A play which chronicles the adventures of a John Q. Publik blind to his own past.

1. John Q. Publik’s America:
A Play

2. John Q. Publik is a wealthy
New York businessman who
has a disdain for foreigners
and the use of languages
besides English. He is leaving
his office for the day.

3. But John, hear me out. The
people hate big business. They
hate it more and more every
day thanks to that upstart
Bernard or Bernie or whatever.
Thinks he’s gonna be the big
man in the White House.

4. Meanwhile, we’re like a dog
with its tail between its legs.
Our sales are plummeting, and
no one wants to buy stock
anymore. Are you just gonna sit
there and let them call the
shots? No!

5. So you make the deal with Tom
and his crooks, fix up the Lower
East end, make it all nice and
pretty with a big fancy ribbon to
cut, and the public will love ya!
And we’ll love the huge sales
and shares. Simple.

6. No, no, and no Stan! I will not
smear my family’s good name in
that part of Manhattan. Look,
we’ve known each other for
twenty years now, from when
your father worked for my father.

7. I know you’re loyal, hell, I’d even
call ya a friend. But the lion does
not eat at the same table as the
mouse. Publik Incorporated will
not dirty its name with
immigrants. I will hear no more
of this.

8. Spend this weekend with
your family, Stan, it’s the
last one before peak
season. Oh, and have a
happy Fourth of July!
You too, John,
you too.

9. John Q. Publik is
chauffeured to his
penthouse in a
wealthy Long Island
neighborhood.

10. Chaiyya,
chaiyya –
Shah Rukh!
What did I tell
you about
Bollywood?

11. There already enough
problems in America
besides wannabe
Indian Hollywood. But,
sir, youtube people
have dubsmash of
Chaiyya Chaiyya and
Michael Jackson –
I will dock you
a day’s pay.
Sorry sir. Not
happen again.
Happy July
four.

12. When John arrives at his
home, he pours himself a
drink and goes to bed,
only to wake up to bed
that July 3, only to wake
up to a July 4 one hundred
years in the past.

13. Dammit! I need
a copy of those
blueprints from
Stan.
John jumps out of bed, alarmed.

14. John picks up his phone to call
Stan, but is dismayed to find
that there is no service.
Well since it’s
Shah Rukh’s day
off, I guess I’m just
going to have to
drive myself over
to Stan’s.

15. John gets in his car and drives
to the heart of the city,
increasingly troubled by the
unfamiliar cityscape.
This
doesn’t
look like
New York...

16. When the course of a Fourth of
July parade blocks any further
progress, John decides to give
up on the blueprints and enjoy
the sight. Eventually, John sees
a banner that shows the real
date: July 4, 1915.

17. JULY 4, 1915

18. JULY 4, 1915
July 4, 1915! It
can’t be! You sir,
what is the date?
July 4, 1915. It
says so right
there on that
banner.

19. John Q. Publik backs away from
the scene, dazed. He comes
across a group of Italian
immigrants selling oranges.

20. Buongiorno signor!
Would you like an
orange? Five cents!
Nice and fresh!
I must be in hell!
Are you feeling
well, signor?

21. John Q. Publik once again
runs away, this time
encountering a busy street
market.

22. Das bread for
you, herr sir? Shalom! A
wood carving
for your home
mentsh?
Señor! Señor!
Cerveza of the
finest quality for
you, for you price
3 cents!
Néih hóu! Fortune
calendar tell you
your future! Like to
try?

23. John Q. Publik runs away for a third
time. He comes face-to-face with a
man who closely resembles himself.
The man is sweeping the ground in
front of a shop whose sign reads
Publik Lebensmittelgeschäft.
Intrigued, John begins to approach
the man, who is revealed to be his
great-grandfather.

24. Publik Lebensmittelgeschäft
Guten tag! Can I
help you?
Who is the
owner of this
store? I am. Herr Publik.
Who is asking?
A distant relative.
Uh, I am Herr
Jürgen. I don’t know a Herr
Jürgen and you are
no Deutscher!

25. Publik Lebensmittelgeschäft
Well, that’s because my
grandfather left for America
fifty years ago. His brother,
your grandfather Johann
stayed in Germany. We tried
to write but it was
impossible.
Yes, we did always
wonder what happened
to that duncof
Jochim...very well, what
is it you want Herr
Jürgen?
Do you have any children?
Only one! And what
would you want with
Johann? ! Mein Gott,
Jochim’s side of the
family was always a little
geistesrank.

26. Publik Lebensmittelgeschäft
And when was
he born?
Duncofs, all of you! If
you must know, it was
December 1, 1900.
So it’s true! The lion is no
different from mouse!
Thank you, great-
grandfather Johann!
What crazy schieße
runs in mein family! It
was nice talking to
you cousin Jürgen, but
if you don’t mind, I
have work to do.
Of course, of course.
Auf wiedersehen! Tell
the younger Johann
that I will see him in
about fifty-five years!
Duncof with half-brain.

27. Everything begins to spin.
John Q. Public closes his
eyes, and when he opens
them, he is back in the
present day, staring at his
own company’s building.

28. John, are you even listening?
The people hate big business.
They hate it more and more
every day thanks to Bernie
Sanders. Our sales are
plummeting, and no one wants
to buy stock anymore.

29. Are you just gonna sit there?
You have to take the deal with
Tom. Fix up the Lower East End
with a nice ribbon-cutting
ceremony, and the public will
be yours! As will huge sales and
shares. Simple.

30. You know what, Stan? I think that
sounds like a great idea. And I
think we should expand our
community outreach agency.
John, what’s happened
to you? It almost
sounds like you have a
heart!

31. Shah Rukh Khan arrives.

32. Sir?
Shah Rukh! Have
you heard the
dubsmash of
Michael Jackson
and Chaiyya
Chaiyya yet?