The document is a humorous and unconventional 'love letter' addressed to the NSA, expressing a desire to help them by humorously providing a summary of personal phone records. It details various mundane and quirky interactions, such as calls to a mother, a pen pal, and a recruiter, alongside playful commentary on current issues like food safety. The author seeks to establish a connection with the NSA while highlighting their individuality and creativity.

1. Dear NSA
A love letter

2. Dear NSA,
I know you are very busy.

3. It can't be easy analyzing billions
of phone records every day.

4. I just want to let you know.

5. I’m not like the others.

6. The Angry
Bill O’Reilly

7. The Indignant
Add name
Image tbd
Rush Limbaugh

8. Michele Bachmann
The Incensed

9. I get you.

10. And I’m here to help.

11. You don’t have to analyze my
phone records today.

12. That’s right. I’ve done it for you.
(Epic flirt move)

13. MY
PHONE
RECORDS
2:46
PM
2:48
PM
7:07
AM
12:15
PM
7:02
AM
MY
MOM
CALLED
E. Coli continues to be
a threat. Avoid spinach
and sprouts.
MOM
AGAIN
Clover sprouts ok; NO alfalfa or
mung bean. SPF 40+ at all times,
esp. back of neck.
PEN
PAL
FROM
ADOPT-­‐AN-­‐INMATE
CALLED
“Good news,” early parole unexpectedly granted.
CALLED
MOM
from tanning bed while
sipping SproutsAlive!®
smoothie. Discussed
the rampant overuse
of Sippy Cups.
4:15
PM
BUTT-­‐DIALED
INMATE
Attempted casual its-not-you-
its-me break-up. Unsuccessful.
Attempted casual discussion
on sprouts.
CALLED
RECRUITER
Left desperate message for
recruiter about out-of-state
opportunities. Willing to
relocate immediately.
Preferably to Guam.
Incoming Calls
Outgoing Calls

14. Like what you see?

15. There’s more where this came from.

16. t
h8p://etsy.me/1JMLeDU
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