The first episode of The Adventures of Pistol and Rifle 2010 series.

3. Fight it? Why would I do that? The demon seed has given me powers beyond human or panda understanding. What I’m doing will preserve the advancement of our world. Well, this is it, Pistol. Our last battle. You scared? I’m stronger than any man or panda who has ever lived! C’mon, Pistol. You know world domination has always been my dream! Lemme ask you something, though. Why are you doing this, Rifle? Dammit, Rifle! That’s not you! That’s the demon seed talking! Fight back! What you’re doing is wrong! You wish.

4. Do you honestly believe that?

5. Of course. What I’m doing will lead…to a revolution!

6. Yes… You will try. It’s too late for you, brother. I have no choice but to stop this madness before it destroys everyone else.

7. Created By: Julian McNeill

8. This world is inhabited by people called Adventurers! To some people, Adventurers are heroes. Others use them for chores. Myself… I study Adventurers as a profession. Chores?

9. So, what is your name? Right! So your name is Pistol! Ash. I mean Pistol!

10. This is my grandson. He’s been your rival since you were a baby. …Erm, what was his name again? ?

11. Douche McTurd.

12. That’s right! I remember now! His name is Rifle!

13. Pistol! Your very own legend as an Adventurer is about to unfold! A world of dreams and poon, with other Adventurers, awaits! Let’s go! What?!

14. Ah, here comes a senior citizen. No doubt in need of assistance! Alright! I’m 20, healthy, and feeling adventurous! Time to go prove my heroism to this town! Excuse me, miss. I’m a young, eager Adventurer. Would you happen to have any tasks which I can partake for you? Shall I slay a certain number of something? Retrieve something miles away? Escort you to a destination? Yes, and afterwards I have another few assignments for you. Excellent, and what may that be? Tasks? Why yes, I believe I do. Would you mind hanging my linens on the clothesline? …Ah yes…chores.

15. Okay, Madam. I have hung your linens on the clothesline, picked up fresh groceries from the market and stored them away, swept the kitchen, mopped the floors, dusted the knick-knacks, mowed the lawn, trimmed the shrubberies…

16. Washed the car, washed the truck, washed the house, washed the dog, washed the cats, washed the cows, washed the sheep, sheared the sheep, washed the shears, washed the washing machine, bought a new washing machine…

17. Picked up your children from school, did your taxes, hired a divorce lawyer, constructed that bench your sitting on, made a movie further explaining my tasks, made a movie that I’m not too proud of, solved world hunger… Editor’s Note: The word “outlandish” comes to mind…

18. And picked up your insulin shots from the pharmacy! Well, that sounds like almost everything. How about a little rest before you go write my memoirs?

19. Hello there, miss. You look like you could use a good-- Son of a bitch! Back off, you pervert! Well, that was a bust! Hellooooooo…

20. My eyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeessssssss!

21. Stranger danger!

22. …he’s become far too dangerous. Even our best mercenaries are too apprehensive about approaching him… Okay, I’m getting pretty pissed off now How hard is it to do a goddamn quest for someone or get into a goddamn guild?! What’s this?

23. And Yahiko? Yahiko would definitely take the mission. …My god… I couldn’t help but overhear your conversation. Sounds to me like you gentlemen need a task completed. What about Mercutio? He just got back from a assignment the other day, right? Mercutio has become a spineless coward since the incident with the rock. He would not undertake such a task. Yahiko has already tried…and failed. Umm, hey there.

24. Please! We are high-ranked mercenaries from the Assassin’s Guild. Please, sir. I have been running around town doing common chores instead of working on a heroic reputation. It would do you good not to meddle into the affairs of others, Monsieur Belpois. Pistol Belpois. Adventurer. But I have the skills you two need!

25. Why don’t you come to our lodgings, Monsieur Belpois.

26. Now, Monseiur Belpois. We feel it best to warn you right now that the target in question is very dangerous. Many assassins in our guild have lost their lives. Is something wrong? Very well. Here is a photo of the target. Well, I do love a challenge! Not exactly…

27. But I do personally know the target…