This composition is about the author's summer vacation to northern California. He visited an old friend in Berkeley and saw beautiful sights like Yosemite National Park and the Napa Valley wine country. However, some paragraphs went off on tangents about unrelated topics like drunk driving, air pollution, and criticisms of whiskey. The author needs to remove irrelevant paragraphs and focus only on describing his vacation experiences.

1. Rick Shur
12/10/12
ESL099.5966
Delete Blocks
Page 1 of 1
This composition is supposed to be about a vacation. Apparently, the author was unable to stick
to his subject, and he occasionally went off on tangents. Get rid of the irrelevant paragraphs.
Select the blocks (parts) that you don't want, by dragging through them. Then hit Delete. Save
your improved version as newvacat.
My Vacation
by Rick Shur
My summer vacation was really wonderful. I went to Berkeley, California to see an old
friend of mine. He lives in a small house with his dog. He's 81-years-old and not very healthy, but
he can still take care of himself.
I think old people need more help in the United States. They don't get enough health care,
and they don't have enough money to live on.
While I was visiting him, I took time to visit the northern California countryside. I rented a
car (a Buick Century) and drove on the beautiful highways.
Highways in the United States are falling apart. We need more taxes so that we can pay
for better roads. I have had many accidents because roads have been bad.
One of the beautiful attractions of northern California is Yosemite Park. It is about four
hours from San Francisco. There are many beautiful redwood trees that grow to be over 100 feet
tall. Some of these trees are so big that a car can drive through the trunk.
Another nice place to visit in northern California is the Napa Valley area, where they grow
grapes for wine. You can visit wineries, where wine is made, and you can taste as much wine as
you want. You have to be careful, however, because if you drink too much wine, you won't be
able to drive later.
There are too many drunk drivers on the road. I think they should all be in jail. Too many
people are killed every year because idiots all over America are driving drunk. We lose almost
30,000 people every year because some drunk drivers don't care about human life or their
responsibility to society. Society should get rid of drunk drivers. They should be shot. They
should be thrown off a high bridge. I hate liquor.
I especially hate whiskey. It is a dirty, disgusting drink that makes you smell like a
chemical factory. We shouldn't let people drink whiskey, only wine or beer.
In addition to seeing the wineries in the Napa Valley, I also visited some tourist resort
areas like the Russian River. This is a part of California where everything is beautiful, the roads,
[ESLprof.com/handouts/Computer/vacation.doc]

2. Rick Shur
12/10/12
ESL099.5966
Delete Blocks
Page 1 of 1
the mountains, the river, the trees, the sun and the sky. The air is fresh and clean here.
We need to do something about dirty air. Big industries should pay big fines for polluting
the air.
I had the best vacation of my life.
[ESLprof.com/handouts/Computer/vacation.doc]