1. Become an Ugly Expat
IWasAnExpatWife.com

2. Ever heard the
expression “Ugly
American?” It comes
from a1958 novel about
American expats who
acted like spoiled,
ethnocentric brats.

3. “A mysterious change seems to
come over Americans when
they go to a foreign land.”

4. “They isolate themselves socially.
They live pretentiously. They're
loud and ostentatious.”

5. I think it’s time we
retired the
expression Ugly
American and
replaced it with
Ugly Expat.

6. Because cultural disrespect is an
equal opportunity sport.

7. It’s not just for
Americans
anymore!

8. Don’t waste
your valuable
time learning
about your
destination.....
1

9. After all, a
country’s
cultural
values
are no
concern of
yours.

10. Don’t
throw
money
away on
cross-
cultural
training.
2

11. Everyone
knows
what a
scam
that is.

12. Don’t
bother
reading
about
how to
alleviate
culture
shock.
3

13. That’s
what
Valium
is for.
(Pack
lots!)

14. Isolate yourself
in your
compound and
refuse all
contact with
local people.
4

15. Instead, stick
with people
from your
own country.
Bonus points
if they’ve
already
aced these
13 steps.

16. Flaunt your wealth, especially if
you live in a developing nation.
5

17. Your fancy toys and
baubles will breed
admiration and
respect
among the
masses, who
will revere you
as a role model.

18. Do NOT
eat local
food. 6

19. The locals eat
that garbage
because they
don’t know
any better.
You do.

20. (Don’t be shy
about making
your disgust
crystal clear.)

21. (Don’t be shy
about making
your disgust
crystal clear.)
Gagging noises are optional.

22. Be sure to tell everyone how
backward the country is, and
how much better things are
back home.
7

23. It’s your
duty to teach
the locals a
thing or
two...

24. ...and opening
their eyes
to their
inferiority will
surely
endear
you to them.

27. Speak your
own language
exclusively,
especially if it
happens to
be English.
8

28. (If the locals
haven’t
learned
English yet,
that’s their
problem,
right?)

29. Speaking very
s-l-o-w-l-y
and
very
LOUDLY
should help
them understand.

30. Don’t try to figure out
local customs.
9

31. If it’s not The Way Things Are Back
Home, it’s wrong.

32. Treat your
household
staff like the
poor
servants
they are.
01

33. They don’t need a day off, and c’mon —
hot water would only spoil them.

34. Since it’s for
their own
good,
I’m sure
they’ll thank
you later.

35. Remember that social
networking was invented
for people stuck in
godforsaken places like this.
11

36. Spend all day on Facebook,
Twitter, and email,
lying about
how much
fun you’re
having.

37. Drink.
A lot.
21

38. It makes life
so much
better,
both for you
and
for those
around you.

39. Take out your frustrations
on
your spouse
31

40. After all, if it weren’t for their
precious career,

41. you wouldn’t be wasting the best years
of your life in this hellhole.

42. For more insights into
expat and repat life,
please visit
I Was An Expat Wife
Follow me!

43. Photo credits:
Albumarium.com, Canva.com,
Creative Commons images
(Andreh Santos, Anna Lee, Denis De Mesmaeker,
Dick Vos, Janet Vincent, Jason Hargrove, JourneyCare,
Luciano Consolini,Nicola Swann,
Saad Akhtar, Sheldon North, Thomas Hawk),
Freedigitalphotos.net (Sakhorn38),
Gratisography.com, iStockPhotos.com,
Lifeofpix.com, Picjumbo.com,
StartupStockPhotos.com
©2015 Maria Foley