Jack attends a speed dating event organized for transvestites by mistake. He ends up kissing a transvestite named Sian before realizing where he is. Later, on Adam's advice, a drunk Jack tries to make a move on a woman named Stacey but ends up vomiting on her doorstep when trying to kiss her.

1. 1
DATING CLUB
INT. SPEED DATING CLUB - DAY
Two Twenty year old men, JACK and ADAM, can be seen standing in a
corridor outside a room full of people. The two are wearing casual
clothes. Jack is small and quite chubby whilst Adam is tall and
skinny. Jack is leaning on a sign that signifies the dating club is
for transvestites yet he does not realize it.
JACK
I can't do it! It feels weird!
ADAM
Just give it a go! Trust me, you’ll come
out feeling like a different man!
JACK
I hope you're not lying. Last time you
told me to do something I ended up
losing all my clothes. You best remember
that!
ADAM
Stop moaning and get in there!
INT. SPEED DATING CLUB - DAY
Adam shakes Jacks hand and walks away leaving Jack on his own. The
DIRECTOR of the club begins to speak, the director is a Twenty Nine
year old Female, wearing smart clothes such as a black sweater with
a shirt underneath and black pants.
DIRECTOR:
Can everyone please pair up and take a
seat? You have two minutes then you will
swap with someone else!
A bell rings and everyone begins chatting. Jack is sat with an odd
looking WOMAN. The Woman is covered in makeup and is wearing a
sexually provocative pink dress. The woman speaks in a gruff voice
and does not sound very feminine.
JACK:
Hi, my name is Jack . . .
WOMAN:

2. 2
Hello handsome. I’m Sean.
JACK
Sean?
WOMAN
Sian, I said…Sian.
JACK
Oh sorry I thought I heard you wrong.
WOMAN
It's fine darling, how old is you
gorgeous?
Jack becomes uncomfortable around Sian.
JACK
Erm…twenty . . . four
WOMAN
Mmm! Just how I like them…
JACK
Let's cut to the chase we're both
interested in each other, kiss me now!
WOMAN
Kiss me you charming stud!
Jack grabs the back of The Womans head and presses her lips firmly
on his.
The two pull apart and jack looks very impressed with himself. The
woman hands him a card with her name on it and walks away with a
grin. Just as she walks away Jack turns the card around to realize
that he is in a dating club for transvestites.
SHOPPING MARKET
INT. SHOPPING MARKET - DAY
A long queue is formed behind a checkout whilst a teenage boy, MIKE,
Is operating the tills. The CUSTOMERS are beginning to get
Impatient. Mike is looking like he is in his own world and is not
fully concentrating. He is also wearing a hat with the shops logo in

3. 3
a strange way that makes him look unsuitable and informal for the
job.
MIKE
Beep . . . beep . . . beep . . . sorry I
like to do that, helps the time pass.
CUSTOMER 1
Do what you must just…be a bit quicker
please love?
Mike looks at CUSTOMER 1 in a docile way, Customer 1 is a 64 year
old Woman who is wearing a beige coat with a Green dress. then
carries on
MIKE
beep…beep…beep…
Customer 1 leaves and CUSTOMER 2, who is a 24 year old male, is
wearing a white t-shirt and jeans. Customer 2 starts putting their
shopping on the conveyer belt
MIKE
That pie looks nice, aw that new film
with Vin Diesel!....Phwoar I’d like to
get into those…cabbages?
Customer 2 sighs and packs his shopping away then leaves with haste.
Mike looks up and notices his friend in the queue, PETE. Pete looks
just like Mike and is as dopey and ignorant as him, Pete is wearing
a baggy jacket, old battered t-shirt and oversized jeans.
MIKE
Pete! Come here mate I’ll get those
through for you!
PETE
Alright Mike nice one mukka, in a bit of
a rush cheers!
CUSTOMER 3

4. 4
Customer 3 is a 36 year old male with a moustache, tight
black pants and an overcoat.
Excuse me sir, I believe he was behind
me?
MIKE
Yeah but . . . its Pete . . . Everyone
loves Pete!
The customers sigh and mutter amongst each other, Pete has finished
paying for his things and starts to walk off, Mike begins to serve
someone else when he remembers something, Mike shouts his name
across the shop and the two begin to have a conversation from one
end to the other.
MIKE
Oh yeah PETE!...PETE!
PETE
YEAH?
MIKE
CAN YOU HEAR ME?
PETE
OF COURSE! (Pete sighs and looks down in
embarrassment of Mike's intellect)
MIKE
What time you coming over on the
weekend? Shall we say…5?
PETE
Nah mate babysitting aren’t I? What
about 6?
MIKE
I dunno mate that’s a bit late innit!
CUSTOMER 4
can you hurry up please I need to get
home!
MIKE

5. 5
Sorry love its four o clock I’ve
finished now.
EXT.HOUSING ESTATE NIGHT
JACK and ADAM are walking down the street and Jack is seeking advice
again. This is continued from the dating scene and Jack still has a
small part of lipstick on his face from before.
ADAM
Right so her names Stacey and from what I've
heard she loves the attention! All you have to do
is make the move!
JACK
I don't think this is a good idea, I've
had a bit to drink as it is!
ADAM
Trust me, birds love the romantic type,
imagine you're Romeo and she's Juliette!
JACK
Are you sure she will want someone like
me? Especially after all those pints
you've just necked, you could be telling
me anything!
ADAM
Mate, why would I lie to you? You're my
mate!
JACK
Yeah . . . yeah your right! I'm gonna do
it!
Adam laughs to himself, hiding his sniggers from Jack. Jack begins
to walk up to a house and knocks on the door whilst Adam waits
around the corner
STACEY, a 20 year old Woman, is wearing a dressing gown and has
Rollers in her hair. Stacey opens the door.
STACEY

6. 6
oh, hi Jack what's up?
JACK
Hi erm what are you doing
STACEY
Are you alright Jack? You look really
pale.
JACK
Ahh yeah I've just been down the pub,
because I'm such a lad you know.
STACEY
Erm no not really, you should come in
and sit down you look awful.
JACK
No I'm fine just kiss me.
Jack goes to kiss Stacey and Stacey backs away. As Jack opens his
mouth to kiss her he throws up all over the floor and Stacey begins
to scream. Jack looks up with bits of sick dripping from his lips
JACK
Does this mean you won't kiss me?