1. A M B E R G R I S T A K
EMOETRYConcepts, Mantras and Poems
Cover Design by BRYBER MEDIA / / / Cover Photo by Susan Elliott
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EMOETRY
Concepts, Mantras and Poems
*
This is not a self-help guide. This is a not a short
story. This is a collection. This collection cannot
be used as a flotation device. Fortunately, it can
be used as a temporary sedative. The pages can
be printed and taped on walls, lockers, stinky
bathroom stalls, your ex’s front door and many
other places. The random sound bytes can
come in handy when chatting or arguing. The
catchy phrases, when repeated, may make
people think you are smarter… or they may not.
None of this is guaranteed… nothing is.
A M B E R G R I S T A K
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Brooklyn, New York / / / DUMBO district / / / Down Under Manhattan Bridge Overpass
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Apartment
*
This apartment isn’t mine
Just a pause in a journey
Of a time
These past days
Equal a space, too, far and between
Better times
Something, I have to accept
A legal monopoly I have to play
Man made money
Spent to simplify
Individual persona
Structures built by disenchanted
Used as comfort
Doctored perception
Injected acceptably
This account is useless
Overdrawn to remind
I am naive
Misled to believe in more
Confused to work and accumulate
A debt
5. 5
I regret my regret
I echo energy
Graceless mannerisms
I cannot put to past tense
Stronger and stronger, I am not dead
All to have, I have overcome
I do not lie, but I have learned to hide
My modern animalistic tendency
To rationalization
A sin, I let set inside
Out for air
Breathe of haze
Divinity
I need intervention
Souls at rest to speak
Guide
Give me strength
What’s real?
I want it now
Have I not learned enough?
When is then?
6. 6
Serenity of human sorts
Awareness and conscious living
Repeat in chant
Not the prayer
I need the remedy
Bottled, packaged and contained
Inward not out
I search to find
Freedom
8. 8
The meaning behind the mantra:
Persistence and hard work-
Do Not guarantee success!
I am sick of people who use the word “deserve.” I despise people
that say they deserve something. The only thing worse to hear is someone
saying that someone else does not deserve something. This always gets
under my skin. I think the concept of that word is horrendous. I do not
believe anyone deserves anything.
It seems, to me, that we have surpassed a new surplus stage. It
seems like we are now entering into an area concentrated and
overflowing with entitlement complexes. I will say it again; I do not believe
that anyone deserves anything. Now with that said, again, I also do not
believe that there is method to success.
People claim that the secret to success is hard work and
persistence. However, in reality just because someone works hard and is
persistent does not mean that they will achieve their goal. It also does not
mean that they deserve to achieve it. It simply means that they are
putting in an amount of effort. Effort is required but not always rewarded.
It is important for people not to waste time pursuing a choice in the
wrong direction. It is important for people to realize the reality in vague
comments and ideas. It is important for people to understand that the
best knowledge is taught through the act of recognizing the action that
led them in the wrong the direction. Rather than dwell in the avoidance,
of the recognition, of their entrance into the wrong direction.
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Conformity
*
Shadows on windows
You can look to, but will never see through
The world that pushes you to strive
Blocks every effort
Little space
Feeling close to but never inside
Dreams are dreams to the masses
Pull the seems, watch it happen
Double the dose, to get it down
Give in to the state
Continue
Without harmony
Catch
Your fallen star
Ride right in
Conform to
What they do
You’re first yourself
Then the self
They made you be
No star to blame
Pass yourself down
Time breeds the insane
Mothers and fathers
Lecture sons and daughters
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Every wrong thing
Speaking down on
Differences we can’t hide
All in good time
Children change inside
Ruined
From lies
Can’t live their own lives
Based on others
Inside
Conformed by the outside
Pushing pursuit of dreams within their means
Preaching on happiness they’ve never seen
Waiting, waiting, hoping waiting
For the American dream
Catch
Your fallen star
Ride right in
Conform to
What they do
You’re first yourself
Then the self
They made you be
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Chemical Reaction
*
You call me every so often
But not often enough to know
I don’t know if you still get high
I don’t know if you are fine
What do you want from me?
What do you want from me?
It was a just chemical reaction
Consequently had to get some satisfaction
That blurred look from my eyes
I welcomed you inside
I said, stay the night, stay the day
You can stay any time, just make me- feel right
Cause I’m all, alone inside
Typical consequence to a chemical reaction
Less than full satisfaction
I tried that size and it didn’t feel right
Typical consequence to a chemical reaction
You can leave me alone and stay in Ohio
You can stay in Ohio
Know the truth
My good deed was giving you the time
Get drunk and drive
I don’t care that you were here
I was always- alone inside
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You were just filler time
And that time’s expired
This is my session in the out of love
And you’re heart is what I want to- break
Typical consequence to a chemical reaction
Less than full satisfaction
I tried that size and it didn’t feel right
Typical consequence to a chemical reaction
Stay in Ohio
You can stay in Ohio
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When I was
confused, and
I didn’t know
me, he helped
by telling me
who I was and
hurt me by
lying about it
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Sessions
*
Sessions in the out of love
You just want to get you some
But this is what a feminist looks like
And I won’t be your bragging right
I’ll keep on my short skirt
Cause I’m not wearing it for you
If you can see my panty line
Then move farther from behind
I may radiate and force
Your eyes into a double take
As you attempt to coordinate
Means to move so fast
Your theory of relations
Is farthest from probability
My science answers to truth not force
For it is built with time, not gravity
I am not in your magnetic field
I do not need your light
I am not drawn to surround you
You are drawn to me
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You can keep
the hand me
down friend…
if you’re
lucky maybe
you will be
deceived too!
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MY AMERICA
*
Standing conscious and aware
My sigh to deep for words
This is my- this is my America
So many live and die for my America
This is my- this is my America
But my America’s sold out!
Are your father’s dead to you?
I don’t- never will- support you
I will give you attitude
Anytime I chose- thank you
First amendment
Told me to speak out
This is my- this is my America
So many live and die for my America
This is my- this is my America
But my America’s sold out!
I support the right to choose
Hate your power fetish attitude
Everyone’s wrong but you
Broadcast bullshit, you lie
But your scare tactics work
Look at my America
Try to and never win
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You restrict me because you can
How much is too much sin?
Eden couldn’t come again
Hurricane force the wind and rain
Intervene and bring change
This is my- this is my America
So many live and die for my America
This is my- this is my America
But my America’s- sold out
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Waste of Space
*
Hey you-
Yes, you!
The know it all
Bartender
The biggest fake
Wearing all fake
Pretender
Mentality imbalanced
Living the small scale
Internationally naïve
Small town liar
Stuck in living like 17
Still no beauty queen
Insecure no individuality
Over saturated
Far past promiscuous
Scene screaming
Drama queen
Stirring up nothing
Into supposedly something
While dressing to impress
Drunken eyes
Beg for drunken stares
Finding complements
As they grab her rear
No happy ending
Just her non-relevant
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Not Your Ex- Girlfriend
*
You’re unstable and I know
How it feels to walk on eggshells
You don’t communicate
And you misrepresent your heart
Laced with good intentions
But not enough information
It’s hurts- every time, I find something you hide
Left as a crash under the tide
You’re prejudgment feels like
I’m screaming without the words
And breathing without air
Everything’s a miscommunication
You say and say again; “I need you”
Then you push and push again; for me to go
Silence your lust brewed lies
This won’t be the casualty of my heart
I know you’re afraid to let me in
And you, don’t know, but you’re convinced
I’ll leave like everyone of them
But I’m not what was then
I am, the better than
I am, the in with the new
I am not your ex girlfriend!
And I shouldn’t have to spell it out for you
I am not your ex girlfriend
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I don’t have to cheat when I’m not around you
I don’t have lie to you
I don’t have to cry to you
I’m not your ex girlfriend
I thought you knew
I’m not your ex girlfriend
I’m not here to disappoint you
I wish you knew
I’m not here for the trips to Fifth Avenue
I don’t have snitch and complain
That’s so unnecessary and lame
Why aren’t you aren’t you listening?
Take away the wall
I’m standing in front of you
Competing against battle scares
And every break in your heart
Fighting to convince you
I am not your ex-girlfriend
I thought you knew
I’m here to be the last one
I’m here to be the favored place
The after taste in your heart
I’m here and my heart is not a playground
But you dance to the music
As my heart falls on the play list
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A constant fixture leading the protest
Against your string of subconscious ways
Expecting I will make others mistakes
Paranoid but I’m not
Vulnerability reading through
I know what’s haunting you
All of the ex’s you compare me too
I am not your ex girlfriend
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Suburban Rights
*
Girls with every right
To sleep well at night
Distorted minds
Double time
Overlap
Unnecessary
Worries eat away
Idle room
Empty state
Does await
Screaming silent
Fantasize
Perfect destinations
Without good reason
No motivation
Just expectation
They will land where
They “deserve”
Girls with every right
To sleep well at night
Bathroom water running
Attempt to drown out
Toothbrush Epicat
Small town princess
Releasing
Hopes she is losing
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She is losing
Suburban rights
Better for a moment
Just as bad
Worse again
She is losing
Suburban rights
To be young
Uninhibited
Suburban rights
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Wrong Wish
*
Somewhere along the line
My stars all fell
All my wishes came true
I got it all
Even you
Wrong wish
Wrong star
Wrong prayer
I prayed so hard
I wanted it all
It was all- wrong
Wrong wish wrong star
I wished
I wished for something else
Anything else
Wrong wish
Wrong star
Now haunted I stay
Slipped into a world
I thought would make me
Instead it took me away
Wrong wish
Wrong star
Wrong prayer
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I prayed so hard
I wanted it all
It was all- wrong
Wrong wish
Wrong star
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Sunglasses v. Shade
*
Ivy lines
And everything inside
Lotus life
Lights bright
Moral less bandwagon
Coffee shops
Over commercialized
Self made products
Sit inside
Sacrificing the freedom of life
Willing fully
Giving the view away
Just another day
Put away your sunglasses
And step into the shade
Just another day
So Cal
So cool
Pop-rock slut- shop
Selling souls already sold
Premeditated concepts
Passed down
They do what they are told
Poor lost souls
Full of obsession
Lacking all passion
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Motivation and drive
All the admiration
The entire reason
Unattainable fulfillment
Never there
At the end of the day
Put away your sunglasses
And step into the shade
Because this is not your day
Your fifteen minutes are heading away
And I’m not sorry to rain on your parade
Its fictitious and you’re afraid
What could come out-
Will bring you down
So step into the shade
Before it’s completely gone away
And the spotlight you made
Hits you the wrong way
Lands to stay
Refusing to go away
The dream of your life
That has finally arrived
Sunglasses v. the shade
Glamorized limelight
Everything you wanted
Taking your life
Away
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So put your sunglasses away
And be grateful
You have still have the option
To head for the shade
35. 35
Live What I Hate
*
I love you so much
I’ll live what I hate for you
I’ll cry every night inside
While I smile through the pain
I love you so much
I only want you happy
I love you so much
I’ll love you more and more with each day
I love you so much
I’ll live what I hate for you
37. 37
Killing the Time
*
Tonight on your porch
I stood in the dark
You were home
And I tried the door
You didn’t answer
Locks were no restriction
As I entered dim lights, I could see
Your drunken touches compete
To create tingling lies to complete
As I tied you down
I told you everything, you could’ve heard
If you would have answered your phone
You ignored all the tries
Now, you will regret
Your guilt-made mistake
Seeing and passing by
My name on the caller id
Premeditative procrastination
After the massacre on my heart
You’re seemingly still unclear
The fool heart is frosted over
I don’t need Calgary
An Army less and I will win
You are drunk and this is revenge
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The inside of the out-of -love retaliation
Not out of the blue or unexpected
All warriors regroup before they get back in line
Your appreciation proved defective
Welcome to debt processing
A lesson learning time
39. 39
That is why
we sleep at
night
because we
are
attracted
to the
light
40. 40
The meaning behind the concept:
“That is why we sleep at night because we are
attracted to the light”
In my experience, on earth, I have to come to notice many
patterns. Some of these observations I write about, some I tell to my friends
and some I never mention. I will not deny that I have some reservations
about what the things I have witnessed, may imply about, not only, our
present day society but also, in regards, to many generations of society
before now.
One thing I have come to notice is patterns within the
interchangeable use of the word LIGHT. When you first hear the word light
you may think of the concept of electrical lights coming on in a home or
building. However, as you know, this word is used to explain so many other
things.
The word is sometimes used to refer to God. Many religions refer to
God as “the Light.” Also, this word is used to explain the experience of
remembering an idea. People will say things like “then a light came on,
and I realized…” Society also uses a variation of this word as a
measurement of weight, when speaking of a less heavy product. The
word light is used to reference many others situations and instances as
well.
However, one day in a phone conversation with a friend, I said
something that, as soon as I said it, I was shocked I had said it. It was one
of those moments when you speak from a place before your first thought.
It was one of those moments when you are so into a conversation that
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there is no thinking before you speak. Not because you are a loose
cannon. It is because you are speaking from truth. I said “That is why we
sleep at night because we are attracted to the light.”
Then there it was. I stopped. Then I frantically contemplated and a
lot of crazy words began to come out for a minute. Then poof! It was as
simple as that. Boom! A whole new sector of realization now came
together to make sense. Light wakes up the eye. It stimulates it to open.
Light represents God. Light represents a force that pulls something in. We
are all electricity and we all radiate, satellite like, images into the universe
through our channels of thought.
We sleep at night because that is the time without light. Light is the
truth that pulls. Light is the force that gives you bliss as you sit in the sun, on
a beautiful day. Light is the sun that we rotate around as a planetary
population. We have confused ourselves by believing that electricity
produces light. When the reality is that light produces electricity and we
are the electricity. In our subconscious, light is our home.
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Halo
*
Be my angel
Not my demon
Be my friend
Not my envy
Smile bright
Let your light
Shine
Go on high
Illuminate
Shadows set
Encompass
Exterior scenes
Onlookers drawn
Flies to honey
Mimicking art
Turn down the membership
Settle for nothing less
The dark foyer
Now safe to venture in
Make the halo
Wear it proud
45. 45
More
*
One morning
We when wake
In our very own bed
And no words have been said
I just want you to turn your eyes my way
And say-
I love you this morning
Like I’ve never loved you before
I loved you yesterday
And all the days before
But somehow
Someway
When I look at you now- today
I know
I love you
More
46. 46
Faith
*
Why is everyone so afraid of dying?
Somehow, I am here
And somehow
I will end up somewhere
I am meant to be
47. 47
The meaning behind the concept:
Faith
Wow! A lot can be said for my short poem called Faith. It is funny to think
that it takes more words to explain it than capture it. The concept comes
from people who always ask for my opinion. Sometimes I find myself
saying the same thing over and over. Sometimes, one opinion can answer
many, many questions. I think this phenomenon is possible because a lot
of people over analyze the simplistic.
I have had more people die in my life than I have fingers and toes. I only
went to two viewings. One when I was 4 and one when I was 22. The
people looked like putty shaped into human replicas. I purposely have
never been to a funeral. I don’t believe it is good to implant the image of
a soulless figure as the last image you have to remember someone by. To
me, it is depressing and impolite.
My point though, is, that a lot of people ask me about death. They ask
what I think happens. They ask if I believe in any specific religious
viewpoints. They ask if I believe in hell and many say they don’t believe in
hell. Sometimes, people want to talk about ghosts, reincarnation and
aliens. I have many theories on many things but I don’t worry about
whether I am right or wrong in my theories. I don’t worry because I have
what many people claim to have but don’t. I have faith.
I have it and I am aware of it. I am thankful for it and I try to share it with
others. However, I would never shove it down their throat. The reality of
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faith is that having faith isn’t about regularly showing up at a synagogue
or a church. It isn’t about who contributes the most money to charities.
Faith is the understanding that you are an active part of the universe.
Faith is about trusting your personal experience with the universe. What
people call God includes you too! Since is God is a sum of all things
combined. You are a fraction of divinity. You are a particle in the capsule.
Your job is not to rewrite the rules of life. Your purpose is to experience
what already has been created.
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Zion
*
Take off your layers
It is warm here
Sun bright heat
As light beams
Touches to complete
Revelations revealed
Evolution connected
Sand on toes
Has dusted feet
The bronzed glow
Familiarity
Completes
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Other Works by Amber Gristak
O.F.O.N: String of Consciousness
OFON: String of Consciousness, Amber Gristak’s first
literary venture, is, like the author herself, packed with
promise. Experiencing stereotypes, fears and angst,
Amber Gristak’s journey from youthful innocence to
barely legal in America sheds light on the unsaid. This is
the chance to view through the eyes of an all American
girl.
Like most compilations, the storyline follows the author's
memories. However Gristak chooses to allow the
sequence of events to disorderly run through her writing.
Similar to a recollection that constantly ignites another
memory.
Ironically, the focal point of Gristak's adventures in her talent for delight in language. This
spark shines through her insightful identifying. The series of poems and blurbs take the
reader through a variety of topics from lust driven schemes, cruel intentions, hidden
agendas, skewed political outlook, body image, stalkers, lawyer lies, to insightful new
looks at war and peace. Gristak has provided countless sounds bytes and succeeds in
lacing the readers mind and leaving a pleasant mental aftertaste. Evoked emotions
leave readers to question the insight and perception that is commonly underestimated
and commonly called teen angst.
Humor: “Chicken fingers and fries does not equal sex”
War: “What will refill, morals deceased?”
Conversation:” Kiss me”
Philosophy: “I live to make a future full of mistakes”
Anecdote: “Thanks to all this I am now a Manhattanite with an insatiable appetite for life.
For more information on the author please visit www.AmberGristak.com
For more information on BRYBER BOOKS please visit www.BRYBER.com
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10 Second Interview: A Few Words with Amber Gristak
*
Q. What is your most embarrassing
experience?
Wow! I definitely have one that stands out in
my mind. It was a Florida Halloween morning
and I was in 9th
grade. I got ready for school
and put on my brand new Dorothy costume,
you know from the Wizard of Oz. Anyway, I
am decked out and my mom drops me off at
school. No bells had rung yet so I started to
walk around and look around for my friends.
As I looked around no one else was dressed
up. I didn’t think too much of it until I saw
my friends. None of them were dressed up
either. They laughed at me and asked me
“why I had worn my costume to school.” I
was furious. I still swear they said they were
going to dress up too! Either way- I managed
to stay at school for another 30 minutes
before I called my mom crying for her to pick
me up. I felt so dumb!
Q. What do you do to brainstorm for
ideas when you write?
When my brain is dead, from over thinking, I usually take a trip to the movie store
to pick up something fun. Also, I seem to slip back to a couple favorites like Madea’s
Family Reunion, How to Marry a Millionaire and the Bewitched episodes on DVD. I
think movies help me because I need to settle my mind chatter and it seems to do
the trick! My other secret is the treadmill. I am kind of a junkie with it. I will power
walk, watch television and write all at the same time. It really works though. I get a
lot of great ideas from it.
Q. Is it true that you talk to strangers online?
Umm… yeah- I mean, I like chatting with random people. It actually helps me get
ideas sometimes. I have had people write me with different ideas and some people
send me stories about their real life experiences.
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COMING FALL 2007
DISENCHANTED: the tragedy of daydreaming
Type: Compilation
Disenchanted: the tragedy of daydreaming is a series of timely and
timeless concepts, mantras, poems and idealistic thoughts that begins
with the bold statement, “I am god…” A line that acts as a reinstatement
of the idealism, wit and chaotic simplicity that continues to define Amber
Gristak’s literary works. Her lyrical lines and infused sound bytes continue to
ignite mass idealism. Her specialty seems to be her ability to identify the
association patterns, behind our deepest fears and doubts. She connects
with readers through her carefully chosen words as they intertwine
simplicity, into, loose canon emotions.
The pages of Disenchanted: the tragedy of
daydreaming succeed in bringing order to a spider
web of thought while providing validation,
reassurance and normalcy to chaos personified.
Amber Gristak proves, once again, that she has
mastered the art of creating a unified voice, to
speak on behalf of every person with her remarkable
comprehension, creativity and explanation of how to
live and grow in truth. More than a writer, Gristak is
an advocate for peace, an optimist and an idealist,
as well as a patriot, role model and a friend. Through
daring topics and wisdom, Amber Gristak, explains
how the disenchanted can become enchanted.
