The document provides feedback on the script "Heaven's Mistake". The reviewer liked that the script gave greater clarity to Katy's arrival in Hell and her explanation of powers. They also enjoyed the addition of backstory tying characters Silva and Vanessa to Katy in high school, and the inclusion of more scenes with Vanessa to develop her character. However, they suggest making Katy seem even more mean in high school to motivate Vanessa's suicide, showing Silva's attack when he dies to build more tension, and changing Katy's cancer death to an accident to make the timing more believable.

1. Archive #8520
Heaven’s Mistake
Reader #6049
What did you like about this script?
It gives the story greater clarity when Katy first arrives in Hell and Derrick explains to her in greater depth
what she needs to do if she wants to escape Hell, and explains the powers to her. It makes it more
believable that she is going to have a fighting chance to survive through all of the terror. But it is also nice
that he leaves some information out, such as losing memories when she gets hurt, to save some of the
mystery for later in the story.
It is nice that Silva becomes tied in with Katy and Vanessa’s past when they were all in high school
together. Silva having a crush on Katy when they were in high school sets up good motivation for him to
try to protect her when they are making their way through Hell together.
It is great to see more of Vanessa throughout the story to help an audience build a deeper connection to her
character. She is such a strong character that just her added presence helps to create tension throughout the
story.
The dialogue is enjoyable because the banter is often light and teasing which helps to give some tension
relief since it is in significant contrast to the setting of Hell. The characters do a good job of building
relationships and showing off their unique personalities with their dialogue.
There is good sexual tension between Silva and Katy even though it is a forbidden relationship since she is
technically married and pregnant. While it is sad when he dies, it feels like it takes the possibility for a love
affair between them off the table, and Katy can focus on finding her way out and back to her family.
The battle between all of the characters such as the demons, trolls, a titan, the Gatekeeper and hell hounds
raises the stakes for Katy and makes it feel like she is never safe. Even in the hotel room, when she tries to
book the safest room possible, it always feels like she needs to be on edge.
Larry is such great comic relief since the story is so dark. His crazy behavior does a nice job of lightening
the mood, and adding an element of humor to a serious situation.
Kojo is a good companion for Katy. It is interesting when he is trapped between Katy and Vanessa, and he
does not know which side to pick.
What do you think needs work?
It is nice to see Katy being mean to Vanessa in high school to show what a different person was when she
was a teenager. But she was so mean to Vanessa that she committed suicide and Vanessa still wants to kill
her once they are in Hell together, so consider making Katy even more mean than just dumping chocolate
milk on Vanessa’s head. Consider really showing Katy insecure and mean side when she was younger to
make it completely believable that it would push Vanessa to the point of killing herself.
It would be nice to actually see Silva’s being attacked when he dies to raise the tension. It jumps from him
being out of weapons to Katy finding him nearly dead, but showing his attempt at survival and his defeat
will help to build more sympathy and emotion when his character does not make it.

2. It feels like Katy’s death happens rather quickly with the cancer. She goes from dancing around in the
morning like nothing is wrong to dying quite suddenly because she had been hiding the cancer. Consider
making her death happen in some sort of accident which will make the quick timing of her death more
believable.