The document discusses several stories: 1) Author Colin Bateman launches a profanity-laced tirade against the BBC for accusing him of discrimination against albinos in his children's books. 2) Actor Matthew Broderick plans to return to Ireland for the first time since a 1987 car crash he was involved in killed two people, but has yet to meet with the family of the victims. 3) Interior designer Laurence Llwelyn Bowen reveals an obsession with garden gnomes and hopes to make them stylish again.

1. WWW.SUNDAYLIFE.CO.UK
SUNDAY LIFE 20 JULY 2008
WWW.SUNDAYLIFE.CO.UK
SUNDAY LIFE 20 JULY 2008
NEWS 7
6 NEWS
BATEMAN BRINGS BEEB
TO BOOK OVER REPORT
BRODERICK
BACK TO THE
OLD COUNTRY
BUT TRAGEDY
LINGERS ON
CELEB COUPLE:
Broderick and
wife Sarah
Jessica Parker
Author launches tirade on BBC after criticism of his albino heroine
AWARD-WINNING author Colin Bateman has launched an expletive-fuelled tirade against politically-correct
BBC chiefs for carrying out a “witchhunt” against him.
BLOG: Colin
Bateman
BEEB
SHOCK
1
In a bizarre episode, which could be
straight off the pages of one of the Ulsterman's own comic novels, the Beeb blasted
Bateman for being offensive to albinos.
Now Bangor-born Bateman — the creator
of the hit Belfast telly detective show Murphy's Law — has responded by telling them
to, “Get a f****** life!”
The popular writer became incensed after
BBC Northern Ireland's Newsline programme sent reporter Nicola Weir along to
a Ballymena school to investigate why kids
were allegedly angry at his depiction of the
albino heroine Mo in his children's book trilogy, Reservoir Pups.
One of the pupils from Ballymena's St
Patrick's College told Weir: “Being a writer
of children books, he [Bateman] has a responsibility to help children in a good way
to make people more tolerant of others'
disabilities.”
Other children chipped in with mumbled criticisms and were even pictured writing a letter to Bateman. As Weir explained:
“The pupils of St Patrick's College are so unhappy at the words used to describe Mo that
they've put their thoughts down in writing
to the author.”
Maybe the BBC didn't pay for the postage
stamp, however, because Bateman insists he
never received it — and he believes
the segment had far more to do with the
BBC's own political agenda than the pupils'
actual beliefs.
He has now bashed the Beeb on his blog,
accusing Newsline of attempting to “censor
a writer's freedom of speech.”
Bateman — who told the BBC in a state-
OUR MAN IN THE
witch-hunt where people relentlessly search
for the negative instead of the positive.
“What I [also] object to is an attempt to
censor a writer's freedom of speech, where
he has to think in future whether it's worth
the risk to describe someone as an albino,
as ginger-haired, as black, as Chinese, as
JULIAN BROUWER
Gemini, in case it offends them.
“If I see someone coming along the street
ment that it was guilty of “political cor- with one arm, I want the right to say he has
rectness gone mad” — added: “Mo is an al- one arm. If a bank robber is an Apache, I
bino. She is funny, clever, adventurous, want to be able to say he's an Apache withbrave, dynamic, romantic. She just hap- out getting a tomahawk in the brain from
pens to be an albino.
the f****** political correctness police.
“If I was an albino, I'd want posters of Mo
“And I object to a BBC producer deciding
on my wall. Over about 800 pages of the that, because someone happens to read
three novels, she's a star.
a FIVE-YEAR-OLD book and disagrees
“Of course people think she looks a bit with it, that is somehow NEWS and suitable
odd. She does. Of course people ocfor coverage on a flagship news programme,”
casionally comment on it, either to
he said.
her or amongst themselves. Why
Bateman (46), who attended Bangor
wouldn't they?
Grammar School and later won a schol“Instead of celebrating the fact
arship to Oxford University, ended his
that an albino features as a herotirade: “I have recently been reading
ine — as opposed say to someWilliam Shakespeare's Merchant of
thing like The Da Vinci Code,
Venice and object to his depiction of
where the albino is a crazy serial
Jews — I expect the TV crew to arrive
killer — they have taken what
any moment to film a report on it!”
they perceive to be a few negative
Fellow Northern Irish author Stuart
Bateman’s
comments and launched a witchNeville, who has released his debut
book
hunt, which includes recruiting
novel The Ghosts of Belfast, sprang to
the Albinism Fellowship and the RNIB Bateman's defence.
[Royal National Institute of Blind People].
“The BBC must miss having bombs and
“BBC Reporter Nicola Weir presented kneecappings to report,” he said.
the report — stating that both the pupils and
Meanwhile, a spokeswoman for the Althe RNIB had written letters of complaint binism Fellowship was far more charitable
to me [they haven't] and basically accusing to Bateman, saying: “Mo is a very likable and
me of discriminating against albinos and believable character.
making their life hell.
“The only problem was the way the author
“Well I say, get a f****** life!
portrayed her. He could possibly have done
“I'm more than happy to defend myself in more research on the condition before writa sensible discussion.
ing about this character.”
“But I object to is this kind of paranoid
slnews@belfasttelegraph.co.uk
No going back for Nolan game
BY JOE OLIVER
A COMPUTER whizz last night
laughed off a BBC threat of legal
action over an online game taking the Mickey out of shock jock
Stephen Nolan.
BBC lawyers had given software expert Warren Dowie until Friday to remove the game from his popular
Hooded Gunmen website or face
copyright proceedings in court.
But Friday came and went before
Warren received an e-mail from the
Beeb’s London-based litigation department telling him the deadline
had been extended to this Wednesday.
“My immediate reaction was to
post a hopefully humorous response
on the site telling the BBC what to do
with their threats,” said Warren.
“I’ve made it clear that if they sue
me I’ll counter sue and I’m pretty sure
the BBC will end up with egg on their
faces.”
Since we revealed last week that
the Nolan game was online, the site
BATTLE OF THE BULGE: Warren Dowie with the Nolan game
has received over EIGHTY THOUSAND hits.
Fans have been logging on to hurl
bacon fries at the popular but controversial presenter. It’s intended as a
fun game highlighting Nolan’s longrunning battle with the bulge.
But BBC bosses called for the game
to closed down claiming breach of
copyright.
Warren, currently working with
spoon-bending phenomenon Uri
Geller to produce a multi-million
pound X-Box game, believes BBC
staff have been logging onto the site
in their hundreds.
“After your story I got a call from
the Nolan show inviting me on to talk
about the game,” said Warren.
“The guy was laughing his head off
and told me that just about everyone
in Broadcasting House had been on
the site.
“I’m pretty sure Stephen Nolan
has had a look. I love the guy and
knowing him he will definitely have
seen the funny side. I’ve no intention
of backing down. If the BBC want to
go to court, then let’s get it on.”
Warren’s Pyro Game Development
Ltd is only a small part of his burgeoning business.
He also runs Octane Web Design
with offices in Ballyclare, Coleraine
and believe it or not Hanoi, putting
together e-commerce programmes
for small businesses.
He has even entered the culinary
arena with a hand in a new restaurant
development in Belfast, which will
also supply firms with online catering facilities.
“The opportunities are never
ending but please don’t say anything to Nolan about the
restaurant.
“I don’t want him battering down the door some
day when he falls off
the weight-watchers
wagon,” joked Warren.
SHOWBIZ EXCLUSIVE
MOVIE star Matthew Broderick is planning to return to
Ireland — on the 21st anniversary of his shocking car crash
that killed two people.
Broderick and his wife Sarah
Jessica Parker will open old
wounds when they travel to the
Emerald Isle next month, the
scene of the accident which
claimed the lives of wheelchairbound Margaret Doherty and her
daughter Anna.
And though over the years
Broderick has repeatedly promised to meet Margaret's grieving
son Martin, it seems his trip is
more of a holiday than a chance to
issue the apology he owes him.
When Broderick talked about
his forthcoming holiday this
week, there was definitely no
mention of 43-year-old Martin,
from Co. Fermanagh.
The Ferris Bueller star has been
enjoying a care-free summer in
New York's luxury Hamptons.
He says he plans to extend his
fun by getting on a plane to Ireland next month, where the family owns a holiday home in Co.
Donegal.
Life hasn't been much fun for
GAME
TARGET:
Stephen
Nolan
OUR MAN IN THE
JULIAN BROUWER
Martin since his life was changed
forever by Broderick in 1987.
The Ulsterman was just 22
when he lost his mother and sister, after Broderick's rented BMW
crossed into the wrong lane in
Enniskillen and ploughed into
Anna's Volvo.
Anna (30) who had been taking
her multiple sclerosis-suffering
mum for a day out, and Margaret
(63) died minutes after being
pulled from the wreckage.
Back then Broderick, now 46,
was one of the hottest young stars
in Hollywood, having just made
the hit movie Ferris Bueller about
a carefree teenager who bunks
off school and drives around in a
Ferrari with his pals.
At the time Broderick, who was
driving then fiancee Jennifer Grey
— also a star thanks to the movie
Dirty Dancing — could have faced
up to five years in jail for causing
death by reckless driving.
But after a plea of guilty to a
lesser charge was accepted, he
was fined £100.
Broderick suffered a fractured
thigh and ribs in the accident.
A bitter Martin later told a magazine: “Broderick got the same
punishment he would have got if
he'd run over cattle.
“The crash left a terrible void in
my life. I lost my mother and Anna
was my only sibling.
“For years I couldn't watch a
Matthew Broderick movie.”
Those feelings of hate and helplessness have gone now and Martin would just like Broderick to
visit him and pay his respects.
Despite several chances — Broderick has been back here on several occasions since the tragedy —
the star has yet to make good on
his promise to apologise to
Martin — even though Donegal is
just an hour drive's drive from Co
Fermanagh.
Despite his unhappy history in
the old country, Broderick's own
Irish ancestry — his father's side
of the family is Irish — compels
him to visit there.
His Sex and the City star wife
Sarah Jessica loves Ireland too.
“Luckily for me Sarah immediately took to Ireland,” Broderick
enthused.
slnews@belfasttelegraph.co.uk
Star Laurence feels so at home with a gnome!
SHOWBIZ EXCLUSIVE
BY TINA CALDER
ZANY interior designer Laurence Llwelyn Bowen has revealed he has an obsessive
fetish bordering on the scary
— garden GNOMES!
BEEB
SHOCK
2
The TV star was in Belfast last
week with his wife Jackie promoting their new BBCNI series of
Northern Exposure — a travel series looking at the hidden gems in
Northern Ireland.
But, while on his travels around
the province, Laurence admitted
he picked up weird passion for
tiny men.
“It's a fetish. I love it because I
genuinely find it all very interesting,” he said.
“I love the fact that they are
borderline scary. I have a whole
collection now and, when you're
in the garden, they look at you.”
Now, in typical Llwelyn Bowen
style, he's campaigning to make
the garden gnome “stylish” again.
“I think we should have gnomes
in our garden. Why not?
“I think people have become
obsessed with what they think
constitutes style,” he said.
“We got a whole load of them in
a little cottage in Fermanagh, we
had this whole presidential BBC
entourage driving through a town
and I had the whole thing screeching to a halt outside a shop thinking that there was gnome
potential.
“He did have gnomes — even
though there were none outside.
And to top the story off he turned
out to not only sell all the local garden stuff, but he was also the local
taxidermist and undertaker!”
In Northern Exposure, which
begins on BBC1 on Friday in Co
Antrim, Laurence and Jackie are
seen taking a road-trip round the
most unusual sites and places.
“With each programme we
made we were constantly astounded by how much there was to do
in Northern Ireland,” he said.
But what set their trip apart
from anything they have ever experienced before in their travel series Holiday and Holiday 007 were
the landscape views and personalities of the people they met.
“There are so many little local
traditions. In a way it's magical
how Northern Ireland has kept
that, that quaintness.
“What really bowled me over
was the how stunningly beautiful
Northern Ireland is.”
slnews@belfasttelegraph.co.uk
Our girl Tina (centre) with Laurence and Jackie in Belfast