One of my best articles

1. 32 LIFE The Sunday Sun n APRIL 4, 2010
From bitterness
nn
Runway fashion
See the top trends for fall 2010 from Canada’s top catwalk
in tomorrow’s paper
See canoe.ca/style for photo galleries,
to happiness
reviews and video of all the shows
From bitterness to happiness
Don’t let the hurt fester — saying sorry is a prescription for a healthier, happier life
KHALID MAGRAM Mickey who stabbed
Special to QMI Agency her daughter to death in
HOW TO SEEK FORGIVENESS California in 1980.
Mad at someone, lusting But, as soon as she
Engage in self-confrontation: Examine your actions and for revenge or in need of dropped her own forgiveness
motives, be the first to confess and apologize and, if appropriate, delivering your own apology? letter in the mailbox, Gayle
reconcile and restore your relationship. There’s no better time says “all that horrible ugly,
Self-disclose: Share your feelings and story with family to join the likes of Sandra intense anger and rage that I
members or loved ones, avoid confessions in which you blame or Bullock’s hubby Jesse James, had been carrying around all
fail to accept responsibility. Search for solutions instead of blame. Toronto mayoral candidate those years and all that need
HOW TO GIVE FORGIVENESS Adam Giambrone and golfer for revenge was gone.”
Live your own forgiveness: We all have experiences where Tiger Woods in delivering a Living out his life in San
others have forgiven us. mea culpa and make amends Quentin prison, north of
Remember, people’s sense of worth is important, realize that by for your transgression. San Francisco, Mickey’s
forgiving them you aid in their personal experience of forgiveness. The latest research on hap- also found Gayle a passion-
Seek with all your heart and mind for anger to be lifted: This piness affirms the potent ate advocate to take him off
may often include prayer, meditation, or some other activity to rid power of forgiveness to make death row.
yourself from anger’s poison. y o u h a p p i e r, “ It t o o k m e
Develop empathy and emotional understanding for the situation
of your offender: For example, do they have parents or children?
healthier and
i m p rov e y o u r
“I tell people 12 years to for-
give, but I didn't
What were the circumstances surrounding what they did? relationships. forgiveness is understand the
source: foreverfamilies.net “The evi-
dence shows
not something teachings of the
universe the
that happiness you give away, way I do now,”
do es increas e she said. “I tell
over time, when it is a gift you people for-
people are
more forgiv-
give yourself.” giveness is not
something you
ing,” says Sonja Aba Gayle, give away, it is
Ly u b o m i r s k y , who forgave her a gift you give
a research psy- daughter’s killer yourself.”
chologist and Seeking and
author of The g r a n t i n g f o r-
How of Happiness. giveness is paramount if you
In her studies, Lyubomirsky want relationships to sur-
found spin-off benefits to vive, according to Calgary-
those subjects who were told based family counsellor Jean
to write apology letters to Mackenzie, who says exces-
someone they have wronged. sive anger can be lethal to a
“By letting go of the long relationship.
held grudges, some can She says it can lead to anx-
even have unique relation- iety, anger and resentment
ships with people they once among other physical and
despised,” Lyubomirsky said. emotional ailments.
No one likely knows this On the other hand, she
better than Aba Gayle. She says the health benefits of
spent more than a decade forgiving your transgressor
submerged in her desire for and not holding grudges are
revenge against Douglas infinite.
Put it in
TIPS TO CONSIDER WHEN WRITING A PERSONAL APOLOGY LETTER:
Put yourself in the other person’s shoes — how would you feel? Do not blame the other person when you offer your apology
Apologize as soon as possible — but better late than never... Promise not to repeat your mistake
Start the letter by apologizing and state exactly what you are Ask that they give you another chance and the opportunity to
apologizing for prove yourself
Try to provide a reason for what occurred Say that you will call them shortly to apologize in person
Always acknowledge the feelings of the other person
Accept full responsibility for what has happened source: Personal Apology Letters, www.samples-help.org.uk