How to pitch total bullshit? Answers in this comprehensive presentation. Held at the Android Devcamp 2011 in Stuttgart. #adcs2

1. SUCCESS

2. HOW TO PITCH
BULLSHIT
Moritz Haarmann, @derwildemomo

4. Moritz Haarmann
GTUG Stuttgart Founding Member
Serial Entrepreneur & Routine Project Abandoner
Social Media Expert
Innovator!!!11!!
Founder & CEO of Future adressable investment leads,
inc ( F.A.I.L. )

5. What we talk about today
Why it is necessary to learn how to pitch right
Avoid failing
Learn to think like business people
Learn to act convincingly!
Use Technology like a Pro
( PowerPoint )
How to analyze ideas

6. Success rate overview
Win Fail
1 %
99 %

7. Why we need to do it.
We need money
For technological projects
from people who just don‘t understand

8. Why it fails
We communicate the wrong things
We address business people the wrong way!
=> Let‘s do it right!

9. ADJUST YOUR
COMMUNICATION
Use rules! Algorithms! Jiha!

10. EXPLAIN LIKE THE ONE
YOUR TALKING TO IS
YOUR MOTHER IN LAW.
„Mother-in-law-rule“

11. Mother-in-law-rule
You just need to get along well with your mother in law
She is, most likely, a total noob.

12. COMPLETELY ELIMINATE
TECHNICAL/JARGON
TERMS, EXCEPT WHEN IT
IS A BUZZWORD.
„Buzzword-Rule“

13. FOR EACH TECHNICAL
TERM, USE 3 POSITIVE
BUSINESS TERMS.
Tech/Biz-Ratio-Rule

14. REAL-WORLD
EXAMPLE

15. Bad Pitch
„We are doing a Rails-based SaaS-Platform providing
both a GWT-Frontend for Users and a JSON/OAuth
based backend for developers to interact with our
service, which helps finding bakeries nearby.“

16. Bad Pitch
„We are doing a Rails-based SaaS-Platform
providing both a GWT-Frontend for Users and a
JSON/OAuth based backend for developers to
interact with our service, which helps finding
bakeries nearby.“

17. Bad Pitch
„We are providing for Users to interact with our
service, which helps finding bakeries nearby.“
So, you‘ve just invented the yellow pages? => fail.

18. Good pitch?
Any ideas?

19. Good pitch
„We aim to build a local social advertising platform,
enabling millions of paying customers to explore the
world of hand made quality bread in the premium
section of an ever groing market.“.
Mention the words ROI, Exit and Growth ( While
pointing towards the sky ) regularly before and after
pitching.

20. Better pitch
Avoid textual content whenever possible
Real leaders and executives just don‘t have the time
There are, although, technologies that help you
communicate your content

21. Charts
300
225
150
75
2007 0
2008
2009
2010

22. Charts
Are, without a doubt, the secret of successful
entrepreneurs and business guys.
Although ugly, misleading and overused, we should use
charts whenever possible.

23. ALWAYS USE 3
CHARTS IN ANY
PRESENTATION.
Three-Chart-Rule

24. Three Chart Rule
For each third of your presentation or pitch, one chart.
( It is a secret code among business people to use three
charts, an unwritten law. )
First Chart: Solely to demonstrate your capability of
using and creating charts.
Second chart: Linear growth
Third chart: Explosive growth or pie chart.

25. YOUR IDEA
sucks most likely.

26. IF IT IS COMPLICATED
=> sucks.

27. IF IT IS JUST LIKE
SOMETHING ELSE
it sucks. and you.

28. NO ONE NEEDS IT
it sucks

29. IT DEALS WITH
SELLING
CUSTOMIZED STUFF
it sucks really really hard.

30. ANYWAY.

31. Smart Idea Pimpin‘
Make extensive use of Buzzwords. Always. In your
head.
Web2.0, Social, Mobile and Cross-Media is a good
starting point.
Hands-On: Find yourself 5 Buzzwords you feel
comfortable with. Become one with them.

32. Pitching all the time
You need to be convinced of the bullshit your pitching
you will fail hard if you are not.
Failure is not an option.

33. ONE LAST THING

34. THIS IS NOT REAL LIFE
It‘s great to be a nerd.
Our ideas rock.
We‘ll get it done ( tomorrow.. )

35. Indoor Temperature Dev.
Winter Today
100
75
50
25
9:00 0
11:00
13:00
15:00
17:00

36. THANK YOU
this was beta, btw.

37. Dieses Werk bzw. Inhalt steht unter einer Creative Commons Namensnennung-NichtKommerziell-KeineBearbeitung 3.0 Deutschland Lizenz.