The document discusses effective communication strategies for school counselors. It emphasizes cultivating positive feedback between people ("strokes"), expressing your own feelings clearly through "I-messages", avoiding assumptions, and communicating from a place of care, not fear or judgment. Staying calm, listening actively, and stating wants directly can help build strong relationships with students, parents, teachers and administrators. The overall message is that a counselor who communicates well will be happier and more effective in their role.

1. Loving Your Way
Through
Communication
Jessica Geis-Frysinger, M.Ed

2. Why do I need this??
 As a school counselor you are a model for
positive communication throughout the building.
 This will help your communication in your
personal relationships. A happier counselor is a
more effective counselor!
 You will need to communicate well and build
relationships with people coming from different
points of view:
 students
 parents
 teachers
 administrators

3. General Overview…
 “Stroke” economy
 …speak your truth
 …from a place of love
 …stay on your side of the line

4. Stroke Economy
 Stroke: a positive, affirming verbal or non-
verbal message (Wycoff, 77)
 Are there a infinite amount of strokes? Or are
strokes the sort of thing that the more we give
away, the more we receive?
 Cannot think of strokes in an economical basis,
then…

5. Stroke Cultivation
(as opposed to Wycoff’s Stroke Economy)
 Ask for the strokes you want. Let others
know what you want to be recognized for.
 Take in all the strokes you get. Watch for
them. When you find them let them sink in.
 Reject the strokes that you don’t want. If you
don’t like it, don’t let it in.
 Give strokes away to others. What a joy!
 Give yourself strokes. Make them genuine
and celebrate who you are!

6. Fear can be a huge barrier to
healthy communication

7. What happens when we feel fearful?
 Fight or flight mode
 Oxygen goes to our muscles…
… not our brains
BREATHE

8. “What you think about me is
none of my business!”
 When people are critical, they are mirroring
their own “stuff” they have inside!
 Deflect!!!
 Wait…what judgment are you mirroring?

9. Assumptions
Assumptions
kill
Communication
Stay on your side of the line. You can only know what is going on for you.
You cannot assume that the other person is going to react in a certain way.
Use questioning to clarify assumptions. Breathe and truly hear the others’
response.

10. How many of us have
positive role models for
clear, direct, honest
communication?
(I didn’t!)

11. Dealing with feelings (anger, frustration,
you name it!)
1) Get clear about your own feelings and thoughts!
2) I-messages
 “When you__________________________, I
feel _______________________________. It
would help me if you _______________.”
1) Active listening
 Be in the moment
 Breathe
 Reserve emotional reaction
 Restate

12. Dealing with a want
1) Get clear about what you want.
2) State clearly and without FLUFF
3) Receive:
Yes: Celebrate
No: Grieve
Maybe: Negotiate

13. In summary…
 Cultivate strokes!
 Get clear on your own feelings
 Deal directly, and before the situation grows…
don’t let fear get in your way
 Beware assumptions
 Breathe, stay on your side of the line, and
operate from a place of love.