2. Just before Jay’s final semester, they welcomed a son,
James. All their dreams were coming true. Katherine
and James even did modeling gigs together!
April 21, 2008—six months and five days after
James took his first breath—Jay stared into his wife’s
dilated pupils, screaming. Katherine had been cooking
during James’ nap when her hands went numb.
Suddenly, the television volume became unbearable.
Katherine managed to turn it off as her arms and legs
lost feeling too. Jay “just happened” to be home between
classes. When he found Katherine, he had no idea he
was looking into the face of a woman whose brain was
rupturing. In an instant, their dreams hung by a thread.
An arteriovenous malformation had burst in
Katherine’s brain, causing a massive stroke. Surgery to
Katherine listened to the muffled sounds of
her family playing with her infant son. She
breathed in the smells of Thanksgiving. She
peeked up and tried to focus her vision, but the scene
blurred. While her family celebrated, Katherine sat
in her wheelchair. Not strong enough to hold up her
head, her face slumped toward her chest. She had loved
motherhood, but now she couldn’t care for her son. A
Southerner, she had loved food—not just the taste of it
but the community it created. She and her husband had
met in their university’s cafeteria and bonded over food.
Now, four years later at Thanksgiving, she couldn’t even
swallow . . . and hadn’t been able to for months.
God made a mistake, she thought. I should have died.
• • •
We all have ideas about how our lives should go—
dreams we plan for. When complications arise, we view
them as detours and focus on getting “back on track.”
But what if our worst detours are really paths to
our best destinations?
Jay and Katherine Wolf met in 2000 at Samford
University in Alabama. November 2004, they married
and moved to California, where Jay studied law at
Pepperdine while Katherine pursued modeling. They
quickly plugged into a local church as ministry leaders.
“Staying,” Jay says, “has been the most gloriously
difficult experience of our lives. The gift of living life
with Katherine is transformational. . . . The loss of
leaving would have been so much more monumental
than the losses we have experienced together.”
The Wolfs’ suffering has enabled them to live
purposely without regret. As Jay says, “All of this—
the opportunity to be parents together, to be in
remove over half her cerebellum offered a slim chance of
survival. Most neurosurgeons wouldn’t have attempted
the procedure, but when Dr. Nestor Gonzalez saw Jay’s
eyes, he knew he had to try. Sixteen hours later, Katherine
had survived but, Dr. Gonzalez warned,
she might be in a permanent vegetative
state or paralyzed.
Within two hours, Katherine
miraculously began responding to
commands with her fingers! However,
she couldn’t open her eyes for another
day. Then for weeks, with a trach in her
throat and many severed nerves, she
couldn’t speak, swallow, or walk. Sight,
hearing, and movement were all limited.
After 40 days in the ICU, she transferred
to a neuro rehabilitation center for over
a year.
Jay remembers his devastation upon
seeing his once vibrant wife hooked
up to machines. Her face and abilities
were forever changed. When she began
speaking, he didn’t recognize her voice.
But her movements in those early hours
were a sign; Jay knew she would be okay.
Deep within, peace calmed Katherine too. In those
first dark moments, before she could communicate with
anyone, the truth of Scripture—hidden in her heart
since she was a little girl—carried her spirit. She knew
God was working for good, He was in her, and she was
fearfully and wonderfully made—even in this condition.
Yet, seven months later, Katherine questioned God.
Surely, THIS wasn’t His plan. Instantly, she felt His
response: “I don’t make mistakes. There is purpose in all
of this. Just wait. You’ll see.”
Eleven months after the stroke, Katherine began
eating. Eighteen months after, she began walking. But
it took four years altogether for Katherine to accept
her new life, not as a detour, but as a destination. She
realized that while she might never be physically healed
on earth, hope could heal her heart . . . and THAT was all
she really needed.
In 2013, Katherine and Jay started Hope Heals, a
ministry dedicated to helping people experience post-
traumatic growth through the hope Jesus gives. In 2015,
Katherine gave birth to John Nestor Wolf, named after
Katherine’s neurosurgeon. (Nestor means “seeker of
miracles.”) In 2016, the Wolfs wrote a book, which has
sold more than 75,000 copies. Today, they’ve spoken
to more than 200,000 people in 25 states and hosted a
camp for nearly 600 individuals with disabilities. Across
the country, they enter others’ suffering and invite them
into theirs, encouraging them to fully embrace the life
that God has allowed while also trusting
Him enough to hold it loosely.
Amidst unthinkable heartbreak,
the Wolfs have experienced the thrill
of living a life that, by all logic, they
should’ve lost. They’ve discovered that
the message of the gospel is written
into their story . . . and really, into all
our stories. Like the Japanese art of
Kintsugi, in which a potter creates
priceless treasures by fusing broken
pieces of porcelain together with gold,
the Lord fills the cracks in our lives with
the glowing gold of second chance.
“Seasons of darkness, sadness, and
pain,”Katherinesays,“canbewhereGod
is calling you to steward, to leverage, to
even find treasure (Isaiah 45:3). . . . I
lost so much, but I gained a deep sense
of how I want to use my life.”
Do they ever regret their daily decision to choose
contentment and stay together—for better or for
worse? The Wolfs quickly point out that while their
circumstances are extreme, they face the same challenges
we all do. Katherine’s face may look different, but don’t
we all struggle with feeling normal? Her mobility is
limited, but don’t we all feel trapped sometimes? Don’t
we all change as we age? At some point, every spouse
thinks, This isn’t what I signed up for!
ministry together, to work together, to be married, to deal
with disabilities—all are opportunities for grace, to give
and receive grace, to allow others to enter into our lives
and to pour ourselves into theirs.”
It’s the treasure they’ve found on the darkest of
“detours,” the purest riches hidden in the secret places—
the dream they never could have planned for.
Seven years after Katherine’s debilitating stroke,
Katherine holds newborn John with Jay and James at
her side.
Jay and Katherine enjoy a day in the sunshine, thankful
for God’s sustaining hope.
Jay and Katherine on their wedding day anticipate
Jay starting law school and Katherine launching her
modeling career.
Hopeful to walk again, Katherine spends more
than a year in a neuro rehabilitation center
working hard to regain coordination.
Katherine clings to life for 40 days in UCLA’s
intensive care unit in 2008.
I will give you treasures hidden in the
darkness — secret riches.
I will do this so you may know
that I am the Lord, the God of Israel,
the one who calls you by name.
Isaiah 45:3
Katherine & Jay Wolf
Encouragement in a Time of Need
Almost a decade after Katherine’s massive brain-
stem stroke, the Wolf family lives every day with
purpose as they center their hope in God.
with Colleen Swindoll Thompson
