Agents and editors agree: Improper story beginnings are the single biggest barrier to publication. Why? If you have a bad beginning, no one will keep reading. This presentation provides an insider perspective on how editors and agents can tell right away whether your manuscript is worth further consideration. Learn how to avoid beginner mistakes that result in rejection.

1. Evaluating Your
First Page for Red Flags
Jane Friedman | JaneFriedman.com
2012 Missouri Writers Conference

2. Common 1st Page Troubles
Over explanation Ordinary day routine
Too much detail Crisis moments
without unique hook
Overwriting, or trying
too hard Dialogue without
context
Interior monologue or
reflection Backstory
Immediate flashback Info dump
Waking up sequence Character dump
Phones and alarms

3. SEDUCTION
Tease and tantalize with the story.

4. Story, Story, Story
1. What does your character 1. Introduce your protagonist.
want?
2. What‟s the conflict she‟s
2. Why does he want it? about to face? What‟s
going
3. What keeps him from to change her life?
getting it?
3. What choices will she
have to make?

5. Memoir Red Flags
It focuses on your pain or
victimhood
You‟re telling the story
that‟s a common
crisis, without a fresh
angle (cancer
survival, care
giving, death of parents)
Your memoir amounts to
a journal or diary
Memoir + self-help:
Don‟t do it.

6. Biggest Bad Advice
Start with “action.”
The action should have
context—and be as grounded
as possible in a character
that we‟re already starting to
love.

7. Action But No Character
Lacks personality, voice, or viewpoint
Delivers a stereotypical crisis moment that‟s full
of action or pain, but without a center
Offers an action scene for the sake of
excitement, but without any connection to the
real plot, conflict, or story arc

8. Action WITH Character
A character who I feel I immediately know and
understand
A situation that presents a tension, e.g., a
character who‟s not getting what he wants or
meets opposition
An indication of the larger story problem or
conflict between characters

9. “Congratulations you have been specially selected to receive a once in a
life time Caribbean vacation. If you are interested please press „nine‟
now.”
Wrenched awake by the ringing phone, I hear the words but it takes a
second for their meaning to penetrate. It‟s only been minutes since my
head hit the pillow and I fell fast into sleep. “A damn recording,” I mutter
to myself and drop the receiver back into its cradle. More tired than
irritated, I settle back down. The phone rings again.
“Hello? May I please speak to Ms. Trey?” The voice sounds remarkably
similar to the previous caller but since this time I was asked for by
name, I decide to give the caller three seconds to prove me wrong. “This
is she,” I answer.
“Ms. Trey I want you to come to the Caribbean. Say „yes” to hear the
details of how you can experience this dream vacation for yourself and-”
Cutting the caller off, I snarl, “You‟ve got to be fricking kidding me!”

10. “What the…” Jill Clemmons jolted from a deep sleep her right arm thrashing
for an alarm clock that wasn‟t responsible for the interruption. She kicked out
from the sheets with a groan, and stumbled toward the window. She opening
the shade in one tug and steadied herself with a hand against the warm glass.
“…a lawn mower?” Jill moaned and let the shade drop to the sill.
Low-slung denim hugging a pair of trim hips moved away from her as grass
spit to the right leaving a trail of fresh clippings. Broad tan shoulders had found
a maturity she hadn‟t noticed before, but there was no mistaking it was Peyton.
Jill stuffed her feet into the worn pink slippers next to the bed. She stomped
out to the living room, and pulled her cell phone out of the top of her purse to
check the time. “Seven-thirty in the morning?” She tossed the phone back on
the table and considered her options.
Plan A ignore him, or Plan B go out and give Malloy a piece of her mind. She
mulled over her options. Plan B seemed more appealing except for the fact
she didn‟t have a stitch of makeup on and was still wearing Pearl‟s blue
housecoat. Lovely.

11. My daughter Sara told me her mom had separated from her third husband.
Between bites of goat cheese salad, she said, “Mom asked about you last night—it
was kinda weird. I can‟t remember her ever asking about you in all the years since
you guys divorced.”
“Hmm,” I said. “What did you tell her?”
“I just told her you were fine, that you‟re still practicing law in Marina Del Rey,”
she said.
“I haven‟t seen Stephanie since your high school graduation. How is she
anyway?”
“Well, she‟s bummed about her divorce, but she‟s handling it, I think. She‟s
actually doing pretty well.”
I wondered what she looked like now.
“Does she still live in Santa Barbara?” I asked.
“Yeah, she does.” said Sara.
“Maybe I should give her a call,” I said.
“Why?” asked Sara.
“I don‟t know. There‟s no reason we can‟t be friends,” I said.
“Well, you did have a pretty messy divorce”
“Yeah, I know,” I said.
Driving to my condo in Marina Del Rey, I was thinking about Stephanie. I continued
thinking about her right past my freeway exit. She‟d cheated on me. That was why
we divorced—one of many reasons. I never forgave her for it. But the sex had
been great before.
After our divorce, she moved the children to Santa Barbara, two hours away.
She trashed me in front of them and cancelled visitations at the last minute. I
remembered once I picked them up for a visit. Stephanie told me I could only have
them for three hours, because they had to go to a birthday party for her boyfriend‟s
mother. I called her a fucking bitch, right in front of the children. I still felt ashamed.

12. Parting Wisdom
Writing is rewriting
Never expect an editor/agent to polish your work
or take it to the next level
Only send your absolute best work; most people
only get one shot with an agent/editor (per
manuscript)
If you think published/best-selling authors are
held to a different standard than you, they are.
You are unproven in the market.

13. Resources
Hooked by Les Edgerton
The First Five Pages by Noah Lukeman
Plot & Structure by James Scott Bell
Anything by agent Donald Maass

14. Continue the Conversation
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