..... if The Onion had a drive-thru window this is what it would serve .....

1. It’s
News
It’s
Quick It’s
Dick
Quick Dick News#5
© Dick Sharp

2. Meb Keflezighi is an American
who won this years Boston Marathon.
Ted Jones is a Tanzanian who works
in Jakatawooki and ran like hell today
to catch a bus for work.
© Dick Sharp

3. © Dick Sharp

4. © Dick Sharp

5. A psychic in India has trained an octopus
to read the fortunes of 8 people at a time.
It’s called Psychtopus and it only costs
99 rupees per minute.
Psychtopus.com
© Dick Sharp

6. A couple Playboy bunnies that Pope Francis met
during his grueling 40 day & night Lenten retreat
at the Playboy Mansion have become nuns.
Sister Luscious Dewdrop and Sister Silky Dampcrotch
have already converted to Christianity .
PF hopes to release a nun calendar for 2015.
© Dick Sharp

7. © Dick Sharp

8. George Lopez stars in a Mexican film version
of John Denver’s life called “Tijuana High.”
Lopez dyed his hair blonde, plays acoustic guitar
and sings with Spanish speaking Muppets who
smoke pot behind the scenes. His character,
Juan Denver, gets so stoned at the end of the film
that he dies inside his one-seat airplane
that never leaves the ground.
© Dick Sharp

9. A tiny iPhone
was implanted
into the hand
of an unborn fetus
which tweeted:
Get me the f*** outta here!
© Dick Sharp

10. © Dick Sharp

11. © Dick Sharp

12. © Dick Sharp

13. After a Mini-Cooper crashed into
a Florida swamp, a giant crocodile
swallowed it whole then a text message
was received by a teenage girl still inside the
car asking for directions to Tallahassee.
© Dick Sharp

14. © Dick Sharp

15. Dolly Parton Aerospace, Inc.
has two humongous satellites
orbiting the earth. Each has a
pointy antenna on it and can
be seen with the naked eye.
© Dick Sharp