I Lived with God - by Dr.D.Sundararaman - that son of Doraiswamy Iyer!

E-Book from Kanchi Periva Forum
The Essence of Hindu Tradition and Culture

“I Lived With God”
A moving personal account of experiences with Sri Maha Periva

Author: Dr D Sundararaman
(that son of Doraiswamy Iyer!)

Tamil Translation &
Paintings of Periva by
Sri Narayanan Bala

Volume : 22
Published : February 2014

© Copyrights reserved Kanchi Periva Forum – www.periva.proboards.com & www.periva.org

I Lived with God – An ebook in English & Tamil – by Dr D Sundararaman

Published by Kanchi Periva Forum

Shri Kanchi Maha Periva Thiruvadigal Saranam
Hari Om!
We are pleased to bring you this Special Edition E-book titled “I Lived with God’ originally
written by Dr.D.Sundararaman. This moving experience of the author with Sri Maha Periva
was brilliantly translated to Tamil by Sri Narayanan Bala (Forum name ‘anusham163’). Shri
Narayanan Bala is very well known amongst all Periva devotees for his immaculate
paintings on His Holiness, Sri Maha Periva. Some of his masterpiece paintings have been
used throughout this E-book.
We have decided to bring both the English and Tamil versions in this E-book for readers to
thoroughly enjoy the experiences of the author with the Prathyaksha Deivam (Living God),
the Karunamurthy, one of the greatest saints who walked in our midst – our revered Sri
Maha Periva.
At this juncture, we would like to share an interesting incident about the Tamil translation
by Sri Narayanan Bala. When Sri Narayanan Bala commenced the Tamil series in the Forum,
he sent us a note saying that the author has mentioned in the English version that he first
wrote it in his mother tongue Tamil and later translated it into English. However, since the
Tamil version was not available with him, he would try translating it back to Tamil to the
best of his ability. Ofcourse, we gratefully consented. At the same time, we also happened
to locate the PDF of the English version on the internet and with no particular intention, we
just forwarded it to Sri Narayanan Bala. He sent us this amazing response:
“Thank you Sir. I do possess a xerox of this publication from which I am translating.
However my copy did not have the last page. I was wondering how to get hold of it.
Maha Periava now sends it to me through you in time. It is just amazing! Ample proof that if
one prays to Him, He will certainly answer”.
As always, this was another leela of our Mahaswami !!
We understand that the author Dr.D.Sundararaman currently lives in the US. We had
shared with him details of our Forum when we commenced posting the Tamil version of his
experiences with Maha Periva. This is an extract of his response.

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“Dear Administrator (of MahaPeriava devotees!): I am very glad to know one more forum
devoted to the experiences of devotees with the Living God Maha Periava has come up. I
am surprised that my article has been translated into Tamil in 16 parts. I just read the last
and 16th part. It is quite close to the original. Everything moves according to the laws of
Maha Periava, and everything including good and bad about me is an arrangement of
Maha Periava. I will register into the website and read the other 15 parts, and more
importantly about the experiences of even more devoted devotees. Congratulations to all
those involved in this divine activities. Hara Hara Maha Periava Jaya Jaya Maha Periava.
D.Sundararaman
'that son of Duraiswamy' “
We are sure you will cherish this Ebook, and request you to forward this to all your friends
and relatives.
For those who are not familiar about our website and forum, we welcome you to visit
http://www.periva.org/ for a collection of rare videos and complete online library of
upanyasams of Sri Maha Periva.
If you are not already a member of our Forum and received this ebook from any of your
friends, please also register on the forum http://www.periva.proboards.com to stay
updated on devotees’ experiences and to receive our regular free publications.
We humbly submit this e-book edition at the lotus feet of Sri Maha Periva and distribute
the same with His blessings. Though this book is for restricted circulation among likeminded members of the society, this is a free publication like all our other publications,
which can be downloaded from www.periva.proboards.com
Any feedback or queries may be sent to us at kanchiperiva@gmail.com

Administrator
Kanchi Periva Forum

Jaya Jaya Shankara, Hara Hara Shankara!


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About the Translator and Artist
Shri Narayanan Bala
Shri Narayanan Bala is very well known amongst all Periva
devotees for his immaculate paintings on His Holiness, Sri Maha
Periva. An ardent devotee of Sri Maha Periva, Shri Narayanan is
a born artist.
While he did not get a formal coaching from anyone, his
manaseeka gurus were Shri Maniyam, Shri Gopulu and Shri Silpi.
He practiced all their drawings and paintings when in college
and later during his employment.
Shri Narayanan Bala, has had a successful career at HAL and BPL. He had to however give a
long break to his passionate hobby in 1974, due to pressures at work. He resumed painting
in 1995 to overcome the loss of his mother. His daughter has been instrumental in
encouraging him to pursue his bobby, and presented him with a painting kit to re-start his
passion, afresh.
It was then Shri Narayanan started reading about Sri Maha Periva from books written by
Shri Bharaneetharan, late Shri Ra.Ganapathy and others, and that brought about a
transformation in his life. The first painting he did at that time was of Sri Maha Periva.
Encouraged by the feedback received and realizing the anugraham of Maha Periva, Shri
Narayanan did 10 paintings of His Holiness and submitted them to the Kanchi Mutt in the
year 2000.
The paintings were widely acknowledged by Shri Bharaneetharan, an eminent author who
encouraged and motivated Sri Narayanan to create one painting each of Sri Maha Periva,
Sri Seshadhri Swamigal and Sri Ramana Maharishi. These paintings were later put up in
Seshadhri Swamigal memorial in Chinna Kancheepuram (behind Sri Varadharaja Swami

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temple) during Sehadhri Swamigal's Jayanthi celebrations, by the help of Shri
Bharaneetharan.
Shri Narayanan has so far created over 40 masterpiece paintings and sketches of Sri Maha
Periva, all with the blessings of His Holiness. He intends to complete 108 paintings of Maha
Periva, and we pray to Periva to bless him, and give him the strength and resilience to
realize his dream.
Shri Narayanan Bala is blessed with two children and three grandchildren. He lives with his
wife Smt Kalyani Narayanan and his 94 year old father at Palakkad. He can be reached on
beeyen.bala@gmail.com


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I LIVED WITH GOD
by
Dr.D.Sundararaman - that son of Doraiswamy Iyer!
Recently, my wife, Lakshmi and I went to Kancheepuram on
January 07, 1993, to have ‘darshan’ of our Periaval and to get his
Blessings for the then forthcoming wedding of our son
Guruprasad. On reaching the Kanchi Kamakoti Mutt, we learnt
that Periaval was not giving darshan that day and might not give
darshan the following day also. Still, we waited in line in the place
where he usually gave darshan, from 11.30 a.m. to 12 noon. Then
we watched the puja to Chandramauleeswarar, being performed
by His Holiness Sri Sankara Vijayendra Saraswati Swamigal. After
the puja we got His blessings.
Dr.D.Sundararaman
(courtesy – www.mahaperiyavaa.wordpress.com)

Then we went to my nephew Chandru’s house in Kancheepuram. At about 4.30 p.m. we
felt that we should go back to the Mutt, thinking that perhaps we may be lucky to have
Periaval’s darshan that evening. Well informed persons told us that it is quite unlikely. At
about 5.30 p.m., we were told that Periaval would give darshan for a few minutes. It would
have been enough for us but we had fifteen minutes of peaceful darshan. A Swamiji who
was standing by the side of Periaval, came to me and told that as part of the Birth
Centenary Celebrations of Periaval, a souvenir would be published containing accounts by
persons who had been closely associated with Periaval and suggested that I should write
about my experiences with Periaval for the souvenir. I did not know this Swamiji earlier.
Later I learnt that he is called Mettur Swamigal.
When I heard the phrase, ‘Your experiences with Periaval’, my thoughts travelled back in
time to a night in the year 1957 (or) 1958 at Orikkai Village, a night in which I had my most
unforgettable experience – my VISHVARUPADARSHAN OF PERIAVAL.


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It was a busy day for him. Around 9 p.m. he asked his
regular assistants to go back to Chinna Kancheepuram
and told “Only Sundararaman should be here”. One of
the assistants told him, ‘Sundararaman has not eaten’,
to which Perival replied, ‘He must have by now become
used to skipping his meals’. I had no say.
Then he sat in the middle of the inner yard. There was
only dim moon light. He asked me ‘Do you know my
early Story?’ I replied ‘I don’t know, even a bit’. Then
followed a narration for about thirty minutes. My
memory is still fresh though I am not sure of the year or
the date. It could have been a day in 1958,during my
college vacation. Even after nearly thirty four years, I
remember the important points of his narration. It has been said by Spiritual Masters that
‘Truth never changes with passing of time, nor does one’s experience.’ I would be damned
if I misrepresent or falsify or exaggerate my experiences with Periaval.
All my conversations with Periaval and others mentioned in this article were in Tamil, but I
have done the translation with extreme care. The main points of his narration about his
early story, had been imprinted on my mind.
When he became the Head of the Kanchi Kamakoti Peetam at the age of thirteen, he soon
found that the Mutt was in disorder. Workers in the Mutt were not serious about anything.
The Mutt was in debt. The people managing the lands of the Mutt did not give the
minimum produces from the lands, which were not enough to devotees to meet the daily
expenses of the Mutt. Then he narrated about his first all India trip. With lot of emotions,
he mentioned about the various difficulties he had to experience during the trip. During
this trip, he said he had a very good understanding of India and of her then problems. He
breezed through the British Raj, Mahatma Gandhi and Freedom Movement. I was deeply
touched when he expressed his deep feelings for Mother India. (From my experiences I
came to regard Him as one of the most patriotic and greatest Indians). To stop him from

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this sad narration, I told him humorously, “Your situation when you became the
Peetathipati seems to be worse than my present situation.” “But” he continued,
“Nowadays people write eulogizing me and our Mutt”.
“They don’t seem to know my difficulty in initial years. Nobody writes about my difficult
times. When you will have a chance to write about me, mention especially about my
difficult initial years”, he said concluding his narration. I did not expect the least that the
conversation would end like this. I told Periaval immediately; “Periaval is now playing with
me and teasing me. I am nothing. I will never have a chance to write about anything,
certainly not about you.” Preparing to take his bath, he said, “You are certainly going to
write and I am certainly going to see.”
After his bath and short meditation, he told me, “You must be feeling hungry; I have forced
you to eat in six houses, one day a week in each house. I know you don’t like this
arrangement. But I want to see that you complete your University Education successfully.
When you are hurrying to your class, if food was not ready in that house, you should go to
the class without eating, I am sure. That is why I told earlier that you must have by now
become used to skipping your meals.” He asked me to eat the rice flakes. I waited for him
to begin eating first. But he asked me to eat and after seeing that I had eaten some
handfuls, he ate. I was completely dazed. While I was eating the rice flakes, I was simply
staring at his radiant face with penetrating eyes. I had a distinct feeling that I was seeing in
his face, the entire world of the compassionate Almighty. I thought he was giving me
VISHVARUPADARSHAN. This is probably the best way I can describe this experience.
After this, he went on a long spell of meditation. Keeping vigil, I was wondering myself, why
and on what he was meditating so intensely. Ever since that night, his sentences, “ I always
remember my difficult years and you are certainly going to write and I am certainly going to
see” have been ringing in my ears, and, I have been asking myself: Will I ever be able to pay
him back for those rice flakes? I have not understood Him completely.


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On my return flight from Madras to New York on 23rd Jan.’93, I was thinking about the
suggestion of Mettur Swamigal. For about eight hours of the twenty six hours of travel, I
‘relived’ all my experiences with Periaval, during the years 1952 to 1967.
I decided, while the plane was flying high above the Atlantic Ocean, ‘I am certainly going to
write’. On reaching home, I started to write. It was all done in my house. Only Ramani’s
flute and Lalgudi Jayaraman’s violin were playing in the room. Where should I start? I
thought I should start from my most unforgettable experience, my VISHVARUPADARSHAN
of HIM, as described above. I know if he decides He will certainly see what I have written
here.
What follows is quite personal. In the end readers would see certainly the role of Periaval in
my life. Certainly I did not do anything to deserve His grace. Readers will find that I have
not written anything about Periaval’s greatness as a top man in Spirituality, in Philosophy,
in Religion and Social Reform.
I had the privilege of close association with Periaval for nearly fifteen years, from 1952 to
1967, very close especially during my student days from 1952 to 1960. I was a voluntary
assistant to him during my vacation days. People in the Mutt and visitors envied me for
Periaval’s affection for me. I enjoyed this! Why did Periaval shower his affection on me?, then a poor college boy. What did I do to deserve his Kataksham? It is heart breaking to
note that, even after I left him, abruptly many years ago and even when I have been quite
far off, he continues to bless me. In 1985 when I was living in Mexico City, one day, I
received a letter from my nephew Chandru living in Kancheepuram, after several months of
silence. The day before he wrote that letter, he had gone to have darshan of Periaval. As
usual there were many visitors and assistants. Suddenly, out of context, (as per this letter)
Periaval poised a riddle to his assistants and visitors : “I have a person intensely in my mind,
He flew away. Who is he?”
“நான் ஒத்தனை மைஸால் நினைத்ததன்.
அவன் பறந்து தபாயிட்டான். யார் அவன்?”


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These are precisely the sentences in Tamil. Even after half an hour of mutual consultations,
no one could solve the riddle, even guess.
Periaval himself solved it; “Sundraraman, that son of Duraiswamy.” According to nephew,
no one knew why Periaval should refer to me on that day. When I finished reading the
letter, believe me, my heart almost stopped and I wept. There was no one in the house
except myself. It is a wonder even today to me, why I did not collapse. When my wife
returned from shopping she asked me why my face looked quite pale, as though hit by a
devil. I showed her the letter from Chandru. On reading it, she said calmly it was only a very
good omen, and said: “ it is only natural for Periaval to think about you, since you have
been thinking about him always”. I have carried my thoughts about him wherever I had
been wandering all these past twenty five years, or in whichever country I was sojourning….
I have not found peace within myself. The dominating thoughts have always been how
foolish I must have been in leaving Him, and His presence and how I missed a golden
opportunity for salvation in this life itself.
Any other person, if he had the same experiences as I had with Periaval, he would not have
left him for anything in this world. But it is ironical that I have not been that eager these
years to meet Him. I am even afraid of seeing Him face to face. I live and would like to
continue to live with my pleasant and unforgettable memories of Periaval of the years 1952
to 1967.
An opportunity to write about myself and about Periaval’s role in my life arose in 1967,
when I applied to Columbia University, New York, for Doctoral Studies in mathematics and
to the Fullbright Foundation in India for travel grant. As per the application procedures, I
was asked to submit a brief autobiographical sketch. I reproduce below the second
paragraph from a copy of the sketch that I have.
“My family was so poor that I could not dream of University education at that time.
However, a turning point in my life took place when Jagadguru Sri Sankaracharya Swamigal
of Kanchi Kamakoti Mutt was very much impressed by my sincere desire to pursue
University education.

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With His blessings and financial help, University education was possible for me. But for His
Holiness’ encouragement, I could not have had higher education and the need for writing
this would not have arisen.
What I wrote then in 1967, applies even more now in 1993. That I am writing this article
goes as a fulfillment of his emphatic prediction: ‘You are certainly going to write’.
I remember nothing pleasant of my first twelve years of life, except for a celebration in my
village when India became independent in 1947. Around 1950, my parents lived in a village
called T.Kulathoor, my mother’s birth place and Kodiyur, a village about five miles from
Kulathoor, is my father’s native place. My mother got married to my father when she was
five years old. My father moved to Kulathoor a few years after his marriage. My mother,
being the only daughter of her father, Sundaresa Iyer, received from her father several
acres of agricultural land. My father, after loosing several jobs because of his bad temper
became an acting village maniakkarar (village munsif) in the nearby twin villages, called
Mettukuppam – Pavandur. When the hereditary heir-minor came of age, my father lost this
job too. Then he became permanently a Vakil Gumasta, taking the cases of the illiterate
village folk to the advocates of Tirukkoilur and Cuddalore. The village folk were good
natured and they settled most of their cases at the village panchayat itself. My father’s
income became almost nil. Every year my mother kept on selling her lands, acre by acre. By
the year 1950, my family situation was hopeless.
My two elder sisters were married off earlier. I had (have) an younger sister and an elder
brother. My father tried his best to let my elder brother Ganapathy complete his high
school education in Tirukkoilur. But my brother showed no serious interest in education
and he ran away from home in 1951. After my elementary school education in the village, I
had to remain idle for a year or so. Around 1949-50, Periaval was camping in our village.
As per my mother’s version, on knowing the status of my parents, Periaval blessed me
saying, “This boy would bring happiness and prosperity to you and to your family”. I never
believed her. Later events, proved the truth of her words. My parents left our village by
1951 and joined the Mutt, at some camp near Mayavaram in Tanjore district.

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My eldest brother-in-law, Mr.A.Venkataraman (no more now) was one of the three or four
who had completed high school education. After teacher’s training, he became a good and
popular teacher, in 1951, in Kandachipuram; I studied my seventh standard in his school,
staying with him and my sister. The next year he was transferred to Siddhalingamadam,
where I studied in the eighth standard. There I came into contact with an unusual Swamigal
called Gnanananda living in a house just opposite to the school. He was aloof, most of the
times. Only very rarely, he had visitors. After school hours every evening I used to spend at
least an hour with him. He used to call me affectionately, Sundaram, speak with me and
give me some sweets and fruits every evening. He was like a grand-father to me.
Nobody there knew anything about his past. A few years earlier, he had come to that
village from somewhere. He used to tell me some stories. I became quite attracted to him.
After a few years, he moved to Arakandanallur, near Tirukkoilur, where he became quite
famous. He is no more now. I am writing about this Swamiji here because it is he who told
me first, even as I was very young, that, “Periaval is a walking god; he is not just the head of
a Mutt; people would soon realize the true nature of Periaval”. Gnanananda has also told
me, whenever I was in a dejected mood, “Periaval will protect you and your family”.
After nearly eight months of joining the Mutt, my father wrote a letter to me saying that
Periaval enquired about me and wanted me to study in a High School. I was excited by the
prospect of going to a high school. On reading the letter, I thought Gnanananda’s
prediction was coming true.
After my E.S.L.C. Examination and after bidding farewell to Gnanananda, I appeared before
Periaval in April 1952, at Anandathandavapuram near Mayavaram. Periaval asked me, “Are
you going to study in High school or not?” I replied that I was eager but I did not know how
and where. Then Periaval asked my mother to set up family in Chidambaram. At this point I
would like to emphasize that even though neither my parents nor I had any idea, much less
a plan, for my higher education, Periaval had already a complete plan in his mind as it
appeared to me in retrospect.


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I joined the Ramaswamy Chettiar High school in Chidambaram. I did excellently in my
studies. I used to visit Periaval during my vacation. I was some sort of an assistant in
handling out and mailing prasadams to devotees, in reading to Periaval the daily
newspapers, and such odd jobs. I wrote my S.S.L.C. Examination in April 1955. By then
Periaval had moved to Chinna Kancheepuram. He was often camping at nearby
Sivasthanam and Orikkai. Immediately after the Examination, I went to Kancheepuram and
spent the next two months with him. When my results appeared in The Hindu in June,
1955, I happily reported to Periaval. The next day, when he was going to the River Palar, he
asked me to follow him. I was standing near him in the waters of the river when he was
about to have a dip. By then a large number of devotees had gathered on the bank of the
river. Then followed a discussion between him and me for about fifteen minutes, which
changed my entire life. It is then and there I received my GEETHOPADESAM from Him.
“Now that you have passed your S.S.L.C. examinations, what are you going to do?” he
asked me. My father, two months earlier had undergone hernia operation. His condition
was foremost in my mind. I replied to Periaval that I was thinking of taking up a job and
take care of my parents. With an enchanting smile he said, “You seem to think that you
have answered my question intelligently”, and looked straight at me. I thought he would
approve my decision. Then raising his voice, he went on, “Your father was not created with
the hope that you would take care of him. You seem to study well.
Get as much of higher education as possible and equip yourself with maximum
qualifications and take care of your life”. Then he took a dip in the river. I did not quite
understand what he was trying to tell me. I asked “Does Periaval want me to study in a
University?” “You seemed to have got the message”, quickly came-forth the reply. With
utmost desperation, I told him, “Now Periaval is playing with me and mocking at me;
Periaval knows my circumstances. Even if I don’t have to take care of my parents, where
will I go for the money needed for four or five years of higher education?”. “I don’t like your
attitude, always self-pitying. Do you know how Hanuman crossed the ocean? You can
achieve anything you want to, only if you have self-confidence and faith and work hard
towards your objective”.


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Instantly I remembered Lord Krishna’s everlasting GEETHOPADESAM to his troubled
disciple Arjuna. Meanwhile, the visitors at the bank of the river were getting restless. Some
complained too within my hearing, “That son of Duraiswamy has been engaging Periaval in
some unnecessary arguments.” I did not want to get into trouble with them by taking more
of their time. I started going back to the other bank of the river. But Periaval called me back
and asked point-blank, “Do you have faith in me or not?” With tears pouring down to the
river, I told Periaval, “I do have faith in you”. “Then, go and get the application from
Annamalai University”, he commanded and dismissed me from His presence.
I rushed to Chinna Kancheepuram to tell my father of what had happened to me at the
River Palar. My father was more surprised than I was. He said that if I had faith in Periaval, I
should do as Periaval wished. He added “I am sorry I cannot be of much help to you”. Then
he went to do his kainkaryam.
Only a few days were left for sending the application. There was a hitch. My mark list had
to be attested by a Gazetted Officer, as per the instructions. To speak out frankly I did not
know who a Gazetted Officer was. At that time there came a visitor from Madras, an
elderly orthodox looking person. I went to him, showed him my application form and asked
him whether he knew any Gazetted Officer. He said that he would very gladly attest my
mark list.
Immediately I gave my application to him requesting that it has to be signed by a Gazetted
Officer. Then he introduced himself as a Chief Professor of the University of Madras. I was
ashamed and apologized to him. He wished me well in my studies and attested my mark
lists. This incident was a big lesson to me. From that day onwards, I never judged a person
by his or her appearance.
A few days later I submitted my application and simultaneously I received my
acknowledgement along with the admission letter from Annamalai University. I rushed to
Periaval who was engaged in a discussion with some visitors. I was hesitant to approach
him at that time. He saw me, abruptly stopped his conversation and asked me, “You have
received your admission letter, is it not?” I nodded my head. Then Periaval called one of

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the persons in the audience and asked him, “Are you not the Manager of the gold
merchant, Rathnaswami Chettiar of Chidambaram?” That person admitted it to be so. “Will
your chettiar be able to do something, if I ask him to do?”, Periaval asked that person.
Chettiar is a great devotee of Periaval and he will do anything that Periaval bids, that
person replied. Periaval told the Manager: “I am not asking for much; I am interested in this
good boy; He has secured admission in your University, ask your Chettiar to do the needful
so that this boy joins the University”. The Manager replied, “it will be done”. Then Periaval
turned towards me and said, “Your problem is solved; go and study well”. A little later, I
met the Manager of the Chettiar and told him that I expected Mr.Chettiar to pay my first
tuition fees of Rs.110/-. The Manager said that there would not be any problem and asked
me to meet the Chettiar, as soon as I arrived at Chidambaram.
Now that my tuition fee has been arranged, I began to think about my boarding and
lodging. Since I did not have the least idea that I would be studying at Annamalai University
and also because of my father’s operation, my mother shifted our family from
Chidambaram to Chinna Kancheepuram. I did not want to ask Periaval explicitly about this
at that time.
Since I had already confided in him that I had faith in Him, I thought there was nothing else
I could do. My second elder sister and her family were in Chidambaram. I thought I would
stay with her for a few days till Periaval made arrangements for my boarding and lodging. I
went to Chidambaram and met Mr.Rathnaswami Chettiar in his big gold shop. Mr.Chettiar
said his Manager had told him about me and asked me what I wanted from him. I told him I
needed Rs.110/- to pay for my tuition fees. Then Chettiar said, “I don’t know how you
misunderstood my Manager; how can I give you Rs.110/- just like that? Do you have any
land or house or jewellery as security so that I can lend you this amount?” I said that I had
none of those. Then Chettiar said, “You have already got the admission. I won’t give you
the money you ask”. His Manager was not to be found anywhere in the shop.
This was my first and most humiliating experience. My faith in Periaval got momentarily
shattered. Why did Periaval subject me to this humiliating experience? I rushed to the Post
Office and gave a telegram to the Manager of the Mutt, “inform Periaval that Chettiar is

Page 15 of 94



unwilling to give me the money for tuition fees and I
was awaiting further instructions”. Feeling completely
helpless, I returned to my sister’s house. I returned
via the West Gopuram and the North Gopuram of the
famous Nataraja Temple. That morning Sri
Ramakrishna Sastrigal, a learned man of the Mutt had
come to my sister’s house. Ramakrishna Sastrigal
greeted me. I did not even bother to acknowledge his
presence. I went inside and laid down myself flat,
upside down.
The Sastrigal patted my back and said, “I like you very
much”, to which I retorted “Yes! All you people like
me because Periaval is kind to me: now this Periaval
has completely let me down and I am completely humiliated”. “Don’t say a word against
Periaval”, Sastrigal said, “Look at me, it is He who has sent me here with the money you
needed”. On hearing this, I looked at him angrily. He said, “You may get angry with me;
don’t say a word against that Karunamurthy.
After you left him and after his puja, he called me and said that he was worried about you
as he was not sure whether Chettiar would give you the money. He asked me to go to the
cashier of the Mutt and get Rs.110/-. I got the money. Then Periaval asked me to go over
here taking the next available train. He asked me to observe the situation here and if the
Chettiar has not given you the money, only then he asked me to tell you and give you the
money. You are a blessed boy”. Handing out the money to me, Mr.Ramakrishna Sastrigal
left for Kancheepuram. I became speechless. I regretted my momentary loss of faith in
Periaval. I thought this was one of the mysterious ways of his action.
I paid my tuition fees and joined the Annamalai University. The Manager of the Mutt
thereafter kept on sending regularly the term fees for five years.


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Two months later, one morning, Mr.Rathnaswami Chettiar came in his big car to my sister’s
house looking for me. We were quite surprised to see him. Chettiar, with folded hands, told
me, “I am sorry for my mis-behaviour when you came to see me in my shop. Some days
ago, I went to Kancheepuram to have darshan of Periaval. He briefly mentioned about you
and asked me whether I remembered you. In the presence of many devotees, he asked me
how I could break the heart of the young boy sent by him. I could not open my mouth. All
along I thought I was very rich, but that day he made me look very poor in the presence of
many people. After returning from Kancheepuram, I am coming straight here to see you
and apologize to you. I will bear your entire educational expenses, please accept.” I could
not believe this happening. But I did not lose my heart. I told him politely, “I was with
Periaval ten days back. I would be going again in the following week. If Periaval asks me to
meet you, I will come and see you in your shop”. Chettiar left saying, “I hope, you will come
and see me soon”.
Two weeks before the above visit of Mr.Chettiar, I had an unexpected visitor with very
good news. It was Thiru Murugesanar, one of my Tamil Teachers in my high school. I was
quite surprised to see him. He was a member of the rationalist atheist group. I greeted
Thiru Murugesanar with due respects. Murugesanar said, “You know, I am a strict follower
of Periar; even though I have some Brahmin friends, I don’t go to a Brahmin’s house. I have
come to congratulate you; you have brought name and fame to our school; you have stood
first in the entire Madras State in the Tamil Examination of the S.S.L.C. final examinations; I
just learnt that there is another student in another town, who has scored exactly the same
marks as you have secured”.
“The Dharmapuram Adheenam had instituted, since a few years back, a cash price of
Rs.300/- to be awarded to the student who stood first in Tamil in the S.S.L.C. examination
of each year. They have given a telegram to your Head Master, asking a representative to
be sent to the Adheenam’s office in Madras. They are going to decide, on the basis of
lottery, to whom the prize money should go. You know I don’t care much about these
Adheenams. But I am going to represent you at the Adheenam”. With a smile Murugesanar
said, “I, a staunch follower of Periar, am going to represent you, a devout follower of
Acharyar”. My sister and I felt jubilant. Murugesanar was about to leave. I thanked him and

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asked him whether he would drink a cup of milk in a Brahmin’s house. Murugesanar
replied, “Our relationship is teacher-student relationship, nothing else matters now; I will
gladly drink on this happy occasion”. Murugesanar drank the milk and left. Three days later,
Head Master Velayudam Pillai sent a school boy to tell me the news that I had won Rs.300/The next day there was a small celebration in the School, when my name was entered in a
new Honor Role Board and I was awarded the cash prize.
After getting rich, unexpectedly, with Rs.300/- I rushed to Chinna Kancheepuram to report
to Periaval. He was camping in nearby Sivasthanam. I did my usual namaskarams. I placed
the three hundred rupees in a bamboo plate before him. He seemed to be quite surprised
and looked at me. Proudly, I told him of my big award. “I am very happy to hear this”, he
said. “What did the Chettiar tell you when you went to him for Rs.110/-?”, Periaval asked
me immediately; I told him briefly what happened to me at the Chettiar’s shop, since
Ramakrishna Sastrigal would have told him the details.
“You see the mysterious ways in which Bhagavan acts”, Periaval remarked. I said to myself,
“I don’t know any Bhagavan but you”. “So, you rushed to tell me the good news, place your
money before me and take it back”, He said smilingly. I kept my mouth shut. He continued,
“You must have already thought of a plan as to how to spend it”. I told him I was going to
pay Rs.100/ - to a doctor in Kancheepuram as fees for the forthcoming cataract operation
of my mother and I was going to buy a second hand bicycle for Rs.100/-, “Still you are rich,
left with Rs.100/-.” Periaval remarked humorously, gave me prasadam and asked me to
return to Chidambaram. The simple and serene Sivasthanam temple has always attracted
me.
After taking leave of Periaval, I went to do my ‘Pradakshinams’ in the Siva Temple. At the
end of my first pradakshinam, I saw a young orthodox Iyengar, standing at the entrance of
the temple and shouting, “There is a rich man here and Periaval wants to see him”. There
were about forty visitors at that time and nobody responded. The young Iyengar returned
to Periaval. At the end of my second pradakshinam, I saw the same person shouting as
before. Nobody responded and the Iyengar returned to Periaval and after the third
pradakshinam, I went inside the temple to witness the “Camphor harati” and came out. By

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then the same Iyengar was heard shouting more definitely, “There is a rich man here with
exactly three hundred rupees and Periaval wants him”. It was now quite clear to me. I
rushed to Periaval in the hut. I was wondering what was in store for me.
With an enchanting smile he asked me, “Are you the rich man, I have been looking for?” I
humbly replied, “I have three hundred rupees at this moment”. Periaval said, “Will you give
me thirty rupees?” I placed all the three hundred rupees in the bamboo plate before him.
He said, “I just want thirty rupees”. Then I left thirty rupees in the plate and took the
remaining amount.
Then pointing out to me the young Iyengar, Periaval said, “You have won this money for
your expertise in Tamil; this young man wants to earn his living by teaching Sanskrit; he
wants to prepare himself for this by passing some private examinations in Sanskrit.
Tomorrow seems to be the last day for paying his examination fees. He asked me to give
thirty rupees. Then I remembered you. With your own hands, give these thirty rupees to
this scholar in Sanskrit”, Periaval concluded. I did as I was told and left. The Sanskrit scholar
came out of the hut to thank me. I told him we should all know whom to thank! I returned
to Chidambaram.
After the visit of Mr.Chettiar, that week-end, I rushed to Chinna Kancheepuram to report to
Periaval. I told Periaval about Chettiar’s meeting with me in my sister’s house and about his
offer to me.
Periaval asked me, “Did Chettiar himself come to your house and apologize to you?”. “Yes.
He did”, I replied. Periaval went silent for a few minutes. Then he said, “I was somewhat
harsh with Chettiar, when he came to see me. He regrets now, what he did to you when
you went to see him. But, you see, the mistake is not entirely Chettiar’s. I should have told
his Manager explicitly what I wanted the Chettiar to do for you. Certainly he should not
have asked you whether you had lands or house or jewellery. If you had any of these, I
would not have sent you to him. Now that Chettiar is willing to take care of all your
expenses, what do you want to do?”, Periaval asked me.


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I replied, “I don’t feel like accepting anything from Mr.Chettiar.” “You seem to be still angry
with him, he made a mistake and repents for it. What else you want him to do? He is also
one of my devotees; if you don’t accept anything from him after all this, he is going to feel
terribly bad and I don’t want that to happen”, Periaval said. Then Periaval asked me how
much I needed for my monthly pocket expenses and I replied that not more than ten
rupees would be needed.
Then Periaval proposed a compromise, quite fair to both of his devotees, that I should get
from Mr.Chettiar Rupees ten every month, ten months a year until the completion of my
studies. I returned to Chidambaram and told Mr.Chettiar what Periaval wanted me to do.
Thereafter, every month I used to go to Chettiar’s shop to receive ten rupees. On these
occasions, Chettiar used to make brief enquiries about Periaval and about my education. I
knew precisely to whom he was showing his respects.
After these arrangements for my tuition fees and ‘pocket expenses’, I was wondering what
Periaval was going to do for my boarding and lodging. One day one couple in their fifties,
came to see me in my sister’s house in Chidambaram. They introduced themselves as Mr.&
Mrs. Swaminatha Iyer. They said they had just returned from Kancheepuram after having
darshan of Periaval. Then Mrs. Swaminatha Iyer said that when they were about to take
leave of Periaval, “Periaval said, I am interested in a boy, who has just joined the University
in your town; if you give him boarding and lodging, it would be your biksha to me”. I replied
immediately, ‘we would take care of that boy very gladly for the entire duration of his
studies.’
But Periaval added a condition that we should provide boarding and lodging only for one
day a week, for the duration of studies. We reluctantly agreed; we are not blessed with
children. We thought we were going to have a boy all to ourselves. Periaval also asked us to
tell our two neighbours Pattammal and Kokila that Periaval wanted each of them to
provide the boy with boarding and lodging, for one day a week, for his period of education.
Pattamma and her husband Duraiappa are great devotees of Periaval. We told Pattamma
and Kokila what Periaval wanted them to do. They were immensely pleased. We got your
address from the Mutt and have come to invite you to our house”. I became quite

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embarrassed. I cannot now adequately describe what my feelings were on hearing this
history. I thought that the mysterious Periaval was watching the whole proceedings. I was
deeply touched.
I immediately prostrated before the venerable couple. I told them that Periaval never even
hinted to me of such an arrangement for me and that I would come to them, only after
seeing Periaval. They left reluctantly, saying, “Please give us the happiness of having you in
our house”. My sister Meenakshi and I, both got quite confused by the turn of events.
Before I could have time to think about the couple and their preposition, the next day, an
elderly looking diminutive man came to see me. He said he was a medical doctor and that
he had just returned from Kancheepuram after visiting Periaval. Then he told me exactly
the same story, as told the previous day by Mr. & Mrs. Swaminatha Iyer; that he and his
brother, timber merchant Mahalinga Iyer were staunch devotees of Periaval and that it
would be their great privilege to give me boarding and lodging, one day a week in each of
their house. I thanked him and told him that I would come to see him, after visiting
Periaval. Then I went to my classes.
When I returned, I saw a young man waiting for me. He introduced himself as Sundaresan,
the second son of Katcheri Street Rajam mami. He said to his mother there was no other
God than Periaval and that she had just returned from Kancheepuram, after having darshan
of her God. Then Sundaresan told me the exact story, as told earlier by Mr. & Mrs.
Swaminatha Iyer. Sundaresan said, his mother was anxiously waiting to meet me and was
looking forward to having me in their house once a week. I told that University student
Sunderesan, that I would see his mother after visiting Periaval. It was becoming too much
for me to make out anything. Before another visitor showed up with a similar story, I
wanted to visit Periaval. I took the night train to Kancheepuram.
The next morning I waited for Periaval to finish his morning ‘anushtanams’. Then I
appeared before him and did my namaskarams. I did not say anything, when he looked at
me. Periaval was silent for a couple of minutes and then said, “So, except for one day in a
week, your weekly boarding and lodging have been arranged.” I did not respond and stood


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still. He continued “You seem to be not quite enthusiastic about my arrangement”. “May
be you think it would be better if lodging has been arranged”. Again I did not utter a word.
“May be you think it would be a humiliating experience. Each of the persons, who came
and saw you, is a great devotee of me; you will be a royal guest in their homes”. I continued
my silence, he went on, “You are an expert in Tamil; you must have known the famous
poetess Aauvaiyar’s saying”, “Getting educated is good, even if one has to beg; if you think
that my arrangement is some sort of a begging, I tell you, you did not beg; I will beg for
you”. Without realizing it, tears welled up in my eyes. When I went to Periaval, I was not
sure whether I would accept this arrangement, because I considered that it would be quite
a humiliating experience. But when the God himself told me, “You did not beg,” all my ego
in me got evaporated instantly.
With tears flowing from my eyes, I did my sashtanga namaskarams and told him, “I do
accept your arrangement for me”. In order not to make my God beg another person for the
missing day of my weekly meals, I told Periaval that I would eat one day a week in my
sister’s house. I could not stand before him anymore because of my emotion. I was leaving
but He called me and asked pointblank, “Did you accept my arrangement for you, because I
did it, or because you want somehow to complete your higher education?” It is because of
both, I said and left.
From that day onwards, I decided not to subject my Periaval to do anything for me. Even in
my prayers to him, I never sought any benefit for me or for my family. He had blessed me
even when I was a very young boy.
Let me continue my story. My experiences with the six families were quite happy. Each of
them treated me like a royal guest as Periaval said. Soon I became an affectionate member
of each of these families. Contrary to what Periaval was afraid of, I did not have to skip
even a single meal. A gentle and benevolent widow Sundaram Mami (sister of
Shri.Neelakanta Iyer of B.G.Paul & Co.) took care of my book expenses each year. The
Annamalai University also awarded me a merit-cum- means scholarship of the value of
Rs.150/- per year. My higher studies progressed without any problem.


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When I was in the second year of studies, my sister Meenakshi and her husband
Ramamoorthy also joined the Mutt. From the very beginning, I was completely
overpowered by Pattammal’s affection for me. After two years, I stayed with her
permanently during the rest of my course and a couple of months more when I became a
lecturer in the Annamalai University. The other families rightly understood Pattammal’s
overpowering influence on me and my decision to stay with her. Duraiappa’s younger
brother’s only son, Natarajan was also studying in the same University. We became very
good friends.
After my final B.Sc., Hons. Examination in April, 1960, I spent the next two months with
Periaval. He was then camping at Tiruchirapalli in the National High School Campus, where
every night, he was delivering a lecture. I spent time in understanding these lectures. I
would like to mention one of my most moving experiences of this period.
One morning, I went to a barber’s shop opposite to the National High School for my hair
cut. As we all know, while doing their jobs, barbers usually talk a lot about interesting
things, about politicians and film stars in particular, to keep their customers from getting
bored. While doing his job, this barber asked where I was from and why I was there in
Tiruchi. I told him that I was from Chidambaram and that I had come to pay my respects to
the Samiar camping in the school, opposite to his shop. Then the barber said, “we are all
barbers here and followers of Periar E.V.R.”. I felt a little uneasy. I had a tuft and his knife
was on my head! He continued, “I have always thought that all Samiars are bogus and
hypocrites. But this Samiar seems to be different”. I became less nervous and asked him
why he thought so.
He replied, “Every day, he goes by this street; for the first few days, I did not even look at
him; then one morning, I saw him face to face just in front of my shop. His face looked
quite innocent and his eyes were sparkling. Suddenly there was a tingling sensation all over
my body. Without realizing it, my hands got raised taking the form of showing respect.
With difficulty, I controlled myself and brought my hands down. I told this incident to my
barber friends. They also said that this Samiar seem to be genuine. We all decided that we

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should not cause any harm to the persons who came to see this Samiar. So, you don’t have
to be afraid of us”, he assured me, finishing his job. This incident has been ever fresh in my
memory. Around 2 p.m. that day, I ran accidentally to the backyard of the school. I was not
supposed to see Him on that day, because of my haircut. Persons, after having a shave
should not move out where Periaval was or see Him.
I thought the backyard of the school was a safe place. I turned around so as not to face him.
But he called and said, “I have finished my biksha; it seems you had today a nice shaving”.
After making sure that there was no Mutt official around, I faced Periaval and said, “yes,
Periaval is right.” “Did your barber entertain you with some nice stories?”, Periaval asked
humorously. I replied very seriously, “on the contrary, my barber talked to me about
spirituality; and he even praised you”, then I narrated to him the talk of the barber. Periaval
was silent for a few minutes. Then he said, and I quote, translating what he said in Tamil;
“Sometimes, I have wondered whether all my meditations and prayers have produced any
effect on society? From what you said just now, it seems they have not gone to waste”.
Then he went inside. I said to myself, “Your meditations and prayers have indeed produced
and will continue to produce desirable changes in all persons in the society”.
Now, I go back to my earlier years. It was an important occasion for me, but I don’t
remember the exact timing. I was spending a summer with him. One day at Orikkai, he
suddenly asked, “I see you are not invested with sacred thread; why is it?”. I replied that
my mother had been telling my father about this and that my father had been telling her
that he had not saved enough money for my ‘upanayanam’ function. I quote below what
Periaval said in his thought provoking lecture to me: “I am unhappy about the present
Brahmin Community. They have converted purely sacred and simple functions like
‘Upanayanam’ into social melas.
They waste a lot of money on unnecessary things, like silk sarees and coffee-drinking. They
don’t pay attention to the main part of the function. I don’t mind, even though I don’t
approve of it, if the rich people spend their money showing off their wealth. But, the
trouble is, the poor try to imitate the rich. They borrow beyond their means to conduct
simple functions such as ‘upanayanam’. They postpone the performance of the

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‘upanayanam’ which had to be done at the right age. Actually, the money needed for the
celebration of an ‘upanayanam’ is quite modest. Boys remain without the sacred thread
until the day before their wedding”.
He stopped abruptly and was silent. Then raising his voice, he said angrily, “Why, I talk
about others? You, yourself, are standing before me, showing your bare chest to me. I did
not observe this before”. I got really afraid. I tried to leave. But Periaval commanded, “Go
and bring your father here and bring also a ‘panchangam’.” My father appeared before
Periaval, leaving his work in the middle. While looking at the ‘panchangam’, Periaval told
my father, “this is a good month for performing ‘upanayanam’ of this son of yours, who is
standing here showing his bare chest to me”.
My father attempted to say something. But Periaval intervened and told him, “don’t tell me
that you have not saved enough money and there is no time to invite your relatives. The
Sastrigals in the Mutt can be asked to help you to perform the ‘upanayanam’. You can pay
them whatever you can afford and you can take the necessary provisions from the
‘ugranam’ of the Mutt. Apart from the boy, his mother and you, no relatives are necessary
for this function”. My father said, “Periaval had already assigned to me preparing of the
‘neivedyam’ on the next Thursday.”
Periaval replied, “You will be doing it without fail and you will also be performing the
‘upanayanam’ of your son on that day. The function should take place exactly at this place
in this cow-shed. The cows should not be disturbed. You do the ‘poorvangams’ very early in
the morning. Then go and prepare the ‘neivedyam’ to Chandramouleeswarar. By the time, I
start my pujas, you come back to continue the activities here. Now you go back to finish
your work”, he concluded, dismissing my father from his presence. I disappeared with my
father. I went to Chinna Kancheepuram to report to my mother. She was happy and
unhappy at the same time. She was unhappy because there was not much time to invite all
her relatives and there was not enough money to celebrate the function in a grand manner.
No relatives were invited and no new clothes were bought. The upanayanam function was
in progress, exactly as per the plan of Periaval, in the cow-shed. There appeared a very

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good looking couple, each with a big bamboo-plate in their hands. The nadaswara vidwans
of the Mutt were standing before this couple, playing music. At once, I recognized them.
My parents and I knew them. They were Nangavaram Sundararaja Iyer and his wife. Then
Sundararaja Iyer spoke: “We came yesterday evening and appeared before Periaval. Then
we learnt from Periaval that, one in whom Sri Periaval had taken much interest, is to have
Brahmopadesam today” and presented my parents and myself with new clothes and
flowers, fruits, sugar candy etc. They remained till the end of the function.
When Periaval was doing chandana-abishekam in the adjoining hall, (separated by a thick
wall), exactly at that time, my upanayana muhoortham took place. My parents and I waited
in the cow-shed for periaval to finish his puja. Periaval came straight to the cow-shed
where we were. We hurriedly did our namaskarams. He took a fruit from the plate and
gave it to me and made us all to eat at the general samaradhanai saying that “It will be the
kalyanam meals.”
Starting with such an upanayanam function, any mentally sound person would be doing his
Sandhyavandhanams regularly for the rest of his life. This wretched writer deserves to be
damned for this omission. I have been reciting the “Gayathri Mantram”, at odd times in
odd places. Perhaps this will save me.
There have been many occasions when I felt completely distressed. I thought I would throw
away my poonal (sacred thread), wrapping my chest like a serpent. What prevented me
from doing this was, that I remembered the circumstances of my unique upanayanam
function. Perhaps, Periaval himself suspected that I would one day (or would have already)
throw (thrown) away my poonal. I visited Periaval in July 1986, after nearly six years, while
on a brief visit to India from Mexico. One evening, my wife and I went to Kancheepuram.
The next day was the day of ‘avani avittam’, a day in which, after purificatory ceremonies, a
male adorns new poonal, discarding the old one. I had my new poonal in a group ceremony
held at the Mutt. That afternoon, we had darshan of Periaval. Paattu Ramamoorthy was by
the side of Periaval. He introduced saying, “Duraiswamy Iyer’s son Sundararaman and his
wife have come from Mexico; they are doing namaskarams to Periaval”. Periaval looked at
us and asked Paattu Ramamoorthy by gestures, whether I was wearing poonal. (I said

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within myself, ‘I am not standing before you, showing my bare-chest.’) Paattu
Ramamoorthy replied to Periaval, “Yes, he is wearing”.
Then Periaval gestured to him, whether I had changed my poonal that day. Ramamoorthy
replied, “Yes, he has done so in the group sravanam in the Mutt, I saw it.” Periaval gave us
prasadams. I decided that day, “I will never throw away my poonal, however imperfect I am
and have been, and under no circumstances”. The next week, we went to Los Angeles, my
new place of job at the University of California. Presently I am retracting to the year from
1956to 1960 – to the periods of vacation.
On one occasion I took leave of Periaval staying in Chinna Kancheepuram, went to my
house and put on newly washed shirt and dhoti. I was about to leave for the Railway
Station. I remembered that I have not taken leave of my father. I hurried to the Mutt,
removed my shirts, held it on my left hand, saw my father working in the backyard and
took leave of him. My father said, “Periaval is sitting near the well, all along, go and do
namaskarams and then leave”. I told my father that I had already taken leave of Periaval.
My father said, “Nothing will be lost if you do your namaskarams to him once more”.
Reluctantly, I went near the well. Periaval was sitting with legs stretched out and eyes halfclosed. It looked to me as though he was about to sleep. There was a pool of muddy water
where I was standing. I had to do my namaskarams. I carefully put my shirt on a high raised
stone (meant for washing clothes), carefully bent myself with the toes of my legs and
fingers of my hands touching the clean parts of the ground. I did this exercise four times. I
was about to leave, without making any noise. Suddenly Periaval laughed and asked me
what I did just then. I replied that I did my namaskarams to Periaval. “Really, I thought you
did your namaskarams to your clean and white veshti (Dhoti)”, said Periaval.
I knew I was caught red handed? He continued somewhat angrily, “why this hypocrisy? Did
I ever ask you to do namaskarams to me?” I rolled over the slushy and muddy pool of
drainage water several times, with a feeling of doing ‘anga pradhakshanam’ (As devotees
do, in the holy prakaram in the temple of Lord Venkateswara in Tirupati.) “Stop, stop, it is
enough. You have completely ruined your clean and white veshti; I hope you have an
alternate veshti for changing; go home, take a bath, dress up and run to the station to catch

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your train”, Periaval said. I did not utter a word; I felt as
though my tongue was pierced through a big needle. I
thought just then, “I was completely exposed and severely
whipped publicly”. Earlier my father said without knowing
what was in store for me? “Nothing will be lost if you do
your namaskarams to him once more”. But I came out of
the Mutt with a feeling as though I lost all my hypocrisy.
It is well known to people who have had associations with
Periaval that Periaval found time, amidst his busy schedule
of activities, to learn about what was going on in the world
at large. Devotees were one source of information, and
daily newspapers in Tamil and English another. In regard to
judgment of these, he made his own analysis and judgment. One day, after biksha, he was
reading the Tamil daily Swadesamitran.
There was a report about the devastating effects of radiation on people living in Japan. The
report detailed the effects on those unfortunate people, even 15 years after the nuclear
attacks on the two cities. The report started in the first page with a bold heading and was
continued in a particular column, in a particular page.
But the report was not continued in the column of the page mentioned, perhaps it was a
printer’s devil. Periaval asked us to find out where exactly the report had been continued.
My friends spent about five minutes each and told Periaval that they could not locate the
page. They were just looking for the heading. When my turn came, I read the report from
its very beginning and looked for its logical continuation in other pages. I found the
continuation in the last but one page. With a sense of discovery, I told Periaval, that I had
found it. “It is in that particular page and in that particular column, is it not?” Periaval said,
shattering my feeling of discovery, that he had already read the full report. To assuage my
feelings he began to call me ‘Discoverer of Atom Bomb’, for the duration of the visit. The
main point in this particular experience is the concern he expressed, in a chain of questions,
which imprinted on my mind. “What is an atom bomb? Why scientists hail this as one of

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the greatest inventions of modern science? What was the world-context when this terrible
invention was made? What sort of problems can one imagine that would arise if these
mass-killer weapons proliferate?”
“What is the use of Science without moral consideration?” After each question, he paused
and finally after the last question, he went into a long silence. With some scientific
background, I could understand the depth of these questions. By the way, contrary to what
some might think, Periaval was (at least the Periaval I know of those years) all for scientific
research and development, especially in the context of India. But on the nuclear issue, he
had very definite views. He was for a Nuclear Weapons-Free World.
After my college-studies, I became a lecturer in Mathematics in the Annamalai University in
June 1960, with strong recommendations from my esteemed Professors V.Ganapathy Iyer
and G.Sankaranarayanan, though there was a problem. As per the rules of the University,
teachers of the University who have tuft (kudumi) must wear turbans to cover their heads,
when they teach. I thought it was total nonsense. I protested to my Professor V.Ganapathy
Iyer. He said there was no use in fighting. I could disobey, if I did not care about my job for
the next year.
The trouble was the then Vice Chancellor Mr.Narayanaswami Pillai himself was wearing
turban, even though he had cropped his head. It was one of the vestiges of the British Raj, I
suppose. I needed the job very badly. With the help of two advocates of Chidambaram, I
learned to prepare and wear a turban. I now realized the significance of Adi Sankara’s Bhaja
Govindam, especially the line, “Udaranimittam bahukrita vesham”. I had lot of dense and
unwieldy hair. To confine them inside a turban was a sort of mathematical packingproblem. I must have looked quite funny, for I knew students were laughing behind me.
One morning I arranged with the family barber to shave off all the hair on my head. Much
reluctantly, he did a fine job. Later the kudumi was transformed into crop. My mother
came from Kancheepuram.
She was so angry with me that she did not even speak to me. I did not have the will power
to face the world. A feeling of guilt had become part of me. I thought I would punish myself

Page 29 of 94



by not visiting Periaval for one full year. I did not visit him from September 1960 to August
1961. After a year of unbearable mental restlessness, I got bold and decided that I would go
and see him. Did he not already tell me, good or bad, anyone could visit him? He did not
talk to me. Then I began to visit frequently. He began to talk, but not directly to me. All that
he asked and all my replies to more queries were conveyed through one of the assistants
by his side. It was quite a strange experience for me. But I was not discouraged; I kept on
visiting Him, whenever I had time.
Finally, during a visit in June, 1962, He talked to me directly. He asked about my mother.
(Since September 1960, I had established with my mother a family in Chidambaram. My
father continued in the iron-grips of Periaval). Then He asked about my job and how much I
was able to save each month. After making sure that I was doing reasonably well, Periaval
asked me, “Will you give me biksha?” Tears from my eyes began to flood the ground and I
actually wept. Periaval asked me to compose myself. “Oh God, why is this? The God who
begged for me, now asks me for biksha.” I cried and told Him that I was at his feet.
Then Periaval told me, “There is a Mahavidwan in Karaikudi. I respect him very highly. He
has a large family. One of his sons has got admission in M.Sc., in your University. The biksha
I ask you to give is; Give this boy boarding and lodging in your home for two years”. I said,
with Periavall’s blessings, I would gladly undertake this responsibility. A few days later, the
young man, Ramachandran came to see me in my house. Ramachandran was only a few
years younger than me. We became very good friends. Ramachandran became a member
of my family. Ramachandran is a senior scientist in the Geological Survey of India. He lives
in Madras. The Mahavidwan, his father, is no more. There are many persons I know, whose
lives have become enriched, in every sense of the word, by direct and indirect associations
with Periaval.
I got married on June 30, 1963. My wife Lakshmi and I went on a trip to a village
(Narayanapuram) near Madurai, where Periaval was camping and got the blessings and I
managed to get Periaval’s permission to take my father from the Mutt to live with us.


Page 30 of 94



My wife and I had the pleasure of both my father and mother living with us. By then, we
shifted to a house at Annamalai Nagar, very near the campus of the University. We lived
quite peacefully. In late 1966, I applied to the Columbia University for my ‘higher studies’. I
applied to the Fullbright Foundation for a travel grant. I got the fellowship in April 1967 and
the travel grant in the late June 1967. My University refused to give me ‘Study Leave’. I did
not hesitate to resign. I did not have time to go to Periaval’s camp.
I sent a letter and he sent me prasadam. I received my Ph.D. Degree from the Columbia
University in the city of NewYork in 1971. I remembered Periaval’s Geethopadesam to me
at the River Palar in 1955: “Get as much higher education as possible”. I continue to be a
student in the “PERIAVAL UNIVERSITY”, where one learns by being eager and earnest, by
patience and persistence, by hard work, by minute observations of people, by questions
and answers, by stead-fast faith, by getting lost in silence and meditation and by being
faithful, honest and humble always.
I would like to end this article with my latest darshan of Periaval on January 21, 1993.
After the wedding of my eldest son Guruprasad with Sow. Vidya on January 18, 1993 at
Tirupathi, we wanted to visit Periaval to have His darshan and to get His blessings. After
performing Kalyana Utsavam to Lord Venkateswara on January 20, 1993, we left Tirupathi
the next day in the morning for Kancheepuram. We wanted to start early. But we
misplaced the keys of the rooms of the Guest House where we were staying. This caused
delay. We could leave only around 9 a.m. I told the drivers of the taxis that we should reach
Kancheepuram by 11 a.m., to be in time for Periaval’s darshan. I assumed that Periaval
would give darshan that day! We had to go through three railway gates between Tirupathi
and Tiruttani.
We got abnormally delayed because of the second railway gate also having been closed. I
told my sambandi Rajagopal, who was sitting next to me, that I lost the hope of having
darshan of Periaval on that day. At that time, a private car negotiated its way to the front of
our car and stopped just before the gate. On the outside of the back window of the car, the
name ‘CHANDRASEKAR’ was written in big letters. I told Mr.Rajagopal, somewhat

Page 31 of 94



humorously, that unless ‘THAT CHANDRASEKAR’ came to our help, the gates would not
open. I thought Rajagopal might not have understood what I said.
I explained that unless CHANDRASEKHARENDRA SARASWATHI came to our help, the gates
would not open in time for us to be in Kancheepuram. Just then, would the readers believe
it, the driver of the car in front got out, went to the gate keeper, talked to him for a minute
and came back. Immediately the gate keeper opened the gates. The ‘Chandrasekar’ car fled
through and our three taxis followed it. When that car and our three taxis reached the third
gate, it was also found closed. I told Rajagopal that I was praying that the same thing
should happen again. It did. After some more distance, the Chandrasekhar car went in a
different direction. Rajagopal told me that the car must have belonged to a Minister or
some senior official of Andhra Pradesh Government. But I told him, “it is my Periaval’s one
more arrangement for me”.
We reached the Kanchi Mutt at 11.40 a.m. My brother Ganapati and his wife were there
already, waiting for us. My brother told us that we should rush to the place where Periaval
was giving darshan. By 11.50, we were all in front of Periaval. Our friends who were by the
side of Periaval, introduced us one by one. My newly wedded son Guruprasad and his wife
and then the rest got prasadams from Periaval. The curtain was closed, soon after. Then we
paid our respects to His Holiness Sri Sankara Vijayendra Saraswathi and His Holiness Sri
Jayendra Saraswathi and got their blessings and prasadams and went to Madras that
evening. I returned, with my second son Prabhakar, the next day to USA.
In these pages of narration of my experience with Periaval, I have used the words, ‘my
Periaval’, Periaval, Karunamurthy and God. I know I have not defined God (Could I have?)
and I have not attempted to prove that Periaval is God (Could I have?). I leave these to the
readers. I think that all I would say, like what Max Mueller said of Sri Ramakrishna
Paramahamsa, that Periaval is a wonderful mixture of God and Man. As for me, I am sure
now, more than ever, that I lived with God for fifteen long years.

Jaya Jaya Shankara, Hara Hara Shankara!


Page 32 of 94



நான் கடவுளுடன் வாழ்ந்ததன்

(மூலம்: Dr.சுந்தரராமன்; மமாழிமபயர்ப்பு: திரு. நாராயணன் பாலா)
விஸ்வரூப தரிசைம்
1993—ஆம் ஆண்டு, ஜைவரி மாதம் 7—ஆம் தததி அன்று நானும் எைது மனைவி லக்ஷ்மியும்
மபரியவானைத்

தரிசித்து,

வரப்தபாகும்

எங்கள்

மகன்

குருப்ரசாத்தின்

திருமணத்திற்கு

ஆசீ ர்வாதம் மபறுவதற்குக் காஞ்சீ புரம் மசன்றிருந்ததாம். மடத்னத அனடந்தவுடன், மபரியவாள்
அன்றும் அதற்கடுத்த நாளும் தரிசைம் தருவதற்கில்னல என்று அறிந்ததாம். இருந்தாலும், 11-30
முதல் 12 மணி வனர, நாங்கள், அவர் வழக்கமாக தரிசைம் தரும் இடத்தில் வரினசயாக,
நின்தறாம்.

பிறகு,

ஸ்ரீ

விஜதயந்த்ரசரஸ்வதி

பூனஜனயப்

பார்த்துவிட்டு,

பிரஸாதம்

ஸ்வாமிகள்

மபற்றுக்மகாண்டு,

மசய்த

எங்கள்

சந்திரமமௌை ீஸ்வரர்

மருமான்

ஸ்ரீ

சந்த்ருவின்

வட்டிற்குச் மசன்தறாம்.
ீ
மதிய

உணவு

தரிசைம்

ஆை

பிறகு,

சுமார்

மகாடுப்பாதரா என்ற

அறிந்தவர்கள்

அது

4-30

மணிக்கு,

அதிருஷ்டவசமாக,

நம்பிக்னகயில், மடத்திற்குத்

சாத்யமில்னல

என்று

கூறி

மபரியவாள்

திரும்பச் மசன்தறாம்.

விட்டைர்.

சுமார்

5-30

மானல
விஷயம்

மணிக்கு,

எங்கள்

பிரார்த்தனைக்குப் பலன் கினடத்தது. மபரியவா, மசால்ப சமயத்திற்கு தரிசைம் தருவார் என்று
அறிந்ததாம்.

சில

நிமிஷங்கள்

கினடக்காதா

என்று

இருந்த

எங்களுக்குப்

பதினைந்து

நிமிஷங்கள் தனடயின்றி தரிசைம் கினடத்தது. மபரியவாளுக்கு அருகில் நின்று மகாண்டிருந்த
ஒரு

ஸ்வாமிகள்

னவபவத்தின்

என்ைிடம்

தபாது,

ஒரு

வந்து

மசான்ைார்,

புஸ்தகம்

”மபரியவாதைாட

நூறாண்டு

மவைியிடலாமமன்றிருக்கிதறாம்;

நினறவு

மபரியவாதைாடு

மநருங்கிப் பழகியவர்கள் எழுதிய கட்டுனரகள் அதில் பிரசுரமாகும்; அதில நீங்களும் உங்கள்
அனுபவங்கனை எழுத தவண்டும்.” என்று தகட்டுக் மகாண்டார். அந்த ஸ்வாமிகனை முதலில்
எைக்கு யாமரன்று மதரியவில்னல; அவர்தான் ‘தமட்டூர் ஸ்வாமிகள்’ என்று பிற்பாடு மதரிந்து
மகாண்தடன்.
‘உங்கள்

அனுபவங்கனை’

என்ற

வார்த்னதகனைக்

தகட்டவுடன்,

என்

மைம்

பல

வருஷங்களுக்கு முன்பு ஒரு இரவு தநரத்திற்குத் தாவிச் மசன்றது; 1957—ஆம் வருஷம்; இடம்--ஓரிக்னக கிராமம்; என்னறக்கும் என்ைால் மறக்க முடியாத ஒரு அனுபவத்னதக் மகாடுத்த
இரவு;

மபரியவாைின்

விஸ்வரூப

தரிசைம்

கினடத்த

இரவு.

அன்னறய

திைம்

அவருக்கு

மிகவும் busy –ஆக இருந்த நாள். இரவு சுமார் 9—மணிக்கு எல்லா அணுக்கத் மதாண்டர்கனையும்

Page 33 of 94


பக்தர்கனையும்

சின்ை

காஞ்சீ புரத்திற்குப்


தபாகும்படி

மசால்லிவிட்டார்..

ஒரு

அணுக்கத்மதாண்டரிடம், “சுந்தரராமன் மட்டுதம இங்கு இருக்க தவண்டும்” என்றார். அதற்கு
அவர், “சுந்தரராமன் இன்னும் சாப்பிடவில்னல” என்றார்.
“அவன் இதற்குள் சாப்பாட்னட ‘skip’ பண்ண பழக்கமாயிருக்குதம”------மபரியவா.
நான் ஒன்றும் மசால்லவில்னல. இமதல்லாம் ஆை பின், மபரியவா, கனைப்பாக இருப்பதாகவும்
குைிப்பதற்கு

என்னை

மவந்நீர்

தயார்

மசய்யும்படியும்

கூறிைார்.

அந்தப்

பனழய

வட்டின்
ீ

உள்முற்றத்தில் ஒரு மூனலயில் ஒரு பானையில் மவந்நீர் சூடாகிக் மகாண்டிருக்கும் தபாது, ,
அவர்

அந்த

முற்றத்தின்

நடுவில்

ஒரு

மகௌபீைம்

மட்டும்

அணிந்து

மகாண்டு

அமர்ந்திருந்தார்..அந்த முற்றத்துக் கூனரயில் இருந்த சில இனடமவைிகைின் வழியாக வந்த
மங்கலாை நிலா மவைிச்சம் மட்டும்தான் இருந்தது..
“உைக்கு என்னுனடய ஆரம்பக் கால கனத மதரியுமா?”------மபரியவா தகட்டார்.
“;எைக்கு மகாஞ்சங்கூட மதரியாது”------நான்.
இதனைத் மதாடர்ந்தது ஒரு முப்பது நிமிஷ தநரம், மபரியவாைின் தபச்சு. என்ைிடம் அந்த
சமயத்தில் ஒரு தடப் ரிகார்டர் இல்னலதய என்று வருந்திதைன். ஆைால், இது நடந்த வருஷம்
தவிர

மற்றது

எல்லாம்

அப்படிதய

பசுனமயாக

நினைவில்

இருக்கிறது.

அது

1958—ஆக

இருக்கலாம்.. ஆைால் தததியும் நாளும் நினைவில்னல.. என்னுனடய கல்லூரி விடுமுனறயின்
தபாது

அங்கு

மசான்ைதின்

மசன்றிருந்ததன்..
முக்கியமாை

பிராயத்திைைாக

அதற்கு

விஷயங்கள்

இருந்ததால்

முப்பத்திநாலு

வருஷங்களுக்குப்

ஞாபகமிருக்கின்றை.

என்னுனடய

ஞாபகசக்தி

நான்

பிறகும்

அப்மபாழுது

அத்தனை

அவர்
சிறிய

நன்றாக

இரூந்திருப்பதற்கில்னல என்றும் இப்மபாழுது நான் அனதப் பற்றி மசால்வது மினகப்படுத்தி
மசால்லப்பட்டிருக்கலாம்

என்றும்

வாசகர்கள்

நினைக்கலாம்.

ஆைால்,

‘உண்னமயும்

;

ஒருவருனடய அனுபவமும் காலத்திைால் என்றும் மாறுவதில்னல’ என்பது சான்தறார் வாக்கு.
நான் மசால்வதில் உண்னமயல்லாதததா, மினகப்படுத்தியததா, தவறுததலா இல்னலமயன்பது
என் துணிபு.
மபரியவாளுடனும்

மற்றவர்களுடனுமாை

எண்ணங்களுக்கும்


உணர்ச்சிகளுக்கும்

ஸம்பாஷனணகளும்,

உருக்மகாடுத்ததும்,


என்

தாய்

மற்றும்
மமாழி

Page 34 of 94


தமிழிதலதான்.
மமாழி

என்ைால்

மபயர்த்துத்

வரலாற்றின்

முடிந்த

அைவு,

தந்திருக்கிதறன்..

முக்கிய

மிகவும்

இந்த

குறிப்புகனை------என்


ஜாக்கிறனதயாக,

பீடினகதயாடு,

மைத்தில்

அவர்

ஆழப்பதிந்து

அனத

ஆங்கிலத்தில்

என்ைிடம்

விட்ட

மசான்ை

குறிப்புகனை-------

இப்தபாது மசால்கிதறன்.
பதின்மூன்று வயதில் அவர் காஞ்சி மடத்தின் பீடாதிபதிப் மபாறுப்னப ஏற்றுக்மகாண்ட சில
நாட்கைில்,

மடத்தின்

மிக

புரிபவர்கள்

எதிலும்

மடத்திற்குச்

மசாந்தமாை

தமாசமாை

அக்கனற

நினலனமனய

இல்லாமல்

நிலங்கனை

அறிந்து

இருந்தைர்.

நிர்வகித்துக்

மகாண்டார்.

மடம்

மடத்தில்

கடைில்

மகாண்டிருந்தவர்கள்,

பணி

மூழ்கியிருந்தது.
அனவகைிலிருந்து

வந்த வருமாைத்தில் குனறந்த பக்ஷ அைவும் கூட மடத்திற்குக் மகாடுப்பதில்னல. பக்தர்கள்
தங்களுக்குள்தைதய

சண்னடயிட்டுக்

மகாண்டிருந்தைர்.

மடத்தின்

திைப்படி

மசலவுகளுக்குக்

கூட, பக்தர்கைிடமிருந்து காணிக்னககள் வரவில்னல.------ஒரு சமயம் மடத்திற்குச் மசாந்தமாை
ஒரு

தங்கத்

தட்னட

அடகு

னவத்துத்

திைப்படி

மசலனவ

சமாைிக்குமைவுக்கு

நினலனம

தமாசமாக இருந்ததாக மடத்தில் நீண்ட நாைாகப் பணி புரியும் ஒரு மதாண்டர் வாயிலாக
அறிந்ததன்.
பின் அவருனடய முதல் ததச யாத்தினரனயப் பற்றிக் கூறிைார். இந்த யாத்தினரயின் தபாது
அவர் சந்தித்த பல கஷ்டங்கனைப் பற்றி மிகவும் உணர்ச்சி வசமாகக் கூறிைார். ஒரு இடத்தில்,
அவனர

மிகவும்

யாத்தினரயின்
தபாது,

ஏைைமாகவும்

தபாது

ததசத்னதப்

மகாண்டதாகக்

நினறய
பற்றியும்,

கூறிைார்.

தகவலமாகவும்

மபண்கள்

அவனரத்

ததசத்தின்

ஆங்கிதலயரின்

தபசிைர்;

மதாடர்ந்ததுதான்.

கஷ்டங்கனைப்
ஆட்சி,

ஏமைன்றால்,
இந்த

பற்றியும்

மஹாத்மா

காந்தி,

அவருனடய
யாத்தினரயின்

நன்றாகத்
சுதந்திரப்

மதரிந்து

தபாராட்டம்

ஆகியவகனை எல்லாம் பற்றி நன்கு அறிந்தார். இந்தியத் தாய்நாட்னடப் பற்றிய அவருனடய
ஆழமாை உணர்ச்சிகள் என் மைனத ஆழமாகத் மதாட்டது.. இந்த என் மசாந்த அனுபவத்தால்
அவனர இந்நாட்டின் மிக உயர்ந்த ததசபக்தராகவும் ஒரு உண்னமயாை இந்தியைாகவும் நான்
மதித்ததன்.
இைி என்னுனடய மறக்க முடியாத அனுபவத்தின் கருவுக்கு வருதவாம்.. மவன்ை ீர் தயாரக
இருந்தது;

இந்த

சங்கடமாை


ஆரம்பகால

அனுபவத்தின்

நினைவிலிருந்து

அவனரத் திருப்ப, நான் அவரிடம் கூறிதைன், “ நீங்கள் பீடம் ஏறியவுடன் இருந்த நினலனம,
இப்மபாழுது என்னுனடய நினலனமனயவிட தமாசமாக இருந்திருக்கும் தபால இருக்கிறதத”


Page 35 of 94



அவர் மதாடர்ந்தார், “இப்தபா என்னையும், மடத்னதயும் பத்தி புகழ்ச்சியாக எழுதறா. என்தைாட
பீடாதராஹண ஆரம்பகால கஷ்டங்கனைப் பத்தி யாருக்கும் மதரியனல தபாலருக்கு. யாரும்
அனதப்பத்தி

எழுதறதில்னல.

ஆைா

எைக்கு

அதுகள்தான்

நன்ைா

ஞாபகத்தில்

இருக்கு..

நீ

என்னைப் பத்தி எழுதறப்தபா, என்தைாட ஆரம்ப கால கஷ்டங்கனைப் பத்தி எழுதணும்”---என்று
தன்

தபச்னச

முடித்தார்..

எங்களுனடய

ஸம்பாஷனண

இப்படி

முடியும்

என்று

நான்

எதிர்பார்க்கவில்னல.
நான் மபரியவாைிடம் உடதை மசான்தைன், “மபரியவா இப்தபா என்தைாட வினையாடதறள்;
தகலி

பண்தறள்..

நான்

ஒண்ணுதம

இல்னல.

எனதயும்

எழுதுவதற்கு,

குறிப்பாக,

உங்கனைப்பற்றி எழுதுவதற்கு, எைக்கு ஒருக்காலும் ஸந்தர்ப்பம் வரப்தபாவதில்னல, “
குைிப்பதற்குத் தயாராகிக்மகாண்தட மசான்ைார், “நீ கட்டாயமாக எழுதத்தான் தபாதற; நானும்
பார்க்கத்தான் தபாதறன்.”
குைியல்

முடிந்து,

சிறிது

தநரம்

தியாைத்திற்குப்

பிறகு,

மறுபடியும்

மதாடர்ந்தார்,

“ஒைக்கு

மராம்ப பசியாயிருக்குதம! நா ஒன்னை வாரத்தில ஒமராரு நாள் ஒமராரு ஆத்தில சாப்பிட
மவச்சுட்தடன். ஒைக்கு இந்த ஏற்பாட்டில இஷ்டம் இல்தலன்னு எைக்குத் மதரியும். ஆைா, நீ
ஒன்தைாட கலாசானலப் படிப்ப முடிச்சு நான் பார்க்க ஆனசப்படதறன். நீ ஒன்தைாட ‘க்ைா’சுக்கு
அவசரமா கிைம்பறச்தச, அன்ைிக்கு நீ சாப்பிடற வட்டுல சாப்பாடு ‘மரடி’’ யா இல்தலன்ைா.
ீ
சாப்பிடானமதய நீ ‘க்ைா’சுக்குப் தபாதவ. முதல்லிதய, அதுதான் மசான்தைன், ‘உைக்குத்தான்
இப்தபா

சாப்பாட்னட

இருப்தபன்னு

‘மிஸ்’

எைக்குத்

பண்ணிப்

மதரியும்..

பழக்கமாயிருக்குதம’

இங்தக

ஒண்ணும்

ன்னு..

இல்தல..

இப்தபா

பாலில

நீ

பசிதயாட

ஊறமவச்ச

அவல்

மகாஞ்சம் மகாண்டுவந்து மவச்சிருக்கா.. வா! மரண்டு தபரும் சாப்பிடலாம்.”
நான் ஒரு இனல கினடக்குமான்னு பார்த்ததபாது, என் வலது னகனய நீட்டி, உள்ைங்னகனய
விரிக்கச்மசான்ைார்.
முதலில்

சாப்பிட

ஒரு

னகப்பிடி

ஆரம்பிக்கட்டும்

அவனல
என்று

அதில்
நான்

னவத்து,

காத்திருந்த

சாப்பிடச்மசான்ைார்..
தபாது,

என்னை

அவர்

முதலில்

சாப்பிடச்மசான்ைார்.. எைக்கு இரண்டு னகப்பிடிகள் மகாடுத்தபின் அவரும் சாப்பிட்டார்! எைக்கு
மயக்கம்

வரும்தபால்

இருந்தது

(dazed)

இருவரும்

சாப்பிட்டுக்தகாண்டிருக்னகயில்,

நான்

அவருனடய ஒைிவசும் முகத்னததய உற்றுப் பார்த்தவண்ணமிருந்ததன். அவருனடய மைசில்
ீ
என்ை

எண்ணங்கள்


முகத்தில்

ஓடிக்மகாண்டிருந்தை
அனைத்துக்

என்று

கடவுள்கைின்

என்ைால்
உலகத்னதப்

ஊகிக்க

முடியவில்னல.

பார்க்கிற

ஒரு


ப்ரத்தயக

Page 36 of 94

I Lived with God - by Dr.D.Sundararaman - that son of Doraiswamy Iyer!

I Lived with God - by Dr.D.Sundararaman - that son of Doraiswamy Iyer!

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