The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is
your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or
blame. The gift is yours - it is an amazing journey - and you alone are
responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really
begins. ~ Bob Moawad
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By Robin J. Elliott
What is Freedom?
“I define FREEDOM as the ability to live the lifestyle you want, where you
want to, to be able to do what you want, where you want, when you want, to
spend time only with people with whom you want to spend time, and to live
according to your values, beliefs, and principles, as well as having the financial
ability to afford to buy whatever you want. This lifestyle of freedom stems
from a certain way of thinking and understanding, which affords you the
mental means and tools to create this freedom yourself, to seize it, and to
escape from bondage, whatever that bondage may be. Your freedom starts in
your mind, regardless of your circumstances, and manifests itself in your life as
you diligently apply these principles and this philosophy. This book is designed
to help you attain this precious freedom and the peace and happiness that
comes with it.” ~ Robin J. Elliott
By Robin J Elliott
Copyright 2008 by Robin J. Elliott
Published by Robin J. Elliott
Suite 104, The Burlington,
2968 Burlington Drive,
Coquitlam, British Columbia,
Canada V3B 7N4
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in
any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying,
scanning and recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system,
without permission in writing by the author.
Printed in the United States of America
Book cover by Winston Bromley www.artbox.ca
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This Book is Presented to
In Grateful Recognition of
Freedom is in your mind. It is inside out. When you look at your past, present,
and future life and options, circumstances and challenges, through red glasses,
it looks bad, you make bad choices, and you get bad results. When you look
through green glasses, it looks good, you make better choices, and life gets
good; you attribute different meanings to what happens to you. “My mom
beat me because she didn’t love me” becomes “My mom was overwhelmed
with her debt problems and overacted - it had noting to do with me.”
This book is about replacing those red glasses with green glasses. The result is
true freedom in every area of your life.
NOTE: I realize that some people are not strong enough to be able to apply all
these principles to their lives; they will never be completely free. They might be
too damaged and they might have mental issues which will not be solved by
reading this book, however if even one part of this book can help them in just
one area of their lives, it will have been worth reading. Perhaps you can use this
information to help a friend or a family member. I have done my best to
include all the information you need, while at the same time keeping the book
short and concise. ~ Robin J. Elliott, Vancouver, May 2008.
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The cyclone derives its powers from a calm center. So does a person.
~Norman Vincent Peale
This book is dedicated to my son,
Stephen Tennyson Elliott.
The advice contained in this material might not be suitable for everyone.
Depending on your personal choices and commitment, you might not benefit
from this book. This is not meant to be psychological advice. The author
designed the information to present his opinion on the subject matter, based
on his personal experience and studies, and his experience with thousands of
businesses and people. The reader must carefully investigate all aspects of any
business or personal decision before committing him — or herself. The author
obtained the information contained herein from his own personal experience,
but he neither implies nor intends any guarantee of accuracy in every
application. The author is not in the business of giving legal, accounting,
psychological, investment, or any type of professional service. Should the
reader need such advice, he or she must seek the services of a professional and
do due diligence. The author particularly disclaims any liability, loss, or risk
taken by individuals who directly or indirectly act on the information contained
herein. The author believes the advice presented herein is sound, but readers
cannot hold him responsible for either the actions they take or the result of
those actions. Some of the information in this book may become out of date.
Whom Is This Book For? Page 9
Why This Book? Page 12
What Determine your Success or Failure in Life? Page 13
How do you Know what your Philosophy is? Page 14
How your Philosophy Works in Real Life Page 15
What Caused your Present Situation? Page16
Your Subconscious Mind is your Secret Weapon Page 18
Your Anchors Page 20
Hiding from Reality will Sabotage your Freedom Page 22
Attachment Page 23
Conditioning and Beliefs Page 24
When is Enough, Enough? Page 27
Making Friends with Yourself Page 28
Overcoming the Fear of Failure Page 30
The People in your Life Page 32
You Can Do This Page 35
Don’t Quit Page 38
Break Free from Guilt Page 39
Break Free from Bad Relationships Page 45
Break Free from Fear Page 48
Break Free from Worry Page 50
Break Free from your Job Page 52
INVICTUS Page 55
Your Affirmations Page 56
Break Free from Bad Health Page 57
Break Free Financially Page 59
Break Free from Mysticism and Religious Cults Page 65
Your Action Steps Page 67
My Final Word Page 69
Recommended Reading Page 70
Recommended Websites Page 71
About Robin J. Elliott Page 72
Support Information and Contact Information Page 72 (More on Page 73)
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Whom Is This Book For?
Franklin D. Roosevelt said, “In the truest sense, freedom cannot
be bestowed; it must be achieved.”
This is my eleventh and most important book. It deals with the core
issue of success: personal freedom.
We’re all successful in certain areas of our lives, and struggling in other
areas. Nobody is successful in every area of life, and we are all constantly
growing, changing, and encountering new challenges and opportunities in our
lives. Everyone has strengths, weaknesses, and challenges. Anyone, of any age
or background, in any circumstances, wishing to be free of a bad job situation,
a boss, fear, guilt, financial pressure, fear, worry, peer pressure, anxiety, the icy
clutch of a religious cult, unhealthy, attenuating relationships, sticky, bad habits,
or health problems can benefit from this book.
If you are already successful, this book can help you to become more
successful, stronger, resolute, and powerful. This book is not just for those
who are struggling, but also for those who are alive enough to struggle to
achieve more. And not one of us is immune to the slings and arrows of
outrageous fortune; anyone can get hit with a scary situation at any time, and
this book is designed to help you cope better and to rise above any attack,
obstacle, or challenge you may encounter along life’s sometimes rocky journey.
I do not offer psychological help – for that, talk with a psychologist.
This is practical, real information that you can use to transform your life, break
the shackles of restriction, and set yourself free. I am not politically correct,
and do not choose to be so. I call a spade a spade, and if that offends you, you
won’t enjoy this book. My purpose is to strengthen you and inspire you, enable
and motivate you, not to coddle and disempower you. Your success is more
important to me than whether or not you like me – frankly, I don’t care
whether you like me or not, or whether I offend you or not. But I do care
that you succeed. Don’t jump ahead to the chapter of your choice – read
the book from the beginning to the end to gain the most benefit and see
things in their proper context.
Chogyam Trungpa said, “When we hide from the world in this way,
we feel secure. We may think we have quieted our fear, but we are actually
making ourselves numb with fear. We surround ourselves with our own
familiar thoughts, so that nothing sharp or painful can touch us.
When we are constantly recreating our basic patterns of behavior and
thought, we never have to leap into fresh air or onto fresh grass. Instead, we
wrap ourselves in our own dark environment, where our only companion is the
smell of our own sweat. In the cocoon, there is no dance, no walking or
breathing. It is comfortable and sleepy, an intense and very familiar home.
In the cocoon, there is no idea of light at all, until we experience some
longing for openness, some longing for something other than the smell of our
own sweat. When we examine that comfortable darkness — look at it, smell it,
feel it — we find it is claustrophobic.
So the first impulse that draws us away from the darkness of the
cocoon towards the light is a longing for ventilation. As soon as we begin to
sense of the possibility of fresh air, we realize that our arms and legs are being
restricted. We want to stretch out and walk, dance, even jump. We realize that
there is an alternative to our cocoon: we discover that we could be free from
that trap. With that longing for fresh air, for a breeze of delight, we open our
eyes. To our surprise, we begin to see the light, even though it may be hazy at
first. The tearing of the cocoon takes place at that point.
Then, we realize that the degraded cocoon we have been hiding in is
revolting, and we want to turn up the lights as far as we can. In fact, we are not
turning up the lights, but we are simply opening our eyes wider. We catch a
certain kind of fever.
But again and again, we should reflect back to the darkness of the
cocoon. In order to inspire ourselves forward, we must look back to see the
contrast with the place we came from. You see, we cannot reject the world of
the cocoon — with which we may create a new cocoon. When we see the
suffering that occurred in the old cocoon, that inspires us to go forward in our
journey of warriorship. It is a journey that is unfolding within us.”
The dark cocoon of debt, financial hardship and shortage is
filled with the stench of inferiority, second best, fear, worry, anxiety,
stress, limitation, repression, slavery, scarcity, frustration, and
embarrassment. Having a lot of money will not necessarily make one
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Like a butterfly, you can fly free and high, and live in the bright
sunshine of security, freedom, self respect, abundance, individuality, health, joy,
power, adventure, expansion, creativity, and peace.
because I know how
to rule myself.
~Pietro Aretino, 10 May 1537
The WHY or the HOW
When the WHY is sufficient, the HOW is automatic. Slow?
Sometimes agonizingly so. Frustrating? Frequently. Arduous? Assuredly.
Tiring? Indubitably. But inevitable. Success is a forgone conclusion, a matter of
time, when the WHY is in place; the travail is temporary, the discomfort
fleeting, and easy to accommodate while bathed in the light of your
magnificent obsession, your WHY.
Your WHY in life is your Hot Button, your main objective, your
raison d'etre, your glorious goal, your absolute ambition. It is what will get you
to a meeting an hour early, dressed to the nines, wearing an infectious grin you
find it hard to wipe off your scrubbed face. It is what will obliterate every
obstacle, remove every roadblock, and eradicate anything between you an your
goal. Nobody and nothing can stop someone whose WHY is large enough. To
a man with a grand WHY, reversals are transient, mere bumps along the yellow
brick road. Most people have succumbed to the prevailing mediocrity that
dulls our senses, robs us of ambition, and waters down our expectations with
the pervasive and crippling cynicism that the rulers encourage to blind us from
the alternatives to mere survival as we plod through the smelly swamp of
somnambulism, compromise and dead dreams.
Deep down inside you, your WHY is waiting, glittering, and pulsing.
When you pick it up with hands shaking with excited anticipation, wipe off the
pessimism and disappointment, and polish it with optimism, hope, and belief,
you will discover the genie that grants any and every wish. That Genie loves
you more than anyone else has ever loved you, understands you better than
anyone, cares deeply about your success, an believes in you. YOU are the
Genie you seek. Your fuel is your WHY. Find your WHY, and you have
We are motivated by inspiration or by desperation
Why This Book?
The information in this book is foundational and essential to the
success of any venture you undertake in life. I have run my own business since
1987, and I have worked with tens of thousands of business owners and
people who wanted to run and own businesses. The ONLY reason why people
fail in life and in business is because of their way of thinking, their philosophy,
and their interpretation of life and the opportunities and threats they are
A person with the right mindset can take a floundering, badly designed
business and turn it into a success overnight. A person with a bad attitude and
philosophy will take the best, most profitable business, and run it into the
ground. I have seen this over and over. The same goes for health, relationships,
success at work, and every area of life. I feel very strongly about the fact that
most people are unaware of the innate power they posses, the incredible,
unlimited potential they have, and the fact that they can change their lives fast
by changing the way they interpret life. While I specialize in Joint Ventures in
my own business and teach the principle around the world, the missing link is
what I have put into this book. This is fundamental.
There are millions of books much better than this one. The difference
is that I keep things simple, succinct, to the point, and short. People don’t like
to take the time to read twenty pages when it could have been said in two
paragraphs. Many books are padded with inane ramblings and unimportant
ideas that waste a lot of time, and time is our most valuable resource. I have cut
this book down to half its original length so that I don’t waste your time.
Get ready for an exciting ride to freedom in every area of your life.
“You have no choice about the necessity to integrate your observations,
your experiences, your knowledge into abstract ideas, i.e., into
principles. Your only choice is whether these principles are true or false,
whether they represent your conscious, rational convictions – or a grab-
bag of notions snatched at random, whose sources, validity, context and
consequences you do not know, notions which, more often that not, you
would drop like a hot potato if you knew.”
~ Ayn Rand
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What Determines Your Success or Failure in Life?
One word: your Philosophy. That is the compass by which you
navigate and make choices. It is your map, your GPS, your guiding light, your
purpose, and the one factor that will predict exactly what choices you will make
and the results those choices will create. Your philosophy also determines your
self-image and self worth, how much money you make, how good or bad your
relationships will be, your health – everything in your life! It is the key to your
success or failure, happiness or sadness, peace or frustration. Everyone has a
philosophy, even if we can’t express it in words or explain it. And your
philosophy either helps you or it hurts you.
And here is the best news you’ve ever heard: Your philosophy
can be changed, which means that everything in your life can change!
My job in this book is to show you HOW to change your philosophy, and to
show you the correct philosophy. I’m not talking about attitude or motivation,
or getting psyched up in a meeting, or feeling good; I’m talking about changing
your PHILOSOPHY of LIFE.
Now, at this point, looking into your eyes as you read, I can see a tiny
spark of fear. That is because you are wondering, “I hope Robin doesn’t try to
convert me from my religion or to another religion or to some strange cult –
this looks a bit scary.” Change is uncomfortable for most of us. Don’t worry –
you don’t have to agree with everything I suggest. I don’t represent any church
or cult or political group – relax. There is no pressure to change at all. Enjoy
the book and read on. It will all start to make sense as we go along together on
this important journey to freedom. We’re all attached to what we believe in,
and we feel secure in our beliefs. I understand that.
Ask yourself this: what PAIN are you currently experiencing in
your life? What keeps you awake at night and gives you a nervous tummy?
What makes you aggressive and nasty (usually the result of fear or a conflict
with your values), what frightens you, and what are you guilty about? How do
this pain / these problems affect you personally? What impact does it have on
your family and your heath, and the health of your family? How does it affect
your future? If we don’t solve these problems, what does your future look like?
Where will you be in three years? How badly, on a scale of one to ten, one
being “I don’t care” and ten being, “Whatever it takes, I will walk naked and
barefoot across scorpions and broken glass, with my hair on fire, in front of
my Mother-in-Law”, do you want to solve these problems?
When you change your philosophy, everything in your life will
change, too. Ayn Rand said, “Philosophy studies the fundamental nature of
existence, of man, and of man’s relationship to existence. … In the realm of
cognition, the special sciences are the trees, but philosophy is the soil which
makes the forest possible.”
“Come to the edge”, he said, but they were afraid.
“Come to the edge”, he said.
They came, he pushed them, and they flew.
How Do You Know What Your Philosophy Is?
To know what you believe and how you interpret life, I simply have to
watch your actions. What you do is a result of your philosophy, so what you
get is a result of your philosophy, your weltanschauung, your world view, your
ideology. As we go along, your philosophy will become evident to you, and you
can change it as you see fit – it’s up to you. You don’t have to change it, of
course, but the better your philosophy gets, the better your life gets. Don’t try
to explain or understand what your philosophy is – just make a cup of tea, grab
a ginger biscuit, relax, sit back, and read on.
“So long as the people do not care to exercise their freedom,
those who wish to tyrannize will do so; for tyrants are active and ardent,
and will devote themselves in the name of any number of gods, religious
and otherwise, to put shackles upon sleeping men.” ~ Voltaire
“man has an enormous capacity for self-deception.”
~ Herbert Fingarette
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How Your Philosophy Works in Real Life
As we go along in this book, we will apply these powerful, life-
changing principles to many areas of your life very specifically, including your
finances, health, work, relationships, etc., however we need to build a solid
foundation of understanding first, so that everything flows smoothly and
naturally. Instead of academic posturing and big words, I will keep things as
basic and simple as possible. I will lay out a practical recipe and roadmap for
you to follow, so that we slowly and systematically effect the changes and
understanding that will make you bulletproof, strong, and resilient, at peace,
and in control of your mind. You re not helpless, and you are not a victim.
The only thing in life that you can control is your mind. You can’t
control the choices of other people or the weather, your external
circumstances, the economy, your spouse, parents, or children, your
employees, your past, your fellow workers, health, or the government. You
can’t control what happens to you, but you CAN control the way you
interpret these things in your mind. The way you interpret life to yourself,
the things you tell yourself about what is happening around you, is your
philosophy. It is the filter through which you see things, and the basis upon
which you make your choices and decisions. It’s the glasses or spectacles
through which you look at life.
Naturally, some of the things in your life will change when you change
your philosophy, and we know that, but now I am taking about how you
control your mind. When you control your MIND, you also control your
EMOTIONS. EVERYTHING in your life can be interpreted differently by
changing your philosophy. When you interpret things differently and they
mean different things, you will respond differently, with different choices and
actions, and that is how you will break free from situations you don’t like.
Here is a simple example: You can see the glass as half full, or half
empty. You can see problems or opportunities. You can choose between fight
or flight. You can attack or retreat. When someone attacks you verbally, it
doesn’t have to have a bad effect on you. You can recreate your entire life,
change everything, radically improve your level of peace and happiness, and
make a lot of money, become healthier, have more fun, enjoy life, and remove
bad things from your life. You will learn how as we go along.
You are much stronger than you think you are.
“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing; the last of the
human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of
circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” ~ Viktor Frankl
What Caused Your Present Condition and Situation?
“Whose fault is it?”
What a negative question! Blaming sounds bad. Here’s the thing: In
order to take control of your future, REALLY take control, which means,
essentially, taking control of your mind, you have to accept responsibility for
the past. Did you cause everything that happened to you? Of course not. But
you did choose your REACTION to what happened to you, and you can
change the way you choose to react to the past. You can change what you tell
yourself about what happened.
“Look at the word responsibility—“response-ability”—the
ability to choose your response. Highly proactive people recognize that
responsibility. They do not blame circumstances, conditions, or
conditioning for their behavior. Their behavior is a product of their own
conscious choice, based on values, rather than a product of their
conditions, based on feeling.” ~ Stephen R. Covey
We talk to ourselves, in our heads, at around 600 WORDS PER
MINUTE. Most of what we tell ourselves is negative, untrue, and extremely
biased. By changing that self-talk, that running commentary, we can
dramatically change every area of our lives! Most of what we tell ourselves is
untrue. Every area of your life affects every other area – sadness affects
income. Money affect relationships. Fear affects health.
Let us address this SELF TALK thing right now. Whatever you ask
yourself will elicit a response in like manner. For example, if you ask yourself,
“What’s wrong with me? Why am I so stupid? Why do I always marry losers?”
You are telling yourself that there is something wrong with you, that you are
stupid, and that you always have and always will marry losers. And your
answers to those questions will simply cement and confirm those negative
beliefs about yourself. You will remain bound in shadow, depression, and
failure until you correct that self talk.
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How about, “What’s great about my life? What did I learn from that
mistake? How can I ensure that the next person I marry will be a winner? What
am I grateful for? What are my strengths? What can I do to double my income?
What do I have to be proud of? What are my goals?” Vastly different, would
you agree? These smart questions will elicit answers that will strengthen and
encourage you. Control how you talk with yourself and everything will start
changing. We will talk about AFFIRMATIONS soon, as well.
A woman once said to me, “My ex husband ruined my life! It’s all his
fault.” I know first-hand how destructive a bad marriage can be, how one can
be sabotaged by a bad spouse, and the damage that can be done. I had ten
years in a bad marriage. (And the last 22 years in a wonderful marriage from
heaven.) But there are a few facts that remain: She was not forced to marry him
or stay in an abusive relationship, and she did choose her response. She can
choose to blame him for all her future pain, or she can choose to move on,
take responsibility for her life, choices, and future, and reinterpret her situation.
She can have an attitude of gratitude that she no longer has to put up with him,
she can focus on how much she learned from the sad situation, and she can
focus on creating a better future. When you constantly blame your bad adult
choices on the fact that your ancestors were slaves, or that you were sexually
abused at the age of six, you are choosing to be a victim, and everyone with an
IQ over 70 knows it. People in South Africa who justify their savage murders
of innocent people because of Apartheid are simply looking for an excuse for
their evil behavior.
The future is not equal to the past. You may be hurt and affected,
but you still control your mind, and you can be free. You have massive
potential. This book is designed to help you accomplish the skills and
understanding to achieve that freedom and joy. We don’t have money
problems; we have thinking problems. Freedom means removing all obstacles,
distractions, and negative elements from one’s life, and discovering that there
are no shadows in the sunshine of optimism, courage, determination, hope,
and purpose. “The biggest cause of depression, in my humble opinion,” I told
a group of psychologists who specialized in the treatment of depression at a
mental health institution years ago in South Africa, (most of their patients were
policemen) “is the absence of HOPE, the absence of dreams, the absence of
vision.” They all agreed with me. ALL of them, and they should know.
What do you have to look forward to? What goals have you created?
Have you given up on your dreams?
It’s time to take your dreams from the shelf in the attic, dust them off,
and get excited; get very excited.
Your Subconscious Mind is Your Secret Weapon
I say your “Secret Weapon” is a secret, because most of us are
blissfully unaware of it’s power and efficacy. When we realize how powerful
this weapon is, we start to use it all the time, and life gets infinitely easier.
Those daunting detours, obstinate obstacles, and blinding barriers are child’s
play for your Secret Weapon. On the way to your objective, you get to replace
your ox wagon and blunderbuss with a fully armed F18 jet fighter. Instead of
using a sundial and a sextant, you get the latest and best GPS when you use
your Secret Weapon. You cut through hindrances and impediments like a
freight train going through a shopping cart, a red-hot knife through soft butter.
You already have the secret weapon. Here’s the scary part — right
now, TODAY, right here, it is either working FOR you, or it’s working
AGAINST you! And most of the time, people have set their own secret
weapons up to work against themselves! No wonder the seething herd is
locked into mediocrity, compromise, frustration, fear, weakness, and
depression. No wonder it’s so hard to get ahead and get traction. No surprises
there, once you understand and acknowledge the choices to make to switch
your Secret Weapon from Destroy to Deliver. Once you stop turning the gun
on yourself, life gets easier.
Ever wondered how it is that you wake up just before the alarm clock
goes off? Or you think of someone that you haven’t had any contact with in
months, and there’s an e mail or letter of voice mail from that person waiting
for you? What about those people who always seem to have “bad luck” and
everything goes wrong for them, while everything others touch seems to turn
into gold? “The rich get richer and the poor get poorer” — ever wondered
why? I’m not talking about the lies you will hear from the mystics, politicians,
and others who have a vested interest in keeping you poor, blind, hungry and
tired — I’m talking about the rational, proven reality here.
Your Secret Weapon is your Subconscious Mind. Now before you
bleat, “I read about that and I know about it”, let me assure you and all the
other sheeple out there that you might have read about it or heard about it in a
seminar, but you’re not USING it, or you would understand it. When you learn
how to harness, control, and direct your subconscious mind, your whole life
starts changing. You suddenly realize that you have turned from victim to
victor, and your Reticular Activating System and subconscious power starts
directing and enhancing every single one of your choices and changing your
perspective, so that you find yourself flying on jet fuel towards your goals; you
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start to get extraordinarily “lucky”. Things start working out. You start
“attracting” and magnetizing all manner of good people and great
opportunities, and your peace of mind, confidence, and power starts increasing
in leaps and bounds.
This book contains the simple recipe for governing your Subconscious
Mind to work FOR you, and not against you. As you apply what you learn on a
daily, consistent basis, your subconscious mind will start working for you in
amazing ways, I assure you. You have the power, and the money is already
in the bank. Use your most valuable asset, your Secret Weapon, and break
free from the shackles of ignorance, sacrifice, and servitude. Your freedom, my
friend, awaits you.
“If you lack the iron and the fizz to take control of your own life, then
the gods will repay your weakness by having a grin or two at your
expense. Should you fail to pilot your own ship, don’t be surprised at
what inappropriate port you find yourself docked.”
~ Tom Robbins
Life is about interpretation — the way you interpret your
circumstances and options determines your level of success, peace of mind,
and happiness. And our perceptions, interpretations and associations can be
positively affected through the use of “anchors”. I’m not talking about ship or
boat anchors, although that is indeed a positive association, hence the name,
but emotional anchors.
I have participated in and led six Fire Walks. We used anchoring to put
ourselves into state before traipsing across burning, red-hot coals. Works well,
to which my lovely feet will attest. I taught my daughter, Sacha, to use
anchoring when she won roller-skating competitions and did skydiving. An
anchor is used to put yourself into a peak emotional state by choice at any time
Before the Firewalk, we remembered a time in our lives when we were
in a very positive emotional state. We spent some time remembering the
feelings, sights, sounds, smells, and surroundings of that happy time, reliving it
and then building up to a climactic emotional state through hyperventilation, at
which time we “anchored” that feeling with a shout, a word, and/or a physical
movement, like pumping your fist and shouting, “YES!” If this is done well
(the fear of roasting the old feet is a major motivation) and repeated enough
times, it becomes a powerful tool to use in many situations in one’s life. Before
stepping onto the coals, we anchored, then walked calmly and confidently
across them. Yes, Mabel, it is a positive form of self-hypnosis.
Another form of anchoring is to include positive, encouraging
reminders and associations in your life. When I first visited Andy in Worthing,
England, he educated me about flint. It’s all over the beaches and many
buildings in Surrey, including Arundel Castle, which I visited, use flint. It’s a
wonderful stone and every time I go to Worthing I bring some flint back
home. Every time I feel or see a piece of flint, I remember its qualities, the
castle (the Buddha said, “Know that your body is a fragile jar, and make your
mind a castle”) and my positive emotions about the flint on the beaches, the
crashing waves, and sitting with my darling wife looking out of the window of
our 200-year-old hotel at the waves at 2am. That is a positive anchor.
In my car, I have CD’s by my mentors. My office is filled with positive
anchors, symbols, pictures, memorabilia, gifts, ornaments, and statues. I am
surrounded by anchors. Our home is one, big anchor. We design our lives and
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we build in all the support and help we can. We remove negative associations
and people from our lives. (We toss out other garbage, too.)
Come into my office with me, and let me share my anchors with
you: In the corner next to the door, I have a beautiful sword cane, or sword
walking stick, with a silver cobra’s head for the handle. Inside the cane is the
concealed sword. When I am on telephone calls I need to be focused and not
checking e mail, so I carry my sword stick around while on the phone. I have a
brass Churchill door knocker, which Rika and I bought on a fun trip to Fort
Langley in an antique shop. It reminds me of my hero, Churchill, and the joyful
time with my sweetheart. I also have a porcelain head of Churchill which I
bought in London at the “Winston Churchill Britain at War Experience”, a
hand carved Indian head that my Dad created when he attended the teachers
training college many years ago, a brass paper knife which he made, and statues
of several knights in armor, a cannon bought at Arundel Castle in Sussex, a
bear skull to remind me of the strength of bears, flint stones, my dad’s
ceremonial air force sword awarded to him after the war, the Elliott Crest, a
globe of the world presented to me by my dear friend and DollarMakers
Country Director for South Africa, Marnus Roothman, a beautiful silver dollar
money clip which I received from my good friend Winston Bromley, Technical
Director of DollarMakers, a family photo fro my beloved daughter, Sacha, a
photo of my son, Stephen, and stone dog and elephant carvings he gave me, a
large, framed photograph of my raison d’etre, Rika, glass, eagle ornaments in
my liquor cabinet from my family in South Africa, an antique metal wall
ornament of horse from our home in South Africa, my Masonic apron and the
announcement of my installation a Master of the Lodge, an eagle ornament
from Blair Mills, a bottle of golden humbugs that Rika bought me in Harrods,
my “British Castles” coffee table book, also a gift from Rika, my amber
bankers lamps that match the ceiling lamp, my American flag, an acorn, a rock
I kept to remind me of the day I went swimming in my shorts in the Coquitlam
river one hot, summer day, a family photo of my mom and dad and sisters in
South Africa, a desk clock from Jonathan Marks, my Soldier of Fortune
magazines, an antique, 18th century, mahogany English desk, plus my dark
wooden desks and shelving, closets and cabinets. And then, of course, my
library of my best books, my laptop, my computer, phone, fax, radio, CD’s and
DVD’s, etc. EVERYTHING I see in my office inspires, motivates, and
encourages me. This is my warrior’s lair, my sanctuary, my quiet place, my
centre of creativity, my refuge.
I encourage you to create, find and place anchors to inspire and
motivate you. Success is by choice, not by chance. Build you castle with flint,
not Styrofoam or dung. Peter Drucker said, “The best way to predict the
future is to create it.”
Hiding From Reality Will Sabotage You Freedom
We all hide from disharmony and friction at times, we all avoid
conflict and embarrassment, and we all like to avoid scary truths. We don’t like
to admit to our mistakes. We grab onto that crutch called familiarity, even if it
creates pain in our lives. At what point do people change? When we
perceive the pain of our present predicament or the impending future to
be greater than the pain of change. Is the pain you are suffering sufficiently
intense to have you change? You’re reading this book, so that’s a good
indication. (Did you know that only 3% of the North American population
reads books? That makes you pretty special to start with.)
Putting your head in the sand with only give you red eyes. The
problem won’t go away – it will get worse. Likewise, trying to dull the pain with
drugs, intense activity, risk, illicit affairs, exercise, drink, study, or work will not
solve the problem either – it will simply bring additional problems of its own.
Chopping off the top of the weed simply delays the inevitable: it will grow
again. Remove the problem with its roots, and replace it with good stuff.
Always, always be acutely aware of the placebo effect and self-
deception in your life.
Suffering from a Spot of Stress?
Your level of stress is in direct proportion to the story you tell
yourself about your current circumstances and your own prediction of
the future. When you tell yourself, “I can’t handle this! There is no way out!
This is going to fail! I can’t go on anymore – I’m too tired!” you believe what
you say and your stress increases. This is a purely emotional, irrational
communication. By changing your self talk and surrounding yourself with
rational, successful people, you can dramatically reduce your levels of stress. By
taking an objective position, evaluating your circumstances and choices in a
judicious, level-headed manner, your options become clearer and easier. This
book is designed to facilitate your transition from that of victim to victor:
“This is a cake walk – I am bulletproof. No problem for me here – I will
handle this easily. I am energized and I will get expert advice. Bring it on – my
future is so bright, I need shades!” Read on…
“Liberties are not given, they are taken.”
~ Aldous Huxley
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This is a very important lesson that I had to learn over and over in my
life until I finally got it. And I have a long way to go. Any thing, person,
circumstance, or result that you think you need or are entitled to will control
you. I want YOU to be in control, not your external circumstances that you
can’t control. You need to be the CAUSE, not the EFFECT, as much as
Two women lie in beds in the same hospital. Both have the same
condition, exactly the same amount of pain, support, prognosis, and
circumstances. They are the same age, too. One is always cheerful. She sings,
knits, treats others with kindness and respect, and everyone likes her. The other
woman is a demon from hell. She fights with everyone, treats people badly,
whines, complains, cries, and performs. Nobody likes her, not even her dogs.
Birds flying past secretly plan to defecate on her windowsill, and stray cats in
the neighborhood conspire to howl and keep the old hag awake at night. When
the cats perform, the “nice” woman says, “How lovely, listen to the kitties
singing to us! How kind of them!” The bad woman screams, “I hate those
fleabags! Someone, please shoot them!”
The difference? The nice woman interprets her circumstances
differently, makes different choices, and benefits accordingly. The bad one
feels she is entitled to health – she is attached to health and comfort, so she
reacts negatively. She feels it is “unfair” that she is ill. Same circumstances,
different response. One is in prison, and one is free. They create new
circumstances out of their circumstances.
Depending on your character type, you are inclined to be attached to
different things, and you can modify and remove those limiting attachments.
You may fear being taken advantage of, or being embarrassed in public, or
having your work criticized, or unexpected change. You may be attached to
being in control or being popular, having all the facts, or needing security and
stability. All these needs should be kept in their proper proportion –
attachment is a restriction on your freedom.
He who binds to himself a joy
Does the winged life destroy;
But he who kisses the joy as it flies
Lives in Eternity’s sunrise.
~ William Blake
Conditioning and Beliefs
What you believe will control your life. If you believe money is bad,
you will self-sabotage to make sure you don’t make money, and if you do make
money, you will make sure you lose it. While you have it, you will be unhappy
and guilty, and the ripple effect will contaminate everything in your life. What
caused those beliefs? Conditioning. Imagine your beliefs as the top of the table,
and the evidence you received, or your conditioning, as the legs of the table.
The people that we associate with, our experiences and education, our
religious teachings, the books we read, movies we watch, our friends, teachers,
family, environment and local political and economic conditions all conspire to
condition us to believe certain things. These beliefs form our philosophy of life
— “this is the way things work” – “this is who I am” – “this is what is true and
good, false and bad”.
If this is true, though, you ask, how come two children from the same
family, with the same parents and the same input and conditioning, develop
completely different beliefs and philosophies from each other? There is a true
story of twin brothers that were interviewed by a television interviewer some
years back. The interviewer asked the first brother, who was a drug addict, a
bum, divorced four times, abusive, nasty, and living on the street, “Why are
you so unsuccessful and unhappy?” He answered, “My mother was a drug
addicted prostitute, my father beat me, and I was bullied at school.” Then they
interviewed the second brother, who was very successful, wealthy, respected, a
leader in his community, and a great family man, and asked him why he was so
successful and happy. He answered, “My mother was a drug addicted
prostitute, my father beat me, and I was bullied at school.” The way they
interpreted their input and circumstances determined their conditioning and
beliefs, aspirations and subsequent choices. I have great children who are great
in spite of my parenting, not because of my parenting.
Bad circumstances can spur you on to great success or lead you to
dismal failure. It’s your choice. You can’t blame your past. The past is done,
and this book is about your future, so how do we change our future? BY
CHANGING OUR INPUT AND OUR INTERPREATION.
If I want to have a good philosophy about money, I need to change
the way I perceive people with money – I can’t say, “People must be rich
because they’re dishonest” – I should say, “People get rich because they have
found a way to create a lot of value for others, because Zig Ziglar said, ‘You
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can get anything you want out of life if you’re prepared to help enough other
people to get what they want.’” If I fill my mind with positive ideas about
money, I can change my beliefs about money.
The same principles apply to most of your beliefs. You might believe
all Hollanders are heavy drinkers, because your grandfather was a Dutchman
who drank heavily. That kind of generalization drives the beliefs a lot of
people. What will happen if you employ a Dutchman one day, or your son
marries a Dutch woman? You will expect them to drink too much. You will
overreact when your daughter-in-law has a glass of wine at dinner. To change
that silly belief, simply meet some Dutch teetotalers! Take an objective look at
the statistics. Stand back and evaluate the FACTS. Reinterpret your past
experience like this: “Grandfather was a heavy drinker who happened to be a
Dutchman. If he was Chinese, would it be reasonable to believe that all
Chinese are heavy drinkers?”
I was training Million Dollar Round Table life insurance salespeople
for the Old Mutual Insurance Company years ago. One afternoon, one of the
top salespeople was sitting at his desk, crying like a baby. He told me that his
wife had joined a religious cult and he didn’t, so she divorced him and told his
children that daddy was going to burn forever in hell when he died. Imagine
the suffering of those poor kids, who believed what their mom told them.
When they grow up, they will have to decide for themselves if it is a reasonable
thing to believe or not, but they can’t carry on believing it just because it was
foisted upon them by their mother. Her motive was probably pure, but is it
true that anyone who didn’t join their church would go to hell?
Racism, bigotry, and all sorts of negative, destructive beliefs are the
result of conditioning, as well as the wonderful, positive beliefs that can change
your life for the better. Your beliefs will either help you and your loved ones or
hurt them. When my beautiful wife, Rika, and I got into business in 1987, we
became distributors for Success Motivation International, selling self
development, management, goals and sales courses. The founder of the
company, Paul J. Meyer, had a core philosophy that went, “Whatever you
vividly imagine, ardently desire, sincerely believe, and enthusiastically act upon,
must inevitably come to pass.” Rika and I adopted that as our personal slogan,
and it has helped us tremendously through the years. Better than believing that
life is tough, you can’t always get what you want, money doesn’t grow on trees,
you can’t have your cake an eat it, and rich people don’t get into heaven. I
KNOW I can have my cake and eat it, so I do.
“Whatever the mind of man can believe and conceive, it can
achieve” ~ Napoleon Hill
We believe what we believe for a reason, and we don’t want to dwell
on WHY we believe it, but rather on WHAT we believe. Then, we have to
decide whether or not our beliefs are going to help us live lives of freedom or
lives of slavery, and change the beliefs that lead to the dungeon of depression
“Believe nothing just because a so-called wise person said it.
Believe nothing just because a belief is generally held. Believe nothing
just because it is said in ancient books. Believe nothing just because it is
said to be of divine origin. Believe nothing just because someone else
believes it. Believe only what you yourself test and judge to be true.”
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When is Enough, Enough?
Most great successes and the turning points in peoples’ lives can be
traced back to one event, one insight, one meeting or revelation that ripped
time apart and put them on a new course. It happens when you’re truly sick an
tired of being sick and tired. This pivotal point, this defining moment, is often
reached when someone exceeds their pain threshold — the perceived pain of
change is suddenly considered less than the pain of not changing. This critical
juncture in a person’s life often sends them on a rocket-ship ride to success,
because something changes permanently deep down in their psyche.
People who have passed through the pain of procrastination, the thin
veil of compromise, the mist of mediocrity, and the paralysis of fear, come out
like warriors. They are like diamonds created under intense pressure, oblivious
to detours and obstacles, and intensely focused on their purpose and objective.
Their success is a given. Failure is not even a possibility. They do not suffer
fools gladly and they will not make excuses, tolerate distractions, or water
down their expectations — for anybody.
Now this Date with Disgust, this dramatic change in purpose and
direction, does not have to be a random event, or the result of years of
momentum and buildup — it can be induced. Your date with destiny can be
consciously activated — by choice — at a time you want. All it takes is
exposure to the right information from the right person. The catalyst for you
can be a book, a meeting, a seminar, or an insight. And the more you are
exposed to the right kind of information, the faster you will see yourself hitting
new plateaus of development, on a regular basis.
Ayn Rand asks, “Have you noticed that the imbecile always smiles?
Man’s first frown is the first touch of God on his forehead. The touch of
thought…” As a child, I always noticed that obese people spent a lot of time
laughing. Fat and jolly? I think not. Ayn Rand’s teachings induced one of my
most dramatic defining moments. Others have been Paul J. Meyer, Jay
Abraham, Leonard Peikoff, Christopher Hitchens, and Richard Dawkins.
Churchill’s memoirs also had a dramatic impact on my philosophy.
The right person with the right information at the right time — an
opportunity to release the giant within you and blast through to success beyond
your wildest imagination — as long as you take action. Hopefully, this book
comes at the right time for you.
Making Friends with Yourself
“What is the seal of attained freedom? —No longer being ashamed in
front of oneself.” ~ Friedrich Nietzsche
One thing you have to learn is that you were born alone and you will
die alone. You live alone. You have to become your own best friend and learn
to get along with yourself if you want to be truly free. Being alone doesn’t
mean being LONELY once you make friends with YOU. Arthur
Schopenhauer said, “He who does not enjoy solitude will not love freedom.”
We will deal with the subject of self esteem and guilt later on in this book, but
right now I want to tell you that talking out aloud to yourself is a very healthy
and even necessary part of a sane, happy, successful, and free life.
The higher your self-esteem, or the way you value yourself, the more
successful you can become. And the fastest way to improve your self worth is
to exercise self discipline and learn to control your choices, actions and self
talk, and manage your emotions accordingly. You have to like, forgive, and
respect yourself, and, as with other people, you have to EARN that self respect
by living according to your values — living congruently. When you
compromise your own values because of fear or attachment, you lower your
self-esteem and you will be unhappy and frustrated. The more freedom you
create (yes, you have to consciously CREATE your freedom and the lifestyle
that will allow that freedom), the more you can live according to your values.
This is extremely important.
Here is a simple example: I gave my son a lift to high school one
day, since it was raining hard. We drove up the long driveway of his prestigious
school, which was not permitted, since the road was “private”, but it was
raining hard, so I justified it. A teacher was walking in the middle of the road
with his dog, and stubbornly refused to get out of the way, so I honked at him
and drove past. During the morning, my upset son called me from school and
told me that the teacher had belittled him in front of his class, and asked him,
“Who does your father think he is?” My son wasn’t whining – he was ablaze
with righteous indignation. I drove to the school, told the secretaries I wanted
to see this teacher, and they responded that he was teaching and that I would
need an appointment. I told them to tell him that that he had a choice: he
could immediately meet me in his office, or I would physically drag him out of
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When I met him in his classroom four minutes later, I said, “You
are a bully, a boy amongst men, and a man amongst boys. That’s who YOU
are. Now let me tell you who I think I am, since you asked my son. I am a man
who will not allow you to bully my son or speak badly about me. You will go
and apologize to my son right now in front of the class. When my son comes
home, I will ask him if you obeyed me. If you do not, I will come back
tomorrow and beat you to a pulp.”
As I look up at your face from the page, I see some of you recoiling in
horror. This is not the politically correct thing to do! How violent! Others are
cheering me on. Here’s the thing: I did what I believed was right, and I felt
great. Had I compromised my values and allowed this weakling to bully my
son, how would I feel about myself? Would I respect myself and smile at
myself in the mirror? NO. There were times in my life when I allowed others
to take advantage of me, and I felt bad for years about it. It wasn’t worth it. I
value my friendship with myself too much to take the easy way out and step on
my values. And so should you. “To thine own self be true.” If you’re not good
friends with yourself, you will find it very hard to have good relationships with
“More frightening than any particular beliefs or policies is an
utter lack of any sense of a need to test those beliefs and policies against
hard evidence. Mistakes can be corrected by those who pay attention to
facts ... dogmatism will not be corrected by those who are wedded to a
vision.” — Thomas Sowell
Overcoming the Fear of Failure
There can be no real freedom without the freedom to fail. ~ Eric Hoffer
If you are your own best friend, you will care less about the opinions
of others. Most people buy things they don’t need and can’t afford with money
they don’t have to impress people they don’t even like, and who don’t even
notice their shiny toys.
Ask yourself this: If there were no other people in the whole world,
would you fear failure? NO. You don’t fear failure itself – you fear the
opinions of other people. And if those people cared about you, they would
support you and help you and be understanding if you failed; they wouldn’t
laugh at you, taunt you, or ridicule you – your enemies would do that! And why
care what your enemies think?
There is no failure – only feedback. Failure is finding out what doesn’t
work so that you can reach your goals faster – rungs on the ladder to success.
The more you fail, the more you succeed. Anyone who is not failing is not
trying hard enough. Successful, free people have to understand something: Tall
trees catch the wind. Freedom comes at a price, as does success, and it’s worth
paying it. The voice-over of a wonderful new television advertisement for the
new Cadillac goes something like this: “Some say the nail that stands up gets
hammered down — BE THE HAMMER.” (It is better to be a hammer than
an anvil. — St. Dominic.) At the Joint Venture Bootcamp I presented in
Vancouver, BC to eighty-five people recently, one of the Delegates told me at a
break, “The more successful we get, the more our friends and family attack
us.” Thankfully, this Delegate has joined the DollarMakers Club, where he and
his wife will find the support they so richly deserve.
When you are not experiencing failures, frustration, and the attacks of
those who have a vested in the status quo and the dumbing down of the herd,
you are not making progress. When you are not hated, discredited, renounced
and undermined by the losers of the world, you’re idling, and entropy has set
in. Kites fly higher against the wind.
The sheeple will always attack that which challenges their addiction to
compromise and mediocrity. That’s no news. But what is scary is that the
prostitutes and pimps that call themselves politicians will support the
persecution of free thinkers and those who would beckon the unwashed
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masses to higher ground. As the world sinks deeper into concession, statism,
collectivism, and denial, those with the courage and integrity to speak out and
the intellect to support their premises are losing their freedom of speech. This
is disturbing. Leaders of freedom like Mark Steyn are being actively,
systematically, and viciously attacked. Christopher Hitchens is a lone voice in
the wilderness, one of the great intellectuals of our time, an Ayn Rand in his
own right, who still manages to share his liberating wisdom without being
closed down. The moronic masses have fortunately not yet ceased to be
justifiably intimidated by those with a superior intellect.
When you’re being admonished to lower your standards, dilute your
dreams, and stop rocking the proverbial boat, you’re in good company. When
you’re accused of being too expensive (Rolex), too extreme (Richard Dawkins),
too thinly spread (Richard Branson), too old (Winston Churchill), too radical
(Ayn Rand), too different (Colonel Saunders of KFC), too aggressive (General
Patton), or too small (the Google start-up), scrape that “advice” off the bottom
of your shoe and move forward with greater gusto.
When your team becomes an anchor, replace the team. When your
supporters become your detractors, find new supporters. You only really need
one friend and supporter, and that is YOURSELF. If it’s lonely at the top, it
makes sense to be your own best friend. Don’t be tempted to roll over because
it’s the easy way out; embrace the pain and conflict which are the essential
seeds of great success: be the hammer. Be your own best friend and ally.
“Freedom is the right to tell people
what they do not want to hear”
~ George Orwell
Don’t fear failure – rather be careful of failing yourself.
The People in Your Life
Imagine you were going on a very dangerous journey across the North
Pole in the middle of winter. Your life would depend on the people in your
team. You would have to trust them implicitly, live with them, and rely on
them, and they would, in turn, have to rely on you. Life is a dangerous journey,
and you have to be very careful whom you take on your journey to freedom. In
my business, when I find I have selected odious team members who are
saboteurs, weasels, thieves, and losers, I replace them fast. I can’t afford them.
If you were going into battle, your fellow soldiers have to be people upon
whom you can rely completely. I was drafted into the South African army at
the age of seventeen, and I know whereof I speak. Getting the right people in
your life is crucial to you success.
Let’s do a little exercise: get your crayons out! Seriously — if you don’t
have a box of brightly colored wax crayons, go raid your kid’s toy-box or buy
some right now — you’re going to love this little exercise, and it might well be
one of the most valuable things you’ve done in some time. The insight you will
gain from doing this is going to be quite revealing, believe me!
People with a few brain cells know how important relationships are in
life and business; they are foundational to your long-term success. Let’s create
a colorful, fun, but deadly serious visual depiction and representation of your
20 (or less) primary business and personal relationships. Get a large (LARGE)
piece of paper at your local Staples or stationary store, and of course your wax
crayons. (Love that smell!) Lock yourself up in a quiet room — early morning
or late night is best- you know your optimal thinking / planning time — and
unplug the phone, to ensure you will not be interrupted. You need at least 90
Now draw a huge circle on the paper in black, and smaller concentric
circles, culminating in a bull’s-eye, like a large dart board. You are the bull’s-
eye, the center of all your personal relationships. Now draw twenty bright
yellow dots on the different circles around the bull’s-eye, each representing a
person in your life. Write the name of the person next to the dot. The more
time you spend with someone, or the more they influence / guide you / your
decisions, and the more impact they have upon you, the closer they should
appear to the bull’s-eye. For example, your spouse should be on the innermost
circle, while people with whom you have the least contact and who have the
least influence / impact upon you should be in the outermost circles, and
everyone else in between.
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Now you should have a large “dart board” in front of you, with you
in the middle, and about twenty yellow dots orbiting around you like planets,
each representing a person in your life. Each of these people influences you in
either a positive or a negative way; some will build you up, encourage you,
motivate you, push you to achieve more, love you, make you money, inspire
you, and protect you. Others will undermine, sabotage, hurt, depress, and
frustrate you, and cost you money. I want you to depict that graphically, with
colored lines emanating like the spokes of a wheel between you and each
person surrounding you. (Space the yellow dots so that the lines don’t cross).
Green means good, yellow means neutral, and red means bad.
The stronger the impact or influence, the thicker the line between you
and the person should be.
For example, your spouse is in your inside circle. She is loving, kind,
understanding, supportive, clever, and there for you under all circumstances,
like Rika is for me. Draw a thick green line from her to you (the bull’s-eye.)
Your wicked uncle, however, who has less influence on you, is orbiting on a
circle further away from you, and has little impact on you, however he is a
negative, pessimistic character, so you draw a thin red line from him to you.
Your most important employee is very negative, so a thick red line connects
him to you. One of your major suppliers is neutral - neither good nor bad - so
a yellow line makes that connection. Simple, isn’t it?
Take the time to do this. Think it through. Do it over again if you
make a mess. It’s a great investment of your time. It forces you to objectively
and rationally evaluate where you stand with the twenty most important people
in your life — relatives, friends, JV partners, employees, vendors, and represent
that in a simple, visual format. You can now stand back and see yourself and
your life and business relationships, and make some valuable choices. Ideally,
you want to thicken the green lines (improve on good relationships), and
improve or remove red and yellow lines. If a person has a negative (red line)
effect on you, you can perhaps move them to an outer circle, which means you
minimize or lessen their negative effect on you by spending less time with them
or giving them less say in your life, or simply remove them from your life and
perhaps replace them with a more positive, productive person.
Draw the good ones closer, drive the bad ones further away, or work
on improving the relationships. Also, find new, good people to replace the bad
ones. Create an ACTION PLAN, in writing, to deal with every one of those
relationships, and review your action plan once a week, whilst at the same time
adjusting your graphic representation. Redraw it, put it up on the wall, and
fix it. You naturally want more thick green lines and less red and yellow lines.
Take control of your life. Your Network determines your Net WORTH. Have
Remember this: one good, reliable, loyal friend is worth more than an
army of acquaintances. Quality is far more important that quantity. You are
already your own best friend, so add others one at a time.
Also remember this: When your friends befriend your enemies,
your friends become your enemies. Never forget that.
Only dead fish swim with the current. Every year, Rika and I watch the
salmon swimming upstream at various rivers. We walk down to Hoy Creek and
stand on the bridge to see them. We enjoy watching them leap and struggle and
fight their way upstream. Their persistence, resilience, and strength are very
motivating to watch.
Too many people like to run with the herd. Like the buffalo, whose
eyes are on the sides of their heads, people look at what the mob does and
follows it over the cliff. Winners look ahead. They are goal-oriented and
determined to reach their objectives. When the crowd runs east, winners run
west. The salmon swim hundreds of miles upstream against rugged rapids,
preyed upon by hungry eagles and bears. They don’t stop until they die. The
Fraser River is perhaps best knows as North America’s greatest salmon river.
We live 25 minutes away from this mighty river and in August, you can see the
salmon on their way upstream.
Let’s get excited about our goals and be prepared, like the salmon, to
pay the price for the achievement of our goals.
“The secret of happiness is freedom. The secret of freedom is courage.”
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You Can Do This!
You can be free. When Tibetan Buddhists chant “Om Mani Pedme
Hung“, they mean that ‘what we seek, we are — the jewel is in the lotus’. The
seeds of greatness are within us. We are wonderfully equipped with a powerful
mind that can guide us to whatever goal we seek, as long as we take action and
make the right choices. Tony Robbins’ work, “Awaken the Giant Within”, was
a great inspiration to me. When I fired my boss and started my own business in
1987, a friend of mine, Louie Boschoff, gave me a copy of that book and wrote
in it, “Congratulations on your Independence Day, Robin!” That day, I started
focusing on the giant within me. You have unlimited potential.
Tony Robbins said, “We can change our lives. We can do, have, and
be exactly what we wish”, because he understood the power we all have within
us. When you learn to master your mind, you will be able to control your
emotions, beliefs, and choices. At that point, you will get the power. When you
understand how to use your internal communication with yourself to
accomplish your goals by asking yourself the right questions, you control your
focus and the interpretation of your circumstances. It’s not what happens to
you that will determine your success or failure, but rather how you interpret
what happens to you, and your reaction to those circumstances.
You are the lotus, beautiful, unblemished, unlimited, and perfect,
rising up out of the black mud of mediocrity, compromise, confusion, and
pessimism, and the jewel, that is the seed of success, is within you. You can
control your Reticular Activating System, command your subconscious mind,
and steer yourself directly to Treasure Island. Other people have no control
over your success, your emotions, or your mind, unless you hand it to them
willingly. This is the plateau we all need to ascend to in order to be the best we
can be. And we first have to BE (become) before we can DO (take the correct
actions), and DO before we can HAVE whatever we want in our life:
Happiness, Health, and Prosperity in every area of life.
How do we unleash our power, nurture the seeds of success within us,
and break free from the bonds of compromise, second-best, feeble
accomplishments, excuses, and frustration? How do we elevate ourselves to
this level of self control and discipline? I like to think of our potential as being
a huge water tank with an unlimited amount of pure, magical, fresh, sparkling
water in it. The spigot or tap opens in minute degrees to allow more and more
of our potential to flow, or it closes by degree. What closes it? Our association
with negativity, bad input, bad people, bad thoughts, and wrong choices.
This is the result of ignorance and slothfulness.
How do we open the spigot and allow more and more of our
immaculate potential to flood our lives and the lives of those we love with joy
and prosperity? Every time you associate with positive people, learn from the
right sources, understand the correct techniques, and apply good choices, the
spigot opens a tiny bit more, slowly elevating our minds, our understanding,
and our self discipline to the next level of power. By immersing ourselves in
the correct information, allowing ourselves to be mentored by the right people,
and consistently making good, rational choices, we learn how to open the
spigot more and more. We grow up into giants. We wield more power. We
break free by degree. We control our minds, emotions, and circumstances
better. As the Buddha said, we “make our minds a castle”.
You are the source of your own power, the answer to your dreams, the
solution to your questions, and the combination to the vault of success. By
learning and working, you allow the seeds of greatness within you to grow and
develop, until you are strong enough to teach others. We never stop growing
and learning, and we all learn from one another, so keep your feet firmly on the
ground and remember that we all have a long way to go. It just gets better and
Up until now, we have been building a foundation for what follows in
this book. Builders all know that the foundation of a building is very important
if you want to build a tall building that will last. Success occurs when
preparation meets opportunity. We never know what the future holds, and the
better prepared we are, the better we can take advantage of the situation and
turn life’s lemons into lemonade. Tim Larkin, says, “You never know how
many people you’re fighting until you’re fighting them all.”
Heavyweight Boxing Champion Joe Frazier said, “You can have a
life plan or a fight plan, but when the action starts, you’re down to your
reflexes — your training. If you’ve cheated on your training in the dark
of the morning, you’ll be found out under the bright lights.” You can only
wing it for so long. I see this in business all the time. People get up to
introduce me as the speaker or seminar leader all the time, and it’s amazing
how many of them haven’t prepared. As they wing it, they make the most
atrocious mistakes. They get their numbers and facts confused, and it reflects
badly on me and on the person introducing me.
36 For Free JV podcasts, ebooks and more, visit http://www.DollarMakers.com/
Being well prepared allows you to get the edge on all those who try
to do things at the last minute, by the seat of their pants, show up late, forget
things, and don’t deliver on time, if at all. They over-promise, under-deliver,
and sabotage their own credibility and success. Worst of all, they deny
themselves future opportunities, because they develop a reputation for being
unreliable, so they get the scraps.
Take the time to prepare well, to train more, to know more than your
competition, to be better conditioned, locked and loaded, mean and lean, fit,
focused, and fierce. Do your homework, show up early, and look the part.
Build on trust, integrity, and solid relationships. Build with solid material and
solid partners. The hype and flash lasts about as long as a bubble on a muddy
river. Build your house on a rock. J.B. Matthews said, “Unless a man has
trained himself for his chance, the chance will only make him look ridiculous.”
I tell DollarMakers Club Members to prepare strong fishing nets and
learn to fish before venturing out. I see people in the middle of huge shoals of
hungry fish, and they’re falling around in the water trying to buy a fishing pole
and asking what bait to use, while the smart ones are pulling the fish out by the
bucket-load. Abe Lincoln said, “If I had six hours to chop down a tree, I’d
spend the first hour sharpening the axe.” Confidence and courage come
through preparation and practice. Success is by design, not by chance. Gary
Player said, “The harder I practice, the luckier I get.” Spend an extra hour
preparing and save months of wasted time. Professionals expect to succeed,
plan to succeed, prepare to succeed, then succeed.
Now, let’s get very specific and start dealing with areas of your
life in which you are going to obtain your freedom.
“Happiness is that state of consciousness which proceeds from the
achievement of one’s values.” ~ Ayn Rand
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you’re trudging seems all up hill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but don’t you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don’t give up, though the pace seems slow —
You might succeed with another blow.
Often the goal is nearer than
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victor’s cup.
And he learned too late, when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.
Success is failure turned inside out —
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt —
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems afar;
So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit —
It’s when things seem worst that you mustn’t quit.
38 For Free JV podcasts, ebooks and more, visit http://www.DollarMakers.com/
Break Free from Guilt
“Guilt is the source of sorrows, the avenging fiend that follows us behind
with whips and stings.”
~ Nicholas Rowe
We teach what we most need to learn. Guilt has been a big
issue in my life, and I have learned how to overcome it, so I have earned the
right to help others do the same. This is an important aspect of your overall
freedom, that’s why I am handling it first. I have made many mistakes and bad
choices in my life, and I have had to learn to get over the guilt and make less
mistakes. Here’s I how I did it and continue to do it.
Guilt is one of the most dangerous saboteurs of your freedom. When
you feel guilty, you feel you don’t deserve success, happiness, and good people
in your life. So you unconsciously sabotage you own success: you show up late
for important meetings and lose you job (because you deserve to be punished.)
You fight with the people you love the most and push them away, because you
feel, deep down inside, that you don’t deserve them. And so on.
Guilt is the most selfish of all emotions. It is like self pity. It punishes
others for our own imagined guilt. Let’s break free!
Imagine you go to the store and buy some candy. You pay for it. You
go home and eat the candy. Next day, you go back to the same store an insist
on paying for the same candy that you bought yesterday, again. You have
already paid, you already ate the candy, but you insist on paying again. And
again, and again, and again, year in and year out, paying thousands of dollars
for that twenty cent candy you ate so long ago… That would be crazy, yet that
is what guilt is.
Imagine you are in grade two at school, and the teacher gives you a
test for grade six. You’re not equipped, so you fail the test. Then you feel guilty
because you failed.
When you decide to feel guilty about something, ask yourself this:
What was your MOTIVE at the time you committed the guilt-inducing act or
made that choice? Was your motive to hurt people? If your motive was good
and you made a stupid mistake that hurt people, you need to realize that and
forgive yourself and move on instead of punishing yourself and everyone
around you for inappropriate and false guilt. What if you MEANT to do harm?
Are you sorry for what you did? OK. You have paid the guilt price for long
enough. If you had known what consequences would follow that choice, you
would probably never have made that choice. Hindsight is always 20/20.
Feeling guilty is not going to help anyone or remove the past or solve your
problems. Stop being so self-centered, and move on.
That abortion: what was your motive? If you knew then what you
know now, would you have made the same choice? Probably not. So you
made the best choice you were capable of making at the time, with the
knowledge and insight you had at the time. You did your best, you made a bad
choice, but it was the best you could do. Give a small child a fifty-pound
dumbbell. He can’t lift it. He does his best, but he’s too weak. He doesn’t have
the strength or the resources. Why should he feel guilty because he can’t lift the
Give the three-year-old a book by Chaucer. He doesn’t understand it.
He can’t read it, so he pours his milk over the book to entertain you. Should he
feel guilty about that for the rest of his life? When your guilt, to which you are
so attached, undermines your success and happiness in life and makes you
bitter and twisted, you punish everyone around you. That makes you MORE
guilty, so it’s a downward spiral into depression and failure. You owe it to
yourself and everyone you know to get over your guilt.
“I was a fool to make such a stupid decision, to act like that, to do that
thing. I thought I knew what I was doing. I didn’t realize what the
consequences would be. I acted on emotion instead of reason. I have paid a
heavy price of guilt for too long. I forgive myself and I choose to put that
behind me now.”
Kids feel guilty because their parents drink and get divorced. Parents
feel guilty because, although they love their kids dearly, they make stupid
decisions, say things they don’t mean, act in the moment without thinking,
cause damage, and hurt their kids’ feelings. 99% of the time they are
exceptional, generous, good parents, sacrificing and paying to give their kids a
good life, but they choose to focus on the one percent they did wrong. It
doesn’t make sense, does it? It is selfish and it must stop so that we can be free.
“My father beat me because he didn’t love me.” Rubbish. He beat you because
he had a problem – it had nothing to do with you. And don’t be guilty for
other’s choices or perceptions. Don’t accept inappropriate blame.
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Self-destruction from guilt:
A woman in England sacrificed her short marriage and almost her
entire adult life to serve her greedy parents. She was a slave to them. She
generously and selflessly gave all her money and time, relationships, and life to
her parents. She even sold the house she loved and spent all the money on her
parents. She had no personal life. Then, as a middle-aged woman, she fell in
love with a man and left home. Her parents turned on her and forgot the many
years of sacrifice in an instant. Suddenly, they viciously turned on her – in their
eyes, she was a whore, she was probably on drugs, her boyfriend was lazy and
“stealing their daughter”, he was dirty and useless. They wrote off all she had
ever done for them. What happened? Her parents had lost their servant, and
they cared more about themselves and their own comfort than the happiness
of their daughter. They attacked her, accused her, belittled her, and
badmouthed her violently. They showed the whole world that they didn’t love
or care for or appreciate their own daughter. They tried in every way to destroy
her new life. And you know what? THE DAUGHTER FELT TERRIBLE
GUILT. So she started sabotaging her new life, her new job, her new
relationship, and everything she had, to punish herself for breaking free of the
parent cult she had lived in. She didn’t consciously do it, but that’s what she
did. She even seriously contemplated suicide, the most self-destructive thing
possible for her. She ended up with no money, homeless, and desperate. And
guess what those loving parents did when she asked if she could stay in their
house? They turned her away like a rabid dog! Still, she felt guilty. (This is a
fictional illustration; any resemblance to actual people is coincidental.)
That is how ridiculous and unreasonable and destructive guilt is. Guilt
is anger directed at yourself. It is inappropriate to feel guilty on an on-going
basis, no matter what you did. People will use it against you, manipulate you
with it, and destroy your joy with your guilt. They will use your guilt against
you. Ayn Rand said, “Guilt is a rope that wears thin.” We all make mistakes,
and unless we’re psychopaths, we all regret our mistakes. Learn from your
mistakes and move on. Erma Bombeck said, “Guilt is a gift that keeps on
giving.” Guilt is a CANCER, and guess what? It causes cancer and all manner
of physical ailments. The ripple effects of guilt are very destructive and they
will hurt everyone in your life, even the innocent that don’t deserve to suffer
from the guilt you so diligently tend and nurture. That’s why I say that guilt is
Guilt can be used against you to manipulate you. The daughter says,
“Dad, I’m going to live in Spain, where I can be happy and have great quality
of life. The sun will be good for my arthritis. I have a special offer from my
work, and this exciting window of opportunity is about to close.” Dad replies,
“How can you leave me in my old age? At least wait until I die.” What dad
doesn’t say: “In the meantime, suffer from your arthritis, yearn for a life you
could have had, miss a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, but I don’t care – I
only care about my own comfort. You don’t matter to me; I don’t love you.”
Guess what happens? The daughter stays, writes off the chance of escaping,
and cares for her father until he dies a year later. Or she leaves and lives with
guilt for the rest of her life, and sabotages everything she does in her new
He swears, but he, is sick at heart;
He laughs, but he turns deadly pale;
His restless eye and sudden start—
These tell the dreadful tale
That will be told: it needs no words from thee
Thou self-sold slave to guilt and misery.
- Richard Henry Dana, Sr.
Self-sold slave to guilt: Choosing to remain guilty is something
you SHOULD feel guilty about! You can be free – by choice.
Who are the experts at the use of guilt to manipulate people? People in
positions of emotional power. Some churches, for instance, manipulate well-
meaning parishioners to do the most ridiculous things and sacrifice far too
much to appease their false guilt. We won’t go down that road in this chapter.
Sir Walter Scott: “Haste, holy Friar, Haste, ere the sinner shall expire! Of all his
guilt let him be shriven, And smooth his path from earth to heaven!”
What is the ultimate expression of guilt? Self-destruction, or suicide.
Suicide is the most selfish act possible, but the person committing suicide is
seldom rational enough to realize that. I have had four friends commit suicide.
One of them killed his entire family before killing himself. I do not judge those
men, because I did not live in their heads, but I know that the information in
this book could possibly have helped them. Guilt goes along with lack of hope.
You don’t deserve to be guilty. Forgive yourself and move on. I
found it very hard to overcome guilt in my life, and the book that helped me
more than anything else was “Atlas Shrugged” by Ayn Rand. You will notice I
quote her frequently. This book helped me to become freer in a big way, and I
recommend it above any other book ever written.
42 For Free JV podcasts, ebooks and more, visit http://www.DollarMakers.com/
What about guilt by omission? In other words, feeling guilty about
things you could have dome, but didn’t do? “I never told my mother I loved
her and then she died”. Handle it with the same process as things you did do.
What happens when you release your guilt? Everything in your life
changes when you release guilt. You get healthier, you lose weight, you look
better – women get prettier. You start making a lot of money. You attract
better people into your life. Suddenly, you realize that you deserve the fruit of
your labor, you deserve to be happy and fulfilled, wealthy and at peace. Life is
so short- why ruin it with guilt? You can be free. In the movie, The Mission,
the man has to climb a high cliff with a whole lot of heavy armor strapped to
his back, symbolizing his guilt. When he gets to the top of the cliff, the other
man takes his sword and cuts the rope holding all this guilt (armor) and it falls
away. He is free – “a weight off his shoulders” – he feels light and happy, like a
butterfly emerging from that dark cocoon of guilt and stress.
OK, it’s time to take action and get rid of your guilt, time to
First of all, it takes time to release it. Write down on a piece of paper
ALL the things you feel guilty about and then ask these questions about every
single item on that paper and answer every one of them, in writing, on the
1. Why did I do this?
2. What was my motive?
3. Did I fully understand what the consequences would be of this
4. Did I actually have the proper information and resources available
to me at the time, to make a better choice?
5. If I knew what the consequences would be, would I still have
made this choice?
6. If someone else whom I love had made this choice and sincerely
regretted it, would I forgive them?
7. How do I benefit from keeping this guilt? What do I have to gain
by remaining guilty?
8. How much have I paid in guilt for this choice? How long have I
been paying, with tears, sadness, self hate, loss of energy,
depression, unhappiness, bad health, and numerous other, hidden
consequences, that I am not even aware of? Haven’t I paid
enough? How much is enough?
9. Who else has suffered and is still suffering because of my guilt?
Which other people are being punished because of my selfish
10. How will I benefit by continuing to pay this ridiculous price for
this choice I made?
11. How will I benefit by choosing to release this guilt? How will my
loved ones, family, employees, business partners, and friends
benefit? Don’t I owe it to myself and others to get over this once
and for all?
12. In view of the above, and realizing that being free of this guilt will
benefit me and everyone I know financially, health wise, in our
relationships, and in every area of life, wouldn’t it be really selfish,
non-productive, and stupid NOT to release this guilt right now? I
have paid the price. I forgive myself. I choose freedom!
One by one, release your guilt. Make a list of all the things you feel
guilty about, and burn the paper. When you start feeling guilty about
the same thing again, read your notes and answers to the above
Should you go to people and ask their forgiveness? Not in
every case. Sometimes, it’s better not to. Use your discretion. If
someone is far away, you could write them a letter. You don’t have to
deliver the letter. If they have died, you could still write them a letter,
then burn the letter. It will help you get it out of your system. Always
be aware of the consequences of waking sleeping dogs and
confronting issues, and remember that getting rid of guilt is personal.
It’s in your own head. Confession and revelation to people often does
more damage than good, so be careful. It costs nothing to forgive, but
don’t give people a stick to beat you with. “I m sorry for what I did. At
the time, I was unaware of the real consequences. My motive was not
to hurt you. Please forgive me – I truly regret what I did, and I want to
move on with my life and put this sad thing behind me.” Do you need
an answer? No. Do you need people to forgive you? No. You need to
44 For Free JV podcasts, ebooks and more, visit http://www.DollarMakers.com/
Break Free from Bad Relationships
“Our greatest joy-and our greatest pain comes in our relationships
with others.” – Stephen R. Covey
Earlier, we did the crayon exercise, where you graphically depicted
your existing relationships. There are only three types of people in your life:
Those who contribute positively to your life, those who are insignificant, and
those who damage your life. You are not obliged to put up with the last lot. In
fact, you have an obligation NOT to continue with relationships with the
wrong people. Your relationships with other people are extremely important to
Let’s apply what you have read so far to the people in the life of the
woman I mentioned in an earlier chapter, the one who tried to leave home at
the age of 37 and got attacked by the very parents to whom she had devoted
most of her adult life. When she drew the circles with her crayons, she would
have her mother on her inner circle with a thick, red, squiggly line connecting
them. Her relationship with her parents was not interdependent; it had become
codependent. She had been conditioned all her life by her mother that men
were bad – why? So that she would not marry and leave her mother. Her
mother restricted her daughter’s relationship to gay men so that marriage
would not be a likelihood (her mother had destroyed her first marriage.) What
were the daughter’s belief’s? “I am dependent on my mother – I can’t leave her
alone – I can’t make it on my own...”
To further enslave her daughter over the years, the mother also made
sure that religion played a large part in their lives, with all the guilt, self
sacrifice, altruism and manipulation that goes with it. How did the daughter
interpret her quest for freedom? “I am rejecting my parents – deserting my
aged, frail, helpless, loving parents – I am bad and I deserve to suffer for my
sin.” She was conflicted, confused. On the one hand, she rationally knew that
she had the right to be free, freedom she had yearned for so long, but
emotionally she was so weakened by her mother’s conditioning of her that she
found it very difficult to break free. The consequences? She would fight with
the new boyfriend and her new boss to sabotage her own quest for freedom,
until she was down and out, at which time her mother again rejected her! What
did her self-esteem look like now?