Feeling like a fake
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Have you ever felt like a fraud and the whole world is going to find out that you're really not as competent as other people think? Do you feel like your success is because of luck or timing but not your own skills? Then you are not alone! This concept is well known and is called the Impostor Syndrome. It's not limited to software development but it's very common in our field. Most people have experienced this at some point in their lives but don't talk about since they think they're alone. In this talk I'm gonna tell my story of suffering from the Impostor Syndrome and share my advice on how to overcome it.
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Editor's Notes
- Impostor Syndrome is a psychological term brought up in the seventies. It refers to when a person feels like a fraud and the whole world is going to find out that he or she is really just faking it and is really not as competent as everyone thinks. This feeling is in spite of external signs of success which are dismissed as being luck or just good timing etc.
- Well that's completely normal. One study show that 70% of all people feel like impostors at one point in their life and another estimated that two out of five successful people consider themselves frauds. It’s not gender exclusive but seems to be more common with women, specially in male dominant industries. And if you have experienced the impostor syndrome you'll be glad to hear that it is particularly common among successful people and you are in a group with celebrities like Tina Fey, Neil Gaiman, Bill Murray and Emma Watson.
- I often felt like I was just faking that I had any real programming skills. When I got stuck on a problem I was often afraid to ask for help because that would reveal that I was only a fraud and didn't really know what the hell I was doing. Also I was convinced that everyone else knew what the hell they were doing. My insecurities might have started because: Not a stereotype /female/ play computer games how I became lead Android dev gogoyoko => Plain Vanilla and never felt good enough
- Just knowing that I wasn't alone helped a lot. But what more can you do when you suffer from this? Here are some advices I can give you
- Write down what you have done to get to where you are at today. When did you say yes when you could have said no? That takes courage. Think about problems you have solved, projects you have finished, what new things have you learned. I think you'll find out that you have a big part in your success.
- We are all different, for example some are introverts while others are outspoken, and that’s ok. The one is not better than the other, they’re just different. But we tend to compare ourselves with people that have different qualities than ourselves or people that are exceptional, but comparing us unrealistically isn’t gonna get us anywhere. Rather think about your strengths and if you can improve on them. Also think about your weaknesses and see if you can work with them? I'm a single mum and it took me a long time to accept that I can't spend as much time and energy coding as a programmer who doesn't have children so I’ll probably not gain as deep knowledge as them, and that’s ok!
- Pair programming can sound scary! There is no way of deceiving others when a person is watching you program right? Being the driver still wakes up this angst in me which makes no logical sense. But when you pair with someone you get a valuable insight into how other people think and solve problems. You'll realise that nobody knows what they're doing like you thought. All you can do, is to do your best. I'm not saying you should pair all the time, but it's very healthy every once in a while. And it's actually quite fun.
- Casual feedback in the moment is also nice, but it’s much more powerful when it's given in a formal setting but getting honest feedback from someone you work close with is really valuable.. Just have a formal meeting with a person that's been working closely with you where both of you have prepared to talk about this topic. I feel this was very beneficial for me but we did this at Plain Vanilla and this is also done at Kolibri. If your workplace does not do this I really encourage you to try to get it going.
- -If you don't understand/know sth => be honest about it and ask for help. I read somewhere that the worst thing can happen if you ask for help is that you get a no, and its true, that can suck, but you have to prepared for that and accept it. But I don’t fully agree with that that is the worst thing that could happen. Suffering from the Impostor Syndrome, the worst thing that could happen is that everybody finds out you’re a fraud! But other people won’t think that. You are your worst judge. No question is a stupid question! And even if it is, it's still better than not asking. You don't learn anything if you never ask and that is way more foolish. It’s highly likely that someone else has asked that question before. In Iceland especially, there is this mentality of people being afraid to ask in front of others. And then remember, it's not just about you anyways. It's better for everyone around you if you admit when you don't understand something so a solution can be found quicker. This is close related to my next point
- Say what you think and feel. Don’t be afraid to not be smart enough. Your thoughts and feelings are just as valid as everyone else. And even if it turns out you’re wrong about something, It’s ok! Presidents are wrong all the time! People respect vulnerability. A great way to start being vulnerable is to stop judging other people. And if you feel stupid, know that that happens to everyone from time to time and it doesn’t mean that you are stupid
- Check ins are a part of Jim McCarthys Core Protocols which are 11 protocols he and his wife Michele developed, but Jim worked at Microsoft for many years, researching teams and how to get the best team work. Check-ins are good to do at a beginning of a meeting or to have regularly, like we at Kolibri do this every Friday.
- People with Impostor Syndrome are successful, ambitious and often perfectionists. It drives you to work harder and can be a great quality. Just be aware that it can also lead to burn-outs and undesired stress, so it isn’t a desirable mindset in the long run. And remember, a true impostor most likely won’t suffer from the Impostor Syndrome
- Senior Android developer => junior JavaScript honest about my skills not afraid to ask for help