1. September20,2013
Dear Shaney,
Heybud, I knowit’sbeenalongtime since Iwrote.I got an interestingtextmessage fromyour
motherthe othermorningafterI sentherone of my own.She saidshe doesn’tknow whyIcan’t love
youunconditionallythe wayyoudome,but thatyou have beencomposingalettertosendto me.It isa
prime example of howmuchshe getsonmy nerves,exactlywhatshe saidandthe wayinwhichshe said
it.If onlyshe knewthe strainI have beengoingthroughjustonthisend to try and keepthingsgoing.
Oh that’sright!I have to congratulate you,Shaney,youhave asister!A half sister,tobe exact,
as she comesfrom myfuture wife Rosaleeandnotyourmother.Her name isRosabellaGonzagaAyers
Brooks,and boyis she a cutie!She got hermother’sgoodlooks,andourblue eyes,whatdoyouknow?
She isfive monthsoldnow,andshe has gottenhuge since she wasfirstborn.She was born wayfar
premature,andshe wasonlythree and a half poundswhenshe wasinthe hospital. Theykeptheruntil
she was five pounds.Nowshe is,getthis,overthirteenpoundsalready!She isafussbudget,notnearly
the joyyou were (soI am told) whenyouwere ababy.She is one of those “special needs”babieswho
demandsyourfull attentionALLOFTHE TIME!
So Dad isa newDad.
Bud,I don’tknowhow to tell youhow complex itisforme to have thisall plannedoutthisway,
but I have a lotof provingmyself todoonthisend before Ican venture intobeinganywhere nearwhat
youwouldwant from me on that end.Ihave begunthe processof becomingafull time –EMPLOYED
writer,andit isquite the process,believeyou me.Igot a cheap laptopthismonth withsome of the
moneyIget everymonth,andstartingwritingthe wayA WRITER SHOULD, if he wants to make any
moneyinthe business.Iwrite atleastfourhoursaday, five daysa week,ata rate of abouttwentypages
a day. Atthis rate,I shouldbe writingfourhundredpagesaweek,andsixteenhundredamonth.That is
to say,your Dad can write like fourfull booksamonth.How cool is that? It isprettycool,letme tell you.
I have beenworkingonitfor a longtime,andI can write withthe bestof themI feel.
Thismeansthat sometime nextyearIwill beginmakingenoughmoneytoget Rosalee andIand
your newbabysistera house somewhere outhere. Andacar, for that matter,somethingelsewe
desperatelyneed.Rightnowwe have beenrelyingonRosabella’sgrandparentstohelpusoutwith
doctorsappointmentsandsuch.I have beenmakingplans,andnothavinganymoneytoback it up,see
little man.Moneyiswhatmakesthe worldgo roundit seemsattimes,andyourDad hasverylittle of it.
Barelyenoughtopay yourchildsupport,andhave leftenoughtohave a place to live andfoodon his
table.Notto mentiondiapers,andwipes,andthe otherthingsthatwill come upinour little Rosabella’s
life thatwe so desperatelystruggletomake sure she gets.
I knowyouflewoutto CaliforniawithyourMom-Momthispastsummer.I wonder whatitwas
like,yourfirsttime ina bigairplane withall of thatgroundspacedout below you.Didyougeta window
seat?I hope so.Unlessof course,youare like yourDad and hate flying,inwhichcase,letme tell you.
2. Flyingismillionsof timessaferthandrivingeverydayinyourcararoundtown,I have read all of the stats
on that to try andmake me feel better.
In anycase, kiddo,Ihave gottenmixedreactionsfrommylife partnerastohow we handle your
situation.She doesnotwanttobe any kindof Motherto you, thoughshe loveschildren,she feelsthat
thiswouldplace herina veryuncomfortable position.Ihave admittedthat,inthe future,whichis
comingsoon(andprobablyto a theaternearyou too) I dowant to have some kindof relationshipwith
you.I am not readyas of yet.Neitherof usis.The burdenof takingcare of our little Rosabellaalone has
beenenoughtoputus undersevere strainalreadyinourrelationship,andaddingthe turmoil of our
troubledloose endedties withthe trouble yourmothermostalwaysbringstomylife wouldbe the deal
breaker.
I hate to say it,but whenIhave writtenfortynew titlesbythe endof nextyear,andhave book
deals,andscriptdeals,andself publishedearnings,Iwill have alotmore breathingroomtobeginto
dictate us havinganykindof in contact relationship.
Last I triedit byphone,itwas a miserable failure.Iendeduplisteningtoyounot have anything
to say,and gettingeitheryelledatbyyour motheror screamingat yourbrotheruntil youjusthungup
on me everytime.ItendedupmakingusbothI imagine,justfeel worseinthe end.
In anycase, kiddo,Ido thinkaboutyouand it makesme feel sadtomissall of the greatgrowing
up I missingonyourside of things.Ipromise youI donot want to missthem.Atall,or all.Sothere is
hope forus yet.In the meantime,Iwill continue writingtheseletterstoyouand compilingthemintoa
bookI can hand to youwhenyouget oldenough.Nomatterwhatwe do, myson, we will nevergetthe
time that a live- infatherandsongettogether.Iam way outhere on the westcoast, andwill remain
that wayfor all time.Ihave foundthe womanI am goingto spendforeverwith,anditisour decision
togethertoroot our little familyhere onthe westcoast.I promise totry andcall yousoon,as I don’t
thinkI couldbearto missout on hearingfromyoufortoo much longer.Itjustamazesme that the
burdenandall of the responsibilityformakingsure Igetmy time fallsentirelyonmy shoulders3500
milesaway.
Kid,I love you.ILOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU. I pray that
somedaysoonwithtime andhard work,all of thiswill payoff forme,and I will have more choicesto
make for the positive insendingforyouforarrangedvisitsthatare not outof mycontrol.If we were to
arrange fora visit,itwouldhave tobe onmy turf,at myhome,on mytime,andon my penny.Idon’t
wantto be lookeddownon,orrather (because Iam) experiencingbeinglookeddown onbymyfamily
as we encompassourvisit.Iwant itto be pure unfetteredjoy.OKkid,Idon’tknow whatelse tosayfor
now,so I am gonnago. I will write againsoon.Maybe Ican start actuallysendingthese thingsouttoyou
to have yourmotherread themto you.Or maybe,youbeingalot like me,youcouldjustreadthemfor
yourself already.We willsee bigguy.Ilove you!(bringstearstomyeyes)
Staystrong/keepthe faith,
Your DaddyJoel Brooks
