Fostering Children Mindfully

Fostering Children With
Mindfulness
Cameron Aggs
cameron@bemindful.com.au
Director, Mindfulness Training Australia
Copyright (c) 2013 Mindfulness Training Australia, All Rights Reserved | MiT - Mindfulness Informed Therapy
Sponsored by The Belfast Trust

Aims....
 Theory: To present an overview of mindfulness and
attachment theory that allows you to develop your
understanding of they apply to fostering children
 Experiential: To provide a space for you to experience
mindful state of consciousness, and to give you
techniques to help you get back there.
 Tomorrow: To provide exercises to get you forming new
habits..
Copyright (c) 2013 Mindfulness Training Australia, All Rights Reserved | info@bemindful.com.au

Methods
 Powerpoints
 COS Worksheets
 Video
 Brief Meditations
 Participation in brief meditations is voluntary

Attachment theory
 What is it?
 Rupture and repair
 Tracking: The Circle of Security
 Marked and Contingent Communication
 Parenting: 25 Words or Less

Mindfulness
 What is it?
 How does it enhance parenting
 Identifying and working through difficult emotions
 Using your faculty of attention and your willingness „feel
into‟ experience as your best weapons.
 Staying loose and „psychology flexible‟

„Loose‟ with what?
What are some of the key challenges of Fostering?

Question No 1.
Who among us can evoke a peaceful state of
mind at will?

“3Rs” Practice:
Achieving Peace of Mind
 Release the mind from „too much thinking‟ and/or the
struggle against „what is‟.
 Relax the body, notice your breathing.
 Return to (a state of being in) this moment; where you
have all the resources you need.

Mindfulness as a State of
Presence
Mindfulness is an active state of returning towards presence
(Has at least) 3 Qualities
 Light: As in buoyant in the Mind
 Unencumbered by past and future and fixation
 Relaxed: As in soft in the body
 Particularly the belly, chest, shoulders, jaw
 Grounded as in the bum in the chair and the feet on the floor
 Mind „riding‟ the breath
Light. Relaxed. Grounded.

4Breaths Technique
Coming into a state of presence:
 Lightly, mindfully watching the breath
 Coordinating with the fingers: Motor-
movement
 Rounds of 4
“These 4-Breaths are Mine”

Central Concepts of
Mindfulness
 Internal experiences are transient and in constant change
 Thoughts and emotions are not facts;
 Though some are very „sticky‟
 They happen within a larger context: The Space of the
Mind
 The unavoidable nature of pain

The „Not-So‟ Magical Formula
PAIN + NON ACCEPTANCE = SUFFERING

Quick Tips to Enhance Your
Suffering
When we fixate on the 3U events – We suffer
When we personalise our struggles – We suffer
When we catastrophise our present circumstance – We
suffer
When we presume when the 3U events are „unfair‟ – we
suffer

We must learn to let it flow…

Is this true…?
“The mind if not stirred, will become clear”
-Sogyal Rinpoche

2-Step process
 Before „Letting-flow‟, we must chart the course of this
stream. We must know its texture…. The feelings, the
pain of it, the impact. We must learn how to make a
space for it as it is.
= Acceptance

Acceptance
It‟s an intentional activity…
Saying “Yes” to experience
- Tara Brach
“It‟s already here…. Let me feel it”
-John Kabat-Zinn

Putting it into words…
 Holding our own experience in Mind
 Compassion and non-judgment as the anesthetic
 Reporting on the facts
 SIFT
 3-Minute Breathing Space

Mindfulness and Attachment
 Developing a secure relationship with ourselves
 Passing on secure states on to children
 Foster children don‟t neccisarily see you as an
attachment figure

Attachment Behaviour
 “Attachment behaviour is any form of behaviour
that results in a person attaining or maintaining
proximity to some other clearly defined
individual who is conceived as better able to
cope with the world. It is most obvious
whenever the person is frightened, fatigued, or
sick, and is assuaged by comforting and
caregiving.”
- Bowlby, 1988

Biological Imperative
 Proximity Maintenance: The child strives to stay near
the caregiver, thus keeping the child safe.
 Secure Base: The caregiver provides a secure and
dependable base for the child to explore the world.
 Safe Haven: When the child feels threatened or afraid,
he or she can return to the caregiver for comfort and
soothing.

Carer responsiveness
 Children learn to behave in ways to elicit a carer
response
 The level and quality of this response is a major factor
in a child‟s attachment to a carer
 Different levels of responsiveness result in different
styles of attachment - categorised as secure, anxious
resistant, avoidant or disorganised-disorientated

Impact of Empathic Failure
“Whatever she fails to recognize in him he is
likely to fail to recognize in himself. In this way, it
is thought that major parts of a child‟s developing
personality can become split off from those parts
of his personality that his mother recognizes and
responds to, which in some cases include
features of personality that she is attributing to
him wrongly.”
- Bowlby (1988) p.132

Tracking the Child
 Magic Question: What does my child need from me
now?
 Support My Exploration (top half)
 Support My Refueling (bottom hlaf
 Reflective Functioning: What are you most comfortable
with?

Rupture and Repair
 Time-In / Time Apart
 The importance of space… Cool processing
 The ability to acknowledge and contain our own hurt
feelings
 The ability to help the child think through (reflect) and
make sense of their experience
 When I said Z… did you think X and so you did Y?

Marked and Contingent
Communication
 Transmission of secure states of mind
 Communicates both „coping‟ and „understanding‟
 When it comes to emotions: A child gets to know their
own mind through having their experience „digested‟ or
„processed‟ in our mind first…

Mindfulness and Attachment
Revisited
 Attachment = What Skill
 Mindfulness = How Skill
 Attachment = Tracking Child
 Mindfulness = Tracking Self
 Attachment = Importance of reading cues
 Mindfulness = Importance of staying „relaxed and
present

The Three Rs of Mindfulness
 Release the mind from „too much thinking‟
and/or the struggle against „what is‟.
 Relax the body, notice your breathing.
 Return to this moment; where you have all
the resources you need…

Accessing Resources
 Password Resources: See feedback form
 3R‟s Meditation:
http://bemindful.com.au/general/download/
 Youtube: „Hidden Holding / Always Held‟
 Youtube: 3 Minute Breathing Space
 Youtube: Rest In Natural Great Peace

Thank You!
More information at www.bemindful.com.au
Email me: cam@bemindful.com.au

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