As a parent, supporting your child's sports experience in a positive way can strengthen your relationship and help them get the most out of their experience. Key ways to show support include attending games to show your love, complimenting your child on their performance rather than criticizing mistakes, and supporting the coach's decisions and authority even if you disagree at times. This teaches valuable life lessons and allows your child to fully embrace their role on the team. Being a positive sports parent benefits both your child and their coach.
Parents and Sport: How to Love and Support Your Basketball Player
1. As a parent, trying to make your child's sport experience
the best it can be is a challenge, I'm sure. Today I'm
bringing some thoughts from a coach and player's
perspective on how to be a positive sports parent-- to
support your athlete and help them get the most out of
their experience. Showing your love and support will also
help strengthen your relationship with your son or
daughter.
2. I'm guessing that most parents want to do everything they
can to help their child. Sometimes parents are limited by
work and other time constraints, or maybe they just don't
like sports. However, going the extra mile to support your
child can help strengthen the relationship your have with
your son or daughter. Even if they don't show it right
away, it will be meaningful and your teen will recognize it
down the road.
4. Attending your child's games may be a challenge if you are
a single parent or work in a job that doesn't allow you
much time off. However, showing up at your athlete's
games speaks volumes of your support and love.
5. I am blessed to have very supportive parents who were
able to attend most of my games. My dad had to travel for
work at times so he would sometimes miss, but I knew he
would have been there if he was in town. Looking
back, this is one way that I remember tangibly seeing and
feeling my parents love. Even if we didn't always have
time to talk or spend time together (or if I didn't feel like
hanging out with them like a typical teenager), their
actions said they loved me.
6. As a coach, I had kids on my team whose parents rarely
showed up. I knew that it meant a lot for those players if
their parents were going to be at a game one night. Some
would even get nervous. I remember one girl I coached
sharing how anxious she was because "my dad is coming
tonight." Even if there is divorce or separation, kids love
their parents and treasure their support. Showing up at a
game goes right to the core of a kid and says "you're
important to me."
8. Sometimes it's easier to see mistakes your child makes
and focus on them instead of focusing on the positive.
Most likely, your player is already being hard on
themselves for any mistakes they made in the game. If you
start to question them or criticize them, they will likely
push you away. Asking "what were you thinking when you
made that pass?" "Didn't you see that so-and-so was wide
open?" or any similar comment can be hurtful.
9. If you do want to discuss the game with your child, allow
time to pass before you bring it up.
11. Remember that a lot of adrenaline, energy and emotion
go into games. Practices build up all week to the
games, emotions are pumped up and there is usually
excitement or a let down afterwards. Kids need time to
cool off and process on their own.
12. One way to support them during this cool-off period is just
to say, "I'm proud of you. Let me know if you want to talk
about anything, I'm always available if you want to chat."
This lets your child know that you are there for them, but
you respect their space and their individual needs.
14. Now this is a touchy subject. I know there are many
parents who disagree with their coach's decisions and
have a hard time supporting him or her. There are
circumstances that sometimes do need to be worked out
through the proper channels.
15. However, in general, one of the best ways you can support
and build into your athlete is to support the coach's
decisions. By allowing your student to be on the team, you
have placed them under the coach's authority. Of
course, you are still the final authority in their lives for
now. But you can teach them incredible life lessons by
supporting the leadership of the coach.
16. For example, if your child is asked to play a position they
are not used to playing, they may not like that. It may take
extra work for them to improve in that position and they
may not get the playing time they were hoping for.
17. You, as the parent, can encourage the child to embrace
this new role, to prove to the coach that they are willing to
be a team player, and help that child succeed beyond what
they think they can.
18. Or, you could complain with your child, feeding the
negative feelings and hindering your child's ability to play
to their best ability. That brings nothing but negativity and
can make their season even worse.
19. When your player gets out into the real world, they will
have to deal with authority in the work place. What better
way to help them succeed as an adult than to mentor
them through a challenging situation as a young athlete.
20. Being a positive sports parent is a great blessing to
coaches too. Coaches often feel the weight of critical or
absent parents. It can be hard to deal with, especially
when most coaches truly want what is best for each player
on their team and for the team as a whole. Attending
games, complimenting your child, and supporting the
coach will go a long way toward strengthening your
relationship with your child and helping them have a
meaningful sports experience.
