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  1. 1. UNCLE JACKS CHICKEN SHACK by Andy Orin 6/16/2010 andy@cocopunk.com
  2. 2. EXT. FRONT PORCH - DAYUNCLE JACK, 62, with the meaty face and scraggly gray beardof a man who has lived a life of labor, sits on the frontporch with TIMMY, 10, an American kid out of a macaronicommercial.The matching, worn wooden rocking chairs on which theyrecline, a little oversized for Timmy, creak in the lazy warmbreeze.Jack sips his beer and has a smoke. Timmy coughs, and Jacksits up, almost embarrassed. UNCLE JACK Oh oh, sorry kid, I know your ma says I shouldn’t smoke ‘round ya. TIMMY It’s alright. I’ll hold my breath.Timmy puffs out his cheeks like a bullfrog. UNCLE JACK Good plan. There’s a good breezer anyhow, so you’ll only get third hand smoke, tops.He takes a drag. TIMMY Uncle Jack? UNCLE JACK Yeah? TIMMY Could I borrow some money? UNCLE JACK Money?He stubs out what’s left of his cigarette. UNCLE JACK (CONTD) What you want money for?Timmy shifts his weight. TIMMY I wanna go to the movies. I’m bored.
  3. 3. 2. UNCLE JACK Bored? What in the goddamn hell do you got to be bored about, kid? You got the whole damn world in front of you.Uncle Jack gestures out towards the street like he’sunveiling a private jet, and the mail man passes by andyawns. TIMMY But I’m bored! I’m so bored I could eat my face! UNCLE JACK Yeah... I know the feelin’.. Tell ya what, you want money, you’ll have to earn it yourself. TIMMY But how? I’m just a kid. UNCLE JACK Ain’t nothin’ wrong with a little child labor from time to time. When I was your age, I had to take a train two hours just to go to work at the doughnut hole factory. TIMMY Really? UNCLE JACK Probably. How about you open a lemonade stand or some goddamn crap? TIMMY I don’t got any lemons. UNCLE JACK Well, you gotta make do with what ya have. That’s like saying: when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. TIMMY But we don’t have any lemons! UNCLE JACK What DO ya got?Timmy glances around the porch.
  4. 4. 3. TIMMY Cigarettes? UNCLE JACK I know! We got eggs, boy! My chickens out back lay eggs every goddamn day, like fartin’ out eggs is goin’ out of style.Timmy’s eyes are wide. UNCLE JACK (CONTD) Let’s get you set up with a good ol’ fashioned roadside chicken egg stand.EXT. FRONT LAWNOut on towards the sidewalk Jack sets up a folding card tablewith a carton of eggs. Timmy stands behind it. TIMMY I need ten dollars. That’s how much the movies cost. UNCLE JACK Ten dollars? They chargin’ you per eyeball? Hell. Seeing as we’re the only egg racket in town, I figure the price point is a matter of supply and demand. TIMMY What about the grocery store? UNCLE JACK Grocery store? Those ain’t eggs they sell, boy! More like cancer balls! They got robot chickens making those eggs. Give you cancer with your breakfast! Hash browns and cancer! It’s ‘Nam all over again maaaan! TIMMY Calm down Uncle Jack.Uncle Jack takes a swig from a pocket flask. A young motherapproaches on the sidewalk pushing a stroller.
  5. 5. 4. UNCLE JACK Here comes a chikadee now. Hey lil lady!She stops at the table. UNCLE JACK (CONTD) You look like you could suck down a few eggs. LADY Pardon? UNCLE JACK Farm fresh eggs! I raised the birds like they’re my children. Dee- licious children!She looks to Timmy. LADY Oh. Oh! Like a lemonade stand! How much for your eggs, little boy? TIMMY Ten dollars. UNCLE JACK A dollar an egg. And for you, lil lady, I’ll throw in some of Uncle Jack’s special nog.He winks. She politely gives Timmy one dollar and takes anegg, and waves goodbye to Timmy. UNCLE JACK (CONTD) Come back ‘round here after dark for the nog! See kid, it’s all salesmanship. Pulling up your bootstraps and who is John Galt and all that crap. TIMMY Johnny Galt? He’s the kid who peed his pants on the field trip. UNCLE JACK Fuckin’ A! Oh, I mean, uh, well don’t use bad language kid. Rots your brains.Uncle Jack smacks a mosquito on his forehead.
  6. 6. 5.EXT. FRONT LAWN - SUNSETUncle Jack laying on the grass with a beer balanced on hisstomach. Timmy is nearby, tossing an egg in the air to seehow high he can throw and catch it.Ronnie Pescatori comes down the street on his bike and stopsat the table, which has the majority of the eggs untouched. RONNIE What’s this stupid crap? TIMMY Hey Ronnie. We’re selling eggs. RONNIE Why you selling eggs for? That’s stupid. TIMMY It’s not stupid, we’re pulling our bootstraps to make money.Ronnie grabs an egg and tosses it up and down like he’ssussing it out. TIMMY (CONTD) That costs a dollar.Ronnie grins. TIMMY (CONTD) Be careful!Ronnie throws it with all his might down the street, and itlands with a crunchy kurplop. TIMMY (CONTD) Hey! You owe me a dollar!Ronnie laughs at his ingenious scheme of throwing the egg. UNCLE JACK What in the goddamn hell you kids shouting about? RONNIE I owe you nothing ‘cause your face is so stupid!Ronnie jets away on his bike.
  7. 7. 6. TIMMY He stole an egg Uncle Jack! UNCLE JACK Goddamn!Uncle Jack grabs a couple eggs and throws them at Ronnie.They splat around the distant bike. Timmy joins in and landsone on the back of Ronnie’s head! RONNIE AAGH!Ronnie skids and crashes his bike into the curb. UNCLE JACK That’ll teach ‘em.Just then, Timmy’s mom pulls into the drive way of UncleJack’s house. TIMMY Is he unconscious?Mom gets out of the car. MOM Hi guys, you have a nice day? UNCLE JACK Howdy Darlene, you’re lookin’ lovely as always. TIMMY Mom, I made four dollars today selling Uncle Jack’s eggs! MOM Oh yeah? That’s nice.She sees Ronnie in the distance slumped on the sidewalk. MOM (CONTD) Jesus, is that boy alright?She runs over to him. UNCLE JACK He’s fine, just recoverin’ from a lil lesson in eco-nomics!Timmy and Uncle Jack high five. Ronnie gets up when Timmy’smom comforts him.
  8. 8. 7. TIMMYCan we go to the movies now? UNCLE JACKSure thing, kid, sure thing.