General improvements throughout:
• Wording (make sure it’s concise)
• Text layout and formatting (make sure it’s easy to read)
What Can Be Improved:
DONE • This layout doesn’t present the name/branding clearly/strongly.
DONE • Use the Muli font, as seen on the Joy Token website (and throughout).
DONE • Match the colours more closely to those seen on the Joy Token website (and throughout).
DONE • What visual component can be added to make this cover slide more memorable?
DONE • No emotive language here or suggestion of a “problem solved”.
DONE • Add a strapline to help convey the essence of the offering.
What works:
• Clear message about the problem you are addressing and a corresponding solution - customer knows immediately that you’re selling a viable product.
What Can Be Improved:
• Directly connected (point by point) parts of problem and solution. The correlation should be made visible and each solution should correspond to a problem. A good idea would be making two tables next to each other, rather than two paragraphs going from top to bottom.
What Can Be Improved:
DONE • The format with the headline being a part of the sentence is a bit confusing.
DONE • I would recommend a graphic representation of stakeholders in the new ecosystem, for example making it in a form of a process infographic.
What can be improved:
DONE • Too much space taken together by the diagram and the text - the slide doesn’t read very well. This slide needs re-forming.
GRAPHIC NEEDS RE-DRAWING – THIS IS OUT OF SCOPE FOR NOW.
What can be improved:
DONE • Make text larger so it’s easier to read.
What can be improved:
• I’ve noticed you’re mentioning ETH in previous slide and BTC to describe a market situation from this slide on. Is this deliberate?
What can be improved:
• Make the business opportunity here clearer: who are the competitors, who are the customers and who can be a potential partner (perhaps)? CLIENT INPUT NEEDED HERE.
What can be improved:
• Could graphically point out the „15 seconds” more, making it bold, bigger or different colour.
GRAPHIC NEEDS RE-DRAWING – THIS IS OUT OF SCOPE FOR NOW.
• Is the whole user journey two steps? What made them come, what makes them stay? If the purpose of the slide is underlying the simplicity of using the platform, maybe a different headline would be more appropriate. CLIENT INPUT NEEDED HERE.
• “Choose game over the suggested Games” does not convey a meaning clearly. Please suggest intended meaning. CLIENT INPUT NEEDED HERE.
What can be improved:
DONE • I’d advise against using „%” as a word in a sentence.
DONE • Wording of first paragraph needs work to improve communication of ideas. COULD BE BETTER, WITH CLIENT INPUT.
DONE • Spacing of diagram and text can be improved.
PLEASE CHECK “Joyful Platform Commission” IS POSITIONED CORRECTLY.
What works:
• Explaining the position of each actor in the scenario is a great idea, it could be even moved earlier in the structure.
What can be improved:
• This slide has too much text. Suggest moving some actors to a separate slide.
• A good idea would be answering a question, „why?”, instead of using plain descriptions (existing format tends to lose impact whilst reading, even though it’s the most crucial part of the pitch deck). Writing can be punchier.
What can be improved:
• This format does not help the reader to focus on each bullet point. Re-work the formatting.
• And find a graphic icon representation for each point.
What can be improved:
• There’s too much text on this slide. Split into two slides
• Increase the font size and make the key numbers bold.
• „TOKENS STRUCTURE” is written in all caps, unlike „Token Distribution” – make it uniform.
What can be improved:
• Improving spacing and layout so slide becomes easier to read.
What can be improved:
• Clear timeline except for the dates, which are currently too close against the dotted lines. Sort out spacing to improve clarity.
What can be improved:
• Descriptions are too long. Focus on key achievements/skills rather than passion.
• Shorten descriptions. See example on slide 17 (3rd page of team photos - Mateusz and Bartłomiej). CLIENT INPUT NEEDED HERE.
What can be improved:
• Shorten descriptions. See example on slide 17 (3rd page of team photos - Mateusz and Bartłomiej).
CLIENT INPUT NEEDED HERE.
What can be improved:
• Shorten descriptions. See example on slide 17 (3rd page of team photos - Mateusz and Bartłomiej).
CLIENT INPUT NEEDED HERE.
What can be improved:
• Different sizes of text for „Thank you” and „for enquiries(…)” needed.
• Improve spacing.