1. skip to main | skip to sidebar I like to think of myself as someone who takes charge; someone who is passionate about what they believe in. I have always believed in myself as a person who takes the initiative to get the job done. Using art, I can communicate. I can express my passions and my beliefs. I can tell the world how I feel, what I think, what I want to change. I have always been inspired by the things around me. I have always represented my life challenges through my art. This summer, my perspective on who I am changed. With that personal change, my art transformed into something new. After experiencing an extremely negative review on what someone truly thought about me, I felt the need to understand why. Although this person had no deep impact on my life, their harsh words gave me the opportunity to reflect on the choices in my life. I came to the conclusion that I was acting like someone I was not. Whether it was to get attention, or to hide who I was inside, I needed to change. One way I hide myself physically is through make up. No, I do not cake it on, nor do I wear unsightly globs of mascara, but it is a barrier protecting the real me from the outside world. How do I represent that visually-through art? In front of my entire class at School of the Art Institute of Chicago early summer program, I painted on liquid eyeliner unto my eyelids. I covered my cheeks with foundation and I smeared gloss over my mouth. Pressing the construction paper rather hard unto my face, I started to cry. I did not mean to cry, nor was this a
drama camp
exercise. But something overcame me-something cloudy washed away inside of me and I felt like I saw the truth for the very first time. Wiping off the very stuff that hid me from the world and showing myself to almost perfect strangers was a completely new experience. I felt rejuvenated and terrified at the same time. Who is this person I was...and who will I become now? Shaking with the new found realization, I understood more about myself in those five minutes than I have my entire life. I realized that make up was not the only mask I wear and that there is so much more to discover about myself. Have you ever said something out loud, maybe embarrassing, that you did not want anyone else to hear? Maybe something slipped out. Maybe you called your teacher “mom” by mistake or you gossiped about a friend’s secret. You want to hurt yourself. You want to punch yourself in the gut and start all over again. The reason I smash the paper so hard against myself is because I am embarrassed of how I handled situations in my past. I want to punch myself for the things I have done, the people I have hurt, and the things I have said. I want to wipe away the dirty, grimy exterior of who I used to be and exfoliate into a new layer, a new beginning. My art is an exploration of the discoveries I have recently made. It narrates my relationships, past and present. It exploits my fears as well as my self-discovery. My art defines my pain with a chronic illness, a departure from someone I loved, and an awareness of self. Knowing that the visions in my head have never been seen or thought of by anyone else keeps me motivated in art. It is engraved into who I am and I am constantly inspired to create.