2.  Most every wife who has ever struggled after an affair
knows that thinking about the mistress or other woman can
take up a huge chunk of your time. You usually have all
sorts of questions about her. You want to know who she is,
what she looks like, what makes her tick, and why, of all
people on earth, she chose your husband. While the affair
is going on (or before we are sure that it has ended)
thoughts of her can almost invade our regular every day
life to a level that borders on obsession.
 But what happens when the affair is over? How does she
feel about the end of the relationship? And how do these
feelings dictate her actions? Does she just ride off into the
sunset? Does she find another married man to prey on?
Does she vow to change her ways and eventually find a
single guy to settle down with? Does she pine over your
husband and try to scheme up ways that she can get back
into your life?

3.  Any of these things are possible, I suppose. It truly does depend
upon the circumstances involved. We want the answers to these
questions. But at the same time, we want this woman out of our
lives so we certainly aren't likely to follow up with her to quell
our curiosity. I have a lot of contacts in my mistress listings. Their
personalities, feelings, and stories run the gauntlet. Some are
remorseful and some are quite indignant. Some will tell you that
if the wife had kept her own husband happy, her presence would
not have been needed.
 Others insist that the husband represented himself as single and
that, if she had any idea that he was married, she would have
completely avoided him. Many will tell you that their intention
was never to hurt anyone. (I am not defending "the other
woman." I have been the wife on the other side of an affair, so I
tend to see things from the wife's point of view. However, I
believe that these women have feelings too. And they often have
their own struggles to deal with.)

4.  Some of these women have been "the other woman" on many
occasions. For whatever reason, the fact that a man is married is
either a comfort or a turn on. I've had some women tell me that
all of the men that they've had relationships with over the past
several years have been married. Some others confess that this is
their first (and only) relationship with a married man. Many will
insist that had they known the pain and confusion the affair was
going to cause every one involved, they never would have
become involved in the first place.
 What happens to the other woman after the affair (and how she
feels about the same) will often depend upon the depth of her
feelings for the husband. Some women are quite hurt when the
relationship ends. Some will tell you that the husband promised
all along that he was going to leave his wife and be with her, and,
when this doesn't happen, it can leave the other woman feeling
very vulnerable and disappointed. She will often tell you that she
feels as if the husband flat out lied and took advantage of her
trust.

5.  Sometimes, the other woman will go to the other extreme and tell you
that his has concerns about the husband. She will say that she truly wants
him to be happy but she doubts that this can happen with his wife. She
worries that the wife is "making him pay" and making his life miserable as
payback for his cheating.
 And others will just try to do the best that they can and move on. Many
become more careful to make sure any man that they become interested
in is 100% single because they don't want to repeat the same mistakes. At
the end of the day though, like every one else in this situation, the other
woman has some choices to make. By no means am I defending her
actions, but from the correspondence that I get, I can tell you that
sometimes, these women are not the heartless monster that we picture
her to be.
 Sometimes, she too must decide if she's going to take the affair and use
it as a means to learn about and improve upon herself or if she's going to
remain bitter and angry. Whether you believe she is a villain or a victim,
you can not deny that she too must pick up the pieces. Of course, if your
husband was just a distraction or fling for her, she might make quick and
easy work of this.

6.  Some wives are so driven by these questions that they are
tempted to check up on her or try to find out what she is
feeling and doing (or who she is seeing now.) I understand
this urge, but I would caution you against it. I've never
seen any good come out of revisiting the past in such a
way. Sometimes, reaching out to her leaves you with more
questions than answers and it just brings about more pain,
anger, and resentment.
 And, on the flip side, I sometimes have "the other woman"
ask me how to apologize to the wife. She sometimes feels
a great deal of remorse and wants to reach out and try to
make things better. Again, I understand this, but
continuing on with any contact is like rubbing salt in a
wound. The best thing that both parties can do, in my
opinion and experience, is to leave one another alone and
turn their attention to rebuilding and rethinking their own
lives.

7.  In the same way that you're probably hoping that she leaves you and your
husband alone, she is likely thinking the same thing about you. There's
really no upside in quizzing or collaborating with one another. I've never
seen much good come out continued contact from any party after an
affair. In my view, the best thing that you can do is to hope that the
universe is just.
 If she is truly remorseful and is hurting as much as you are, then let's
hope that every one involved is able to heal and move on in a positive
way. If she's indignant and has no remorse, then perhaps she has some
growing up to do or some lessons to learn, but neither of these things are
your problem. My best advice is to make yourself your priority and let her
go in the same way that you are hoping that your husband has.
 Even though the other woman was a stranger to me, I sort of became
obsessed with her in the beginning. However, after a while I figured out
that this was hurting me more than helping me. And I realized that even
though my husband had long let her go, I wasn't doing the same. Once I
realized this, things began to change, and eventually, we saved our
marriage and truly moved on.