Under my skin feb9

Under My Skin
A class on anger it’s
nature, causes, consequences, and
solutions

Who Am I?
 Samuel Gentoku McCree
 Degree of Philosophy from George Washington University
 Monastery Resident at GreatVow Zen Monastery for 2Years
 Extensive training in NVC, Inner Critic, Mindful
Eating, Mindfulness Practice.
 Founder ofThe Mindful Fitness Movement – Mindfulness Based
Health and Wellbeing Business. MindfulFitnessMovement.com
 Author of the Mindful Fitness Movement Blog, E-books – Zen
Buddhist Guide to Fitness, Fitness and Awareness

ANGER n. 1- a strong feeling of displeasure
and usually of antagonism 2- rage
Origin of ANGER
Middle English, affliction, anger, from Old Norse angr grief; akin to Old English enge
narrow, Latin angere to strangle, Greek anchein First Known Use: 14th century
Synonym Discussion of ANGER
anger, ire, rage, fury, indignation, wrath:- mean an intense emotional state induced
by displeasure.
ANGER - the most general term, names the reaction but in itself conveys nothing
about intensity or justification or manifestation of the emotional state.
IRE - more frequent in literary contexts, may suggest greater intensity than anger,
often with an evident display of feeling .
RAGE - suggests loss of self-control from violence of emotion
FURY - is overmastering destructive rage that can verge on
INDIGNATION - stresses righteous anger at what one considers unfair, mean, or
shameful .
WRATH - is likely to suggest a desire or intent to revenge or punish
(source: http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/anger)

How do religions/spiritual
traditions define anger?
 Catholicism– One of the 7 cardinal or deadly sins, “reprehensible temporary
madness”, “the desire of vengeance”
 Hinduism– “equated with sorrow as a form of unrequited desire.”The
Bhagavad-Gita denotes 2 division of the ‘bickering mind’
1. “avirodha-Priti, or unrestricted attachment.”
2. “virodha-yukta-krodha, anger arising from frustration.
 Islam– “in general suppression of anger is deemed praiseworthy quality and
Muhammad is attributed to have said, ‘power resides not in being able to strike
another, but in being able to keep the self under control when anger arises.’” But
there is also mention of anger in the service of god.
 Judaism– “In Judaism anger is a negative trait” “ He who is slow to anger is
better than a strong man, and he who masters his passions is better than one who
conquers a city.” (Proverbs 16:32)
(source: enwikipedia.org/wiki/anger)

How do Buddhists Define Anger?
 Shantideva in “The Way of the Bodhisattva” – Anger
 1.An evil incongruent with any other.
 2. An evil of which a single flash will shatter good works
gathered in a thousand ages such as generosity or offerings to
the blissful ones.
 3. A pain that torments those subject to it and that prevents:
tranquility of mind, familiarity with pleasure, sleep, and rest.
 4.The cause of hate that leads to attacks by enemies and
subordinates alike.
 5.The cause of estrangement for
friends, families, joy, happiness, and peace.
(source: Shantideva “TheWay of the Bodhisattva” Translated by Padmakara Translation Group 1997)

Other Buddhist Definitions
1. One of the 10 hindrances to enlightenment
2. Aversion: Exaggerated wanting to be separated from
someone of something (the exact opposite of
attachment) + Anger: Being unable to bear the object, or
the intention to cause harm to the object of anger.
3. “Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the
intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one
who gets burned”The Buddha
(source: 1. www.thedhamma.com/definition.htm
2 and 3. dharmaflower.net/_articles/emotionlArticle1.aspx)

Buddhist/Mindfulness based
Definition
 Anger
 Hindrance that prevents peace in
life.
 An exaggerated form of Aversion
 Is seductive but ultimately harms
the self
 Caused by the mind

What is the Cause of Anger?
Exercise 1
What makes or has made you angry?
Think of examples where your anger felt justified and when
your anger felt unjustified.
Justified:
Unjustified:

Things that have made me angry
 “Unjustified”- My cat meowing a lot, a little kid wanting to
go back to the bathroom, being called bud, not getting a
marimba part right away.
 “Justified”- My boss being a crook and me not being able
to do anything about it, finding out my girlfriend cheated
on me, getting yelled at for no good reason.
 ? being woken up early without being asked. my dad
giving me unsolicited advice.

What Causes anger?
 1. Getting what I don’t want and not getting what I do
want: Section 7
 2. Common and major irritations: Sections 15-16
 3.Physical Discomfort: Section 22
 4. Other peoples impulsive anger, irritation, and evil
deeds: Sections 24-25
 5.Scorn and hostile words :Sections 53- 54
(source: Shantideva “TheWay of the Bodhisattva” Translated by Padmakara Translation Group 1997
Chapter 6 Sections)

6. People who prevent me from getting what I want: Sections
55-56
7. People who vilify and undermine my spiritual beliefs and
symbols: Section 64
8. Aggression against our teachers, relatives, and friends:
Section 65
9. When others receive praise or gifts instead of us: Sections
76-86
10. Bad things not happening to people who deserve them
(‘Injustice’): Sections 87-89
11. Damage to my reputation: Sections 90-93
12. Losing Fame: Sections 94-98

What are the consequences of
Anger?

STATISTICS!!!!!!
 Murder
 some 25,000 people are killed by another person each
year in the United States alone.
 A 1997 WHO Study showed “300,000 people are
murdered worldwide each year in wars, conflicts, and
violence between individuals. “
 In many countries 4 out of 10 deaths of men aged 15 to
24 are due to murder or suicide.
 Every day in the United States, 65 people are killed and
more than 6,000 are wounded in interpersonal violence.
(source:http://angermanagement.net/two-million-reason-anger-management)

In Relationships
 Estimates range from 960,000 incidents of violence
against a current or former spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend
per year
 Anger management problems among intimate partners is
primarily a crime against women. In 2001, women
accounted for 85 percent of the victims of intimate partner
violence (588,490 total) and men accounted for
approximately 15 percent of the victims (103,220 total).

In Families
 In a national survey of more than 6,000 American
families, 50 percent of the men who frequently assaulted
their wives also frequently abused their children.
 Slightly more than half of female victims of intimate
violence live in households with children under age 12.
 Studies suggest that between 3.3 – 10 million children
witness some form of domestic violence annually.

AtWork
 In the United States alone approximately one thousand murders
take place in the workplace each year.
 Roughly one million workers are injured each year in violent attacks
by coworkers.
 The SundayTimes in 2006 found:
 45% of us regularly lose our temper at work
 64% of Britons working in an office have had office rage.
 27% of nurses have been attacked at work.
 More than 80% of drivers say they have been involved in road rage
incidents;
 25% have committed an act of road rage themselves.
 71% of internet users admit to having suffered net rage.
 50% of us have reacted to computer problems by hitting our PC,
hurling parts of it

Personal Consequences of Anger
 Things I have lost: relationships, jobs.
 Things I have damaged: a hole in the wall, broken
plates, broken phone, broken video game controllers, torn
shoes.
 Actions I’m ashamed of: Harming my cat, harming my
girlfriends son, harming my self.
 Karmic Beliefs: loss of trust in my ability to exert self
control, loss of respect for myself, depression, negative
self image, identifying as an angry person.

Exercise 2
 What are some negative effects you can identify from
anger or irritation in your life?
 How has others anger effected you and people you know?
 How has you anger effected you and others?
 What would your life be like if you were free of anger?

Physiology of Anger
“When someone is experiencing and expressing anger, he or
she is not using the thinking (cortex) part of the brain, but
primarily, the limbic center of the brain.”
(Source: http://www.wisdompage.com/Articles/346edbamyg.gif)
(source: http://lakesideconnect.com/anger-and-violence/how-does-anger-happen-in-the-brain/)

Data Amygdala
Limbic
Fight or
Flight
Hormones
Energy
Cortex Thinking
During an overriding event, the amygdala goes into action without
much regard for the consequences (since this area of the brain is
not involved in judging, thinking, or evaluating).This reactive
incident has come to be known as an amygdala hijacking.
Amygdala Hijacking
(Source: http://lakesideconnect.com/anger-and-violence/how-does-anger-happen-in-the-brain/)

Reptilian or Emotional Brain
 1) It has a memory whose job it is to record all important
threatening things that have happened to you.
 2) It stores information into very broad categories. Certain
words or situations are viewed as either safe or not safe.Your
emotional brain works on such a basic level that it is oftentimes
unable to differentiate between reality and fantasy.
 3) It gets incoming sensory information before the thinking
brain does.This means that before your thinking brain is even
aware of something happening your emotional brain has run an
analysis and decided whether a situation is threatening or not.
(Source http://angermanagement.net/brain-on-anger-management)

Sudden Or Gradual?
 The last thing you to know about your thinking and emotional
brains is that your emotional brain can only take so much
stimulation before the dam bursts and takes over.This is a
condition known as flooding. Sometimes a trigger is so strong
that we become instantly flooded. More often than not,
flooding builds up over time.You wake up and stub your toe.
Traffic is bad, you arrive late at work and the boss gives you a
hard time for it.You are dealing with customers who are upset
all day, but can’t react.The pressure has been building all day.
When you get home you find your son has blocked the driveway
with his car and you lose it.
(Source http://angermanagement.net/brain-on-anger-management)

How anger arises in the mind.
Fixed Belief

Fixed Belief
Sadness

Fixed Belief
Sadness
Fear

Fixed Belief
Sadness
Fear
Anger

Fixed Belief
Sadness
Fear
Anger
Resistance

Resistance
I hate that I get angry at my parents just for
waking me up early. I’m just a angry jerk who
isn’t in control of my emotions.

Resistance> Anger
I hate that I get angry at my parents
just for waking me up early. I’m just a
angry jerk who isn’t in control of my
emotions.
I’m tired of feeling like I let
my parents down.They still
treat me like a little kid, I wish
they would just shut up and
leave me alone.

Resistance> Anger> Fear
I hate that I get angry at my parents just for waking me up
early. I’m just a angry jerk who isn’t in control of my
emotions.
I’m tired of feeling like I let my parents down.They still treat me
like a little kid, I wish they would just shut up and leave me alone.
I feel like a little kid. I don’t know
what I’m doing with my life. I’m
afraid I’ll be a failure and disappoint
my parents.

Resistance> Anger> Fear>
Sadness
I hate that I get angry at my parents just for waking me up early. I’m just
a angry jerk who isn’t in control of my emotions.
like a little kid, I wish they would just shut up and leave me alone.
I feel like a little kid. I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. I’m
afraid I’ll be a failure and disappoint my parents.
My parents have sacrificed so much
for me, but I’ve let them down. I’m so
sorry I’m not a better son.

Resistance> Anger> Fear>
Sadness> Fixed Belief
I hate that I get angry at my parents just for waking me up early.
I’m just an angry jerk who isn’t in control of my emotions.
like a little kid, I wish they would just shut up and leave me
alone.
I feel like a little kid. I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. I’m
afraid I’ll be a failure and disappoint my parents.
My parents have sacrificed so much for me, but I’ve let them down.
I’m so sorry I’m not a better son.
I am a failure who can’t get his act
together and will never do
anything meaningful with my life

Fixed Belief
together and will never do anything
meaningful with my life

Fixed Belief
together and will never do anything
meaningful with my life
I am a failure

Resistance
I hate that I get angry at my parents just
for waking me up early. I’m just an angry
jerk who isn’t in control of my emotions.

Resistance > Fixed Belief
I hate that I get angry at my parents
just for waking me up early. I’m just an
angry jerk who isn’t in control of my
emotions.
I’m just an angry jerk who
isn’t in control of his
emotions

Resistance > Fixed Belief >
Sadness
I hate that I get angry at my parents just for waking me
up early. I’m just an angry jerk who isn’t in control of my
emotions.
I’m just an angry jerk who isn’t in control of his
emotions
It hurts my heart to think that, I’m a
jerk who’ll never have a good
relationship with my parents.

Exercise 3
 Make and Anger Cycle flow Chart
 Start with either a statement of resistance or anger and see if
you can track it back to a fixed belief statement that is the
root of your anger.
 Share with the group.

Resistance
Anger
Fear
Sadness
Fixed Belief

How do we deal with anger?
(Source “WWAD? (What Would Aristotle Do?)" By Richard Pimentel http://www.philosophynews.com/page/WWAD-(What-Would-Aristotle-Do).aspx

Exercise
 Make a list of all the environmental factors that lead to
you being more susceptible to anger
 What are your ‘pet peeves’ and anger triggers?
 What fixed ideas are underneath them?
 List some ways that you could work with these factors
 Preventative
 What to do if you can’t avoid it.

Being Aware of Environmental
Factors
 What things will make us more susceptible to anger and
irritation?
 Lack of sleep
 Lack of food
 Being disconnected from our feelings and needs
 Lack of practice
 Stress
 Taking on too many projects
 Being disconnected from others
 Being disconnected from our hearts
(Source “WWAD? (What Would Aristotle Do?)" By Richard Pimentel http://www.philosophynews.com/page/WWAD-(What-Would-Aristotle-Do).aspx

When Anger Arises WhatThen?
1. Admit that you are angry
1. By admitting you are angry you will bring awareness to it for
yourself and for other around you
2. Feel the Body
1. Feel the physical sensations of anger without adding a story
to them
3. Be willing to stay with the feeling
1. By being willing to stay with the feeling you can work to see
underneath the anger. Most of the time if you can do this
without spinning a story you can drop to a lower level
underneath the anger.

4. Identify any feelings and needs
1. Try to name any feelings you feel and any needs that arise.
2. Try to identify any Jackal voices or stories you hear
5. Give yourself empathy or ask for empathy from another
1. Using empathy helps you connect with your heart and can
retrain the heart/mind to seek a healthy response to
distressing circumstances
6. Ask what is this reactivity telling me
1. Is there something about the situation that can tell you
about your karmic patterns?
2. What idea about myself or the world and I holding onto or
taking refuge in?
3. What is this telling me about what I care about? What I am
trying to defend? And what leads me to be vulnerable and
afraid?

What if anger is persistent?
 Focus your anger into a positive activity such as
exercise, or work
 Remove your self from the situation
 Redirect your thoughts with
chanting, mantra, orMettapractice
 SMILE!!!
 Ask for help either from another human or from the
Buddha's and ancestors

Communication and Anger
 One of the common causes of anger is inability to
communicate ones feelings, desires, and needs to other
parties or the inability to understand the
feelings, desires, and needs someone else is trying to
communicate.

NonViolent Communication
 Understanding the underlying needs that motivate our
own communications helps us clarify why we are
communication and what we hope to convey.
 Understanding the underlying needs that motivate
communications helps us identify with the person who is
communication with us.

Identifying feelings and needs
exercise
 Think of a situation where a miscommunication or
perceived miscommunication resulted in feeling angry or
irritated.
 Using your feelings and needs list try to pick a 2 – 3
feelings you felt.
 Using the needs list guess 1-3 needs that might have been
underlying those feelings.

Self Empathy
 When I heard ___________ I felt _____________ because I
have a need for _____________
 Example When I heard her say I changed my mind I felt
frustrated because I have a need for predictability
 Take the feelings and needs identified in the last exercise
and put them into this sentence.

Going deeper with self empathy
 The same technique we used to find the root of anger can
help us find the needs that are more fundamental to our
reactivity.

Anger: I feel angry when she changes her
mind because I have a need for
predictability.
Fear:When things are unpredictable I
imagine that things will get complicated. I
feel anxious and frustrated because I have a
need for order and clarity.
Sadness:When things are chaotic and unclear I
imagine things are no different from when I was a
child. I feel depressed because I have a need for
hope that things can get better.
Fixed Belief:Without hope I imagine things
will never change.

Jackals and Giraffes
 Jackals – are feelings thoughts and internal dialogues that
hinder us from connecting with our needs and the needs of
others. (They also point to unmet needs in our lives)
 Giraffes – are feelings thoughts and internal dialogues that
help us connect with our feelings and needs and the
feelings and needs of others.

Jackal Out Jackal In
 Person says to me: I think you just need to try harder to
talk to her
 Jackal Out: Man what’s her problem! She had no idea what
she’s talking about.This girl is a handful and she’s just
dismissing me, she doesn’t even care what I’m going
through.
 Jackal In: Wow I must not be a very good communicator. I
try really hard to talk to her but she just doesn’t listen. I
don’t have enough patience or the skills to deal with this.

Giraffe In, Giraffe Out
 Giraffe In: Hm, I’m noticing that I’m feeling a little
reactive. I just started a new job and I’m feeling
overwhelmed and worried that I won’t succeed. But I know
I am trying my best with this girl. I need to be more patient
with myself.
 Giraffe Out: I think that my boss is trying to help me by
encouraging me. I’m guessing she wants to contribute to
my problem and this is the best way she knows how to do
it.

Exercise JOJI - GIGO
 Using the same example or a new one. Have your partner
repeat a triggering phrase to you.
 Each time they say the phrase go through each one of the
4 parts of this technique in order.

Expressing feelings and needs
 When we are angry it’s easy to say things that can escalate
a situation. Using a model of communication like NVC we
are able to own our reactivity and express our feelings in
more helpful way.

Honest expression and Requests
 When I heard you say ______________ I felt
____________ because I have a need for
____________.
 Example: When I heard you say “I always lose
things” I felt “upset and discouraged” because I
have a need for “support and collaboration”

Requests
 Request vs. Demand
 It should be something that can be said
no to.
 It should be finite and doable

Examples
 Would you be willing to stop changing your mind so much?
 Demand: Probably not doable and definitely not finite.
 Would you be willing to commit to our plans on our next date no
matter what?
 Demand: finite but not doable
 Would you be willing to check in with yourself before you
commit to the plans on our next date?
 Request: Doable and finite

Honest Expression and Request
Exercise
 With a partner practice honest expression and making a
request
 Partners give feedback on expression that might seem
charged or requests that might be demands in sheep's
clothing.

THANKS!!!!
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•I’d love to talk to you about Mindful FitnessTraining or Coaching
•I’d love to come talk to your company or group about these topics:
•Anger in the Workplace, Mindful Fitness, Mindfulness and
Health, Communicating and Business.

Under my skin feb9

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