Rajini can't do


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Rajini can't do

  1. 1. SCREEN FUNSPACE t8 I MONDAY 4 OCTOBER 2010 AS ENDHIRAN FEVER GRIPS THE COUNTRY — LET’S REMIND OURSELVES ONCE AGAIN WHY THERE IS WONLY VUN RAJINI! ● When Rajinikanth does push-ups, he isn’t lifting him- self up. He is pushing the earth down. ● There is no such thing as evolution, it’s just a list of creatures that Rajinikanth allowed to live. ● Rajinikanth can divide by zero. ● Rajinikanth can judge a book by its cover. ● Rajinikanth can delete the Recycle Bin. ● Rajinikanth can slam a revolving door. ● Rajinikanth once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descen- dants are today called giraffes. ● Rajinikanth can make onions cry. ● Rajinikanth destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognises the element of surprise. ● Rajinikanth once got into a knife-fight. The knife lost. ● Rajinikanth never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself in fear. ● Rajinikanth does not own a stove, oven, or microwave, because revenge is a dish best served cold. ● Rajinikanth has already been to Mars, that’s why there is no sign of life there. ● Rajinikanth doesn’t move at the speed of light. Light moves at the speed of Rajinikanth. ● When you say ‘no one is perfect’, Rajinikant takes this as a person- al insult. ● Google won’t find Rajinikanth because you don’t find Rajinikanth; Rajinikanth finds you. ● Rajinikanth leaves messages before the beep. ● Rajinikanth calls Voldemort by his name. ● Rajinikanth is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head. ● Rajinikanth doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is. ● In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Rajinikanth could use to kill you, including the room itself. ● When Rajinikanth is asked to kill someone he doesn’t know, he shoots the bullet and directs it the day he finds out. ● Rajinikanth has counted to infinity, twice. ● There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. Rajinikanth lives in Chennai. ● Water boils faster when Rajinikanth stares at it. ● Rajinikanth kills two stones with one bird. ● Rajinikanth killed the Dead Sea. ● Rajinikanth gave Mona Lisa that smile. ● Rajinikanth can drown a fish. ● Rajinikanth once got into a fight with a VCR player. Now it plays DVDs. ● Rajinikanth once ordered a plate of idli in McDonald’s, and got it. ● Rajinikanth can win at Solitaire with only 18 cards. ● The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Rajinikanth kicked one of the corners off. ● Rajinikanth can build a snowman out of rain. ● Rajinikanth can watch the show 60 Minutes in 20 min- utes. ● Rajinikanth will attain separate state- hood in 2013. ● Rajinikanth did, in fact, build Rome in a day. ● Rajinikanth can play the violin with a piano. ● Rajinikanth kills Harry Potter in the eighth book. ● Rajinikanth gave the Joker those scars. ● Rajinikanth once warned a young girl to be good “or else”. The result? Mother Teresa. ● Rajinikanth electrocuted Iron Man. ● Rajinikanth killed Spiderman using Baygon Anti Bug Spray. ● Rajinikanth puts the ‘laughter’ in manslaughter. ● Rajinikanth goes to court and sentences the judge. ● Rajinikanth can handle the truth. ● Rajinikanth can teach an old dog new tricks. ● Rajinikanth grinds his cof- fee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage. ● The last time Rajinikanth killed someone, he slapped himself to do it. The other guy just disintegrated. Resonance. ● Rajinikanth can lick his elbows. ● Rajinikanth once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink. ● Rajinikanth does not get frostbite. Rajinikanth bites frost. ● Rajinikanth got his drivers licence at the age of 16 seconds. ● The statement “nobody can cheat death”, is a personal insult to Rajinikanth. He cheats and fools death everyday. ● Rajinikanth can give pain to painkillers and headache to Anacin. ● Rajinikanth knows what women really want. ● Time and tide wait for Rajinikanth. ● As a child when Rajinikanth had dyslexia, he simply re-scripted the alpha- bet. ● Rajinikanth doesn’t need a visa to travel abroad, he just jumps from the tallest build- ing in Chennai and holds himself in the air while the earth rotates. ● Rajinikanth’s brain works faster than Chacha Chaudhary’s. ● Rajinikanth doesn’t shower. He only takes blood baths. ● To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Rajinikanth. ● The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Rajinikanth’s fist. ● Where there is a will, there is a way. Where there is Rajinikanth, there is no other way. ● Rajinikanth doesn’t bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint out of fear. ● Archaeologists unearthed an old English dictionary dat- ing back to the year 1236. It defined “victim” as “one who has encountered Rajinikanth”. ● Once a cobra bit Rajinikanth’s leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died. ● Rajinikanth is a champion in the game hide-n- seek, as no one can hide from Rajinikanth. ● Rajinikanth proves Newton wrong all the time. Every time he performs an action, he simply elimi- nates anything and everything that can provide the reaction. ● Rajinikanth is a weapon created by god to use on doomsday to end the world. ● Aliens do indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Rajinikanth is on. ● Rajinikanth does not style his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror. ● When Rajinikanth plays Monopoly, it affects the world economy. ● Rajinikanth is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis. ● Rajinikanth’s house has no doors, only walls that he walks through. Add to this list. Tell t2@abpmail.com RAJINIKANTH’S CALENDAR GOES STRAIGHT FROM MARCH 31 TO APRIL 2. NO ONE FOOLS RAJINIKANTH RAJINIKANTH CAN STRANGLE YOU WITH A CORDLESS PHONE WORDS LIKE AWESOMENESS, BRILLIANCE, LEGENDARY ETC WERE ADDED TO THE DICTIONARY IN THE YEAR 1949. THAT WAS THE YEAR RAJINIKANTH WAS BORN RAJINIKANTH KNOWS VICTORIA’S SECRET RAJINIKANTH DOESN’T BREATHE. AIR HIDES IN HIS LUNGS FOR PROTECTION THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS GLOBAL WARMING. RAJINIKANTH WAS FEELING COLD, SO HE BROUGHTTHE SUN CLOSERTO HEATTHE EARTH UP HIS EMAIL ID IS GMAIL@ RAJINIKANTH. COM RAJINIKANTH’S NEXT FILM IS CALLED TWITTER — HE PLAYS 140 CHARACTERS RAJINIKANTH CAN ANSWER A MISSED CALL RAJINIKANTH KNOWS WHICH CAME FIRST, THE CHICKEN OR THE EGG