www.robotsagainstracism.com

1. Robots Against Racism
by
Simeon Rose
Based on Short Circuit
Simeon Rose, 12/06/2010

2. EXT. STEPHANIE’S HOUSE, GRASS VERGE - EVENING
Oregon’s Astoria Bridge still provides the back-drop for
the house made famous by Johnny 5’s visit in the 80s
blockbuster, Short Circuit.
Not much has changed since the house’s days under
Hollywood’s spotlights, but its once white wooden panels
have since begun to peel and fade. Sat on the grass verge
outside the house sits the lady that played Stephanie, Ally
Sheedy. She looks impatiently at her watch and tuts.
There is a stillness to the scene - as if memories are all
that is left to fill this ghost town.
The stillness leaves when we hear the sound of caterpillar
tracks crunching gravel and turn to see Johnny 5 racing up
the drive towards Ally Sheedy.
JOHNNY 5
Stephanie! Stephanie!
Ally Sheedy cracks a huge smile. It’s the kind of smile
that only a mother with a robot for a child could smile.
She stands and readies herself to hug Johnny 5 with the
kind of hug that only a woman with a robot for a lover
could hug.
JOHNNY 5 (CONT’D)
Stephanieee! No disassemble!
Stephanieeeeeeeeeeee!
ALLY SHEEDY
No disassemble?! Of course no
disassem...
Confused, Ally Sheedy watches as Johnny 5 continues
straight past her. She peers through his dust tracks to
spot that the cause of Johnny 5’s panic is a Toyota Prius
with Austin Pendleton driving and G.W. Bailey in the
passenger’s seat. They’re both wearing floral shirts and
sun hats and drinking guava juice.
CUT TO:
INT. AUSTIN PENDLETON’S PRIUS
AUSTIN PENDLETON
Er... what’s going on?
G.W. BAILEY
I.. I don’t kn..
AUSTIN PENDLETON
Do something, dude!

3. 2.
With Johnny 5’s mad dash from the Prius now churning up the
grass outside Stephanie’s house, G.W. Bailey leans out of
the passenger window in an attempt to put him at ease.
G.W. BAILEY
Johnny 5! Take it easy, friend!
It’s us, Austin Pendleton and
G.W. Bailey!
BACK TO:
EXT. ROAD LEADING TO STEPHANIE’S HOUSE
Johnny 5 covers his head with his hands and lets out a long
robotic cry for help
JOHNNY 5
Johnny 5 is alive! Please no dis-
a-a-a-a-a-ssem-m-m-m-mble!
G.W. BAILEY
Chill out brother! Nobody’s gonna
disassemble you! We’re your
friends - not those guys you used
to know, Skroeder and Howard...
Johnny 5 slows in his tracks for a moment. Unsure of the
situation, he turns and lets his eyebrows do the talking.
They ask whether or not he can really risk losing
everything he has come to love just because two people who
once wanted to kill him now claim to be his friends.
Stephanie’s heart melts when she sees the eyebrow thing and
she can’t help but let slip a weird lop-sided smile.
But the moment is short lived, and having come to his
senses, Johnny 5 stops running, turns, raises his laser gun
and focuses in on the silent Prius behind him.
CUT TO:
INT. AUSTIN PENDLETON’S PRIUS
AUSTIN PENDLETON
Holy mother of...
G.W. BAILEY
FUCK!
Austin Pendleton slams his foot on the brake as G.W. Bailey
simply closes his eyes and kisses his crucifix pendant.
CUT TO:
EXT. ROAD LEADING TO STEPHANIE’S HOUSE

4. 3.
Now close to Ally Sheedy, A red laser bolt explodes out of
Johnny 5 and blows out both front tyres of Austin
Pendleton’s Prius.
The already braking car skids sideways in unspectacular
fashion and lightly bumps into a wall. The air-bags shoot
open and jam themselves up against the faces of Austin
Pendleton and G.W. Bailey. For a moment there is absolute
silence.
JOHNNY 5
(breaking into Cypress
Hill’s ‘Shoot ‘Em Up’)
Shoot 'em up, just shoot 'em up
y'all, yeah
Shoot 'em up, just shoot 'em up
(SHOOT 'EM UP!)
Shoot 'em up, just shoot 'em up
y'all, yeah
Shoot 'em up, just shoot 'em up
(SHOOT 'EM UP!)
Johnny 5 spins and dances lost in the moment - seemingly
having forgotten about any apparent danger for the time
being.
EXT. AUSTIN PENDLETON’S PRIUS - EVENING
With both airbags filling the front of the car and the
sound of Johnny 5 singing in the background, suddenly one
of the back doors opens and out from it falls a third, and
until now unseen, character. It’s a dishevelled and angry
looking Steve Guttenberg.
STEVE GUTTENBERG
(shouting)
Are you out of your mind?
Johnny 5 stops rapping and dancing when he hears Steve
Guttenberg’s voice.
Steve Guttenberg begins to run towards Johnny 5.
JOHNNY 5
Newton?
STEVE GUTTENBERG
No, it’s me - Steve Guttenberg!
JOHNNY 5
Newton?
STEVE GUTTENBERG
Er... no. It’s still me - Steve
Guttenberg.

5. 4.
JOHNNY 5
Steve Guttenberg-Newton-Crosby?
STEVE GUTTENBERG
Steve Guttenberg-Newton-Crosby?!
What the hell kind of name is
that?! Dude, seriously - it’s
just me, Steve Guttenberg!
Y’know - the world famous actor?
Johnny 5 raises his eyebrow suspiciously.
JOHNNY 5
Then why are you being driven
round by Howard and Skroeder?
In the background we see Austin Pendleton and G.W. Bailey
grappling with their airbags. One attempts to correct
Johnny 5, but we can’t really understand what he’s saying.
JOHNNY 5 (CONT’D)
And world famous actor? Are you
kidding me? I’m Perez Hilton’s
number 1 fan and haven’t once
seen your name...
STEVE GUTTENBERG
Hey! I can still make headlines,
OK? Did you not see that video of
me running naked through Central
Park?!
Johnny 5 freezes. His eyes glaze over and there is an
awkward pause. We pan around all of the other characters to
see that they are all in similar states of shock. Nobody
makes a sound.
CUT TO:
FULL SHOT - STEVE GUTTENBERG
His pants have disappeared and he is naked from the waist
down. Still nobody reacts.
CUT BACK:
STEVE GUTTENBERG (CONT’D)
Well?
JOHNNY 5
Er... Naked?!
CUT TO:

6. 5.
FULL SHOT - STEVE GUTTENBERG
Miraculously, his pants have reappeared. No mention is made
of his second on camera without pants.
CUT BACK:
STEVE GUTTENBERG
Oh never mind. But I am world
famous, OK?
Ally Sheedy runs into shot - looking puzzled, but still
adoringly at Johnny 5.
STEVE GUTTENBERG (CONT’D)
(Pointing at Ally
Sheedy)
And so is she!
JOHNNY 5
Stephanie?! No! Stephanie only
delivers herbs in her snack
shack!
ALLY SHEEDY
Johnny 5 - please, listen to us.
It’s true - my real name’s Ally.
Ally Sheedy. And I am world
famous... We all are.
JOHNNY 5
All famous?
ALLY SHEEDY
Every one of us. You included,
Johnny 5.
JOHNNY 5
(Pointing at Steve
Guttenberg)
And his penis too?
Ally Sheedy moves towards Johnny 5 and wraps her arms
around him. She closes her eyes and whispers softly in his
electronic sound sensor:
ALLY SHEEDY
It’s all true. I’ve missed you,
Johnny 5.
Johnny 5 lowers his laser gun and wraps his arms back
around Ally Sheedy. He gazes out at Steve Guttenberg,
Austin Pendleton and G.W Bailey.

7. 6.
JOHNNY 5
I’ve missed you too. Ally. I’ve
missed all of you.
Ally Sheedy kisses Johnny 5’s face
JOHNNY 5 (CONT’D)
Group hug?
EXT - DRIVEWAY
Austin Pendleton’s seen and heard enough. His car’s a mess,
and he’s now got guava juice all down his front. He strides
towards the action with G.W. Bailey following behind.
AUSTIN PENDLETON
Group hug?! Are you for real,
brother? You could’ve killed me
back there!
Feeling left out, G.W. Bailey once again reaches for his
crucifix, clutches it tightly in his fist and pipes up:
G.W. BAILEY
But you would have died a good
man, Austin.
Austin Pendleton halts his stride abruptly - immediately
softened by G.W. Bailey’s words. He turns to face G.W
Bailey.
AUSTIN PENDLETON
I don’t think that makes it OK,
G.W Bailey, but that’s one of the
sweetest things I’ve ever heard
you say. Thank you.
G.W. Bailey nods his head graciously. The two men continue
to walk towards the rest of the group on the grass verge.
AUSTIN PENDLETON (CONT’D)
And it reminds me - we’ve come
here for a reason. And that
reason’s one that shouldn’t be
overshadowed by my near death.
EXT - GRASS VERGE
Austin Pendleton reaches into his shirt pocket and pulls
from it an envelope. He calls out to Johnny 5
AUSTIN PENDLETON (CONT’D)
You recognise this invitation,
Johnny 5?

8. 7.
JOHNNY 5
Yes - of course. Nova gave me a
photographic memory.
AUSTIN PENDLETON
Nova...
JOHNNY 5
But the invitation didn’t tell me
why we are here.
Sensing Johnny 5’s concern, Ally Sheedy says:
ALLY SHEEDY
That’s because we wanted to tell
you in person, Johnny 5. But we
were hoping there might be one
other person here first...
JOHNNY 5
Ben?
Ally Sheedy grasps Johnny 5’s hand and struggles for her
words slightly...
ALLY SHEEDY
Well... yeah, kinda! But like the
rest of us, Ben isn’t really Ben.
Steve Guttenberg scoffs
STEVE GUTTENBERG
That’s not all he’s not!
Ally Sheedy and Austin Pendleton both shoot him a glare.
G.W. Bailey sees this, and immediately shoots an over the
top glare to make up for not having shot a glare when the
other two did
ALLY SHEEDY
So yeah. Ben’s an actor too - and
his real name’s Fisher Stevens.
STEVE GUTTENBERG
But where is he?
Again, G.W. Bailey shoots a glare at Steve Guttenberg -
visibly pleased that he did it early this time. But this
time nobody else shoots Steve Guttenberg a glare and
instead they just look at G.W. Bailey like he’s nuts.
AUSTIN PENDLETON
He said he’d come... i’m sure
he’s on his way. Can somebody
call him?

9. 8.
JOHNNY 5
Sure! Check this out!
Johnny 5 holds his hand against his face like a phone and
makes a series of beeping noises.
Somewhere in the distance we hear a robotic sound. The
longer it plays, the more we realise that it’s the sound of
R2D2.
CUT TO:
A TREE FURTHER UP THE HILL IN THE GARDEN
As we focus in on the tree, the R2D2’s bleeping grows
louder. Some of the leaves rustle and a branch moves.
BACK TO:
EXT - GRASS VERGE
The whole group are looking towards the tree. Johnny 5
drops his hand from his head to listen. And as he does,
R2D2 stops.
After a moment of silence from everyone, Johnny 5 makes the
call again. And once again, R2D2 begins bleeping.
ALLY SHEEDY
He’s in the tree!
JOHNNY 5
R2D2?!
Ignoring Johnny 5, Ally Sheedy calls out:
ALLY SHEEDY
Fisher Stevens?
CUT TO:
THE TREE
One leaf moves. Then the tree tries to stay still.
BACK TO:

10. 9.
EXT - GRASS VERGE
ALLY SHEEDY
Er... are you in the tree, Fisher
Stevens?
CUT TO:
THE TREE
The tree stays perfectly still. We hear Steve Guttenberg
strike up an argument with Ally Sheedy in the background.
Throughout, we remain looking at the tree.
STEVE GUTTENBERG
Is Fisher Stevens in the tree?!
What the fuck would Fisher
Stevens be doing in the tree for
fuck’s sake?!
ALLY SHEEDY
Is it more likely that R2D2 is in
the tree?
AUSTIN PENDLETON
(Whispering to G.W.
Bailey)
This is all getting a bit silly,
don’t you think?
G.W. BAILEY
(Whispering)
I guess so. Say, who do you think
would win in a fight between
Johnny 5 and...
Cutting G.W. Bailey short, a phone still ringing out the
sounds of R2D2 drops from the tree, shortly followed by
Fisher Stevens who is still blacked up to look like Ben
Surajamayan. He lands awkwardly and tumbles down the hill.
Pages covered in pictures of birds fly off in all
directions. Fisher Stevens seems unhurt, and not in the
slightest bit embarrassed.
ALLY SHEEDY
(Trimphantly pointing at
Steve Guttenberg)
See? SEE?!
Steve Guttenberg looks dazed and completely lost.
STEVE GUTTENBERG
Yeee-eee-aaah.

11. 10.
Fisher Stevens slowly gets to his feet and pats himself
down. He looks to the group:
FISHER STEVENS
Sorry - I know that probably
looked weird...
As Fisher Stevens begins his explanations, Johnny 5 scans
all of the pages strewn across the lawn
FISHER STEVENS (CONT’D)
But I got here kinda early and
had some time to kill...
STEVE GUTTENBERG
So you hid in a tree?!
JOHNNY 5
He was looking for birds...
FISHER STEVENS
Yes! I got here early and thought
I spotted a Harris Sparrow... So
I thought I’d...
Ally Sheedy’s heard enough and runs to Fisher Stevens for a
hug.
ALLY SHEEDY
What’s important is that we’re
all here now.
FISHER STEVENS
(flushed and stuttering)
Yes.. Yes, that is important...
AUSTIN PENDLETON
(mumbling uneasily)
Impmhportnnt
Ally Sheedy, Fisher Stevens, Steve Guttenberg, Austin
Pendleton and G.W. Bailey all exchange uncomfortable
glances
JOHNNY 5
Jubilant! Celebratory! Joyful!
Jolly! Exultanant!
ALLY SHEEDY
(gushing)
Oh yes Johnny 5! All of those
things!
JOHNNY 5
Yeeeees...

12. 11.
Johnny 5 strokes at his imaginary beard, and puffs at his
imaginary pipe in pondering thought.
JOHNNY 5 (CONT’D)
...but these words are different
to important!
STEVE GUTTENBERG
Ah... excellent sleuthing, Johnny
5. There is, perhaps, something
we’ve not yet told you...
JOHNNY 5
I am only as good a sleuth as you
made me!
Ally Sheedy sighs, and looks lovingly at Johnny 5.
STEVE GUTTENBERG
Johnny 5, my friend. We’ve been
through this.
Johnny 5 raises an eyebrow.
STEVE GUTTENBERG (CONT’D)
I’m not Newton Crosby.
JOHNNY 5
(making quotation mark
signs with his fingers)
No... you are ‘Steve Guttenberg’
STEVE GUTTENBERG
Yes. And I’m an actor. Not a
robotics engineer. I didn’t make
you, Johnny 5. A film studio
did.
JOHNNY 5
Yes! Film! Short Circuit film!
STEVE GUTTENBERG
And Short Circuit 2 film!
ALLY SHEEDY
You were wonderful, Johnny 5!
JOHNNY 5
A star of the silver screen!
STEVE GUTTENBERG
Yes... but that film wasn’t real,
Johnny 5. So much about it
wasn’t real.

13. 12.
ALLY SHEEDY
...and that’s why we’re here
today.
Johnny 5 freezes. He stands still for a moment, before
lifting his eyes tree-bound.
CUT TO:
CLOSE UP INSIDE TREE
A Harris Sparrow emerges from a nest. It sings the most
beautiful song, hops along the branch and flies away.
BACK TO:
EXT. GRASS VERGE
A single drop of rain falls from the sky and lands on
Johnny 5’s face, trickling down like a tear.
G.W. Bailey begins sobbing and reaches for Austin
Pendleton. They walk away to cry in private.
JOHNNY 5
And this is real?
ALLY SHEEDY
Yes, this is real.
FISHER STEVENS
Apart from...
Fisher Stevens looks pained. He touches his face, and
goldfish-like, mouths something silently.
In the distance we hear that same beautiful song of the
Harris Sparrow. It begins getting louder and louder.
FISHER STEVENS (CONT’D)
SHHH! Can you hear that?
Fisher Stevens’ eyes dart around the sky
FISHER STEVENS (CONT’D)
That’s the song of the Harris
Sparrow!
The singing gets louder and louder.
FISHER STEVENS (CONT’D)
A very rare bird...

14. 13.
The singing gets louder still, before Fisher Stevens
finally catches a glimpse of the bird. His face cracks
into the most enormous smile
FISHER STEVENS (CONT’D)
There!
The bird swoops gracefully over Fisher Stevens. And then...
SPLAT. The bird shits on Fisher Stevens’ face - its white
poo trickling across his lips before dribbling from his
chin and onto his shirt.
There is a moment of complete silence as everybody
exchanges glances.
Fisher Stevens finally wipes the shit from his face, and
with it rubs away a streak of his brown make-up.
CLOSE UP ON FISHER STEVENS
His bottom lip trembles a little as the weight of the
moment gets to him.
FISHER STEVENS (CONT’D)
I’m sorry but there is something
I have to tell y..
He stops suddenly, and reconsiders how to say what he has
to say. He decides to put an end to this impersonation,
and instead to speak in his own voice.
FISHER STEVENS (CONT’D)
I mean: I’m sorry but there is
something I have to tell you.
He lowers his head then, heartfelt, Fisher Stevens
continues
FISHER STEVENS (CONT’D)
This white face. This white
voice. This is the real me. I’m
sorr...
STEVE GUTTENBERG
(interrupting)
Pssst! Look!
Fisher Stevens looks up, and his wet eyes immediately
widen. And then he smiles.
CUT TO:
EXT. ROAD LEADING TO STEPHANIE’S HOUSE

15. 14.
Johnny 5 is disappearing into the distance, captivated by
the Harris Sparrow. He’s chasing it gayly down the road,
imitating its every call. Seemingly the bird was much more
interesting than whatever Fisher Stevens had to say.
End.