This document discusses the importance of respect in building effective leadership and teams. It argues that respect is earned over time through actions that demonstrate care, integrity and fairness. True leaders earn respect from their people by respecting and understanding them in return. When mutual respect exists between leaders and followers, it inspires extraordinary motivation and performance. Teams and organizations thrive in a culture of mutual respect where all voices and contributions are valued. Respect requires sustained effort to build and maintain but pays high dividends in organizational effectiveness and achievement of goals.

1. Earned,GainedandLost – Unlockingthe Dividendsof RespectinTeamBuilding
Great leadershiptalentexistsintimesof peace aswell ascrisis. However,extreme conditionsdemand
that everydaypeople becomeextraordinary. Some of the 20th
Century’sgreatestleaderswereprovenin
the leadershipcrucibleof the SecondWorldWar. Political leaders like FranklinDelano andEleanor
Roosevelt,WinstonChurchill, Josef Stalin, QueenElizabeth,ChiangKai-shek,andMao Zedongfacedthe
challenge of motivatingtheirnationstosacrifice comfort,money,andtime tosupportthe effort tofree
theircountryfromexternal threat. Meanwhilemilitaryleaderslike DwightEisenhower, Charlesde Gaul,
George Patton, George McArthur, andGeorgiyZhukov facedthe prospectof motivatingtheir troopsto
risktheirlivesindefendingtheirhomeland,many goingwillinglytocertaindeath. Whatwasit inthese
people thatmotivatedtheirfollowerstoriskall to follow them? There are several motivatorsinthe
leader’stoolbox. However,onlyone –love andrespect – has the powerto motivate people togive their
all willinglyandgladly tofulfill the leader’svision.
While all these leadersundoubtedly motivatedtheirnations usingthe softpowerof patriotism, loveof
homeland,andcharisma,theiroverall approachesvariedsignificantly. The Soviets andthe Chinese
resistance toforeign domination augmentedthe carrotof patriotismwiththe verylarge stickof
oppression. ManySovietsoldiersheroicallyadvanced tocertaindeathwithoutaglance backward, but
there was,nevertheless,anaddedmotivatorto keepthemgoingforward,the People’sCommissariatof
Internal Affairsorthe NKVD. The Sovietsoldierswell knew thatwhile goingforwardmeantnearcertain
death,theyknewthatchancesof survival were greateradvancingtowardthe Germanlines than
retreatingintothe handsof Stalin’ssecurityforces. Theyalsoknew thatsurrenderwasnotan option,
not onlyinthe sense of General IvanPanfilov’swords,“Beforeusliesdeath,behindusMoscow. There
isnowhere toretreat,”but alsoStalin’s threatthatthe familyof anysoldiersurrenderingtothe enemy
wouldbe sentto the Gulag. While patriotisminthe SovietUnionwasundoubtedlyhigh,fearof State
imposedconsequencesforlessthanfull obedience wasalsoabigmotivator.
However,the BritishandAmericanstookadifferentapproach. FranklinD.Roosevelt’sfiresidechatsand
WinstonChurchill’s speechesonradioandbefore Parliamentwere voicesof hope inthe darknessof
war. Usingthe powerof theirownpersonalitiesandlove of the homeland,theysteeledtheirnations
withoutthe needforpenal battalionsandNKVDenforcers.
Leadershave numerous toolsformotivation attheirdisposal. Theycanleadfromthe front,motivating
theirpeople tosucceedby theirexampleanddevotionto the ideal they represent,ortheycanthreaten
frombehind, forcingsubordinates forward throughfearandintimidation. Whilethe softpowerof
respectandpositive motivationrequires sustained effort,itnevertheless providesmuchgreater
dividends. We are willingtogoto greaterlengthsfor those we love andrespectthan forthose we fear.
A dogbeatenintosubmissionwill biteback atthe firstopportunity. Peopleare nodifferent.

2. Respectis necessarilybackwardlookingasitsLatinrootsshow. We see itsroot inspectatorand
spectacles. Byaddingthe re- prefix, ittakesonthe meaningof lookingagainorlookingback.1
In
meetingsomeone,theirperceived potential playsarole in buildingrespect, butitthisisonlytransitory.
It isthe accumulatedeffectof theiractionsovertime,viewedfrom clearerperspectiveof the present,
whichbuildsrespect. Hence,we follow leadersforreasonstied how we see theirpastactions – if they
have proventhemselvesworthyof ourrespect. Hence, there are variousmotivatorsbasedonourpast
interactions thatmotivate ustofollowornotfollow ourleaders.
Consequently,motivationtoobeyourleadersfall intofourbasiccategories. The firstandmostprimitive
isfear of punishment. Although GeneralDwightD.Eisenhowercautionedagainstthisapproachto
leadershipbypointingout,“Youdonot leadbyhittingpeople overthe head–that’sassault,not
leadership,”painavoidance canmotivate. Nevertheless, feardoesnotinspire one toexcel anddoesnot
buildeffectiveteams. Rather,itbuildsresentmentandmistrust. Workingoutof fear,we doonlywhat
isnecessary toavoidthe leader’swrath,andthe suspicionfearbreedscan drive awedge between
membersof otherwiseeffective teams.
The second category involves rewards. Pay,bonuses, performance awards, andpromotions are
commonexamples. Promisedrewardsare probablythe mostwidelyusedformof motivation,especially
inWesternmeritocracies. Whilerewards are aneffectiveandimportantpartof any leadershipplan,
theyare notthe whole answer. Although incentives motivate, theydonotnecessarilyinspire orbuild
teamcohesion since the effectlastsonlyaslongasrewardscontinue andcompetitionforrecognitionor
material rewardscanfragmentteams.
The third motivatorisduty. Although of a higherorderthanthe base inducements of the firsttwo,it
still doesnotnecessarilyinspire. Manyof us wouldgoto workout of duty anddo what isexpectedof
us,evengivingupsome of our comfort,butthisstill lacksthe abilitytoinspire ustowillinglysacrifice
more than the leaderasksor dutyrequires.
Inspiration trulycomesintoplay only inthe highestorderof motivation –love andrespect. Eisenhower
defined leadership as,“the artof gettingsomeone else
to do somethingyouwantdone –because he wantsto
do it.”As the top militarycommander, Eisenhowerhad
the positional powerandbroadauthorityto punish
those whodidnot obeyhiscommands. However,he
preferredtouse hissoftpowertoinfluence hismen
and women. Theyrespectedhimandknew he
respectedtheminreturn.
General George S. Pattonalsounderstoodthisprinciple
and the needtoleadfromthe front. While notorious
1 Accordingto Oxford Dictionaries,describes theorigin of respect as: Late MiddleEnglish:from Latin respectus,
from the verb respicere'look back at, regard',from re- 'back' + specere 'look at'.
(http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/us/definition/american_english/respect)
Luxembourg American Cemetery
byAmerican Battle Monuments Commission, via Wikimedia Commons

3. for histemper,hismenneverthelessfollowedhimoutof respectandbecause he respectedthem in
turn. Hisleadershipphilosophy was,“Doeverythingyouaskof those youcommand.” Pattonlived,
fought,andsufferedwithhismen,andthey inturnwere readyto follow himtothe endsof the earth.
His wishtobe buriedamongthemin Luxemburginagrave markedbya simple white cross, identical to
those markingthe restingplacesof hismen whovaliantlyfollowedhimtotheirdeaths showsthis
devotion.
While these famous leadersare greatexamplesof the powerof earnedrespect, otherlessrenowned
people have profound influence onourlives,poweredby the respecttheyearnthroughdailycontact.
My fatherissuchan example.
Although nota man of great learning orworldlyinfluence, myfatheris,however,aman possessedof
wisdom,integrity, andcompassionforothers. He isa friend toall and alwaystrue to hisword. His
closestandmost enduringfriendshipswere withthose,whocouldbestow littleworldlyadvantage.
Perhapsthatis whythose friendshipsweresoclose andtheirrespectforhimwasso great.
My fatherworkedhard hiswhole life,rarelyaskinganyoneforhelp. Nevertheless, anytimethere wasa
need,especiallyamongthe elderlyof oursmall town,myfatherwouldbe there withhissevenchildren
to help. He not onlyshowedushow to act, he ledus inselflessservice.
The value of service Ilearned frommyfatherhas beenvital tomy growthas a leader. He taught me
caring forpeople wasmore importantthan authority,material
compensation,orwhatcan be gainedfromthe relationship. In
fact, he made it clearthat I wasto underno circumstances to
accept anythingmore thancookiesandlemonade inreturn for
service. Ilearnedthata warm smile,ahug,a thank you,and
the knowledge thatyou have helped someone meansmore
and ismore lastingthanany monetaryrewardevercould be. I
am amazedat the enduringfriendships,builtongratitude and
mutual respectthathe hascultivated.
My respectformy fatherextendsbeyondhisexample of service. The firmbutfairwayhe and my
motherenforceddiscipline inourhome hasleftitsimprintonmylife. Myfatherrarelyraisedhisvoice
or physicallypunishedus, andwhenhe did,he hada more than ample reason. He and mymother
enforcedhigh standardswithoutoppression. We obeyedbecause we lovedandrespectedourparents
and didn’twantto disappointthem. Myfatherinsistedwe display the same integrityand workethiche
showed. He neverdemandedmyrespect –he earnedit. Throughyears of teaching,mentoring,and
beinganexample forus,he was someone all sevenof us couldadmire andstrive tobe like.
My fathertaughtme many things,butone lesson inparticularhadspecial impact. Once,whenIhad
done somethingagainstthe highmoralsmyparentshadinstilledinme, myfatherexplainedthe
importance of a goodreputation – of the respectpeople have foryou. He explainedthat ittakesa
lifetimetobuildagoodreputation, buta thoughtlessact candestroy itin a moment. Furthermore,he
taught me that while Ican choose myactions,I cannotchose theirconsequencesandmusttake
My father (second left) with three of his 30 grandchildren
July 2005

4. responsibilityformy ownchoices. Inthis,he pointedoutthatperceptionmattersmore thanintent.
The excuse thatI didn’tmeanto hurt anyone doesn’ttake awaythe painIhad caused. AfterensuringI
understood,he personally tookme tothe personIhad harmed to make properamends.
These lessonsare particularlyapplicable inourmodern virtuallyconnectedworld. Withthe powerof
the Internetandsocial networks, wordsspokeninamomentof passion, apicture,apost,a tweet,ane-
mail can cause irreparable damage toour reputationsand relationships. Whiletellingsomeoneoff may
seema goodideaat the moment,once we hitthe sendbutton, itcannot be retrieved oritsdistribution
controlled.
Organizationstoocanlose the respectof theiremployees,customers,andstakeholders. Maltreatment
of employees orcustomers nolongerstayswithincloseddoors. Withtoolssuchas GlassDoor, Indeed,
and LinkedIn, potentialemployeesandcustomerscansee how we treatthose whoworkfor usand
gauge the morale withinourorganizations. Some companies,ratherthanchangingtheirmanagerial
climate, tryto control thisdamage by intimidationandlegal threats. Thisonlyexacerbatesthe problem.
Enforcementof morale viathe pinkslip doesmore harmthangood. The only trulyconstructive way to
maintaina goodpublicimage andinternal morale istoensure ouractions meritrespect. The dividends
of thisapproachare incalculable. Anorganizationalculture basedontrue mutual respectcan unlockthe
potential heldinthe collectivetalentsandabilitiesof all stakeholders.
Thus far,we have focusedonrespectwe earnas leaders. However,respectnotonly bindspeopleto
theirleader, italsobinds membersof ateamto eachother. Whenwe respectandlove ourleaders and
colleagues,ourenthusiasmandwillingnesstogothe extramile increase. Whenwe base ourteamson
mutual respectwe help,listen,andmentoreachother. We value eachand everymember’s
contribution. Thisbuildsunityanda culture of mutual respect. Inthisenvironment,the leader’srole is
not to drive themforward,butto cultivate this climate andtodirectthe team enthusiasmin
accomplishingorganizationalgoalsandvisions.
Basketball player,Senator,andauthorBill Bradleyadvised,"Respectyourfellow humanbeing,treat
themfairly,disagree withthemhonestly,enjoytheirfriendship,explore yourthoughtsaboutone
anothercandidly,worktogetherforacommongoal andhelpone anotherachieve it."2
Similarly,JillianEllis,the coachof the US women’snationalsoccerteam, explained,"If there isamutual
respectbetweenplayersandcoaches,thatkeeps the teamhonestandmakesfora veryhealthy
environmentwhichinturnpromotesotherimportantqualitiessuchasworkethic,integrityanda
positive atmosphere forcompetingandwinning."3
Recently,duringateamdiscussion the subjectturnedtoeffective leadership. Myleader’sviews
impressedme. He emphasizedthe role of mutual respectinanyleader-followerrelationship. He
2 Bradley,Bill.Bill Bradley Quotes. 1 March 2015.1 March 2015.<http://www.art-
quotes.com/auth_search.php?authid=6579>.
3 Benson, Michael."WinningWords :Classic Quotes from the World of Sports." Benson, Michael. Winning Words :
Classic Quotes from the World of Sports. Plymouth, UK: Taylor Trade Publishing,2011.Pg156. Google Book.

5. explainedthatrespectis “earned,lost,andgained.” Ifoundthisstatementinsightful because it follows
my father’slifelongexample and teachings of earningandkeepingagoodreputation.
While one canbe appointed asa leader,thisdoesnotmake them one. A true leaderearnshistitle over
time byrespectingandearningthe respectof those he leads. The keytounderstanding respectandits
tie to leadership isthatitisnot simplygiven –itmustbe gainedandearned. However,we mustnot
forgetthat itcan alsobe easilylost. Earningandkeepingrespectrequiresworkandtime.
I have often observed the interrelationshipbetweenleadershipandrespect. Iwatched manytrue
leadersworktogain andkeepthe respectof theirpeople. Astheydidso, theywere able toachieve
manygreat things.
Unfortunately, Ialsowatchedsome lose thisrespectthrough thoughtlessnessand disrespectand
consequentlystruggle tomeetbasicobjectives. Withoutmotivatedandenthusiasticpeople attheir
back, theywere leftwiththe limitedeffectivenessof punitive enforcementof theirwill.
Years ago,a newlieutenant illustratedthe powerof earnedrespecttome as a youngAirman. Rather
than “lead”fromhisoffice, he came outonto the shopfloor,approached one of the crews and said,
“Teach me to fix something.” Byshowinghe respectedourcontributionsandwasinterestedin us,he
tookhis firststep onthe road to earningour respect. Usingsimilarapproaches,he hadsoongained
such respectthatany of us woulddoanythingfor“LT.”
A leaderwho respectstheirpeople and whocanearnthe respectof theirsubordinates inturnfosters
respectamongthem. Consequently,they willfind the effectivenessof theirteamsincrease,resortingin
organizational pride. Teamswhere the viewsandpositions of all are notrespected restricttheir
potential informational andproblemsolvingpower. Whilehierarchyisnecessary tomaintainorderand
too little disciplinecancost a leaderthe respectof histeamjustas much as too much. A properbalance
ensures all teammembershave avoice indecisions,leveragingthe maximumamountof experience and
knowledge.
Thisis the root of the final aspectof respect. A leadermustbe firm, butfair. Respectisnotearnedby
beingindulgentandneverconfrontingnonconformance. A leadermustcare enoughto correct. One of
the leadersImost respectreprimandedme ona regularbasis. Nevertheless,eachtime Istoodinfront
of himto hearof myshortcomings,there wasareason. Furthermore,he didn’tsimplyberate me, he
clearlypointedoutwhere Ihadfallenshort,explainedthe consequencesforfurthersubstandard
performance,andprovidedthe resources necessarytoreformmyself. Underhistutelage,Iwas
eventually able toexceedhisexpectations. WhenIdid,he letme know andbestowedgreater
responsibilityonme. While Ifearedhisdispleasure,Ilearnedtorespect himasa firmbutfair mentor
and coach.
Respectisone of the mostmisusedwordsinthe Englishlanguage. Manythinknot fulfillingtheir
demandsshowsalack of respect. Not agreeing withtheirviews,nomatterhow irrational,is alsoa sign
of disrespect.

6. We mustget backto the real meaningof thisimportantconcept. Respectingsomeone meansthatwhile
we may notalwaysagree,we still value them, theircontributions,andtheirinput.
Leaderslike those whose namesare engravedinthe annalsof historyrespectedandearnedthe respect
of those withwhomtheyaccomplishedsomuch. Theysucceededbecausetheyrespectedthe
contributionof those theyledanddidnotrelyontheirownwisdomalone. Whenwe are able to
swallowourpride andallowotherstocontribute toour collectivesuccess,we will earntheirrespectand
devotiontonotonlyus personally,buttothe visionwe embody.