Assertive Communication skills for being professional

1. ASSERTIVENESS SKILLS
VOITH TURBO S.A
CHARLES COTTER
12 SEPTEMBER 2016
www.slideshare.net/CharlesCotter

2. TRAINING PROGRAMME OVERVIEW
• Defining Assertiveness
• Differentiating between passive; assertive and
aggressive behaviour
• Diagnosing passive; assertive and aggressive
behaviour
• Developing Assertiveness techniques and
strategies

4. DEFINING ASSERTIVENESS
• Assertiveness is the ability to express one’s
feelings and assert one’s rights while respecting
the feelings and rights of others.
• Assertive communication is appropriately direct,
open and honest and clarifies one’s needs to the
other person.
• People who have mastered the skill of
assertiveness are able to greatly reduce the level
of interpersonal conflict in their lives, thereby
reducing a major source of stress.

6. INTRODUCTORY ACTIVITY
• Individual activity:
• Complete the following statement by inserting one
word only. In order to be assertive at work, I need to/to
be………………………………………………
• Jot this word down and find other learners who have
written down the same word. Write this word down on
the flip-chart.
• Each learner will have the opportunity to explain their
choice of word.

7. THE ASSERTIVENESS CONTINUUM

9. ASSERTIVENESS RULER

10. CHARACTERISTICS OF PASSIVE PEOPLE
• Have trouble saying no
• Do whatever others ask, even if it’s very
inconvenient
• Get “stepped on” a lot
• Talk softly and don’t stand up for their rights
• They’re not even sure if they have any rights
• Do anything to avoid conflict
• Are taken advantage of. They get resentful
but don’t tell anyone

12. CHARACTERISTICS OF AGGRESSIVE
PEOPLE
• Are loud, bossy and pushy
• Get their way, no matter what
• React instantly
• Like to get even
• Don’t care about feelings
• Give vice-like handshakes
• Believe that winning is everything

13. CHARACTERISTICS OF ASSERTIVE
PEOPLE
• Are firm and direct
• Don’t blame others but take full responsibility for their own
feelings
• Concentrate on the present
• Can express their needs and feelings calmly and easily
• Are confident about who they are
• Speak firmly and make eye contact
• Respect others’ rights and expect the same in return

16. LEARNING EXERCISE
• Refer to pages 5-6 of the Learner Manual
• Complete the exercise and refer to the
comments (page 7)
• What lessons regarding assertiveness can be
drawn from these scenario’s?
• What are the benefits of assertive behaviour?

17. HOW ASSERTIVE ARE YOU?
- EXERCISE
• Refer to Chapter 5 (pages 35-39 of the Learner
Manual)
• Complete the exercise (pages 36-38)
• Refer to the comments (pages 38-39)
• What lessons regarding assertiveness can be
drawn from these scenario’s – at work, general
and at home?

18. MEASURING YOUR ASSERTIVENESS
• Do you have difficulty accepting constructive criticism?
• Do you find yourself saying ‘yes’ to requests that you
should really say ‘no’ to, just to avoid disappointing
people?
• Do you have trouble voicing a difference of opinion with
others?
• Do people tend to feel alienated by your communication
style when you do disagree with them?
• Do you feel attacked when someone has an opinion
different from your own?

21. ASSERTIVENESS TECHNIQUES
• Refer to Chapters 2 and 3 in the Learner Manual
• Tension Control (refer to pages 11-12 in the Learner Manual)
• Inner calm (refer to pages 12-13 in the Learner Manual)
• Positive Thinking (refer to page 15 in the Learner Manual)
• Self awareness and Self Esteem/image (refer to pages 16-20 in the
Learner Manual)
• Positive language and –self talk (refer to pages 20-22 in the
Learner Manual)
• Positive Affirmations (refer to pages 22-25 in the Learner Manual)

22. ASSERTIVE AFFIRMATIONS
• Affirmations are positive statements that you silently affirm to yourself, in
an attempt to re-programme your sub-conscious mind.
• Many people find it a powerful tool in helping them to achieve personal
change.
• By repeating positive statements to yourself regularly throughout the day,
when you have spare moments, you in a way are feeding your mind
healthy food.
• The more that you think these positive and self-affirming thoughts, the
more they will seep into your sub-conscious and become part of your
belief system.
• Consequently over time, you will find these beliefs become like a
navigational system which start to shape the decisions and actions of
your life

23. LEARNING EXERCISE
• Refer to page 24 of the Learner Manual
• Complete the exercise and refer to the
comments (page 25)
• What lessons regarding assertiveness can be
drawn from these scenario’s?

24. ASSERTIVENESS TECHNIQUES -
EXERCISE
• Positive outcomes (refer to pages 25-27 in the
Learner Manual)
• Complete the exercise (page 25)
• Refer to the comments (pages 26-27)
• What lessons regarding assertiveness can be
drawn from this exercise/scenario’s?

25. POSITIVE OUTCOMES

27. RIGHTS AND WRONGS
• Refer to Chapter 4 (pages 29-33 of the
Learner Manual)
• Everyone’s basic rights (refer to the exercise
on pages 30-33)

31. ASSERTIVE COMMUNICATION
• Refer to Chapter 6 (pages 41-50 in the Learner
Manual)
• (Active) Listening
• Small Talk (social assertiveness)
• Conflict Resolution

34. CONFLICT RESOLUTION STYLES
• Shark (Competing)
• Turtle (Avoiding)
• Fox (Compromising)
• Teddy-bear (Accommodating)
• Owl (Collaborating)

35. CONFLICT RESOLUTION STYLES

37. CONFLICT MANAGEMENT GUIDING
PRINCIPLES – TIPS AND TECHNIQUES

38. ASSERTIVE COMMUNICATION
• Refer to Chapter 7 (pages 51-58 in the Learner
Manual)
• Body Language (Non-verbal communication)
Aggressive body language
Passive body language
Assertive body language

39. COMPREHENSION COMPONENTS OF
NVC

40. LEARNING EXERCISE
• Refer to page 55 of the Learner Manual
• Complete the exercise and refer to the
comments (pages 55-58)
• What lessons regarding assertive body
language can be drawn from the exercise?

43. WORDS AND PHRASES
• Refer to Chapter 9 (pages 69-79 in the Learner Manual)
• Direct Assertive Communication (pages 69-70 in the Learner
Manual)
• Be direct (pages 71-72 in the Learner Manual)
• Tackle the problem, not the person (page 72 in the Learner
Manual)
• Deal with specifics, not generalizations (page 72 in the Learner
Manual)
• Don’t over-apologize (page 72 in the Learner Manual)

45. WORDS AND PHRASES
• Don’t give excessive explanations (page 73)
• Take ownership of your messages – using “I
statements” (pages 73-74)
Avoid using accusatory and/or judgmental
statements

49. WORDS AND PHRASES
• Honesty (pages 75-76)
• Directives and requests (page 76)
• Spontaneity – assertive self expression (pages
77-78)
• Refer to exercise and comments (pages 78-79)

50. H-A-I-L

51. RELATIONSHIPS
• Refer to Chapter 8 (pages 59-68 in the Learner
Manual)
• Matching (pages 60-61 in the Learner Manual)
• Mirroring (pages 62-63 in the Learner Manual)
• Relationships with relatives (pages 63-67 in the
Learner Manual)
• Refer to exercises and related comments (pages 67-
68)

54. JOHARI’S WINDOW
• Designed to understand the communication process between people and
consists of varying degrees of information held in common between two
people as well as methods that can be used to increase the size of one’s
window.
• Communication will be enhanced if the Arena is increased in size by:
 Exposure of self to others
 Soliciting feedback from others
 Exploration and calculated risk-taking
• Exposure requires an open, candid and trusting approach, while feedback
requires an active solicitation of feelings, opinions and values from
others.
• For these processes to be fully developed, reciprocity is required.

55. POWER
• Refer to Chapter 10 (pages 81-90 in the Learner Manual)
• Confident delivery (pages 81-82 in the Learner Manual)
• Volume and intonation (pages 82-85 in the Learner
Manual)
• Projection (page 85 in the Learner Manual)
• Position and status (pages 85-87)
• Refer to exercise and related comments (pages 87-90)

59. YES AND NO
• Refer to Chapter 11 (pages 91-99 in the
Learner Manual)
• Making and refuting requests - exercises and
comments (pages 91-93 in the Learner
Manual)
• Broken record technique (persistence) –
examples, exercises and comments (pages 93-
99 in the Learner Manual)

61. LEARNING TO SAY NO – “WHO’S GOT
THE MONKEY?”

62. DEALING WITH PROBLEM PEOPLE
• Refer to Chapter 12 (pages 101-113 in the Learner
Manual)
Irate
Stayer
Rabbit
Boss
Critic
• Refer to examples, exercises and comments
• The P-A-C Model

63. PARENT-ADULT-CHILD (PAC) MODEL

64. DEALING WITH ANGER
• To effectively defuse anger, keep in mind the
needs of the angry speaker:
To vent
To get the listener's attention
To be heard
To be understood

65. DEALING WITH ANGER
• When you're listening to an angry person,
apply the following constructive behaviour:
Be attentive and patient
Be sincere
Be calm

66. TRICKY SITUATIONS
• Refer to Chapter 12 (pages 115-130 in the
Learner Manual)
• Giving criticism (refer to the various strategies on
pages 115-117)
• Compliments (pages 117-118)
• Asking for raises, promotions and career moves
(pages 118-120)

67. CONSTRUCTIVE FEEDBACK
(B-E-E-R TECHNIQUE)
• BEHAVIOUR (describe the dysfunctional
behaviour)
• EFFECT (describe how this dysfunctional
behaviour affects you)
• EXPECTATION (assert your rights and re-affirm
the expected functional behaviour)
• RESULT (describe the consequences of continued
dysfunctional treatment and the benefits of
improved/functional behaviour)

68. TRICKY SITUATIONS
• Being interviewed (pages 120-122)
• Presentations (pages 122-124)
• Meetings (pages 124-128)
• Refer to exercises and comments (pages 128-
130)

70. BOUNDARY AND TIME
MANAGEMENT
• Boundary Management – Defining and
sticking to your limits
• Time Management – Importance/Urgency
Matrix
• Work Life Balance – The Wheel of Life

72. URGENCY/IMPORTANCE MATRIX

73. PRACTICE THE 4 D’s
• Dump
• Do it
• Delegate
• Defer/Diarize

74. WORK-LIFE BALANCE - WHEEL OF LIFE

76. CONCLUSION
• Key points
• Summary
• Questions

77. CONTACT DETAILS
• Charles Cotter
• (+27) 84 562 9446
• charlescot@polka.co.za
• LinkedIn
• Twitter: Charles_Cotter
• http://www.slideshare.net/CharlesCotter