1. 150 Most Ill-Conceived Vehicles While Hitler was building a war machine the French were bolting a gazillion light bulbs to a tower. I guess you can do that sort of thing when you have the Maginot Line. Between 1925 and 1934, the Eiffel Tower served as a giant billboard for Citroen.
2. 150: The Serpollet Dampfdreirad- Peugeot Type 1 To show I mean business, letâs kick things off with an 1888 beauty comprised of a horse carriage with a coal furnace bolted to it. Although it likely had the worldâs first heated seat, I canât ignore the fact it ran on coal, the passenger sat directly in front of the driver, and the light is in the back.
3. Barkeep: âBilly Bob, youâre too drunk to drive.â Â Billy Bob: âYeah, Iâmsh too shrive to shrunk. Sho Iâmsh gonna fly.â Curtis: âGoodsh for you Billyth Bobsh. Goodsh for you.â No Curtis, that ainât good. Now, instead of crashing into a telephone pole ole Billy Bob can nose dive into any building within a 300-mile radius. 149: The Transition
4. Most of us know what weâre good at and stick with it. The rest of us must work for Lamborghini. 148: Lamborghini LM002
5. Reality check: Anything designed to safely transport âLil Timmy to soccer practice ainât no Porsche. 147: Porsche Cayenne
6. VW CEO: âGĂźnther, vas you make?  VW Engineer: âSumzing, sumzing very schpecial  VW CEO: âVas you call dis sumzing?â  VW Engineer: âHuh?â 146: VW Thing When designing something you have two choices: (1) Identify a concept, think it through, and produce something meaningful; (2) Do none of the above. Iâm thinking the person who designed this was a ânone of the aboveâ kind of guy.
7. Hereâs some advice to the person who conceived the Prowler. The next time you design a hotrod try not to bolt a square license plate to the front fender. 145: Plymouth Prowler
8. Poor black cat: Nothing brings bad luck like crossing the path of a Jag XJ-S. 144: Jaguar XJ-S
9. This car reminded me of Rosie OâDonnell because I immediately thought of the word âBugly,â which is short for big and ugly 143: Desoto Fireflite
10. 142: Audi A7 Sportback How much you wanna bet a recent Audi convention included a Dr, Phil âItâs okay to think differentâ seminar? How much you wanna bet Dr. Phil doesnât get invited back?
11. 141: Rolls-Royce Camargue â Wanna go for a ride in my Rolls-Royce? Here, let me flip the seat up so you can get in.â Are you kidding me ? Itâs a Rolls-Royce and you have to enter it like a Pinto?
12. 140: Lincoln Navicross Looks like the designers started in the back and by the time they reached the front decided, âHey, letâs just wrap this thing up.â
13. 139: Chevrolet Camaro Second Generation This, boys and girls, is a lesson on how to take something once beautiful and tinker with it until it sucks.
14. 138: Ford Mustang II I guess the engineers at Ford decided that if the Chevy folks got to screw up the Camaro, they deserved a shot at the Mustang.
15. 137: â63 Chevrolet Corvette 1963 : The year Timothy Leary discovered LSD. Also the year Chevy did this to the âVette. Thatâs more than mere coincidence.
16. 136: Ford Crown Victoria Every time I see one of these I canât help but scream a four letter word: c-o-p-s.
17. 135: Pontiac Fiero If youâre looking at this and thinking, âHey, thatâs not a bad looking car,â Iâm betting youâre a Guido.
18. 134: Ferrari Mondial Itâs nice to know that even Ferrari engineers have bad days.
20. 132: Ford Edsel Name a car Edsel and what the hell do you expect to happen?
21. 131: Mercedes CL Designers at Mercedes should ask themselves one simple question before each project: Does this look like something Buick would make? If the answer is yes, then donât do it.
22. 130: Bricklin SV 135 Because the car wasnât ugly enough, the designers decided to go all-out and fit it with a Triple F: Fugly Front Fender.
29. 123: Chevrolet Corvair and Corvair Lakewood Driving a Corvair off a car lot is like going to Baskin Robbins and leaving with vanilla. Driving a Corvair Lakewood Wagon off a car lot is like going to Baskin Robins and getting your ass kicked.
30. 122: Triumph TR7 The only âtriumphâ is that someone got paid to design this thing.
31. 121: Fiat Doblo Every parent with an overweight kid should buy one of these. Get a Doblo and I promise you the fat little bastard will beg you to be dropped off a few blocks from school.
32. 120: : Chevrolet Van Unless youâre a contractor, FBI surveillance agent, kidnapper, or member of the A-Team, thereâs really no reason to own one of these.
33. 119: : Chrysler K-Car No matter how hard you try, when you drive a K-Car, you drive a K-Car. Nothingâs ever going to change that. Ever.
35. I bet when Hitler saw this the designers got an all-expense paid vacation to Dachau. 117: 1940 BMW 328 Kamm Coupe
36. 116: Cadillac Seville You would think at least one person in a corporation the size of Cadillac would have the sense to say, âYou know guys, maybe this isnât such a good idea.â
37. 115: Yugo Excellent car often purchased by those with a strong sense of thrift and style. Yeah, I owned one. Damn.
38. 114: Maybach Exelero Eight million dollars worth of ugly; thatâs right, $8,000,000 for the opportunity of demonstrating you have a lot of money and little taste.
39. 113: Buick Century Custom and Custom Wagon This ad argues that there are three types of men in this world. The first is the wild-eyed cowboy. The second is the complete idiot. The third is the guy that possesses the unfortunate combination of both characteristics. You know, the kind of guy that pulls-up in front of a group of rodeo riders in a Buick Custom Wagon.
40. 112: 1903 Krieger Sorry Mr. Krieger. You canât slap an engine on a stagecoach and not expect to get called out. Thatâs just pathetic.
42. 110: Fiat 125 If I were injured and saw this pulling up to save me, only one thought would race through my mind, âLord, please donât let me die in the back of a Fiat 125.â
43. 109: Chevy Chevette I took my driverâs test in one of these the same day my sister did. I failed; she passed. Stupid car.
44. 108: NSU Prinz No mirror on the passenger side, no problem. Itâs not like youâre going to be in the left-hand lane. And as for the driverâs side mirror, I guess if you need to adjust it you just pull the hell over. And Iâm unsure why these people are smiling. I mean come on, youâre sitting in an NSU Prinz.
45. 107: Daf Daffodil What kind of man would drive something called the Daf Daffodil? Look at the poor son-a-bitch behind the wheel. His family isnât laughing with him, theyâre laughing at him. Poor bastard is probably hoping that cigarette kills him before his pride does.
46. 106: Trabant East Germanyâs symbol of prosperity. Yeah, things were that bad over there.
48. 104: Ford Skyliner All that space and the spare is mounted on the outside? Only in America.
49. Itâs difficult to tell which is the front and which is the back. I guess it really doesnât matter. Whether arriving or departing, youâre going to look like an ass. 103: Mitsubishi Colt CZC
50. 102: Wartburg 353 Hereâs a fact for you: The Wartburg had a three-cylinder two-stroke engine with only seven moving parts. And hereâs another fact: being a fine speciman of communist manufacturing, you still couldnât find parts.
51. Weâre talking about the same company that bought K-Mart after the chain went bankrupt. 101: Any car made by Sears
52. If I were an engineer and assigned to âminivan developmentâ I wouldnât give a damn either. 100: Chevy Lumina
53. If they tried really, really hard, perhaps Citroen engineers could design something uglier. And should any Citroen designer be reading this, please note that is not a challenge. 99: Citroen convertible
54. Someone please explain to me how the word âSportâ is in any way relevant. Come on now. The only person who could possibly see âsportâ in this is a fat, balding, middle-aged man whose wife forced him into buying a van. Wait a minute, I think I see it. 98: Chevrolet Beauville Sport Van
55. If the exploding gas tank doesnât kill you, the fact you own one just might. 97: Ford Pinto and Pinto Wagon
56. No wonder those Russian forced labor camps in Siberia got such a bad rep. If you traveled across Siberia in one of these youâd be ready to whoop someoneâs ass too. 96: Russian Sever
57. Itâs a Pinto minus the flair. Did I just say that? 95: Morris Marina
58. The Tranny of the auto world. 94: Chevrolet El Camino
59. Ha ha haâŚa Japanese El Camino. Silly Asians. 93: Subaru Brat
60. A primary feature of the Dodge Rampage is that it can double as a flowerbed. Just park it out front of the house and spray with water until it rusts away in a year or so. 92: Dodge Rampage
61. 91: Nissan XIX The only thing worse than an El Camino is something trying to be an El Camino and failing miserably.
62. This would be one of the few times you buy a new car and donât tell anyone. 90: Suzuki X-90
63. Rather than stick a big plastic thing on the back of a pickup, why not just make a van? Sure, that might require a little more work and ingenuity but it might be worth it; then again, probably not. 89: Polonez Truck
64. I guess as long as the driver has a canopy itâs all good. Screw the passenger. 88: Wartburg 1898
65. The company that pumped-out the IZH also makes the AK-47, which makes me wonder which has caused more deaths. 87: IZH
66. If I were a matador and saw this, Iâd kick someoneâs ass. Seriously. 86: AMC Matador
67. Sure, Ford could have easily stopped desecrating the Mustang with the Mustang II but how American would that have been? Nope, in quintessential ânever quitâ American fashion out came this beauty. 85: 1980 Ford Mustang
68. Back in the 70âs I thought these were the coolest things in the world. Of course, I also wore bell-bottom jeans, polyester shirts with kite-sized collars, puka shells, and fantasized about the redhead on Scooby Doo. 84: Dune Buggy
69. An all-wheel drive wagon with the clearance of a truck; perfect for the mom that absolutely must get the kids to dance no matter the weather or amount embarrassment it causes. 83: AMC Eagle
70. From Chevyâs âbrand character chief designerâ Clay Dean: âThese are GM innovations that the other guys canât match.â Yo Clay, in my world you canât update an AMC Eagle and call it innovation. Also, you need to keep in mind that the phrases âcanât matchâ and âreally donât care to matchâ are entirely different. I must admit though, âbrand character chief designerâ is the sweetest job title Iâve ever seen. 82: Chevrolet Borrego
71. Everyone should be forced to study Oldsmobileâs business model. I mean, how can a company design crap for more than 130 years and remain afloat? Hats off to you Mr. Olds, hats off to you. 81: 1890 Olds
72. If I were that guy, Iâd be looking the other way. 80a: Chrysler Lebaron and Lebaron Town & Country Wagon
73. The âContinental Kitâ gives the car a certain flair. Makes it a little âedgy.â Amazing, really. 80b: Chrysler Lebaron with Continental Kit
74. Driving one is bad enough. Actually allowing your children to play with a die-cast model of one, thatâs just messed up. 79: Ford Consul Classic
75. A buddy of mine had one of these in the 80âs. On a Saturday night we would strap on the Vans, jump in the Gremlin and cruise for chicks. And although we never had much luck, at least we had an excuse. Stupid Gremlin. 78: AMC Gremlin
76. If this is the princess, God save the Queen. 77: Austin Princess-Ambassador
77. I miss these cars. There was nothing like pulling up next to a DeLorean, rolling down your window and shouting, âHey McFly.â DeLorean owners always loved that. 76: DeLorean
78. Always wondered why no one developed a hatchback Porsche. Now I know. 75: Esoro d-spirit
79. This car is proof that ugliness isnât proportional. Although twice the size of other Citroens, itâs just as repulsive. 74: Citroen Coupe
80. Damn. Even the rims are ugly. 73: Renault Fuego
81. When a carâs âspecial extrasâ are advertised as door mirrors and reversing lights, you may want to reconsider. 72: Imp Caledonian
82. Lord, please let that truck experience brake failure. Amen. 71: Tatra T603
83. Iâm betting that when the designers finished this, there werenât too many high-fives going around. 70: Dodge Kahuna
84. A car for those that want to drive around in a beer can with a front end that screams, âNumber Five alive!â 69: Citroen 2CV Concept
85. Iâd love to sit in on a BMW board meeting just so I could meet the fellow that said, âYeah, letâs go with that.â 68: BMW Z3 CoupĂŠ
86. The Moskvitch 408 was obviously designed to fit within communist Russiaâs all-product marketing slogan: âYou get what you get and donât throw a fit. 67: Moskvitch 408
87. 66: Hyundai Pony Pony? This thing would make Mr. Ed stampedeâ Wilbur: Hey Mr. Ed, come and look what I bought! Mr. Ed: What is that Wilbur? Wilbur: It's called a Pony Mr. Ed! Mr. Ed: Ohhhhhhhhhh Wilbur, that ain't no F*#@$ pony. Wilbur: Calm down Mr. Ed. Itâs just what they call it. Mr. Ed: Thatâs ainât right WilburâŚgoing to call Black Stallion and get the boys togetherâŚthat ainât right Wilbur⌠that ain't no F*#@$ pony
88. Iâve got bad news for the boys over at Honda. The fellows at Citroen have been making crap like this for years. 65: Honda Insight
89. I never quite understood the British sense of humor. 64: Marcos Mantis
90. Looks like a good time to bring back seppuku. 63: Daihatsu Picnic Basket Concept Car
92. The thing moved at two miles an hour and every 10 to 15 minutes came to a halt while steam pressure built up. Sorry Cugnot, Iâll walk and meet you there, if you even make it. 61: 1769 The Cugnot
94. Dude, the ad plainly states itâs a âsecondâ car so why the hell are you transporting the family around in it? We all know you got something better. 59: Lightburn Zeta Sedan
95. The problem with this car is that it didnât have enough window space. Thatâs a real issue because when in an accident, I like the glass to really fly. 58: AMC Pacer
96. I guess the folks at Buick didnât get the memo about there being a crappy little car called a Pacer. 57: Buick Signia
97. If you live in an area where auto theft is a real problem, I recommend one of these. 56: Datsun B210
98. Yo Biff, no need to worry about that ecological apocalypse of an oil trail youâre leaving behind; after all, oil comes from the earth. And as my buddy at BP tells me, âWater donât spoil from a little oil. 55: Amphicar
99. If I were a cop and saw you park this thing, Iâd arrest you for littering. 54: BMW Snug
100. If youâve ever done something so stupid that youâve regretted it for years, you can probably empathize with the designers of the Zeo. 53: Dodge Zeo
101. The Russianâs manufactured the SZD exclusively for disabled drivers. That way if you saw an SZD rolling along, you could be damn sure a disabled was behind the wheel and get the hell out of the way. After all, disableds ainât got as much to lose. 52: SMZ SZD
102. When you crank-up this bad boy you better damn sure know where âLil Johnnie is. 51: Argentinean Aerocar
103. Itâs the âuglyâ among Saabs. Thatâs everything you need to know. 50: Saab Sonnett
104. 49: Citroen DS This is the kind of car you park on the street, in front of your neighborâs house.
105. 48: Aston Martin Lagonda Proof that if you charge enough for something, people will think itâs cool.
106. 47: Volkswagen Kombi Men At Work may have traveled in a fried-out one but letâs not forget, they were on a hippie trail. And oh yeah, they had a head full of zombie.
107. 46: Nissan Nails Imagine pulling up at the ole tailgate in your waxed-down Nissan Nails. For that matter, imagine pulling up anywhere in your waxed-down Nissan Nails.
108. 45: Esoro Presto The bad part of this car is that youâll be eating bugs since it has no windshield. The good part is that it can be readily resized, which has a number of practical implications. For example, if your spouseâs friends in the backseat are annoying the hell out of you, one push of a button and -PRESTO- you crush âem.
109. 44: Covini C6W Imagine spending a zillion dollars on a car and all people ask is, âDude, why you got four front wheels?â
110. 43: Attica 200 Some day this couple is going to spend a fortune on counseling to figure out whatâs wrong with âlil Bobbie and Biff. You know, the poor bastards that got dropped off at school every morning in an Attica 200.
111. 42: Enfield Neorion 8000 The look on the dogâs face says it all. Even Rover ainât buying this.
112. 42: Enfield Neorion 8000 And by the way, what exactly is the chick doing with her right hand? Looks like sheâs signaling the size of something and I donât think itâs the car.
113. 41: Aston Martin Bulldog Maybe Iâm wrong but this doesnât look like a bulldog in any way, shape or form. In fact, when I see it Iâm overcome with the urge to shout, âGort! Klaatu barada nikto!â
114. 40: Mazda Miata Mono Posto The Mono Posto: The car for those with lots of money, no friends, and an unexplainable urge to flaunt it.
115. 39: Reliant Regal The Reliant Regal: When two front wheels is just one wheel too many.
116. 38: Reliant Robin Iâm guessing the Reliant engineers spent their entire bank of creativity on the Regal. Iâm also guessing that if they had a âbrand character chief designerâ this sort of thing wouldnât happen.
117. 37: Venturi Astrolab While I can see where theyâre going with this, what I canât see is how you get in and out without crushing the solar panels.
118. 36: Fiat Multipla If youâre like me youâve laid in bed many a night pondering the age old question of what would happen if Volkswagen Vans produced offspring. Well, sleep easy my friend. The folks at Fiat have an answer.
119. 35: Nissan Pivo This is why Ninjas can kill in a zillion different ways. If you spent your life surrounded with people who thought like this, youâd perfect the art of killing too.
120. 34: Moovie and eRinGo Hereâs a cool trick. Take your eRinGo to the top of a really steep hill, coast down until you build up speed then slam on the brakes. Oh yeah, be sure youâre strapped in because itâs going to be one hell of a ride.
121. 33: Rinspeed/Esoro Senso Iâll buy one of these only if it meets three requirements: (1) It can go 88 mph; (2) It can generate 1.21 gigawatts of electrical power; (3) The flux capacitor is fully functioning.
122. 32: Leonardo da Vinci Yeah, it was developed in 1478, but come on. To make it work you have to pick the thing up and wind it by turning the wheels in a backward direction. Then jump on and cruise 130 feet before doing it all over again. And oh yeah, it only turns to the right and ole Leonardo seems to have forgotten to include a seat. While not bad for the medieval period, I expect a little more from a prodigy.
123. 31: Tucker Torpedo (initial design) Iâm unsure the name Torpedo is appropriate. Thereâs gotta be a Geneva Convention against naming something this ugly after a sleek device designed to blow things up, maim and kill.
124. 30: BMW Isetta Iâd pay to see a cop âpitâ on one of these.
126. 28: Mercedes-Benz 710 SSK Trossi Roadster The only person that would think this is cool is Batman. Well, of course, Robin would too but give me a break. He thinks Batmanâs cool.
127. 27: Toyota EX-III On a positive note Iâll say it certainly looks aerodynamic.
128. 26: Peel Trident Imagine getting off work after a really, really bad day. Iâm talking one of those days where youâre unsure whether to cry or decapitate someone. Then you get to the parking garage, see this thing, and suddenly realize this is what youâve been busting your ass for. Iâm talking about the chick, not the car.
129. 25: Toyota RV-2 Itâs a car! Itâs a truck! Itâs a pop-up camper! Itâs a Cramper!
130. 24: Porsche Traveler Looks like the guys at Porsche have been watching a bit too much Finding Nemo.
131. 23: Honda Puyo According to Honda, â"The goal was to create a personable design with the feel of an adorable pet." A pet? Are you kidding me? The only reason Iâd buy a pet that ugly is to have something to kick.
132. 22: Enrico Pecori's Tric Thereâs nothing like cruising down the street with a pressure cooker between your legs. Which reminds me of a trip I once made to Berlin when I met this midgâŚletâs forget I even brought that up.
133. 21: Zunndap Janus I honestly expected a little more from a car named Zunndap Janus. At least as much as having the passenger and driver face the same direction.
134. 20: Toyota Publica Sports Having your fingers slammed in a car door is bad enough. Imagine what a sliding top would do.
135. 19: Mohs Ostentatienne Opera I have no idea why these people are smiling. Thatâs like laughing at a funeral.
136. 18: Reliant Bond Bug Why even bother making something like this aerodynamic? Then again, why even bother making something like this?
137. 17: Tang Hua Book of Songs Come on China. Youâve got 1.3 billion people and the âBook of Songsâ is the best you can do? Are you kidding? Really? This thing would leave Confucius speechless. Probably piss him off.
138. 16: Nissan S-Cargo This is the kind of thing that makes you dream of being Godzilla; of strolling into Tokyo and smashing the hell out of it.
139. 15: Mazda London Taxi This wonderful venture was a project between Mazda and a student at the Royal College of Art in London. The student envisioned a time when there would be ârestrictions on normal cars.â In a way, I can relate with the student. I dream of a time when there will be restrictions on normal art students. Oh wait, there apparently already is.
140. Imagine cruising along listening to some relaxing tunes. Youâre in a zone when suddenly the screams of kids fighting rip through the ole minivan. What do you do? You pass one of these, pull directly in front of it, and tell the kids to shut up or the monster will eat them. 14: Mercedes Colani
141. If youâve ever been stuck on a double date with a couple you donât like, you can see the value in this bad boy. Better yet, slap the kids in the back and off you go! 13: Eliot Elisofon 1920s
142. If shopping for tires is your thing, I highly recommend an Octoauto 12: Reeves Octoauto
143. We all know how absorbent canvas is. So when you get in an accident with the Velorex 250, no problem. The canvas absorbs the energy, you snap it back together, and off you go. Absolutely brilliant! 11: Velorex 250
144. You see a man driving one of these and you know heâs making up for some sort of deficit. Hell, they should have just called it âThe Freudian Express.â 10: Alfa Romeo Aereodinamica
145. First, who the hell is driving this box? Second, why not give the lady in black a ride before she blows away? Damn aristocrats. 9: Baker Electric
146. This award-winner is billed as a high-tech âmobile urban loftâ created specifically for those living in SoCal. It permits people to live in any space available by simply parking it. Then later you can move it if you wish. While this is a darn fine idea, Iâve got bad news for the folks at GMC; they already have these where I live. We call them trailers. 8: GMC PAD
147. A car that actually drives itself! I have to get me one of these things. I can just picture it: âHey dad, can you drive me to the movies?â âNo, but Bubble Car can! Have fun and good luck!â How sweet is that? 7: GM Bubble Car
148. This is what America needs to incorporate into its mass-transit system. I can promise you that if people had to ride in this, weâd have less obesity. This thing would make fat people walk. 6: Citroen Type H Van
149. If the Nazis didnât kill you there was always the Half-Track Mercier. 5: 1937 Half-Track Mercier
150. The perfect car for those not just expecting a head-on collision but those expecting a head-on collision and looking to bring the pain. 4: Sir Vival
151. This is nothing more than a 20-foot, three-wheeled pedestrian killer. Because the âcarâ is steered by the rear wheel, the driver can literally whip it around in circles. The catch is, the driver canât see to the sides or rear. So, while Wally impresses the poodle skirts with donuts, Beaver and his friends are being decimated. Check it out⌠http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YlLZE23EJKs 3: Fuller Dymaxion
152. If you think rear-ending a Pinto caused an inferno, imagine what hitting a Nucleon would do. 2: Ford Nucleon
153. Woooo there Jed, we all know youâve got one of those fancy horseless carriages. There ainât no need to rub our faces in it. And the most ill-conceived vehicle isâŚ.. 1: The Horsey Horseless
154. Have a car you think should have been added to the list? Make it known in the comment section. Be sure to provide a link to picture if you can find one. As always, thanks for reading. --Chris Dale--