6. How to have a happy pooch:
stay at home.. Don’t work – tempting.. But not feasible
get him a girlfriend – 2 dogs + empty home=messy house = 2 angry sisters
get him a brother from another mother– 2 male dogs + empty home =
tornado-hit house = 2 weeping sisters
Take him to work – very tempting.. Might get fired though
Leave him in the garden unsupervised – guaranteed star-wars-like
destruction
Leave him at the neighbours’ – might have to pay for mental and property
damage
Send him to obedience school – been there .. Done that.. Didn’t work!
Rent him out during the day – might breed confusion as to who his real
parents are
Put him up for adoption –NOT AN OPTION.. I repeat…NOT AN OPTION
Leave him with the fishy-looking guards at the apartment next door – there
might be a chance of him making it to the Most Wanted list
Leave him with the cutie next door – he might move to the moon
7. How to have a happy pooch: (cont..d)
Leave him with my best friend – has humping issues with her leg
Leave him with my sister’s best friend – dog-hair allergy. Period.
Leave him with my dad – we might be put up for adoption… on e-bay!!!
Leave him at the pound during the day – yeah… right…
Leave him at the circus during the day – risk of him treating our home like a
circus
Buy him a circus so he can be entertained - Double ‘yeah… right…’
Train him to entertain himself – might win a Nobel prize for this.. hmmm
Leave him with the ELECTRICIAN – tempting… but morally wrong
Tie him up and leave him with his pedigree – refer to the objective of this
list
Try working from home as much as possible – could be an option
Leave him at home with all the doggie toys and unlimited supply of pedigree
- messy house + fat dog = bankruptcy!!
send him to rehab after leaving him at home all-day – might pay for further
mental damage of other dogs and rehab owner
leave him with the neighbourhood dog-walker – might be sold on the dog
black-market
Train him to entertain himself – still thinking about this… hmmm
Send him on a world tour – Mayan prediction might come true
Pay a producer to star him in his next movie – read ‘maid’ suggestion
8. How to have a happy pooch: (cont..d)
Leave him at the beach– Salt pee water anyone??
Leave him with the local volleyball team – might get confused with the
‘fetch’ concept
Leave him alone with my sister for a week– How much would I fetch on e-
bay???
Leave him with my cook– I might have to be fed through a pipe for the rest
of my life
Leave him at the mall during the day – risk of running them into a food
scarcity
Buy him a mall so he can be entertained – Triple ‘yeah… right…’
Train him to hunt – Wait a minute….
Leave him with my boss– Might be declared dead…
Tie him up and leave him with his toys– there might not be any toys left
Try coming home early – could be an option
Leave him at home with all the neighbourhood dogs – Funny!!... NOT!
Leave him at the mayor’s office – Might be accused of being in the pay of
the mayor’s opponent
leave him with the neighbourhood chemist– might come home to a hippie-
talking dog
Train him to roll-over the whole day – who says my dog is dumb??
Send him on a world tour with his girlfriend– Mayan prediction might come
true twice over
Pay a dog trainer to train him all day – might leave his profession
Teach him to write– <Silence>
9. How to have a happy pooch: (cont..d)
Leave him with the patients at my sister’s clinic– Umm.. Not sure that is
allowed
Leave him at the dog parlour – they charge by the hour
Leave him with my lawyer– we might be declared a liability to the nation in a
court of law
Leave him in Dubai – might be sued for pee adulterated petrol
Leave him with the Taliban– might increase the number of suicide bombers
Leave him – not in this lifetime!
Train him to entertain himself –hmmm…
Leave him at the temple– prayer might get a new meaning
Teach him to beg – plan might get backfired… we might be the victims
Try working from home everyday– might be couriered my pink-slip
Leave him at home with all the doggie toys and unlimited supply of pedigree
- not funny!
send him as part of the ‘therapy through pets’ program – wait.. Isn’t this
morally wrong?
leave him with the neighbourhood vigilante group– might lead them to the
wrong person
Train him to entertain himself – Whom am I kidding??
Teach him to catch Fish – He might eat them too
Train him to be a navy seal– Might help raid the kitchen
10. How to have a happy pooch: (cont..d)
Leave work.. Enroll in a college which is pet-friendly– Umm.. Not sure if
there is such a college
Enroll him in a crazy dog group – can’t risk more craziness
Leave him with my aunts– we might be disowned… again
Leave him with a dog photographer – he might call it quits
Leave him with the army– this might end all discreet, covert ops
Train him to clean the house – do I really NOT know Caesar??
Leave him with a cat– Another species might go extinct
Leave him with a bird– The bird would rather be caged!
Try emotionally blackmailing my boss into giving me work-from-home-
everyday– might be sent home for good
Leave him at home with a stranger- might come back to an empty house
send him as part of the ‘therapy for pets’ program – who the hell told my
dog needs therapy??
Send him to a hula hoop class – the teacher might build a hula hoop fortress
around her
Tie a bone to his tail to keep him busy all day– sooooo tempting
Send him to a weight loss program – He might come home and eat us up
Leave him at a tennis court - Might be successful in making tennis a lost
11. How to have a happy pooch: (cont..d)
Teach him to woof-gossip over the phone– Expensive call rates these days
Make him watch animal planet – Might bark his head off if he saw one of his
family on TV (read: wolves)
Leave him with the street dogs – traumatic for those poor dogs
Hypnotize him and make him believe that he is happy - might be put into
jail for animal testing
Leave him with the guard at the nearby ATM – cemented in the Most
Wanted list forever
Let him free in the nearby park – Causalities
Make him watch Jersey Shore – therapy anyone??
Make him watch bad movies – still howling…
Send him to dance classes – do I really need my dog to be more
energetic??
Have an automatic stereo system which has motion sensors which will
produce a barking sound every time my dog passes it – mental note: no need
for more barking
Load teddy bears everywhere in the house – more cleaning.. Besides ..
expensive??
Treasure hunt – might eat everything in sight out of the frustration
Leave him with a baby – might slip with all the pee
