The document describes different drinks that are consumed for different reasons and moods, such as lemon juice when wanting to tease neighbors, rum when wanting to swim in choppy waves, and whisky when wanting to float in desire. However, it concludes that to truly live life, no drink is needed, as life is an uphill struggle that cannot be conquered by any drink.

1. NO DRINKS
When I was in a mood to profusely tease my neighbors; I had a drink of tangy
lemon juice,
When I wanted to swim against choppy waves of the turbulent ocean; I had a drink
of wildly rejuvenating rum,
When I wanted to float in the aisles of unprecedented desire; shrugging off the
slightest of my stringent inhibitions; I had a drink of voluptuously red whisky,
When I wanted to philander euphorically through the supremely dense and
camouflaged forests; I had a drink of mystically refreshing coconut water,
When I wanted to fight the lion disastrously barehanded; I had a drink of profoundly
seductive wine; which instilled in me the false impression that I was greater than
God, upon consumption,
When I wanted to walk naked on the freezing mountain slopes; I had a drink of
piquantly poignant and electric green chili,
When I wanted to simply lie down on the couch; disentangling my mind from the
vagaries and intricacies of this monotonous world; I had a drink of plain and rustic
water,
When I wanted to fantasize till eternity; live in a satiny cocoon of clouds all my life
without respite; I had a drink of overwhelming nicotine,
When I wanted to vomit out deliberately; puking out the last iota of what I had
consumed just a few hours ago; I had a drink of disdainful soap with its bubbles
exploding gently in my throat,
When I wanted to emulate a mad man in astounding similarity; I had a drink of
horrendous donkey saliva,
When I wanted to commence prolific activity every dawn; I had a drink of delectably
sizzling and hot tea,
When I wanted to give the insurmountably constipated bowels in my stomach some
relief; I had a drink of boisterously bubbling soda,
When I wanted to holistically blend with the ecstatic conversation circulating in the
conference; be an integral part of the festivity; I had a drink of ebulliently golden
beer,

2. When I wanted to gallivant on the stallion through the labyrinth of fabulous hills; I
had a drink of passionately peppy pineapple juice,
When I wanted to grandiloquently celebrate my birthday; say cheers to the entire
world sitting in the clammy interiors of my drawing room; I had a drink of
superlatively intoxicating vodka,
When I wanted to leap in animated exhilaration in the middle of the night; halt my
incessantly running nose from dribbling further; I had a drink of salubrious and
steaming chicken soup,
When I wanted to appease my mother; make amends for the plethora of inadvertent
mistakes which I had committed; I had a drink of impeccable cow milk; kneading it
assiduously from her sacrosanct body,
When I wanted to reach the astronomical summit of Mount Everest; I had a drink of
reinvigorating and tenacious brandy; once every few minutes,
When I wanted to retain a splendidly formidable memory; I had a drink of fortified
iron syrup; impregnating power to my being; power to my bones,
When I wanted to speak in slang; pretend an intrinsic part of the high society without
actually belonging to it; I had a drink of pretentiously sleazy brown cola,
But when I wanted to lead life; I didn’t have any drink at all; for their was no magical
liquid or extract made which would make me suffice its variety; infact it was an uphill
struggle which was to be relentlessly fought; an invincible mission which no spurious
drink on this earth could ever conquer.