The document discusses the author's reflection on a walk where they noticed the number 22, which made them think of the 22 veterans who died by suicide that day. The author expresses guilt for asking veterans to sacrifice their time and safety to serve in the military. They discuss how failure to protect fellow soldiers can lead to intense feelings of shame and depression. However, the author maintains hope that by raising awareness and support for veterans' issues, people can make a difference and help address the challenges of PTSD, homelessness, and suicide that many veterans face.

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Tonight I went for a walk around 5:30pm in S. CA and sawthe ocean, the moon and the night was a great temperature. So calm and
peaceful…. Or so I thought!
Yet, in the midst of this I was struck with the number 22 once again!
As the darkness of the nightwas enfoldingthe area I couldn’t help but think of the 22 men or women this very day for whom their
darkness of their soul became too much for them. They succumbed to the darkness and took their lives. Today, yes today, 22 could
not faceanother day. My heart grieves for these men and women.
I am also guilty of putting them in harms’ way. It was I who asked them to sacrificetheir time, present and future. I asked them to
sacrificeall they had and to put their real lives on hold – for a bit. Whether a day or 20 years,I, and others likeme, asked them to go
somewhere they would rather not have gone. To do things they would rather not be doing. To train and to fight for the freed om we
have come to enjoy and expect; that often we take for granted.
Watchingmovies likeBraveheart remind me of the ultimate sacrificemany make on my behalf. But, equally disturbingarethe ones
who make it back after servingtheir time; after servingtheir duty, only to be engulfed in dis grace,DIS-honor,shame, guilt,fears,
worries,and other deep emotions. We THINK we honor them as heroes and we tell them thank you and that they arehonorable.
But insidethey think itwould be a better honor to have died than to be the one who returned, wounded or not, whilemy comrades,
my brothers and sisters died. They were unableto protect them.
This word “protection” is ingrained into a military brain… The training is designed very well and provides the maximum protection
for one another that is possibleand atthe same time lethal to all who try to disruptthat protection. When a comrade falls and it
was my responsibility to protect, then of course I failed. Not justfailed ~~~ FAILED ~~~!
I was the son of an Air Force Lt. Col and for the years my father was in the AF I was also taughtthis;the concept to protect. I think all
societies teach this,whether overtly or not, but in the military itis expressly and specifically taughtover and over… It is for this
reason ALL of the sports I play I play a defensive position… to Defend is my calling… to Protect.
I had an event in my lifewhere I thought I was to protect, but could not. This FAILURE on my part wasn’t acceptable. It took me
years to overcome these feelings.. and in some way they still remain. I can NOT imaginethe extreme pressurethese feelings would
be likeif itwere a brother/sister in my military group that I was responsiblefor and they didn’t make it! Itis unimagina blethe
feelings. So incomprehensiblethatI believe I get a brief glimpseof the despair a soldier mightbe feeling and the depression,
anxiety, dreams, emotions that swirl around in their minds they are unableto escape from.
Yet, I have HOPE. I believe HOPE is that which carries us through the most chal lengingof times. Life is fueled by our hope. It is our
hope that gives birth to new dreams; dreams of better days that driveus to work and fight!
It is this HOPEI have in our great US of A and my hope in each and every person here in this great country of ours to take a stand.
Yes, stand up! Stand up for these men and women and Do Something about their challenges. Give of your time, money, ideas,
thoughts and your creativity. If you don’t give to our cause,that’s fine, but do give and get involved somewhere.
I get so frustrated with myself that I can’t go faster. I want to solvethis issuerightnow!!! Not a week from now, not months from
now… NOW. But, I can’t. However, WE can make that difference and make a significantimpactrightnow by takingaction,now…
Pleasejoin me in the fight for the lives of these bravemen and women who WE ASKED to defend our country… on OUR behalf. Fi ght
with me to create means to protect them even from themselves – as bestwe can.
Victory For Veterans is a non-profitdesigned to serve Veterans. The first“challenge”we’ll face is preservingLIFE… Stop the suicides.
Our second challengewill behelpingwith their quality of life: PTSD, Homelessness,Joblessness,Depression,Disabilities,etc.
Thank you for consideringyour partin this largepuzzle of life. The 22 Million Veterans will Thank You. I thank you.
Go Forth,
Steve Durgin
Founder, Victory For Veterans.org