.
to lean

148
Format: 16 cm x 21 cm
Typeface: Calibri, Arial Norrow 11 and 12
Supreme paper 300 g (cover)
Off set paper 75 g (core)

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