1. THE Rules!
1. Life is not fair. Get used to it.
2. The real world won’t care as much as your school does about your self-esteem. It’ll expect you to
accomplish something before you feel good about yourself.
3. Sorry, you won’t make sixty thousand dollars a year right out of high school. And you won’t be a vice
president or have a company car. You may even have to wear a uniform that doesn’t have a designer label.
4. You are not entitled…
5. No matter what your daddy says, you are not a princess…
6. No, you cannot be everything you dream…
7. If you think your teacher is tough, wait until you get a boss. He won’t have tenure, so he’ll tend to be a bit
edgier. When you screw up, he’s not going to ask you how you FEEL about it.
8. Your navel is not that interesting. Don’t spend your life gazing at it.
9. Your school may have done away with winners and losers. Life hasn’t.
10. Life is actually more like dodgeball than your gym teacher thinks.
11. After you graduate, you won’t be competing against rivals who were raised to be wimps on the
playground.
12. Humiliation is a part of life. Deal with it.

2. 13. You’re not going to the NBA, so hold off on the bling and spare us the attitude.
14. Looking like a slut does not empower you.
15. Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger
flipping. They called it opportunity.
16. Your parents and your little brother are not as embarrassing as you think. What’s embarrassing is
ingratitude, rudeness, and sulkiness.
17. Your parents weren’t as boring before as they are now. They got that way paying your bills, driving you
around, saving for your education, cleaning up your room, and listening to you tell them how idealistic you
are.
18. Life is not divided into semesters. And you don’t get summer off.
19. It’s not your parents’ fault. If you screw up, you are responsible.
20. Smoking does not make you look cool….It makes you look moronic.
21. You’re offended? So what? No, really. So what?
22. You are not a victim. So stop whining.
23. Someday you will have to grow up and actually move out of your parents’ house.
24. Batman’s girlfriend is right: “It’s not who you are underneath, but what you do that defines you.”
25. Pi does not care what you think.
26. A moral compass does not come as standard equipment.
27. Your sexual organs were not meant to engage in higher-order thinking or decision making.
28. Somebody may be watching…

3. 29. Learn to deal with hypocrisy.
30. Zero tolerance = zero common sense.
31. Naked people look different in real life.
32. Television is not real life.
33. Be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them. We all could.
34. Winners have a philosophy of life. So do losers.
35. If your butt has its own zip code, it’s not because McDonald’s forced you to eat all those Big Macs. If
you smoke, it’s not Joe Camel’s fault.
36. You are not immortal.
37. Being connected does not mean you aren’t clueless.
38. Look people in the eye when you meet them…
39. People in black-and-white movies were in color in real life. And no, the world did not begin when you
were born.
40. Despite the billion-dollar campaign to turn your brain into tapioca pudding, try to learn to think clearly
and logically.
41. You are not the first and you are not the only one who has gone through what you are going through.
42. Change the oil.
43. Don’t let the successes of others depress you.
44. Your colleagues are not necessarily your friends, and your friends aren’t your family.
45. Grown-ups forget how scary it is to be your age. Just remember: this too shall pass.

4. 46. Check on the guinea pig in the basement.
47. You are not perfect, and you don’t have to be.
48. Tell yourself the story of your life. Have a point.
49. Don’t forget to say thank you.
50. Enjoy this while you can.