ShapiroPR.com Your teen is testing the limits she knows - erica ives

1. SheKnows.com – Parenting
Teen rebellion: When to seek help
Feb 27, 2013 11:00 AM by Sherri Kuhn
Posted in Parenting / Age by Age / Tweens, Teens & College
Your teen is testing the limits — both at home and at school. Some may say it’s par for the course
for teenagers, but when has it gone too far? If your teenager is getting into increasingly difficult
situations, you may need to seek help to get it under control.
IS IT NORMAL BEHAVIOR
OR SOMETHING MORE?

2. Teenagers have been asserting their independence from parents for as long as there
have been teenagers.
Parents of teens are often taken by surprise when struggles begin, but it’s a natural
progression on the course to adulthood. When the struggles seem never-ending and the
conflicts become more serious, how do you know when to seek help?
Is it really rebellion?
What one parent sees as rebellious behavior, another parent may be able to overlook.
Regardless of how the behavior is perceived by parents, rebellion in the teen years is
normal. “The thing to understand about rebellion is that it's supposed to happen,”
says Carl Grody, LISW, MSW, a licensed independent social worker. “It's a transitional
phase of development between childhood and young adulthood.” This new phase often
takes parents by surprise. “Parents are often confused by this because they're used to
their children wanting to please them and be like them,” adds Grody, “but a teen's job
developmentally is to start creating his own personality separate from his parents.” One
of the most predictable ways teens do this is to begin defying their parents, which is
developmentally appropriate at this stage.
When it means more
Bigger struggles with more serious consequences may signal that there is more than just
growing up going on. Grody shares a few questions to ask yourself to tell if your teen’s
rebellious behavior is more serious.
• Does your child's behavior seem extreme compared to other kids his age?
• Has the teen suddenly stopped showing interest in things that he likes?
• Is the teen showing flashes of anger that weren't there before?
• Is your teen hanging out with peers who are involved with drugs and alcohol?
• Is there a family history of mental health/behavioral issues?
• Are there unusual stressors involved such as bullying, loss of a loved one,
marital problems or breakup of parents, etc.?
In the end, Grody suggests that you remember your parenting instincts. “Finally, what's
your gut reaction? Nobody knows your child better than you do. You should trust your
instincts,” he adds.
Erica Ives, M.A., MFT, CEDS, is a licensed marriage and family therapist who works with
teens and their parents. “Parenting a teen and being a teenager are two of the most
challenging jobs in existence,” she says. “Keep lines of communication open with other
parents of teenagers to discuss and share concerns to not feel so alone.” She stresses
that staying connected to your teen is crucial to making it through this stage. “Ask your
teen how they are, check if everything is OK and remind them that you are there for
them to talk to.” She says that parents should be proactive, rather than reactive.
A parent’s story
Being the parent of a troubled teen can feel isolating. One mother — who blogs
at Inelegant Unpremeditated Life — shares her experience with her daughter. “We had

3. problems with her running away, making up lies, sneaking out and sneaking boys in
starting at about age 13,” she shares.
"We had problems with her running away, making up lies, sneaking out and
sneaking boys in starting at about age 13."
“I wanted her to see a therapist but her dad said it was a waste of time. Then when she
was 15, we got in a fight — she'd stolen our van and drove it into a concrete pillar at the
gas station — and she pulled a knife on me. My husband got the knife away and pinned
her down until the sheriff's department showed up and took her to juvenile hall.” Her
daughter had mandatory counseling but refused to talk with the counselor and was
placed on probation.
After numerous other issues — including being on the run from the law for a month over
a probation violation — police picked her up and the court mandated she go to a group
home. “She was there six months,” her mother adds. “We still had issues when she
came home from there — just total disrespect for our rules since she had graduated high
school and turned 18. We packed her stuff and put it out on the back porch and made
her find a new place to live.” She says a few months later they let her move back in.
“She is 19 now and has calmed down a lot. She works and has enrolled in college. She
still tends to be pretty disrespectful but overall she's in a much better place,” she adds.
Keep a watchful eye on your teen’s behavior and seek help if you feel he or she is
troubled — before it’s too late.
http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/982367/when-to-seek-help-for-rebellious-
teens
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