Learn skills to improve yourself

1. 1. Learn to draw proper psychological boundaries. It's good for everyone.
You may think it's a good thing to have boundaries that aren't clear, so that people can get along as they please and don't
have to bargain hard with each other. This may sound reasonable, but the downside is that people often hurt your
feelings without you realizing it.
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In fact, if you look around you, you can see that people with poor boundaries tend to suffer from pathological phobias.
They don't fight the aggressor and are more willing to talk to a third person. If we are the one who has violated the
psychological boundaries of others, we will feel like cold-blooded fools when we find out the truth. At the same time,
we feel hurt because we blame ourselves for our mistakes and we are angry that a third person is involved in judging us.
Clear boundaries are good for everyone. You must understand what others can and cannot do to you. When someone
violates your mental boundaries, tell them so that they can be corrected. If you're constantly having trouble drawing
boundaries, you need to improve your cognitive skills.
2. Find a way to calm yourself down when you feel you are about to lose your mind, so that the blood stays in your
brain and you can act rationally.
Americans once said jokingly: when it comes to things, rational children let the blood into the brain, can think smart;
The savage child let the blood into the limbs, the brain said heat people empty, mad impulse.
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Yes, when the blood is flowing to your brain, you are alert and well behaved, whereas when the blood is flowing to your
limbs and tongue, you behave foolishly, impulsively and inappropriately.
In fact, scientific experiments have shown that when we become overstressed under stress, blood does leave the cortex,
and we behave differently. At this point, the animal nature of the brain takes over and causes us to behave like the most
primitive animals. You know, in civilized society, acting like a primitive animal can lead to big trouble.
There are many strategies for controlling outbursts. One way to do this is to pay attention to your heart rhythm, which is
an accurate gauge of your emotions. When your heart is beating more than 100 times a minute, it's important to get your
mood in order. At this rate, the body produces far more adrenaline than usual. We lose our minds and turn into
aggressive crickets.
When the blood starts to rush to your limbs again, you can use the following methods to calm your mind:
1. Breathe deeply until you calm down. Breathe in slowly and deeply, filling your lungs with air. Place one hand on
your abdomen to make sure you're breathing correctly.
2. Talk to yourself. Say to yourself, "I'm calming down." Or :" This too shall pass."
3. Some people use hydrotherapy. Taking a hot tub may make your anger and anxiety go away with the foam.
4. You can also try American psychologist Donna Eden's method: while thinking about unpleasant events, place your
fingertips on your forehead just above your eyebrows, press your thumb to your temple, and inhale deeply. According to
Aiden, it only takes a few minutes for blood to return to the cortex and you'll be able to think more calmly.
3. When you feel like complaining, stop and ask yourself, "Do I want to continue to live with this seemingly immutable
situation, or do I want to change it?"
For constant complaining, we call it nagging. Complaining consumes effort without achieving anything, is useless to the
problem, and rarely makes me feel any better.
Almost all of us find that we feel better if we share our grievances with a sympathetic third party and they get angry
along with us. Someone says to you, "Poor baby." It is a great comfort to you that your oppressor Henry's strength
seems to have eased, and you are able to face the old situation again, even though nothing has changed.
But if you don't complain, you will feel great psychological pressure. Stress is not a bad thing at times. Yes, it may make
you feel uncomfortable, but it is also a force for change. Once the stress is reduced, it is easy to maintain the status quo.
However, if stress is not lost in complaining, it will build up and reach a limit, forcing you to take action to change the

2. situation.
So when you're about to complain to a sympathetic friend, ask yourself: Do I want to reduce my stress and stay the way
I am, or do I want the stress to continue to force me to change things? If it's the former, get rid of the stress by
complaining. Everyone complains sometimes, and it makes us feel better for a while. But if things really need to
change, make up your mind to do it.
4. Eliminate everything that wastes energy.
What are the forces that work against improving our emotional intelligence? The answer is anything that wastes energy.
Many people's nervous systems are as thick as their fathers' hands with calluses. We have become so used to not being
aware of the drain on energy. Energy is subtle, but noticeable changes can also be experienced, such as a rush of
adrenaline on good news and exhaustion on bad news. We often don't notice subtle drains of energy, such as dealing
with a negative person, searching for a piece of paper across the desk, etc.
What are the things in your life that are relaxing and draining your energy? There is a small piece of carpet piled in the
corner of my house. Every time I look at it, I think someone might trip over it. It shouldn't have been a big deal, but it
distracted me. That's how we define distraction -- feeling distracted after every contact. Sometimes it's the same with
friends -- sucking and giving each other energy -- but some are energy vampires, and they just suck your energy. At this
time, there are two choices: one is to face up to the problem, establish psychological boundaries and continue to interact
with them cautiously; The other is to reduce your association with such people.
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Indeed, we need to get rid of slow energy wasters and free ourselves to focus on improving our emotional intelligence.
To accelerate -- you can choose to reduce drag or increase thrust.
Try our tips:
1. Always make a list of things that drain your energy.
2. Systematically analyze the list and divide it into two parts:
A. Can make A difference.
B) Unchangeable.
3. Solve the problems in list A one by one. For me, for example, the car keys hang on a fixed hook so you don't have to
look around.
4. Take a look at the problems in order B, are you sure? Is it possible to move some of them to order A to solve it?
5. Give up the problems in list B.
5. Find a living role model in your life.
We've all lived through the years of role models that seem noble and distant to us. So we learn the example of
enthusiasm in the distance and the example gradually extinguished, because we know that they may not become a great
hero in life.
Yes, you can't be a big hero, but you can be a happy normal person, like your friend Denning, who is energetic, young,
generous, smart and funny. She runs a gynecology clinic, consults for companies, writes a regular column for a city
newspaper, has a handsome husband and a lovely daughter.
Do you have such a wonderful person around you? Use him as your role model! You can think: I can do what she does,
but our styles are so different that I can't do what she does the way she does. But I'll copy some of the things she does,
and I'll do it my way. You always saw something in her that you never knew you had.
Find examples in the people around you. They are smarter than you, better educated, more advanced, and more
persistent than you. You will naturally improve your emotional intelligence as you try to keep up with them.

3. 6. Becoming a parent.
Being a parent teaches you a lot. When the child screams, "Why didn't you get me one? I hate you!" Instead of despair
and rage, you need to understand him and accept the reality of being extremely resentful. You know, this is the greatest
gift a child can give you, but don't let it last.
Raising children is a win-win outcome. In the process of raising a child, the child learns how to get along with young
parents who are not yet mature. We, as parents, smooth the edges by suppressing our own needs to meet those of our
children. Raising children automatically increases our emotional intelligence and makes us better parents.
If you're not willing to have children, try babysitting for a friend. Spending time with children can really improve our
emotional intelligence.
7. Learn from difficult people.
There are a lot of whiners, bullies, and posers around us, and we wish they were out of our lives because they make
people angry and desperate, even maddening. Why can't we round these people up, buy a plane ticket, and send them to
an island where they'll never be again
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It will disturb others. However, it's best not to. These difficult people can help us improve our emotional intelligence.
You can learn silence from talkative people, PATIENCE from grumpy people, kindness from wicked people, and you
don't need to be grateful to these teachers.
Moreover, what you define as a "difficult person" may turn out to be just someone different from you, and you are also
a difficult person to the so-called difficult person.
The most effective way to deal with difficult people is to be flexible. That is, the way you discover them, and try to be
flexible enough to use the same way in your dealings with them. If the person likes to gossip before getting down to
business, your response should be to relax and catch up. On the other hand, if the person is direct, you should cut the
gossip and get to the point. In this way, you will be more effective in dealing with difficult people and will find that
these people are not so difficult to deal with.
The second way to deal with difficult people is to treat them as a gift. Judy married a bully. Married life was difficult for
her because she didn't have clear boundaries. Years after the breakup, she learned to thank him for teaching her the
importance of establishing and maintaining boundaries. When she met a man like him again, she didn't care. Judy said,
"When you live with him, you don't even care about these guys." If she had married someone easygoing, she might not
have had clear boundaries and would have had a hard time dealing with the tough guys.
But perhaps, given the choice, we would never choose difficult people.
8. Try a completely different approach from time to time, and you'll broaden your horizons and improve your emotional
intelligence.
Are you an outgoing person or an introvert who prefers to be alone or with a few close friends? Do you prefer to plan
your day ahead so you know what to do, or do you prefer to have no plan at all? Everyone has his own preference, and
if given a choice, everyone would choose his preferred way. However, it is much more helpful for us to grow up to
suddenly routine and try the opposite action.
If you've always liked to be the center of attention at parties, this time try to make the most of someone who is normally
invisible. If you're always passively waiting for someone to strike up a conversation, go ahead and say hello.