Communication Secrets for Leaders: How to influence others to take action jesse lahey

Editor's Notes

1. I’m host of the Engaging Leader podcast and CEO of Aspendale Communications. For over 20 years, I’ve been a consultant for Fortune 500 companies and smaller organizations, helping leaders communicate, engage, and lead with greater impact. The basic format sa.am talks is roughly 25 minutes of presentation, with the rest of the hour open for conversation. Today we’ll mix that up, so it won’t be 25 minutes of straight presentation right up front. We’re going to have some interactive exercises to help you immediately put into practice the secrets that we discuss today. [CLICK] And we’re going to give away a $25 Amazon gift card to THREE people based on their responses in these exercises. [CLICK] And I need your help right now to prepare for those exercises, so you’ll be ready when it’s time for us to interact.
2. I’d like you to think about an upcoming communication situation you have, whether for something at work, or something in your personal life, or something related to community involvement. Who do you need to influence to take some sort of action? For example, I have a client who is an executive in a large company, and he needs his CEO to approve a multimillion dollar budget for the common year. I have another client who needs to influence employees to take an assessment of their financial situation and take an action step toward financial wellness. Who do you need to influence to take some sort of action? Identify that situation, jot down a note to yourself, because we’ve got a couple exercises to help you prepare for that information. If you’re willing to share, send a chat message in the next few minutes and tell us what your communication situation is. Also, during the presentation, submit questions via chat. We’ll answer these at the end.
3. Today I’m going to share some secrets about communication, but I’m going to start with an analogy from marriage. A while ago, I was asked to speak to a group of people about how to have a great marriage. No, I'm not a marriage expert, but I have been studying the topic since before I married Erin 20 years ago. And let me tell you something, it's not easy to stay happily married for 20 years, because although Erin may be perfect, I’m not! Actually, we both have faults and quirks, but most people who know us agree that we're still truly enjoying our life together.
4. Anyway, based on my studies and practical experience, I was able to provide marriage tips that were helpful enough to prompt several men and women in the audience to rush up afterward to thank me. There was only one only problem: Erin was in the audience, too. As you might expect, it doesn't exactly inspire romantic feelings in a woman – at least, not in the woman I know best – to think that her husband believes he has figured out a formula for living happily with her. Even after two decades, Erin wants me to be crazy for her, to pursue her, to have my world rocked by her – not to apply a five-step formula to keep your wife from nagging you, or 3 communication tricks that will get you lucky every time. (No, that's not what my talk was about, but that's only a slight exaggeration to how Erin interpreted it.) As good as my tips were, there is of course so much more to unlocking my wife's heart ... and so much more to a relationship as complex as a marriage.
5. Now, remember, you are supposed to be thinking of an upcoming communication situation … a person or group of people you need to influence to take some sort of action. My wife didn’t want me using a relationship formula or communication tricks on her, and the people in your life don’t want you to try communication tricks on them, either. And guess what? Communication tricks and manipulation don't work in the long run. So that's not what I'm going to teach today. I'm going to share some principles that science and experience have proven will help you influence people to take action ... not because we want to take advantage of them ... but to achieve a common good together.
6. Studying and practicing communication principles – not just communication skills such as public speaking – will help you be a genuine leader who is making a positive difference. According to Fred Garcia, who wrote “The Power of Communication,” communication is a core leadership discipline. It's at least as important as other executive functions — and I think you could say it’s also at least as important as other health care functions. That’s because you don’t just treat people; you need them to comply with doctor’s orders, sometimes you need them to make lifestyle changes, so you must inspire trust and action. So communication is NOT about transmitting information. It's the art and science of inspiring trust and action, and not just reluctant compliance.
7. To introduce the first communication secret, we’re going to play a quick game called Name That Tap. I’m going to use my pen to tap out a song, and you’re going to try to guess what song it is. For example … (Happy Birthday to you).
8. Now, you think of a song you could tap out that would be pretty easy to guess. Let’s take a quick poll. If you were to tap your song for someone, what’s the probability they would be able to guess which song it is? 5% chance they’d guess it, a 10% chance, a 25% chance, 50% chance, or a 75% chance? Let’s take 30 seconds to let you respond to this poll right now. Think of a song you could tap out that would be pretty easy to guess, and vote on the probably that another person could guess your song. While you are responding to that poll, I’m going to tap out a song right now. See if you can guess which song it is and use the chat window to let me know. And if you can guess it, submit the name of the song in your chat window. (Twinkle Twinkle; Ring Around the Rosy; Itsy Bitsy Spider.) Let’s see if anyone can guess within 30 seconds. If you can guess my song, submit the name of the song in your chat window. [The first person who correctly guesses will win a $25 Amazon gift card … the first of THREE gift cards we’re giving away today. Now, our poll wasn’t scientific. When scientists asked people to think of a song to tap, those people predicted that other people would guess their song correctly 50% of the time. The actual success ratio, on average, however, was only 2.5%.
9. Now what’s going on here, and what does it have to do with communication? When a tapper taps, it is impossible to avoid hearing the tune playing along to her taps. Meanwhile, all the listener can hear is a kind of bizarre Morse code. Yet the tapper is flabbergasted by how hard the listeners had to work to pick up the tune. Once we know something—say, the melody of a song—we find it hard to imagine not knowing it. Our knowledge has “cursed” us.
10. This a phenomenon known as The Curse of Knowledge, and it was the main point of the bestseller Made to Stick: Why some ideas survive and others die. Lots of research in economics and psychology shows that when we know something, it becomes hard for us to imagine not knowing it. As a result, we become lousy communicators. We have difficulty sharing it with others, because we can’t readily re-create their state of mind. We know the melody of the song we’re tapping, and we have an inaccurate assumption about the conclusions the listener will draw.
11. Here’s the great cruelty of the Curse of Knowledge: The better we get in our field of expertise, the more unnatural it becomes for us to communicate effectively to people outside that field. We are like the tappers, trying to communicate our song to the listeners. This is the secret villain that steals your ability to influence people. But notice I said “unnatural,” not “impossible.”
12. Here’s an example. Several years ago, the leaders of a large hospital wanted to improve the hospital’s patient satisfaction, so they designed a new workflow. That was the easy part. The hard part was to get the nurses, doctors, and other staff to put the new workflow into action. The staff couldn’t understand why it was important to change how they did things. What most hospital leaders in this situation do is present all the data about how patient satisfaction is measured and why it matters in terms of helping patients recover. But what the staff hears is just was blah, blah, blah … or more accurately, tap, tap, tap.
13. So the hospital leaders tried a completely different approach – a pretty simple approach. They created a video, shot from the perspective of a patient who goes to the emergency room for a leg fracture. In the video, we see what the patient sees. We are the patient. We come in through the door to the ER—we hunt around for check-in instructions and interact with the admissions people, who are speaking in a foreign medical tongue. Eventually, we are laid on a gurney and wheeled through the hospital. We see long stretches of the hospital ceiling. We hear disembodied voices, because we can't see the person addressing us. Every now and then, someone pokes his or her head into our field of view. Frequently, there are long pauses where we just sit idle, staring at the ceiling, unsure what's coming next. When the hospital staff was shown the video it had an immediate impact. The first reaction was always something like 'Oh, I never realized . . .'" Then they had an immediate motivation to fix things. Now, my point here is NOT that video is the best communication medium. My point is to let you in on a communication secret, which is that we all have areas where we have the Curse of Knowledge. We have to be aware of that Curse, so we can sidestep it and communicate effectively in spite of it.
14. To sidestep the Curse of Knowledge, we need to use the four levers of communication. If you want to lift something, would you want to use a short lever or a long lever? The long lever gives you more leverage.
15. With the four communication levers, most leaders focus too much on the shorter two levers shown on the left, A and B. Many people spend most of their communication efforts choosing and creating a specific METHOD to influence people. Maybe it’s a presentation with some PowerPoint slides, or an email, or a letter, or a video, or a brochure. But which method you choose actually has the lowest impact. In this presentation, we aren’t going to spend any time talking about that communication lever. Because of the Curse of Knowledge, many of us put all our effort into the INFORMATION we think people need to know. But that has the second-lowest impact. We’ll spend a little time today on how you can best use this communication lever. The other two levers have much more impact. Make sure you understand and connect with your audience, and make sure you are clear on the target outcome for the communication. Let’s spend a few minutes on target outcome, which is the communication lever with the the greatest impact. What do I mean by target outcome? 1:00
16. The target outcome is something that will change as the result of your words and/or actions. It’s the end result you hope to achieve. Too often, we waste opportunities to positively influence others. Or worse, we negatively influence them. And it’s all because we didn’t take the time to clearly define for ourselves a target outcome. A while ago during an Aspendale team meeting, I complained about a problem: Our staff had not been consistently keeping our project-management system updated. But all I really did was vent my frustration, and it basically came across as a rant.
17. As a result, I left some team members with the impression that I had become a red-tape monster, more interested in administrative processes than in results that matter. Before opening my mouth, I should have set a clear target outcome in my own mind — what did I want to change? I wanted our staff to either keep our tool up-to-date, or propose an alternate solution that met our needs.
18. It’s usually tempting to have several goals for any given communication. But consider this information provided by research from Franklin Covey. If you aim for 1-3 goals, you’ll achieve 1-3 of them. If you aim for 4-10 goals, anybody have a guess for how many goals you’ll achieve? Only 1-2. You'll be going backward! And if you aim for 11-20 goals, anybody have a guess? You’ll achieve exactly zero!
19. In other words, if you want to be more effective, you should focus on a smaller number of priorities. The more priorities, the less effective you will be. Your lack of focus will pull people in too many directions. 13:30
20. To get laser-focused, I use tool I call the Target Outcome Scope. It’s kind of like a scope on a rifle or crossbow, to help make sure my communication is aimed at the right target.
21. You start with the center of the target by asking the question, what do you want people to DO or SAY differently as a result of this interaction with you? That’s your target outcome. But if your answer is, “I want them to know X…” then you need to think harder. It won’t produce results if you want them to know something; you need to think about what you want them to DO or SAY. Have a create a clear understanding in your mind of the one target outcome you desire.
22. Then identify 1-3 objectives that will produce the outcome you want. Picture those as three arrows that will hit your target. They define the “how” that will hit your target outcome. Here are two hints for defining effective objectives... [build] First, it’s helpful to think about the challenges or objections you will need to overcome with your audience to accomplish your Big Outcome. Second, it’s best to state your objectives as action verbs. It needs to describe the impact I seek to have on another person. So to achieve your Target Outcome, identify the challenges or objections, and define action-word objectives that will overcome them. I recommend no more than three Objectives – for example, “catch their attention, make them laugh, and pique their interest for more information.”
23. Here’s an example. I’m a volunteer for a local non-profit that serves mothers and fathers in need. My role is providing classes and coaching about effective parenting. A while ago, I started a series of coaching sessions with a father. Going into the first session, I knew that Ed (not his real name) was a janitor by occupation, and that he requested our help because he felt he had failed to be a good father to his older children from a previous marriage. Now that he had remarried and had a six-month old son, he wanted mentoring so he could be a better dad this time around. Based on that limited information, I could not identify anything specifically related to parenting that I thought Ed should say or do as a result of our first meeting. So I targeted a Target Outcome that I thought would be a building block for future outcomes:
24. I wanted Ed to say that he enjoyed our time together and believes he can learn valuable insights from me. Then I thought about the challenges I would face in achieving the Target Outcome. I was concerned that Ed could be apprehensive about me; he may perceive me as an authority on parenting, or a “perfect parent” who would be judgmental of his past failures. Also, I knew he was a blue-collar manual laborer; he could view a white-collar professional like me as out-of-touch with his issues. And as every counselor or coach knows, a common challenge is that clients may forget whatever lessons you may try to teach during any given session. To overcome those challenges and achieve the Big Outcome, I identified three objectives for the first session [CLICK]: 1 Make a friend (build rapport with Ed).2 Listen to identify one take-away lesson that Ed agrees is helpful. 3 Reinforce the take-away with a story that Ed will remember. Did I achieve the Big Outcome for that first session? Yes, and here is how I know: During our second session, without any prompting, Ed commented on how helpful it was talk with me about being a good dad, and he related that he had shared my story with Tanya.
25. OK, we’re going to do a quick exercise. Remember how I asked you to think about an upcoming communication situation you have, whether for something at work, or in your personal life, or in your community involvement. Take just a minute now, and use the Chat feature to share the Target Outcome that’s on your mind, and up to three objectives. And the first person to submit that will win an Amazon gift card. [CLICK] Remember, the Target Outcome should answer the question, what do you want people to DO or SAY differently as a result of this interaction with you? [CLICK] Then identify 1-3 objectives that will produce the outcome you want. They define the “how” that will hit your target outcome. To identify objectives, it’s helpful to think about the challenges or objections you will need to overcome with your audience to accomplish your Target Outcome. Second, it’s best to state your objectives as action verbs that describe the impact I seek to have on another person.
26. We’ve talked about the most important step in planning a communication, which is to focus on your target outcome. Now, let’s talk about focusing on the audience, which is the person or people you are hoping to influence to take action. 29:30
27. My dad tells a story from when he was a kid about going over to his grandmother's house after baseball practice, being very thirsty and going straight to the refrigerator. Dad pulled out a mason jar of what he thought was cool, refreshing lemonade. 0:15
28. Now, what Dad didn't realize was that it was not lemonade in that jar but what we commonly refer to as “pickle juice.” That is the vinegar and salt and other seasonings that are left in the jar after you've eaten all the pickles. Apparently his grandmother believed in “waste not, want not,” and she didn't even want to waste her pickle juice. So Dad was expecting the sweet, tart taste of lemonade when he took a great big gulp. Wow! Well, you can imagine Dad's surprise at the taste of that pickle juice, and I'll bet you might have been surprised that you possibly tasted pickle juice in the back of your own mouth as well, or maybe your face reflected some of the facial gestures that I was making as I tasted that pickle juice. Why would that be, since I was the one tasting it, instead of you? 2:00
29. The answer is in what science refers to as “mirror neurons” or “empathy neurons.” These were discovered by accident about 20 years ago. The point of mirror neurons is that we literally mirror each other in corresponding regions of our brain. Here’s another example of the impact of mirror neurons. [CLICK] As you probably already know, yawns are contagious. Right now, this image is causing many of you to feel the need to yawn. This even works with animals. A study by the University of London observed that 21 of 29 dogs yawned when a stranger yawned in front of them.
30. I’m moving off that slide in a hurry because I don’t want you all to start yawning and fall asleep. Here’s the thing to remember. Mirror neurons don't just involve actions like tasting pickle juice or yawning. They affect thoughts and feelings as well. If we’re simply owning our position and trying to persuade the other people to our point of view, they are more likely to own their position and put up a wall and defend their point of view. Or they might say, “It's pointless arguing with this person, let me just give in.” But they wouldn't actually support or buy into that perspective. [CLICK] For most of us, that’s the secret reason why people resist our influence. We don’t realize what’s happening, because we can’t see their brain lighting up and matching the same patterns as our own brain. We only see the result, which is that they don’t take the action we’re hoping for. If you can trigger people’s mirror neurons to nudge their thoughts and feelings in the right direction, you are more likely to influence them to take the right action.
31. There are two powerful tool for doing that … “empathetic perspective” and “empathic thinking.” You need both of these to influence people to take action.
32. Empathetic perspective is a tool you HAVE to use if you’re going to be a successful leader. It essentially means seeing this interaction through the eyes of your audience. It was true 100 years ago when Henry Ford said this, and it’s even more true in the 21st century. “If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person's point of view and see things from his angle as well as your own.”
33. The second tool that does this is “empathetic thinking.” While we are communicating, if we can actively try to understand their thoughts and feelings and allow ourselves to be influenced by their point of view, we are much more likely to trigger their mirror neurons and get a similar response from them. That is, they are going to be more empathetic to our perspective. They’ll be more likely to be influenced by the way we're thinking.
34. We’ve talked about the two most important steps in communication: planning your target outcome, and fully understanding and connecting with the audience. The third and last step we’ll talk about today is focusing and organizing the information. One of the things that will hurt your credibility as a leader is sending muddled or confusing messages. We've all been guilty of this at one time or another. You're put on the spot to speak to a group without having a chance to prepare a speech, so you start rambling. Or perhaps you over-prepare for a speech, and cram in 23 points with various sub-points. Or you send out a long email, and no one is really sure what the priorities are. 1:00
35. [carry through the Ed example] The 1-3-3 Message Map is a handy tool to make sure you maintain the presence of a leader and that your communication has the impact you want. One core idea or outcome, up to three key messages, and up to three supporting elements per message. The first step is to identify the one core idea or outcome of your communication. [CLICK] This is pretty easy to do, if you’ve already completed the Target Outcome Scope we talked about earlier. Think about it this way: use the Target Outcome Scope to make sure your communication is aimed at the right target; use the 1-3-3 Message Map to hit the bullseye on that target 0:30
36. For example, my core idea for this segment of my presentation is that the 1-3-3 Message Map is a handy tool for creating leadership presence and impact. The next step is to crystalize no more than three key messages that support the core. 0:30
37. My key messages are that the 1-3-3 Message Map helps you be clear, it makes your communication memorable, and it's quick. The third and final step is to identify up to three supporting elements for each message. These may be logical points, stories, facts, or exercises. 0:30
38. You need a 1-3-3 Message Map to help you be clear, because it demonstrates organized thought that makes you look confident. It helps you be brief and to the point, which further makes you look confident. And by organizing your thoughts before you open your mouth, you have the opportunity to compare your messages with past communications, so you can stay consistent. The 1-3-3 Message Map is memorable. That makes it less likely that you'll forget your points when you stand up to speak. And more likely that listeners or readers will remember what you said the next day. That's because people can remember things better when grouped in 3s. For example, if I say, Life, Liberty … most of you will automatically fill in the blank with “The Pursuit of Happiness." The same with Blood, Sweat, and … Tears. Or The Good, The Bad, and ... The Ugly. And finally, the 1-3-3 Message Map is quick. If you are at a meeting and suddenly asked to say something, it's a great tool for organizing your thoughts on the spot. It's so simple that you can just map your messages in your head, or scratch them on a piece of note paper. And I left the third supporting item blank, to point out that you don't have to have all three messages or all three supporting elements for each message -- it's just that you generally shouldn't exceed the 1-3-3 guideline or you start to lose these benefits. So organize your communication with the 1-3-3 Message Map: one core idea or outcome, up to three key messages, and up to three supporting elements per message. That will help you maintain the presence of a leader, and communicate with impact.
39. I started out this presentation by telling you that I wasn't going to teach communication tricks and turn you into a smooth-talking con artist. We talked about getting a clear focus on our target outcome, truly trying to understand the people we’re talking to, and organizing our information using a message map. Does that sound like tricks and manipulation? Here’s the real secret about the communication discipline. Earlier I said it’s the art and science of inspiring trust and action. And it’s at least as important as other health care and leadership functions. But these principles could actually make you not only a better health coach and leader, but maybe even a better person in general.
40. And now let’s see what questions you may have.