As the years went by, months followed and now almost days nearing to be sharing with you my long-awaited Memoir. Here is another glimpse to this engaging story of resilience, hope and Mental health self-help resource on its way soon. Stay tuned!

1. RESTORED:
A
journey
towards
Forgiving
and
Healing
by
Noah
Mugenyi
Confidential
INTRODUCTION
Your past need not determine your future. That is what I have come to
experience. This book tells the stories of my past as a survivor of war and an at-
risk child. It explores selfhood, community belonging, and what needs to be done
to restore those, who are marginalised by either past scars of colonialism and
oppression.
This book contains not just my lived experiences but also the unexpected hope
that strengthened me not to give up in times of trials. I hope as you read these
chapters, you may find the courage and reason to hope and hold onto life despite
the challenges you face.
I also hope this book brings further insight into the issues individuals, families,
and communities face as a result of domestic violence and trauma-related long-
term effects. I will touch on issues of conflicts and abuse in homes, violence in
war-zones, trauma and post-traumatic stress, and maladaptive ways of coping
such as addictions and self-harm or concurrent and mental health issues. May
this book be a roadmap to resilience for trauma and domestic violence survivors
around the world but also an anchor of hope to those confronted with life’s
greatest obstacles.
In the face of adversity, it is easy to succumb to helplessness. I am convinced
that all obstacles can be overcome with a deep sense of value and purpose and
through reliance on the resources available to us. To go on and thrive after living
through a crisis such as war or domestic abuse requires nothing short of a leap

2. RESTORED:
A
journey
towards
Forgiving
and
Healing
by
Noah
Mugenyi
Confidential
of faith. It takes a radical shift in focus from the problem itself to dogged hope for
a better future. When we address the causes rather than stop short at the
symptoms, we discover there is so much more to our nature as human beings
than what our eyes can see. We find a resilience we might not have known he
had.
If you have faced similar or perhaps worse circumstances than I, or are more
confused and disoriented than certain about what is happening to and around
you, then this book will give you the permission to search, reach out, but most
importantly, to never give up. I am blessed to be alive and honoured to share a
message of encouragement and hope written especially for you.
I now invite you, dear reader, on a journey to challenge and open your heart and
mind, to recognise your struggles in my story, and to rediscover your life's
meaning and the potential within and around you.
PART 1: Trauma
CHAPTER 1: WAR CHILD
My early years held more horrors for me than anything I have ever faced in my
life. Unlike most little boys, who may have been frightened by imaginary
monsters under their bed, I was terrorised by the cruelties of war and the
innocent bloodshed I had witnessed.
Balimanyankya is a small village in Luweero district of Uganda. The name
Balimanyankya in Luganda means "others will know the next day." Village history

3. RESTORED:
A
journey
towards
Forgiving
and
Healing
by
Noah
Mugenyi
Confidential
tells of a settler who lived there long ago. Due to the distance between his house
and the next village, he claimed that, when he passed on, others would come to
learn about his death the next day or days after. According to the village elders,
the settler's prediction came true.
I was born in this village on November 4th, 1979, under an orange tree.
Miraculous though it was, this kind of labour was routine for my mother. Veronica
bore nine children without medical attention or expertise, beneath various trees in
our village. When we were children, she would often say to us, "You were born
underneath that tree and your brother below this mango tree." But for me, my
mother would add: "You are Mboy, a ‘miracle baby,' and you are blessed. So, live
your life to the fullest."
Veronica called me "miracle baby" because I nearly died in her womb. One night,
a month before I was born, my father beat my mother in a drunken frenzy, and as
he kicked her in the abdomen, he screamed: "Let me beat you until the baby you
are carrying dies." As Mama fell on her knees to protect her eight-month
pregnancy, she prayed that I would remain intact in her womb. To this day I still
call Veronica my number-one hero.
Uganda was an unstable nation around the 1980s. By the time I was three years
old, the guerrilla war, which brought the current Ugandan president into power,
was underway. One day, I woke up terrified by the noise and the horrifying
gunshots that rocked the entire Luweero triangle. At that tender age, I could just
about feed myself but couldn't run for my life or find safety during the war. But

4. RESTORED:
A
journey
towards
Forgiving
and
Healing
by
Noah
Mugenyi
Confidential
miraculously, with the help of my parents, my older brother Tony, and my older
sister Noeline, I survived.
"When two elephants fight, the grass suffers" is the African saying. Even at an
early age amidst the war in Uganda, I saw all creatures suffer. Men and women,
both old and young, and every animal from land mammals to birds - all lives are
at stake in the chaos. War is like a hurricane, destroying everything in its path
without discrimination. But perhaps the most destructive pain humans face in war
is uncertainty. The agony of not knowing whether you or your loved ones will
make it to the next minute, or the next hour, eats people alive.
Noeline had been my caretaker. When terrified, she would always try her best to
comfort me. Even though she was scared, as any ten-year-old would be, she
stood tall. "It's going to be over soon, and all will be all right," she would tell us. I
wondered how life would be without Noeline. Her hope was a source of strength
to all of us.
Then, sometime during the months of travelling and running for our lives in the
jungle, Noeline stepped on something. It must have been a thorn. Her leg began
to swell and, days later, the infection took over. As the war progressed, my
sister's health deteriorated. Still, her only worry, it seemed, was for our mother.
"What else can I do to make it easier, Mama?" she would ask. "Mama, how are
you going to manage to carry both Mboy and Mathias?"
A few days later, Noeline died in our mother's arms. Young and frightened, I
stood by both my parents and shared in the most painful last moments of our

5. RESTORED:
A
journey
towards
Forgiving
and
Healing
by
Noah
Mugenyi
Confidential
lives. On that day I discovered to die a painful death is one thing, but to witness
your loved one breathe their last is unspeakable. No trauma in my entire ordeal
during the war matched that of the death of my older sister.
War makes us ask questions we can never answer: Why would an innocent
infant die and a violent criminal live? Why do bad things happen to people? Why
does history celebrate war and its so-called mighty warriors, who are responsible
for destroying so many lives? History can tell us something about the events and
circumstances leading to war, but it fails to justify or explain why a man, or a
group of human beings, would choose to bring fear, terror, and death to fellow
beings.
The terror I faced gave me a vivid picture of life and death at a crossroads. In
those days, people either learned to use what little resources they had to survive,
or they gave up and died. When the shadow of death looms over everyone's
head, it is quite effortless for the human mind to betray itself and give in. But the
will and yearning to preserve one's life is an equally powerful motivator. With
enough willingness, one can determine to live on in the face of the most horrific
circumstances and never give up until the end.
As is often the case in war and natural disasters, asking "why" does not
guarantee an answer. In fact, it often yields more questions than answers. Of
course, it is good to ask "why" but we also need something to move us forward.
That catalyst is hope. Hope is what gives us the will to go on. It is the ground on
which we stand to overcome almost any obstacle. That was my belief and hope

6. RESTORED:
A
journey
towards
Forgiving
and
Healing
by
Noah
Mugenyi
Confidential
as a young boy, for I had resolved that faith in the creator alone would determine
my fate ahead.
Within days of Noeline's burial, war separated us from our loved ones once
again. My brother Tony and I found each other at a military barracks, and as the
war intensified, we were miraculously rescued by a distant relative. We would
stay with that family member for another three years before we could rejoin our
parents after the war ended.
CHAPTER 3: THE IMPACT OF TRAUMA
Any form of abuse brings trauma, be it physical, emotional and this can emerge
in different ways. In some cases, it surfaces right after the event or incident,
whereas in other situations, it doesn't reveal its impact until long afterwards.
Post-traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD, is a way to describe how some
individuals experience the effects of trauma after any form of traumatic exposure,
be it at the early childhood stage or at a later age in life. The impact on our
personhood is damage to the brain and neural pathways as well as our patterns
of thinking, feeling, and behaviours. The damage even extends to how we may
view the world before and after, and to how we deal with the impact of trauma
sustained from any abuse, neglect or acts of violence.
I can recall three traumatic experiences in my life. The first was witnessing the
atrocities of the 1982 war in Uganda and the oppression inflicted towards me at a
military displaced camp. The second, my father's addiction and abusiveness. The

7. RESTORED:
A
journey
towards
Forgiving
and
Healing
by
Noah
Mugenyi
Confidential
third, watching the drowning of two of my close friends as a young man. These
experiences and the memories from direct exposure to trauma have shaped the
way I relate and interact as well as the lens through which I view the world.
When confronted by traumatic events, we experience pain from two sources.
First, the horror of the events themselves. Second, our sense of helplessness or
inability to influence these circumstances. Let alone, what could a helpless young
and undeveloped mind make sense of the senseless turmoil as it unfolded? More
so, all I dreaded for was none but a mother to shield me from the unspeakable
realities at the time. Then I was lost in a jungle of emotions and questions, that
haunted me for decades ahead and beyond the war as well as the past colonial
era.
When and how we deal with the effects of trauma and abuse is crucial as well.
Trauma is a double-edged sword that cuts from both ends, affecting both the
abuser and the victim in both short- and long-term aspects.
In the quest of fight, flight, and freeze
Humans have basic needs for safety and protection. These requirements
become especially vital when we are threatened or in harm's way. When in
challenging circumstances, perhaps facing danger or threat, we go into one of
three modes for safety and protection: fight, flight or freeze. How we respond
depends on the situation and our innate coping mechanisms.
Sometimes we are powerless to do anything but freeze. Therefore, we should not
blame ourselves for not fighting back or running away. When I look back, I

8. RESTORED:
A
journey
towards
Forgiving
and
Healing
by
Noah
Mugenyi
Confidential
naturally think of how I might have handled my worst moments differently. In
some instances, I have wondered why I froze instead of fighting or fleeing. At the
same time, I realise that each traumatic exposure impacted me differently and
my response varied accordingly. At five years old, what could I, or any young girl
or boy, do to protect or defend myself from danger?
Breaking the pattern
There was, however, a time when I became old enough to respond to situations
differently. Though I still felt the crushing weight of powerless and hopelessness,
I realised I had to make some tough choices in my life ahead if I was to survive at
all. At first, I hesitated to face this reality. It would not have posed a threat to my
life but would have put all my siblings and mother in danger. Still, I felt uplifting
courage, though I had no idea where it came from, to remain hopeful for a better
future. I remember repeatedly saying to myself, If today is this bad, then
tomorrow better be different. This restorative hope was a constant that helped
me overcome my most unfortunate circumstances. (May I remember it for as
long as I live!)
CHAPTER 12: RESILIENCE
The reasons we fight one another usually come down to a desire we are trying to
fulfil. That being said, real problems can emerge for us when our efforts seem to
fail us. This can happen when we do not manage to satisfy the desires of our
hearts when we disappoint those close to us or fall short of our own expectations.

9. RESTORED:
A
journey
towards
Forgiving
and
Healing
by
Noah
Mugenyi
Confidential
We often "fail" because our future predictions were unrealistic, our expectations
based on either an unreasonable or unknowable outcome.
From a young age, I have been optimistic and believed in always hoping for the
best while planning for the worst in life. Yet, at the same time, I also think that no
matter how hard we try, no matter how many predictive tools are at our disposal,
that we should never presume we can predict the end result of our actions with
exact precision. A realistic approach to the future is to accept that there is so
much beyond our knowledge, understanding, and ability to reason or predict.
Since life is ultimately unpredictable, we need to be flexible and realistic with one
another for what is at hand is none but life - humanity. For example, when
parents encourage their children to pursue a particular goal in life, this does not
guarantee that the children will ultimately attain that objective. In this case,
parents may need to adjust their expectations for their children. After all, life has
no one-size-fits-all formula.
Every day, you and I are faced with realities that put us to the test. Our daily
challenges, and how we choose to respond to those obstacles, are where our
true colours show. From these day-to-day decisions, we will either cultivate
healthy habits or unhealthy ones, and we live out their consequences.
Sometimes, taking risks and getting out of our comfort zones is necessary to
break out of the stagnation that resulted from a series of unskillful decisions.
Over the years, I've heard different opinions about life. Some say life is what you
make it, while others believe in life's mystery and focus on all of what we still

10. RESTORED:
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journey
towards
Forgiving
and
Healing
by
Noah
Mugenyi
Confidential
don't and may never know. My perspective is that life is both a gift and an
ongoing journey in which every living creature and mother-nature participate. You
and I are mere visitors, passing through life like shadows. How we spend our
limited time in this brief life has the potential to make an extraordinary legacy for
those that follow.
Every action and word spoken in our lifetime shapes and impacts those around
us, both today and after we're gone. Nothing is as rewarding and joy-inducing as
treating others as you would wish to be treated. Treating others equally, with care
and kindness, comes at no cost to us yet is priceless - it affirms the truth that we
all deserve the best. It's only when we try to dehumanise and cause pain to
another that we lose our authentic humanness and identity - the opposite of
“Ubuntu.”
The question you and I must ponder and act upon is, "What does it mean to care
and in what ways can I put kindness to action?" This must be seen as our
privilege and not an obligation: to value, care for, and love one another and to
responsibly care for the environment we have been entrusted with.
Resilience of African people
People of African descent are known for their determination to rise above their
daily challenges. This resilience is one of the most precious themes we hold as a
people. Our heritage - that is, the experiences, sense of community, tradition and
culture we share - has shaped us over the years into who we are and what we
are today. Our collective story also includes the struggles we endured, such as

11. RESTORED:
A
journey
towards
Forgiving
and
Healing
by
Noah
Mugenyi
Confidential
slavery, years of colonialism, the triumphs we earned, and the wisdom we gained
to confront the challenges of tomorrow.
Ordinary men and women of the past and present, such as Martin Luther King Jr.
and Nelson Mandela, give us living examples of what it looks like to overcome
and embrace hope in the midst of life's obstacles. When I first met my childhood
heroes, I was sitting beside my dormitory window in the Catholic monastery, just
a few years after surviving the war and fleeing for safety from domestic violence.
There, I was blessed enough to get my hands on a magazine that had been
thrown into the garbage bin at a local community hospital in Kasaala. The
magazine had been ripped to pieces. Curious about the subject of history and
eager to improve my knowledge, I salvaged the few pages that were left intact.
If not preserved somehow, much of our history gets swept under the rug, or torn
up and tossed into hospital garbage bins. Ironically, this is how I discovered my
second-greatest living hero (apart from my mother) - Nelson Mandela; although
we in Africa have more than enough names for him.
Amidst the fragments of sentences from the frayed and ripped-up pages, I
deciphered a sketch of his life and message. The article detailed a story of how
Mandela was released from prison on February 11, 1990. After 27 years in jail as
a freedom fighter and anti-apartheid activist, he was freed by South African
President Frederik Willem de Klerk. Unlike any African liberator to this day and
possibly in my lifetime, I believe that only Mandela could have dreamt to make it
from an African prison to presidency. Let alone his message fell on deaf ears to

12. RESTORED:
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Forgiving
and
Healing
by
Noah
Mugenyi
Confidential
the world especially most African leaders; whose motive and ideas at times make
no sense.
As I read this story, I realised that the man I had always dreamt of meeting
before I died was right there on the page staring at me, in the palm of my hands.
I pulled out a razor, cut out his picture, and pinned it on the wall above my bed.
From then on, whenever I awoke to say my morning prayers and stretch I would
greet my hero with a "Good morning, Nelson!"
1992 was an even better year because that was the year the movie Sarafina
(Leleti Kumalo) came out. It's a story about a young black South African who
struggled for freedom during the apartheid. Besides her opposition of the racist
government in her country, Sarafina worked alongside her comrades to make the
language of Afrikaans the official language in her school, leading to her arrest for
protesting in the streets with her fellow students and her favourite teacher
(played by Whoopi Goldberg). Uganda was ruled by Great Britain, and even I as
a schoolboy was struck with a cane if caught speaking in my local dialect. Later
after I became Canadian, I learned that similar tactics from the South African
regime were utilized to dehumanise the indigenous Canadians. Which makes me
believe in the saying - ‘history repeats itself’ in various versions in different places
on the planet.