From www.RagnarokTraining.com BoneFrog Preparedness Chart: A Real American Hero Edition! Do you think you have what it takes to tackle BoneFrog? How much training have you done? It's time for a gut-check. It's time for some soul-searching. It's time to assess your preparedness for the Race. Check out the Preparedness Chart and see how much extra training you need to put in before the big show. Then hop over to www.RagnarokTraining.com and find out how to do it.

1. Preparedness Chart
www.RagnarokTraining.com

3. “Fools, bow before your rightful leader!”
“Destro, I command you to get me a T-shirt.”
• Cobra Commander is the head of the Snake. He is the Commander-in-
Chief of the only organization who could go to War with GI Joe on a
daily basis and never lose one soldier. So say what you want about his
crazy schemes and fervent temper-tantrums, but that man knows how
to keep his soldiers alive.
• And even though you spent all night rehearsing how you were going to
pitch Cobra conquering BoneFrog to big CC, the words that dribbled
out of your mouth didn’t have enough power to make it through his
mighty helmet, and he called you an imbecile while reviewing plans for
an Antarctic Cobra Recreational Base.
• If you want to Command the squad that stands atop the podium at
BoneFrog, your first order of business is to Sign up. If you can’t
convince yourself to pull that trigger, the only army you will be leading
is a line of action figures.

5. “If it’s a fight you want, it’s a fight you’ll get!”
“Alright fellas, I’ll be at the finish line
looking after your beers.”
• Polly is the hard-nosed, big-mouthed, rambunctious half of this duo.
But we aren’t here to talk about that annoying Parrot, we are here to
figure out how Shipwreck became such a break-out Joe star without
the aid of the other Village People (Gung-Ho doesn’t count). Some may
attribute it to the cool hat, suave beard, or boss arm tat, but those in
the know will tell you this guy is the cartoon reincarnation of Jack
Nicholson. And for that, he stole the show and a mermaid chick using
just a revolver and killer swagger.
• So while Hector X. Delgado signed up for BoneFrog, he never made it
within 5 clicks of the Starting Line. Nope, instead this Chief Petty
Officer went undercover as Billy Buddusky to keep an eye on the kegs
at the Finish Line to make sure Cobra wasn’t trying to poison them.
• Whether you are the most popular Joe in your outfit or just the comic
relief in a funny outfit, you can’t just Signup for the Race, you have to
Show-up and Perform. Of course your Training will determine whether
your performance is more like a Fleet Admiral or a Drunken Sailor.

7. “Hello boys, care to give a lady a hand?”
“Now wait here for me, while I ‘scout ahead’.”
• “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.” was a quote probably created
the first time Destro pissed off the only member of Cobra covered in
black leather who isn’t a Ninja or a Hydro Viper. You see the Baroness
is much like your first exgirlfriend: all kinds of crazy. And that crazy
includes crazy hot, crazy conniving, and crazy deadly. So when you
forget Baroness’s birthday, you don’t get the cold shoulder, you get a
nuclear winter.
• Anastasia Cisarovna may have Trained her whole life to infiltrate and
annihilate, but BoneFrog isn’t Spy Games, it’s Trench Warfare. So,
instead of donning a Trooper uniform and trudging through the mud
and muck, our Femme-Fatale “encouraged” an inexperienced Crimson
Guard to carry her Timing Chip across the Finish Line for her.
• Whether you were born with handfuls of natural assets or developed
your skills over years of Training, if you haven’t Trained Specifically
for the Suck that will occur on that Mountain, you’d be better off trying
to cuddle up to Baroness in the snow-lodge than trying to brave that
course. Either way you’ll probably fail, but you’re likely to have more
fun trying in the lodge.

9. “No matter where we need to go, you’ll find me
in the front yelling ‘Yo Joe!’”
“Now try to keep pace while I crush this Race.”
• The dessert options for today are “Mississippi Mud Pie” and “Horrific
Rain of Bullets Fired from a .50 Cal Heavy Machine Gun.” Of course it
doesn’t matter which you choose, because if you are Cobra, then
Roadblock is serving you up double helpings of both, because that’s
the generous kind of guy he is.
• When Race-Day came Staff Sergeant Marvin F Hinton started the day
by taking inventory: Marching boots – Check, 10 PB & shrimp
sandwiches – Check, 2,000 Rounds of ammunition – Check, More
rhymes than Dr. Seuss– Check. And he thought he had it made, all the
way until Mile 2, when both the food and ammunition ran out, forcing
him to double-back to base camp to re-supply.
• You may be the human tank of your outfit, ready to mow down
anything that gets in your way, but if you don’t have enough fuel in
reserve, the BoneFrog will have your Legs for dinner. So, do your
Cardio: do it in a box or with a fox; do it in the house or with a mouse;
do it here and do it there, I say do it everywhere!

11. “Beauty may only be skin deep,
but lethal is to the bone.”
“A 12-mile hike up a mountain?
…Sounds like a date.”
• While every other soldier on the Battlefield reloads their weapon by
pulling a new clip from their belt, Scarlett reloads her weapon by
pulling arrows out of bodies. And while you might call bringing a
Crossbow to a gunfight counter intuitive, I’d say it’s Counter
Intelligence, I just wouldn’t say it to her face.
• Most of the Race was a cake-walk for Shana M. O’Hara. She’s fought,
she’s taught, and she’s sprinkled tougher competitors on top of her
breakfast cereal than what she was up against at BoneFrog. However,
when this Master Sergeant got to the 27th
Multi-Rig of the Race, her
arm-strength gave out, and as she plummeted to the cargo net below
she thought “Maybe carrying the 100lb rucksack throughout the Race
wasn’t one of my best ideas.”
• Whether you are the toughest guy in town, or you are the woman who
can mop the floor with the toughest guy in town, you are going to need
every bit of Strength you can muster to Finish BoneFrog without
experiencing a Free-Fall. So either get Strong(er) now or explain to that
cute Redhead who beats you why “your hands were so slippery.”

13. “Death is an honor I shall bestow upon you.”
“I have already won this Race,
you just have not accepted it yet.”
• Ninjas are masters of deception: they are stealth and silence; shadow
and wind; everywhere and nowhere. Therefore the fact that Storm
Shadow wears an all-white outfit either tells you he’s from Puerto Rico,
or he’s so damn good at Ninja-ing that he doesn’t need a black bondage
suit to make himself invisible (looking at you Snake Eyes). And since
his family is from Japan, and he’s assassinated 3 world leaders while
you’ve been reading this, I’m leaning towards that Ninja-thing.
• When the day of BoneFrog came Thomas S. Arashikage descended
upon it with swift precision. As he deftly made his way through the
Course, maiming the bare minimum amount of people necessary for a
“Saturday Stroll”, he found himself paused mid-Course to meditate and
reflect on “the harmony of things”, and how much more enjoyable this
would have been with a true Brother-In-Arms.
• You may spend your entire life honing and mastering the skills
necessary to survive and thrive in life, sport, war, espionage, dark Ninja
arts, the list goes on. However, without Brotherhood, or Team, there
will always be emptiness. Fill that void: Join Ragnarok, wage war on
the Race-Course together, and reach true enlightenment.

15. “We win this War.
That wasn’t an option, it was an order.”
“We are all finishing this Race, even if I have to
carry every one of you over the line myself.”
• Duke is the Acting First Sergeant of America’s daring, highly trained
special missions force whose purpose is to defend human freedom
against Cobra, a ruthless terrorist organization determined to rule the
world. Yeah, that’s right: that’s the GI Joe tagline, but this guy IS Mr.
GI Joe himself. He leads from the front, is solely responsible for 90% of
GI Joe’s battle success, and truly is a Real American Hero.
• So when chatter came across the lines that Cobra was plotting to
overthrow BoneFrog, Duke called the Joe’s to action. Utilizing his
dashing good lucks, shimmering blonde hair, and flashy smile…oh, and
a bit of Special Forces Training and a rifle, he lead the ground attack
that sent Cobra slithering back to the slimy holes they came slithering
out of, slither, slither, slither.
• It doesn’t matter if you are Conrad S. Hauser or Magic Mike, if you
want to protect BoneFrog, the Free World, and the American Way, then
you are going to need both your Rifle and your Gun, and Training on
how to use them both. The Ragnarok Training Workout should be
your Field Training Manual. Master it, and it will lead you to Victory
over any Obstacle Race or Cobra Uprising.

17. “War is a Machine, and it requires Fuel.
I am that Fuel.”
“I am not here to win this Race,
I am here to own this Race.”
• What side is Destro on? Well, on both sides, of course…as long as they
both can afford him. James McCullen Destro XXIV Callander owns
M.A.R.S. which produces and sells the high-tech weaponry that begins,
sustains, ends, and then renews War. Why? Because War is a particularly
lucrative business that he happens to be particularly good at. And first
you get the money, then you get the power. And when you get the power,
then you get the women (ain’t that right Baroness? wink, wink).
• When Destro heard about BoneFrog and Navy Seals, he didn’t think
about winning trophies, he thought about winning Defense Contracts. So
it must have been (Manifest) Destiny that his appearance on RaceDay
coincided with a Large Scale Assault on the entire northern hemisphere by
Cobra. And lucky for the US Military that he was currently running a
2-for-1 Bargain Basement Sale on his latest and greatest W.M.D.’s.
• While at first glance being a Lone Wolf, and playing both sides like Destro
may seem enticing, you need to realize that with that first glance you are
going to see that gleaming chrome mask on his face that brands him a
Traitor. So, yeah, on second thought joining Team Ragnarok and coming
to the Team Trainings will probably lead to greater success, and better
first impressions.

19. “. . .”
“. . .”
• Snake Eyes is a GI Joe Commando, and is their very best soldier -
being a master of practically every weapon that ever existed, and using
every one of them on every mission he goes on. He is also what sparked
our love affair with Ninja and created a cascade of Ninja in popular
culture: from Ninja Gaiden, to American Ninja, to Teenage Mutant Ninja
Turtles, to 3 Ninjas, and Surf Ninjas (man that list went downhill fast).
• Almost everything about Snake Eyes is Classified, so we can’t be sure
whether or not he won BoneFrog. In fact, there isn’t any actual
evidence that he was even there. But there are hints: like the carefully
bagged Wolf-poo in the trash, the huge pile of Cobra Vipers hog-tied at
the Finish line, and the fact that Scarlett was M.I.A for 4-hours and
came back with her flak jacket on backwards.
• If you want to attack BoneFrog like a silent Ninjutsu Master, you need
about 30 years of Training, a full-body black suit, and a catch-phrase.
Wait, actually that last one isn’t necessary. But what IS necessary is
conquering the Ragnarok Practice Mudders. They are the path and
they are they way. Conquer them and conquer all. Fail them, and fail
yourself, but don’t worry, you could probably still be an extra in Surf
Ninjas 2: Way of the Guppy.

21. “Peace follows War,
As Victory follows Me.”
“And now I wage War on this Race
And in doing so, foretell myself the Victor.”
• War is a form of conflict resolution and Thor is master of both. When
war besets the universe the Odinson is both judge, jury, and
executioner; and Mjolnir is his gavel, gauge, and guillotine. And
whether the conflict be between servants, kings, or nations, the
outcome will be the same: the Just will find salvation, and the Unjust
will find damnation.
• Thor set upon Bonefrog like it was a world at war. His actions were
swift and his methods were brutal. His might was loosed upon the
Racecourse at 8:30AM, and the Race closed and his Victory decided by
8:31AM. Then after allowing time to repair the Course, the second wave
went off at 8:45AM, one month later.
• You may be Worthy to Wield The Hammer, but unless you also bear
the name of THOR, your Training is not yet complete, and your Power
not yet Absolute. No, you must first prepare the Mind with the
Ragnarok Training Workout, the Body with the Ragnarok Team
Trainings, and the Soul with the Ragnarok Practice Mudders. It is
then, and only then that you will be ready to Race with Ragnarok, and
claim your place among the gods. BoneFrog awaits the ready.